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plus ones

Knottie24408202Knottie24408202 member
5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
One of my best friend's son is getting married.  It will be a large, formal affair.  I am newly-divorced and not currently in a relationship.  My friend invited me with a guest.  In a phone conversation, I casually mentioned that I would be bringing my adult son as my escort.  She proceeded to tell me he would not be allowed to attend as she was not including "children of friends" as guests.  I then decided not to attend and sent a gift.  What if I hadn't told her who my guest would be and just showed-up with him?  Would he have been asked to leave?  So confused - I have attempted to contact my friend, but she refuses to speak with me.  Not sure what the etiquette is in these situations. Are there special rules for divorced women?  My son is 28 years old and was happy to attend with me.
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Re: plus ones

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    theartistformerlyknownastheartistformerlyknownas member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    It was inappropriate for her to have stipulated whom you were allowed to bring.
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    bethsmilesbethsmiles member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you were given a plus one it was rude for anyone to dictate who you chose to bring. I'm sorry your friend was so rude to you. You didn't do anything wrong in the situation.


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    huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    Knottie24408202 said:
    One of my best friend's son is getting married.  It will be a large, formal affair.  I am newly-divorced and not currently in a relationship.  My friend invited me with a guest.  In a phone conversation, I casually mentioned that I would be bringing my adult son as my escort.  She proceeded to tell me he would not be allowed to attend as she was not including "children of friends" as guests.  I then decided not to attend and sent a gift.  What if I hadn't told her who my guest would be and just showed-up with him?  Would he have been asked to leave?  So confused - I have attempted to contact my friend, but she refuses to speak with me.  Not sure what the etiquette is in these situations. Are there special rules for divorced women?  My son is 28 years old and was happy to attend with me.
    Your "friend" was incredibly rude. When you give someone an "and guest" you don't get to tell them who that plus one is or isn't. The only exceptions would be if your son was a minor and they were having no children, or your son assaulted or threatened someone who would be at the wedding, which wasn't the case.

    Your friend sounds childish and entitled. No there are not special rules for divorced women.
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    martha1818martha1818 member
    5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment

    Wow, she sounds ridiculous to me. If you give someone a plus one, you can't control who they bring.

    I may have been able to see where she's coming from if your son was like, 6 years old and they were having an adult-only wedding (ie so they didn't offend other guests who couldn't bring their children), but your son is 28! I don't get it.

    You definitely didn't do anything wrong and she's out of line.

    ____________________________________________________________________________________


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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Your friend was totally in the wrong. She can't give you a plus one and then dictate who you can bring.
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    lc07lc07 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie24408202 said:
    One of my best friend's son is getting married.  It will be a large, formal affair.  I am newly-divorced and not currently in a relationship.  My friend invited me with a guest.  In a phone conversation, I casually mentioned that I would be bringing my adult son as my escort.  She proceeded to tell me he would not be allowed to attend as she was not including "children of friends" as guests.  I then decided not to attend and sent a gift.  What if I hadn't told her who my guest would be and just showed-up with him?  Would he have been asked to leave?  So confused - I have attempted to contact my friend, but she refuses to speak with me.  Not sure what the etiquette is in these situations. Are there special rules for divorced women?  My son is 28 years old and was happy to attend with me.
    Your friend sounds confused at best. I imagine when they wrote up their guest list they decided not to include "children of friends" as guests receiving invitations to the wedding. However, when they invite you to bring a "plus one" etiquette does not allow them to stipulate who that plus one is so long as they are not a minor and not a danger to others. From what you've told us, it was very rude of her to have told you you couldn't bring your son.

    Do you know why she is refusing to speak with you?
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    beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    That is not behavior indicative of friendship material. She was in the wrong for this.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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    April192002April192002 member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Anniversary

    She shouldn't have told you no if you invited "and guest" or "plus one" unless that person would have caused an issue - violent, possible sex offender, etc.

    I did tell my sister that if she wanted to bring someone that she could but it couldn't be this one specific person, that I knew was first on her list. I personally don't mind if this male friend of hers comes BUT he and I dated 14 years ago in high school and FI said no exs. I asked FI specifically about him and he said no...so no, she can't bring him - but I told her this upfront, and the reason behind it, so she's okay with that.

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    photokittyphotokitty mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Why do you care 3 years later? Or is this third friend who gave you a plus one but wouldn't let you bring your son? Let it go, if she still isn't talking to you, she is not your friend - move on. She should have let you bring him, but it's a moot point now - 3 years later.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    JellyBean52513JellyBean52513 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    photokitty said:
    Why do you care 3 years later? Or is this third friend who gave you a plus one but wouldn't let you bring your son? Let it go, if she still isn't talking to you, she is not your friend - move on. She should have let you bring him, but it's a moot point now - 3 years later.
    The OP said that her friend's son IS getting married, as in, it hasn't happened yet.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    JellyBean52513 said:


    photokitty said:

    Why do you care 3 years later? Or is this third friend who gave you a plus one but wouldn't let you bring your son? Let it go, if she still isn't talking to you, she is not your friend - move on. She should have let you bring him, but it's a moot point now - 3 years later.

    The OP said that her friend's son IS getting married, as in, it hasn't happened yet.


    ************etf boxes********
    I looked at the OPs history and saw the same thing. I agree with @photokitty‌ that, unless this is the same scenario with a different friend, OP needs to move on.
    *********************************************************************************

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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    April192002 said:

    She shouldn't have told you no if you invited "and guest" or "plus one" unless that person would have caused an issue - violent, possible sex offender, etc.

    I did tell my sister that if she wanted to bring someone that she could but it couldn't be this one specific person, that I knew was first on her list. I personally don't mind if this male friend of hers comes BUT he and I dated 14 years ago in high school and FI said no exs. I asked FI specifically about him and he said no...so no, she can't bring him - but I told her this upfront, and the reason behind it, so she's okay with that.

    FYI, that's still rude.  "We talked about it and she's ok with it" does not unrude rude behavior.  Dictating your sister's guest was wrong. 

    Doing it because of ridiculous jealousy over a high school boyfriend doesn't make it any better. It actually makes it worse.
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