Small ceremony and wedding dinner, after party?

Re: Small ceremony and wedding dinner, after party?

• lc07 member

  

  October 2014

  sal2015 said:

  I'm a lurker who only recently starting posting on chit chat. I feel like I should know the answer to this after all the lurking I've done, but I would love to type it out for you all and get some input.

  
  

  We're having a small ceremony and wedding dinner - 20-25 immediate family members. My FI and I are fully hosting the dinner at a local restaurant immediately after the ceremony. We'll eat, hang out, and cut and eat cake there. I imagine that will be done around 7:30 to 8 pm.

  
  

  My FSIL just suggested an after-party of sorts. Not far from the restaurant is a trendy little area with 3 awesome bars. We would head over there for drinks. Would it be bad to extend this to people who weren't invited to the ceremony and dinner? As in, emailing extended family and friends that we're getting married that day and after the ceremony/dinner heading to these places and they are welcome to meet us there if they like? We wouldn't be hosting this event. After being a lurker for so long, I really want to do this right.

  This is still tiering your wedding and would be impolite. Only invite those attending the ceremony and reception to join you out afterwards.

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• JaxInBlue member

  

  October 2014

  I agree withlc07.  I think the timing of the after-party is too close the main event to include people not invited to the ceremony and dinner.  Especially, in this case, since this would be a pay-your-own-way event - it makes it different from an immediate family only ceremony/larger group reception. 
  
  If you want to do this, I'd make it several weeks later and not-wedding related.  Just a coordinated night out with family and friends.
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

  
  

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• AddieCake member

  

  October 2014

  I agree. It's like, "Hey, you can't come to the wedding, but come hang out with us when we and the people who were invited get done with that. "

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• sal2015 member

  

  October 2014

  That's pretty much how I felt. I hope FSIL doesn't keep pushing for it. I won't mention anything until it gets brought up again. A little part of me was hoping for more time to wear my dress though! Thanks for confirming what I already knew!

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• novella1186 member

  

  October 2014

  You can still do the after party. It sounds like fun. But don't invite people who didn't get to come to the wedding. To me, that's just rubbing salt in the wound. Like, they may already feel a little sad that they didn't get to share your wedding with you, and then to come out after the fact and hang out with people who did get to attend the wedding is just like.. ouch. 

  

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• sal2015 member

  

  October 2014

  @novella1186 - That's been done to me before. But they had a large wedding and only added a few people (including me) for the dancing part of the reception. That did feel pretty horrible and is why I did not think this would be a good idea. I think my FSIL thought this would be different because the ceremony is only immediate family. This is not the case.

  
  

  
  

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• novella1186 member

  

  October 2014

  Ew. I'm sorry that happened to you! Your instincts were very right on this one. 

  

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