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Asking MOH to travel for dress shopping

ann1115ann1115 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Party
My MOH doesn't live in the same city as me (both in big midwest cities that are easy to travel between by bus/plane). We've been good friends since we were in preschool. I really value her style and her opinion on things (I didn't even consider any of the prom dresses I tried on until she could come shopping with me). That being said, I would love for her to be able to come wedding dress shopping along with my mom and FMIL. As the MOH, she'll already have a little more responsibility than the rest of my bridesmaids and may end up spending a little more on the associated activities too. 

Is it unreasonable to ask her to travel to come dress shopping with me? Could I ask her prefacing it with saying I value her opinion but that I understand it may be difficult/unfeasible for her do so?

Thanks for the help!
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Re: Asking MOH to travel for dress shopping

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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    ann1115 said:
    My MOH doesn't live in the same city as me (both in big midwest cities that are easy to travel between by bus/plane). We've been good friends since we were in preschool. I really value her style and her opinion on things (I didn't even consider any of the prom dresses I tried on until she could come shopping with me). That being said, I would love for her to be able to come wedding dress shopping along with my mom and FMIL. As the MOH, she'll already have a little more responsibility than the rest of my bridesmaids and may end up spending a little more on the associated activities too. 

    Is it unreasonable to ask her to travel to come dress shopping with me? Could I ask her prefacing it with saying I value her opinion but that I understand it may be difficult/unfeasible for her do so?

    Thanks for the help!
    Oh no. The only responsibilities she has that your other BMs don't are to hold your bouquet and to witness the marriage license. Actually, anyone else can do either, so she has no added responsibilities. 

    If you really value her style and opinion, pay for it and send her a plane ticket. 
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Nope, she doesn't have any duties beyond showing up happy, sober, and in the right dress on the day of the wedding.  Same goes for your other bridesmaids.  You're welcome to invite her to go, but don't expect it.  


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    littlemushroomlittlemushroom member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    You can certainly invite her. When my BFF went dress shopping I drove 5 hours to where she lived to go with (I was her MOH).

    However, our other friend who we are also super close to was unable to make it due to work. My BFF never made her feel badly she couldn't make it. We texted her pics of dresses so she could be included in the shopping. Maybe you can do that if your MOH can't make the trip.
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    ann1115ann1115 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    Thanks everyone for the feedback. I obviously don't expect her to come along with me. I just didn't want to put her in an awkward position by inviting her along when she doesn't live very close. I also didn't/don't expect her to have a lot of responsibilities for the wedding, I only made that comment because she has expressed that she would be willing to help take on some extra roles (i.e. helping with shower/bachelorette planning, etc.). 

    I've mentioned to my fiance about possibly offering to pay for her ticket to come along, but he doesn't seem really into that idea. Maybe we just need to talk about that more seriously since it's important to me. 
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    pearlluopearlluo member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    She is really a good teacher and helpful friend to you judging from your words.I think she should know she means to you,so just feel free to ask her! 
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    JaxInBlueJaxInBlue member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    Ask her if you want to, but be honest that it's not an expectation.  Also, see what your options are for having her with you via other means.  I couldn't go shopping with my sister in person so I joined her shopping appointment via video chat.  It's not the same as being there in person, but I was able to participate, which was the important part to us.
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    atlastmrsgatlastmrsg member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    Is she coming in town any other time(s) soon?  College reunion, birthday, Thanksgiving, etc?  If so, see if she has a few hours she could spend with you.  To make this work--in all likelihood, she won't have an entire day if she's just in for a holiday--go try on dresses in advance and make a list of top contenders.  Narrow it down to a shop (or two max) with a dress or two at each place so you can go there, have the style number pulled in advance, put it on, let her see, and move on.  Out of consideration for her, you should make it snappy.

    While your dress shopping is really important to you, it probably isn't to her.  She's a good friend--so she wants you to be happy--but paying $300-$600 for a plane ticket, potentially using vaca time from work, etc.--that's a lot of effort for something you could Skype/Facetime her in for.  Unless she's fabulously wealthy, it's a significant expenditure for what's essentially a glorified trip to the mall.
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    auriannaaurianna member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited October 2014
    Agree with PPs. Feel free to invite her but let her know it isn't a mandate.

    She could help you with the pre-shopping. Look at what shops are around you. Figure out what brands they tend to carry. Look through their lines online. Pick out your favorites.
    Then tell her, "I found lots of dresses I like. Any interest in seeing them / giving me your opinion?" And if she says yes, feel free to send them all to her. She can tell you which she likes, and those can be the ones you try on!
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    frewinclairefrewinclaire member
    First Comment

    I got married in the UK. I had one bridesmaid in California, one in New York, two in the North of England (I live in the middle) and one in London.

    We totally managed! Although I had the dresses made which might have made it easier. Saying that, if you go for someone like Dessy you can get the girls to go into a local shop to try them on, send you pics and then get a good dressmaker local to them to do the adjusting.

    It's definitely ok to ask someone to travel to try stuff on though. Maybe not California to England though.... ;)

    Read my Blog at http://bridechiller.blogspot.co.uk/

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    weddingcactusweddingcactus member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Answer
    Find out if/when she has any plans to come to your city and try to plan your dress shopping appointments around that. I did a really early dress shopping trip because my best friend was in town and I knew she might not be in town again before I needed to get my dress picked out. Just talk to her. If she isn't already traveling to your city, maybe she will want to come for a visit. If not, then try Facetime/Skype at the dress appointment. I ended up doing that with my out of town best friend couldn't make it for one of my appointments. If none of those are options, see if you can get pictures of you in the dresses you like best and send them to her. 
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