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Imma let you finish, but I just need to snark for one second

badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
in Snarky Brides
A friend of mine is also getting married next year. When I knew we would both be engaged at the same time I thought it would be an issue, but actually she's generally been supportive and nice even though we got engaged after they did and are getting married (a few months) before them. But I just need a sec to unload my snark. 

She is that bride, she talks about all the details of her wedding all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love that we can talk about wedding stuff, but we are talking like, how she is going to set-up the most minute of decorations, like, where a six inch figurine is going to sit. To my knowledge she has not hired a caterer or photographer yet but she does have a million tiny pieces of decoration in her spare room. Yeesh get your face out of the trees and see that forest, girl. 

Her parents are paying for everything because she went to them and told them she wanted them to pay $20k for her wedding. Her parents do not have a lot of money and I know they are having to scrimp to put that together. I'm so glad for her that she has that as an option as we are paying for everything ourselves.  But she complains and tries to cut corners on everything and even if it's a difference of a couple hundred bucks between what the thing costs and what "the budget is", she doesn't want to pay for it herself, she wants the parents to pay for it. She and her fiance own their own home with a tiny mortgage, limited expenses, and have jobs where they earn more than $70k a year. If the photographer/caterer/whatever you want is an extra $200 just f-ing pay for it yourself! 

The one area she was happy to go over budget on was of course her dress, which was more than $1k over what she was supposed to spend, but of course parents paid for it, so no biggie. "We'll just cut back on our bar or the food". Umh, she is already trying to get food for less than $15 a plate. Very specific food too, not BBQ or a bunch of pasta, but full-on themed dinner. This cannot end well. 

She started one of those "give us money registries" (more than a year before the wedding) in addition to regular registries. 

Ok, I think that's it. Again, just snarking. Although if you have a similar bride in your life, feel free to share. 
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Re: Imma let you finish, but I just need to snark for one second

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    esstee33esstee33 member
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    Yes, send her here. She clearly needs our help. 
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    novella1186novella1186 member
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    badbnagdway said:
    A friend of mine is also getting married next year. When I knew we would both be engaged at the same time I thought it would be an issue, but actually she's generally been supportive and nice even though we got engaged after they did and are getting married (a few months) before them. But I just need a sec to unload my snark. 

    She is that bride, she talks about all the details of her wedding all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love that we can talk about wedding stuff, but we are talking like, how she is going to set-up the most minute of decorations, like, where a six inch figurine is going to sit. To my knowledge she has not hired a caterer or photographer yet but she does have a million tiny pieces of decoration in her spare room. Yeesh get your face out of the trees and see that forest, girl. 

    Her parents are paying for everything because she went to them and told them she wanted them to pay $20k for her wedding. Her parents do not have a lot of money and I know they are having to scrimp to put that together. I'm so glad for her that she has that as an option as we are paying for everything ourselves.  But she complains and tries to cut corners on everything and even if it's a difference of a couple hundred bucks between what the thing costs and what "the budget is", she doesn't want to pay for it herself, she wants the parents to pay for it. She and her fiance own their own home with a tiny mortgage, limited expenses, and have jobs where they earn more than $70k a year. If the photographer/caterer/whatever you want is an extra $200 just f-ing pay for it yourself! 

    The one area she was happy to go over budget on was of course her dress, which was more than $1k over what she was supposed to spend, but of course parents paid for it, so no biggie. "We'll just cut back on our bar or the food". Umh, she is already trying to get food for less than $15 a plate. Very specific food too, not BBQ or a bunch of pasta, but full-on themed dinner. This cannot end well. 

    She started one of those "give us money registries" (more than a year before the wedding) in addition to regular registries. 

    Ok, I think that's it. Again, just snarking. Although if you have a similar bride in your life, feel free to share. 
    I'm confused about the bolded. You thought your friend would be mad that you were also engaged? 
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    badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    novella1186 said:
    badbnagdway said:
    A friend of mine is also getting married next year. When I knew we would both be engaged at the same time I thought it would be an issue, but actually she's generally been supportive and nice even though we got engaged after they did and are getting married (a few months) before them. But I just need a sec to unload my snark. 

    She is that bride, she talks about all the details of her wedding all the time. Don't get me wrong, I love that we can talk about wedding stuff, but we are talking like, how she is going to set-up the most minute of decorations, like, where a six inch figurine is going to sit. To my knowledge she has not hired a caterer or photographer yet but she does have a million tiny pieces of decoration in her spare room. Yeesh get your face out of the trees and see that forest, girl. 

    Her parents are paying for everything because she went to them and told them she wanted them to pay $20k for her wedding. Her parents do not have a lot of money and I know they are having to scrimp to put that together. I'm so glad for her that she has that as an option as we are paying for everything ourselves.  But she complains and tries to cut corners on everything and even if it's a difference of a couple hundred bucks between what the thing costs and what "the budget is", she doesn't want to pay for it herself, she wants the parents to pay for it. She and her fiance own their own home with a tiny mortgage, limited expenses, and have jobs where they earn more than $70k a year. If the photographer/caterer/whatever you want is an extra $200 just f-ing pay for it yourself! 

    The one area she was happy to go over budget on was of course her dress, which was more than $1k over what she was supposed to spend, but of course parents paid for it, so no biggie. "We'll just cut back on our bar or the food". Umh, she is already trying to get food for less than $15 a plate. Very specific food too, not BBQ or a bunch of pasta, but full-on themed dinner. This cannot end well. 

    She started one of those "give us money registries" (more than a year before the wedding) in addition to regular registries. 

    Ok, I think that's it. Again, just snarking. Although if you have a similar bride in your life, feel free to share. 
    I'm confused about the bolded. You thought your friend would be mad that you were also engaged? 
    The short answer is, yes. I did. 

    The slightly longer answer is that for about a year before she was engaged she had a complete melt down anytime anyone got engaged. She and her now FI dated for almost four years and she felt that was too long (keep in mind, she's in her mid-twenties - I'm about 6 years older than her). I wasn't sure how she would react with me getting engaged a couple months after her as FI and I had a shorter courtship and also are having a shorter engagement. But she has mostly handled it well. I am not a spotlight lover to be honest, it's nice to have a place like the Knot where I can binge on wedding things and not bother others with my planning. 

    I have tried to gently steer her but she's a steamroller so she rarely listens if it's not convenient to hear. 
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    novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Well damn. She sounds a little nuts. I'd say don't worry about what she's doing. Luckily it won't impact YOUR wedding, so don't let it stress you out. 
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    badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    novella1186 said:
    Well damn. She sounds a little nuts. I'd say don't worry about what she's doing. Luckily it won't impact YOUR wedding, so don't let it stress you out. 
    It's not going to. It's nice to have a rl friend who wants to talk wedding things. And mostly it doesn't bother me or stress me out too much. She has a lot of visions for her wedding. I think that's cool. 

    I just every once and a while want to shake her and resist the urge. Like, when she hints that she wants to be in my WP so that she can get a behind-the-scenes look at a wedding to make her own wedding go smoother. She apparently has never been a BM. Yeah, not taking that bait, recipe for disaster. 
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    KatieinBklnKatieinBkln member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    badbnagdway said:
    novella1186 said:
    Well damn. She sounds a little nuts. I'd say don't worry about what she's doing. Luckily it won't impact YOUR wedding, so don't let it stress you out. 
    It's not going to. It's nice to have a rl friend who wants to talk wedding things. And mostly it doesn't bother me or stress me out too much. She has a lot of visions for her wedding. I think that's cool. 

    I just every once and a while want to shake her and resist the urge. Like, when she hints that she wants to be in my WP so that she can get a behind-the-scenes look at a wedding to make her own wedding go smoother. She apparently has never been a BM. Yeah, not taking that bait, recipe for disaster. 
    Ugh, she sounds exhausting. I am exhausted reading about the emotional hoops you need to jump through just to have a conversation with her.
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    This baby knows exactly how I feel
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    abbyj700abbyj700 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    She seems like a bit much and is making some errors - but honestly, some of what you say sounds like a little much too.

    This is how you talk about a friend? 
    -Her parents covering her budget is up to them, not you. $20k may seem like too much to you for them - but it's their choice. 
    -She was willing to pay more for her dress - but then her parents did. Why do you care? It's a choice that was made by the family.
    -Their jobs, expenses, and "tiny mortgage" don't have to have an impact on what they are paying for in their wedding. Meaning, they don't need to spend more of their money because you somehow think they can.
    -A couple hundred bucks on a few different things starts to add up. It's fine that she doesn't pick these vendors because they are slightly hire then her budget.

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    badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
    First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    abbyj700 said:
    She seems like a bit much and is making some errors - but honestly, some of what you say sounds like a little much too.

    This is how you talk about a friend? 
    -Her parents covering her budget is up to them, not you. $20k may seem like too much to you for them - but it's their choice. 
    -She was willing to pay more for her dress - but then her parents did. Why do you care? It's a choice that was made by the family.
    -Their jobs, expenses, and "tiny mortgage" don't have to have an impact on what they are paying for in their wedding. Meaning, they don't need to spend more of their money because you somehow think they can.
    -A couple hundred bucks on a few different things starts to add up. It's fine that she doesn't pick these vendors because they are slightly hire then her budget.

    Again, I needed a second to unload a few feelings I am struggling with in a way that is not tied to our other female friends, who I would not say these things to. At the same time, I have been gentle but honest with my friend on these points, for example, when she said she was asking her parents for money I said maybe she should let them offer instead and got no traction. 

    We probably differ on this, but I think there are only two people responsible for paying for a wedding, the bride and groom. Any funding not from them should be gratuitous, again, that's in my book anyway. 

    Our priorities are just not the same. A bride can certainly spend money earmarked for food to double her dress budget, but people can also side-eye those priorities. 
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    JaniV123JaniV123 member
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    sounds like 2 friends of my FSIL. 

    She was telling me about two of her friends who are getting married. one is having a PPD big blowout bc her dad wanted her to have the wedding (long story) and they dont have the money; she and her husband are living with her parents, who because of paying for said PPD have neglected to pay their 6k mortgage and are paying her to stay at home studying bc her husband suggested it. 

    And the other friend her parents are not well financially and she keeps making decisions carelessly "oh whats another 1k" etc. 

    Im broke right now waiting for my loans, all of my wedding money is put away and yo dont see me asking for money for anything. jeesh. 

    the only thing i asked my mom was if she could pay for my medication refill bc of the money situation, i dont want fi to have to pay for it since he is paying fro a lot atm


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