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Divorcees at Wedding

arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
in Wedding 911
Hello, fellow brides/brides-to-be!

I have absolutely no idea what to do regarding this situation so I'm hoping to get some insight. My FI's parents are divorced, have been for about 10 years. My future MIL is remarried, my future FIL is not. However, they have a civil and respectful (as far as I know) relationship between the two of them because of their adult children. That is the background.

When my two older sisters were married (whose in-laws are still married), my mother demanded that there be a dance for her and my dad, and the in-laws. More specifically, the song "Remember When" by Alan Jackson. For those who haven't heard the song, it is very touching song about family and growing old together. My mom has already stated she wants this song at our wedding as well. But what about my divorced in-laws? There is a chance that they may dance together for that song, but I don't want to play it and have it assumed that they should. I don't want them to feel uncomfortable, either. But this is something that is important to my mother. Should I have a serious talk with my mother about it? She knows my future in-laws are divorced, but I don't think she sees the potential awkwardness associated with her request. And she and my father are helping us financially with our wedding, and she is very sensitive/defensive, so I hesitate making certain decisions that overrule what she wants.

Or should I leave this entirely up to my FI, since it involves his parents and he knows them better than I do?

Thank you!
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Re: Divorcees at Wedding

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    mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited November 2014
    Nobody has to dance in a special dance at your wedding and it is outside the realm of reason for your mother to demand such a thing from other adults.

    If your FI would like to address this with his folks, that's his prerogative. It is NOT yours or your mothers.

    ETA: it would be very disrespectful to your FMILs husband to encourage/demand her to dance with her ex husband, regardless of their mutual child. You're not respecting their marriage.

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    misshart00misshart00 member
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    Can you just play the song sometime during the night? Don't announce it. Don't clear the floor. Just your parents would know the significance.
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    arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    misshart00 said:
    Can you just play the song sometime during the night? Don't announce it. Don't clear the floor. Just your parents would know the significance.
    That's actually a wonderful idea. And that way it would apply to many other older couples who will be in attendance as well. Thanks!
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    NYCMercedesNYCMercedes member
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    I would point out to my mom how awkward that spotlight dance would be. How could she intentionally put your in-laws in such a terrible position? No need for any spotlight dancers other than the B&G anyway. Promise her that it will be played during the reception, of course.
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    arrrghmateyarrrghmatey member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited November 2014
    mikenberger said:
    Nobody has to dance in a special dance at your wedding and it is outside the realm of reason for your mother to demand such a thing from other adults. If your FI would like to address this with his folks, that's his prerogative. It is NOT yours or your mothers. ETA: it would be very disrespectful to your FMILs husband to encourage/demand her to dance with her ex husband, regardless of their mutual child. You're not respecting their marriage.
    I totally agree with you--I would never demand or suggest they should dance, and I don't think anyone would! I would just worry about it being suggestive. I find the idea to be a bad one, and would like to completely avoid it, if at all possible. But I'd like to find a way to keep my mother happy, as well. I think the recent replier had a good idea, so I will probably go with that.
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