How do I ask my guests not to wear white?

Jen4948 · November 2014

MrsMackVI said:
I know to most its common knowledge that wearing all white to a wedding is a NO NO, unless you're the bride/groom or requested to wear white. I have expressed many times to both sides of our families that I'd like them to steer clear of white and shades of white. I didn't think anyone would intentionally wear white until my FMIL told me my future sister-in-law purchased a white dress for the wedding. My FMIL told her not to wear it, but now I feel that I need to be more direct asking ppl not to wear white. Is there some kind of poem or other sweet way to let my guests know that we'd like them to stay away from white?
I've already been given a few suggestions from my family members as what to do if my future SIL shows up in white but they all seem like they will generate more drama. HELP!!!!

Honestly, there's no polite way to tell others not to wear white to your wedding. To do so is as big, even bigger, faux pas than wearing white to someone else's wedding. If your FSIL shows up in white, ignore it, and if someone is so boorish as to call your attention to it, just say, "Thanks for letting me know" to the boor without dignifying it by responding further.

AddieCake · November 2014

I don't understand why anybody cares what color a guest wears or even why some brides want to wear white to their showers, rehearsals, etc. It's just a color.

LondonLisa · November 2014

If your grandmother would tell someone off for wearing black to a wedding, you have bigger issues to deal with than the attire of other grown adults.

What happens to (the very common occurrence of) men who wear a black suit to a wedding? What if it is dark grey to look black? What if someone wears pink with a black wrap and shoes?

What if you serve blackforest cake? or Wine with a black label. Is Dear Old Gran going to run around the wedding like this:

KikiMira · November 2014

I agree the only thing you really are allowed to tell people is of a dress code your venue has. Ours was a strictly in-forced no jeans, tshirts or tank top policy. Which was fine with us, we gladly followed their rules. However telling them not to wear white or black, not so much.

I have a better story for you.

My girlfriend got married the year before us and her SIL kept asking when she was going to pick her wedding party. A few months later when the question was asked again she was informed she had already selected it and everyone had excepted. This girl is crazy and she was clearly upset she was not asked to be in the wedding party (they are not close what so ever) After this happened they didn't talk until the wedding weekend. She showed up too the brides room about an hour before the wedding in the exact same dress the bridal party was wearing, same color and everything.... What did my girlfriend do? She smiled invited her in for a glass of champagne and told her she had a really pretty dress and picked a lovely color as well. That was it.... She left it alone, was completely un-phased by it and when she showed up at the wedding, no body carried about it.... So why do you care so much? The 3 biggest things people remember from my wedding, the food, the drinks and the dancing.... No one is going to remember the other girl in a white dress.

theartistformerlyknownas · November 2014

KikiMira said:

I agree the only thing you really are allowed to tell people is of a dress code your venue has. Ours was a strictly in-forced no jeans, tshirts or tank top policy. Which was fine with us, we gladly followed their rules. However telling them not to wear white or black, not so much.

I have a better story for you.

My girlfriend got married the year before us and her SIL kept asking when she was going to pick her wedding party. A few months later when the question was asked again she was informed she had already selected it and everyone had excepted. This girl is crazy and she was clearly upset she was not asked to be in the wedding party (they are not close what so ever) After this happened they didn't talk until the wedding weekend. She showed up too the brides room about an hour before the wedding in the exact same dress the bridal party was wearing, same color and everything.... What did my girlfriend do? She smiled invited her in for a glass of champagne and told her she had a really pretty dress and picked a lovely color as well. That was it.... She left it alone, was completely un-phased by it and when she showed up at the wedding, no body carried about it.... So why do you care so much? The 3 biggest things people remember from my wedding, the food, the drinks and the dancing.... No one is going to remember the other girl in a white dress.

A friend of mine accidentally wore the same dress as the bridesmaids to a wedding I was in. She knew the wedding was formal, and the best place she knew of to buy a formal dress was David's Bridal. Yup, chose exactly the same color as the bridal party. She realized it a few weeks before the wedding, and the bride was great about it - said absolutely don't spend money on a new dress, you'll look beautiful in the one you bought. It got slightly awkward when the photographer kept trying to include her in WP pictures, but besides that it didn't matter at all.

weddingcactus · November 2014

MrsMackVI said:

I know to most its common knowledge that wearing all white to a wedding is a NO NO, unless you're the bride/groom or requested to wear white. I have expressed many times to both sides of our families that I'd like them to steer clear of white and shades of white. I didn't think anyone would intentionally wear white until my FMIL told me my future sister-in-law purchased a white dress for the wedding. My FMIL told her not to wear it, but now I feel that I need to be more direct asking ppl not to wear white. Is there some kind of poem or other sweet way to let my guests know that we'd like them to stay away from white?
I've already been given a few suggestions from my family members as what to do if my future SIL shows up in white but they all seem like they will generate more drama. HELP!!!!

If "everyone knows not to wear white" why are you telling both sides of the family to not wear white multiple times?! It sure sounds like your FSIL found your behavior rude and is now intentionally wearing white because of it. I agree that most people do not wear white to weddings because it is traditionally considered rude, but honestly, what is the big deal if someone wears a white dress? I highly doubt anyone is going to go out and buy a wedding dress so you're still going to be the only one looking like a bride. And what happens if a guest wears the same color as the bridesmaids?! Nothing. Or wears a suit and tie combination that looks just like the groom?! Nothing. Adults know how to dress themselves and if they don't, they are the only ones who will look stupid. Telling adults that you love how to dress is condescending and rude.

charlieyankee03 · November 2014

I talked to my mom on the phone the other day and the conversation went like this:

Mom: I went shopping with [a friend] the other day and found this beautiful dress. I would have bought it anyway because I really loved it, but I wanted to see what you think. It's knee-length, off-white, and has this really intricate lace overlay.

Me: That sounds amazing! If you love it then you should wear it to the wedding.

Mom: But it's off-white.

Me: I'm pretty sure that everyone there will know who the bride is.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

How do I ask my guests not to wear white?

Re: How do I ask my guests not to wear white?

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