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Wedding song dilemma with MOH

It is one month before my wedding, and my MOH who is also my sister reveals that the song I picked for my father daughter dance is actually “her” song with my dad and that she is extremely hurt that I would do this to her, even though for years she has only talked about some other song - which is not the song I picked.  She said that we are not the same b/c she wouldn’t do that to me - she says the song is special to her.  Um…it is really hard to find another song at this point as I don’t have an unlimited amount of time.  I feel torn b/c I have been fixated on this song for months, and now I kind of don’t want to let go of the song just for the principle of it all - it’s BS.  I messaged her today about veils and she responded she doesn’t feel comfortable giving her opinion anymore b/c she got screwed the last time - this is supposed to be my MOH.  Ugh.  I’m not sure what to do.  If I stick with the song she will likely be stewing somewhere at my wedding venue, and I’ll have to deal with her wrath all the way up to my wedding; if I don’t use the song I’ll likely feel resentful.  I feel like there is no rationalizing with her - she even got pissed months ago when she thought I was taking “her wedding month” - but it became a non issue b/c I couldn’t get married that month anyways.  We seriously did not talk for days over it.  It’s ridiculous.  I’m just needing feedback and advice here - it’s stressing me out.  

Re: Wedding song dilemma with MOH

  • Margo0321 said:

    It is one month before my wedding, and my MOH who is also my sister reveals that the song I picked for my father daughter dance is actually “her” song with my dad and that she is extremely hurt that I would do this to her, even though for years she has only talked about some other song - which is not the song I picked.  She said that we are not the same b/c she wouldn’t do that to me - she says the song is special to her.  Um…it is really hard to find another song at this point as I don’t have an unlimited amount of time.  I feel torn b/c I have been fixated on this song for months, and now I kind of don’t want to let go of the song just for the principle of it all - it’s BS.  I messaged her today about veils and she responded she doesn’t feel comfortable giving her opinion anymore b/c she got screwed the last time - this is supposed to be my MOH.  Ugh.  I’m not sure what to do.  If I stick with the song she will likely be stewing somewhere at my wedding venue, and I’ll have to deal with her wrath all the way up to my wedding; if I don’t use the song I’ll likely feel resentful.  I feel like there is no rationalizing with her - she even got pissed months ago when she thought I was taking “her wedding month” - but it became a non issue b/c I couldn’t get married that month anyways.  We seriously did not talk for days over it.  It’s ridiculous.  I’m just needing feedback and advice here - it’s stressing me out.  

    You and your sister each get one day. She needs to get over the fact that you are using this song. I would limit wedding talk with her. If she pouts st your wedding, then that's her problem, not yours.
  • Yup to everything sarahjane222 said
  • When you're planning a wedding I think it's really easy to get focused on some of the small things being 'just so' when in the big picture, they don't really matter. Make sure that this issue isn't one of those. Maybe the song you chose for your dance is a special song for you and your dad and you've been dreaming about that dance to that song forever...but if there's no real deep, sentimental connection, just find another song. You have a month - that's enough time to change one song. Your sister is likely being unreasonable, but for the sake of your relationship with her and in order to enjoy this time leading up to your wedding, try to take the high road and choose another perfect song for your dad and you to dance to. It's about your moment with him...not about the actual song. 
    This. If it were me, I'd choose another song. 
  • I think it would be nice to have the same song as your sister. I would love if my sister chooses the same song I used!

    When my SIL got married to my BIL (H's brother) they fell in love with a song that really fit their relationship and the path they took to find each other. Well her sister/MOH found out and said they PLAYED that song at their wedding so she would be really upset if they used it. So not the same first dance song, just a spotlight song (I believe it was sung by their brother). The sister/MOH threaten to not even come to the wedding if they played it. Finally SIL and BIL chose a new song. They were upset and hurt, but the big picture meant they were getting married and knew they could find a new song and just wanted to keep the peace.

    Not sure what song you were going to use but my dad and I danced to Forever Young by Rod Stewart (We found a slower version for us to dance to). Every time we watch my wedding video H comments on how that was the perfect song for us. Just a suggestion!
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    Anniversary
  • Agree with PPs.  I would probably find a new song.  I mean, it's a nice moment for a bride and her parent, but I've never attended a wedding and thought that dance would have been better if they'd used... 

    For the record, from the time she was a teen my sister swore she was going to dance with our dad to a specific song we both like so I didn't even think about that one when I was considering our father-daughter dance.  When my sister got married this summer, she wound up using a completely different song.  No big deal!

    FWIW, my dad and I danced to Just the Way You Are by Billy Joel.  If you can tell us more about what you're going for - faster/slower, sentimental/sweet/etc. - we can help you with ideas.
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    Anniversary


  • Is your sister engaged and planning a wedding or is this all stuff she's got saved up in her head for some future date?

    Because if it's the latter, then this is all ridiculous, particularly the bit about "her" wedding month.

    I understand your dilemma but I would honestly just pick another song. I know it's galling to do so, but do you really want to listen to her whinge about it...for the rest of your lives?
  • I'm confused if your sister is actually engaged and planning a wedding. It kind of sounds like she's not and these are just ideas in her head at this point. 

    Either way, she sounds young, ridiculous, and immature. She gets one day, you get one day. She gets to pick whatever song she wants, you get to pick whatever song you want. I'm willing to be a million bucks whatever song it is has been used by hundreds of brides and their dads. It's a song. It's not like you're telling her you're going to come to her wedding dressed in a wedding dress for pete's sake.

    Only you can really answer how much this song means to you. If it means a lot to you and you don't think you can find another one that's as meaningful, then I say you keep it.
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  • OP mentioned her sister having a "wedding month" so if her sister is not planning a wedding, this is a whole new level of odd.

    OP, it sounds like you're not so much as set on the song as much as it's a hassle for you to find another song and your sister is driving you nutso. If that's the case, I'd find another song. If it's a truly special song for you and your dad and you cannot imagine dancing to another song and it's a hill you want to die on, that's your call. Your sister certainly has no rights to a specific song.  
  • She is being ridiculous. But you have to decide if this is a hill you want to die on and if you feel like dealing with the fallout. Have you asked her when this song became hers, since she has been talking about another all this time? Have you asked her how you were supposed to know this? Perhaps if you confront her about this, she will see she doesn't own the song and that she doesn't get to just lay claim to all details just because she has some plans in her head. Will you have to give up a future baby name because she was secretly thinking of using it?
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Or just show her this thread, and let her see that we all think she is crazy.

    Just kidding, that is probably really terrible advice.  But she is being extremely unreasonable, especially if she is not even engaged. I agree that the easiest thing to do is pick another song,  but if the song is really important to you then maybe your sister will come to realize that the only people who actually care about this are probably you and her and that it's ultimately not a big deal if you choose the same song.  If she's not even engaged, it's possible that she'd end up picking a different song anyways.
  • Oooohhh...devious thought...would it work to say something like, "Well gosh, sis, I always thought you liked Song A for dance with dad...No biggie, I will change my Song B to Song A then, since you actually want Song B."

    Maybe if she sees her "original" song being "taken away"...not really, lol, but that would be her perspective...she will change her mind again.

    Really though, I agree with the other PPs.  Although your sis is the one being completely ridiculous and immature, there are a lot of great songs out there and I would just pick another.  But that is your choice.  You are obviously the one in the right, whichever way you decide.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • My sister got married 2 months after me.  I had chosen a few songs I liked for father-daughter dance, then my sister and I talked it.  The one I preferred, she has also been thinking of using.  But, when I mentioned the other one, she decided she like that one better for hers.  Luckily we also had different choices for other key songs, but I'm not sure it would have been that big a deal to even use same songs... people don't pay that close attention to those things.

    Unless you have some emotional connection to the song, it's not that hard to switch to a new song. I'd probably switch just to avoid the drama. There are a lot of good songs that you could consider.  Or, maybe ask your dad if there are any songs that have meaning to him that he would like to use.  DH didn't care which song to use for mother-son dance, so he let his mom pick one that made her think of him.

    https://www.wedj.com/dj-photo-video.nsf/fatherdaughter.html

    http://mix1065fm.cbslocal.com/2013/03/19/top-20-father-daughter-wedding-dance-songs/

        

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  • Thanks Ladies!  So…she has a boyfriend but is not engaged.  I ended up sucking it up and saying that I care more about her than I do the song but that I was really hurt that she would throw this at me now.  And a miracle happened:  she said that that is what she wanted to hear and that I could have the song; she thought I was being selfish- making it all about my wedding day.  What unnecessary stress though...
  • beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    Margo0321 said:
    Thanks Ladies!  So…she has a boyfriend but is not engaged.  I ended up sucking it up and saying that I care more about her than I do the song but that I was really hurt that she would throw this at me now.  And a miracle happened:  she said that that is what she wanted to hear and that I could have the song; she thought I was being selfish- making it all about my wedding day.  What unnecessary stress though...
    What a DICK MOVE. Holy shit. You tried to a pick a song for your wedding and she pulled this bullshit? Your sister is a dooouche.
    --

    I'm the fuck
    out.

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  • WTF? I don't like your sister.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Margo0321 said:
    Thanks Ladies!  So…she has a boyfriend but is not engaged.  I ended up sucking it up and saying that I care more about her than I do the song but that I was really hurt that she would throw this at me now.  And a miracle happened:  she said that that is what she wanted to hear and that I could have the song; she thought I was being selfish- making it all about my wedding day.  What unnecessary stress though...
    Sounds like she was just looking for an excuse to call you selfish.  BSC.
  • Margo0321 said:
    Thanks Ladies!  So…she has a boyfriend but is not engaged.  I ended up sucking it up and saying that I care more about her than I do the song but that I was really hurt that she would throw this at me now.  And a miracle happened:  she said that that is what she wanted to hear and that I could have the song; she thought I was being selfish- making it all about my wedding day.  What unnecessary stress though...
    The last thing I would call that is a miracle.  I would call that a calculated, self-righteous, manipulative move to make you look like a cowering doormat.
  • Ugh. That was a serious bitch move. If I were you, that would be the last wedding conversation I had with her about the wedding. Whether she wants to talk about stuff or not. I do not fuck with people who play games like that. No way.
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  • Margo0321 said:
    Thanks Ladies!  So…she has a boyfriend but is not engaged.  I ended up sucking it up and saying that I care more about her than I do the song but that I was really hurt that she would throw this at me now.  And a miracle happened:  she said that that is what she wanted to hear and that I could have the song; she thought I was being selfish- making it all about my wedding day.  What unnecessary stress though...
    Well...good luck to her BF, because she sounds manipulative as fuck.  Don't play those games.  I'm glad you get to play your original song though.  


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  • I have a few things that you could do. . .first My question to this is who is getting married first. . .they should be the one that should use it. But then if it is special to her and you can find another song then let her have it. . .or you both could decide that NO ONE should use that song. . .my sister and I had a decussion like this when we were having kids. . .she if I had a girl I wanted McKenzie and she said that is her pick for a girl. . .we fought for a lil but decided that we all have boys and its unlikely that we would have a girl lol
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