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Enough with the kid birthday party invites!

climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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in Snarky Brides
I have this friend Cassie. We've know each other for close to 20 years. We were best friends until she had her first kid. She asked me to be his godmother and then took it back. Before that, we were as close friends as you can be. I threw her a baby shower, was there when she delivered him, was there when she brought him home. The father of the first kid didn't approve of me, so she unasked me as godmother. 

I didn't talk to her for quite a few years after that. We ran into each other at a mutual friend's wedding about a year and a half ago and became friendly again. Very soon after that, she invited me to her son's 2nd birthday party. I thought it was weird that she invited me to a party so soon, but I attended anyway. I brought presents for all 3 of her kids - the older kid (now 12), the 2 year old, and her newborn. She barely spoke to me while I was there. She gave me a brief hello. She had never met my then FI before. She basically said to him, "Oh, hi." and then turned around and walked away. I never received any kind of thank you for any of the gifts I gave - not in person, or a card. 

Not long after that, I received an invite for the newborn's (Mary) christening. After the way she had treated me at the birthday party, I decided I was not going to go, and I let her know. 

Right before my wedding, I received an invite to Mary's 1st birthday party. I called to let Cassie know that the party was the day after we returned from our HM and that we probably wouldn't be able to make it. She pretty much blew me off. 

And Friday, I just received an invite to her son's 3rd birthday party. 

Ok. Enough with the invites! I'm not going to drive an hour to your house to give gifts to your kids to be treated like shit and not even thanked! Stop inviting me! I thought she'd get the hint, but obviously not. 

And just to further cement the fact that I know she's gift grubby - she called me the day after her wedding to complain to me that a mutual friend of ours didn't give her a gift! She was fuming, and said she was never going to talk to said mutual friend again. 
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Re: Enough with the kid birthday party invites!

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    vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
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    I was invited to a celebration for an acquaintance's parents 30th anniversary. Because I had a good rapport with the mother at a get together prior to that, and talked with her, I thought I would go. I got a gift card and congratulations card for them because I was raised that you do not come empty-handed to anyone's house, no matter what the event. I felt uncomfortable there as it was, and as soon as I turned my back after handing the mother the gift card, she was scoffing silently to her teenaged daughter about it. That was when I made a sorry excuse to leave, and never looked back. A few days later, my said acquaintance FB messaged me and told me that the card did not work, so I contacted the store where I got it from and found out their associate never activated it. I apologized profusely to the acquaintance, went and picked up an actual gift for her mother. It was given to her (as her mother was not there when I was there at our mutual friend's house) and I even wrote another card with an apology (though it was not my fault). Not one "thank you", nothing. After the way I was treated both at the party and afterwards, I have declined every invite to anything this said acquaintance has sent my way. I'm pretty close to unfriending her, but tough as our mutual friend is her BFF and I am close with this friend. 

    Anyway, my point is...who needs enemies when you have people like this in your life? I didn't expect a "thank you" per se, but maybe feedback that her mother liked what I got (based off of what she recommended I get), nope, nothing. And never again.
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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
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    How often are adults invited to children's birthday parties? Is that really a thing?

    I'm sorry your "friend" sucks. I wonder how many people she sends these invites to are thinking exactly the same thing as you.


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    cafarriecafarrie member
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    bethsmiles said:
    How often are adults invited to children's birthday parties? Is that really a thing?

    I'm sorry your "friend" sucks. I wonder how many people she sends these invites to are thinking exactly the same thing as you.
    This.  

    I don't understand why friends/acquaintances/colleagues are invited to children's birthday parties in the first place, but especially when they're too young to even know or remember what's happening.  Maybe family, but even outside of immediate family I find it strange. 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    cafarrie said:
    bethsmiles said:
    How often are adults invited to children's birthday parties? Is that really a thing?

    I'm sorry your "friend" sucks. I wonder how many people she sends these invites to are thinking exactly the same thing as you.
    This.  

    I don't understand why friends/acquaintances/colleagues are invited to children's birthday parties in the first place, but especially when they're too young to even know or remember what's happening.  Maybe family, but even outside of immediate family I find it strange. 
    I really don't get it either. The only time I've been invited to a kid's birthday party was if it was family or a milestone birthday, like 1. My H thinks it weird too. 
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    KatieinBkln said:
    Dear parents of babies/small children: No one wants to come watch your kid eat its boogers and loll around when they don't even know what a birthday is.

    Exception: you involve copious booze, pop a party hat on your infant, and otherwise treat it like a cookout for drunk adults, with baby birthday on the periphery (where it belongs. You are the only one who gives a single shit; your baby sure doesn't).
    That's how most of the birthday parties I've been to are.  We drink and eat.  We stop for a second to take a few pictures while baby pretends to blow out a candle.  Then we continue to eat and drink.  After the kid is four or five, they should have their own "friends" (and they know a little more about what's happening) then they start inviting kids rather than adults to the parties.  But I like a good 1st birthday party when I know the hosts like getting their drink on.
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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
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    adk19 said:
    KatieinBkln said:
    Dear parents of babies/small children: No one wants to come watch your kid eat its boogers and loll around when they don't even know what a birthday is.

    Exception: you involve copious booze, pop a party hat on your infant, and otherwise treat it like a cookout for drunk adults, with baby birthday on the periphery (where it belongs. You are the only one who gives a single shit; your baby sure doesn't).
    That's how most of the birthday parties I've been to are.  We drink and eat.  We stop for a second to take a few pictures while baby pretends to blow out a candle.  Then we continue to eat and drink.  After the kid is four or five, they should have their own "friends" (and they know a little more about what's happening) then they start inviting kids rather than adults to the parties.  But I like a good 1st birthday party when I know the hosts like getting their drink on.
    I am glad to know such parents exist. I remain suspicious though, since so many people undergo personality transplants the moment they give birth...
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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    JeeGooDowsterJeeGooDowster member
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    The kid birthday parties I've been to usually had open bar with great food and a really nice cake.  However, this is when the kid is like 1-4 - and it's more like a social gathering for adults than the actual celebration of the kids birthday.

    But by the time 5 yrs rolls around, they should have their own friends from school and the parties should then be geared towards actual kids and adults shouldn't be invited (unless it's relatives/close friends with kids that age etc).
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    edited October 2014
    I don't know. I mean, when you have that many kids, it is really necessary to invite random friends to every single freaking birthday? I've celebrated all of these kids numerous times - baby showers, christenings, first birthdays, etc. Why not just stick to her (very large) family? 

    The promise of alcohol and food doesn't do it for me anymore. I'm old and cranky and childless by choice. I'd rather drink wine and eat ziti in my pajamas on my couch.  

    ETA: I would understand if I had kids and our kids got along and played together. But that's not the case. 
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Wait, she asked you to be her son's godmother, then unasked you?!?!?  WTF?  I would have been absolutely livid and hurt by that.




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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
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    That's some bullshittery. Thankfully, most of my parent friends don't invite me to their kids' parties. One of my best friends does, but I'm pretty close with her kids and she's still good to me when there isn't an occasion for me to bring her kids gifts, and doesn't get pissed off if I don't come.

    I don't get the "party every year" trend either. When I was a kid, we only had parties for years 7, 10, 13 and 16, and we invited our own friends. The other years, we just had cake with family. And that didn't even happen on our actual birthday or individually - all the April birthdays got celebrated on Easter, the summer birthdays on Father's Day, etc.
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    First, my friends with very young children still like to socialize and get their drink on, so the "birthday party" is just another excuse for them to see their friends. 

    But on another note, I think it's entirely possible that friends are invited to every single freaking birthday because maybe that's the only adult time the parents get. With several children I imagine perhaps their lives are quite consumed. 
    I'm really trying to put that nicely. One of my coworkers was a SAHM for 10 or so years, and she got into marathon running with a group because "she desperately needed adult conversations".  So, what's I'm trying to say is, with 3 kids and all the activities kids tend to have, and babysitters being expensive, birthdays are a great excuse to see friends.  
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    holyguacamole79 said:
    Wait, she asked you to be her son's godmother, then unasked you?!?!?  WTF?  I would have been absolutely livid and hurt by that.
    Yup. She asked me to be the godmother, and I was so touched that I cried. It meant a lot to me. Then about a week later, she called me AT MY JOB to tell me that her boyfriend didn't approve of me being the godmother and that she was asking his sister instead. 
    And they ended up breaking up about 6 months after that. 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    thisismynickname said:
    First, my friends with very young children still like to socialize and get their drink on, so the "birthday party" is just another excuse for them to see their friends. 

    But on another note, I think it's entirely possible that friends are invited to every single freaking birthday because maybe that's the only adult time the parents get. With several children I imagine perhaps their lives are quite consumed. 
    I'm really trying to put that nicely. One of my coworkers was a SAHM for 10 or so years, and she got into marathon running with a group because "she desperately needed adult conversations".  So, what's I'm trying to say is, with 3 kids and all the activities kids tend to have, and babysitters being expensive, birthdays are a great excuse to see friends.  
    I get what you're saying. But how about inviting me to something that doesn't require me to bring a gift? These parties are usually so large and crazy that I honestly spend about 30 seconds talking to her. If she wants to hang out and spend time with me, how about inviting me over on a random free night? 
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    holyguacamole79 said:
    Wait, she asked you to be her son's godmother, then unasked you?!?!?  WTF?  I would have been absolutely livid and hurt by that.
    Yup. She asked me to be the godmother, and I was so touched that I cried. It meant a lot to me. Then about a week later, she called me AT MY JOB to tell me that her boyfriend didn't approve of me being the godmother and that she was asking his sister instead. 
    And they ended up breaking up about 6 months after that. 
    Daaaaaaaaaamn.  I'm a Godmother to one of my friend's daughters.  If I was un-asked, I don't think I would be able to continue being friends with them.  That sucks donkey balls. 

    H and I went to our niece's birthday party in January (she turned 8).  Her parents thanked us for coming, and the birthday girl gave us big hugs.  It was clear that our presence was appreciated.  I would also feel slighted if I was invited to events like that and was never really acknoweldged. 




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    beetherybeethery member
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    edited October 2014
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    holyguacamole79 said:
    Wait, she asked you to be her son's godmother, then unasked you?!?!?  WTF?  I would have been absolutely livid and hurt by that.
    Yup. She asked me to be the godmother, and I was so touched that I cried. It meant a lot to me. Then about a week later, she called me AT MY JOB to tell me that her boyfriend didn't approve of me being the godmother and that she was asking his sister instead. 
    And they ended up breaking up about 6 months after that. 
    FUCK BOTH OF THOSE TWO DICKHEADS, oh my god.
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    I'm the fuck     out.

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    cafarriecafarrie member
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    lolo883 said:
    That's some bullshittery. Thankfully, most of my parent friends don't invite me to their kids' parties. One of my best friends does, but I'm pretty close with her kids and she's still good to me when there isn't an occasion for me to bring her kids gifts, and doesn't get pissed off if I don't come.

    I don't get the "party every year" trend either. When I was a kid, we only had parties for years 7, 10, 13 and 16, and we invited our own friends. The other years, we just had cake with family. And that didn't even happen on our actual birthday or individually - all the April birthdays got celebrated on Easter, the summer birthdays on Father's Day, etc.
    Same here.  I remember having one big birthday party ever when I turned 9.  Other than that i might have one or two friends over to spend the night and watch movies, but that was about it....it wasn't a big shindig with lots of presents and adults. 

    I just don't understand the obsession with birthdays, period - but especially when they're tiny I just think it's dumb.  If the parents want to have people over, have people over and allow others to bring their kids if they want, but leave the kids birthday out of it. 
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    holyguacamole79 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    holyguacamole79 said:
    Wait, she asked you to be her son's godmother, then unasked you?!?!?  WTF?  I would have been absolutely livid and hurt by that.
    Yup. She asked me to be the godmother, and I was so touched that I cried. It meant a lot to me. Then about a week later, she called me AT MY JOB to tell me that her boyfriend didn't approve of me being the godmother and that she was asking his sister instead. 
    And they ended up breaking up about 6 months after that. 
    Daaaaaaaaaamn.  I'm a Godmother to one of my friend's daughters.  If I was un-asked, I don't think I would be able to continue being friends with them.  That sucks donkey balls. 

    H and I went to our niece's birthday party in January (she turned 8).  Her parents thanked us for coming, and the birthday girl gave us big hugs.  It was clear that our presence was appreciated.  I would also feel slighted if I was invited to events like that and was never really acknoweldged. 
    That's exactly what I didn't talk to her for a long time. I was really hurt. 

    See, if my presence was at least appreciated, I'd probably suck it and go. But not after the way I was treated last time. 
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    vegasbride2015vegasbride2015 member
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    I am the mother of a teenaged girl (14) and even though I am a mom, I find it hard to relate to my friends with little ones. I have a couple of friends with kids under 5 who invite me to their kids bday parties, but after the last one I attended last Nov (1 year old bday), I had enough of the screaming kids and won't go to them anymore. 

    Also, uninviting you to be the godmother? I will piggyback on what the others are saying, what a complete asshole.
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    holyguacamole79 said:
    ClimbingBrideNY said:
    holyguacamole79 said:
    Wait, she asked you to be her son's godmother, then unasked you?!?!?  WTF?  I would have been absolutely livid and hurt by that.
    Yup. She asked me to be the godmother, and I was so touched that I cried. It meant a lot to me. Then about a week later, she called me AT MY JOB to tell me that her boyfriend didn't approve of me being the godmother and that she was asking his sister instead. 
    And they ended up breaking up about 6 months after that. 
    Daaaaaaaaaamn.  I'm a Godmother to one of my friend's daughters.  If I was un-asked, I don't think I would be able to continue being friends with them.  That sucks donkey balls. 

    H and I went to our niece's birthday party in January (she turned 8).  Her parents thanked us for coming, and the birthday girl gave us big hugs.  It was clear that our presence was appreciated.  I would also feel slighted if I was invited to events like that and was never really acknoweldged. 
    That's exactly what I didn't talk to her for a long time. I was really hurt. 

    See, if my presence was at least appreciated, I'd probably suck it and go. But not after the way I was treated last time. 
    I would feel similarly.  The 8 y/o niece's party was fine.  The kids played in her new fort and the adults sat around the backyard drinking beer.  Quality party, and this niece has good interaction skills. 




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