Snarky Brides

you're marrying a douche

A dear friend from my hometown is getting married next month and she asked me to prepare a speech or toast, which is fine; I pretty much have it down to a science. Last night her fiancé shot me an email, giving me talking points to use -- he wants to see the final version prior to the big day. Basically, he wants me to tell everyone what an amazing person HE is and go over his major life achievements, he included a bit about their dog and never even mentioned his bride to be once. The guy is a pathological liar, his so-called achievements are such a load of bs... he might as well claim to have invented post-it's. I've been torn about participating in their wedding for a year and a half. I sucked it up, went dress shopping with her, bought a hideous dress that I'll never wear again and have a pit in my stomach about the whole situation. None of her friends like him for obvious reasons, her father hates him and isn't even attending their wedding. Clearly I cannot stand up in front of their guests and say what I want to say (good luck, you're marrying a douche!) Would it be appropriate to simply talk about who she is as a person and not even mention Captain Douche at all? Or is bowing out of the task a better option? I've known this girl for 20+ years and don't want to burn a bridge. Thanks!

Re: you're marrying a douche

  • I would completely disregard his email. Your speech is for her and about her. Not him. He should get a recognition for being her husband but meh, beyond that if you don't want to include him, don't. Just focus on her.

    I agree with the other PP. Just say it is a surprise and it will be great.

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  • I agree with PPs. You're her friend, you know her better than you know him, and I'm assuming you're in her side of the bridal party not his so the speech should be about her. Someone on his side of the bridal party will probably make a speech for him. 

    Disregard the e-mail and don't even mention him in your speech except to say that he makes your friend happy and you wish them both a long happy life together.

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  • Knowing me, I would pretend I never received the e-mail. I agree with PPs... Just ignore him and write the speech how you want to. He really does seem like a douche.


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  • Yikes. He really does seem like a douche. I'd totally ignore the email too. Must have gone to a spam folder! Oh well. 
  • Thanks for the advice ladies! Doucher's best man (and only member of his wedding party minus the dog) is his father and he doesn't want to give a toast. So I was supposed to represent both of them. Yeahhhh, not going to happen!
  • skyhigh27 said:
    Thanks for the advice ladies! Doucher's best man (and only member of his wedding party minus the dog) is his father and he doesn't want to give a toast. So I was supposed to represent both of them. Yeahhhh, not going to happen!
    Yes that's totally dumb. My MOH really wanted to make a speech, so she did. None of the groomsmen wanted to so they didn't. Was no big deal that there was only one for me. 

                                                                     

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  • Actually I'd give him a "draft" of what he wants to hear.. then have the actual copy and read from that :)
    Haha this!
  • skyhigh27 said:
    Thanks for the advice ladies! Doucher's best man (and only member of his wedding party minus the dog) is his father and he doesn't want to give a toast. So I was supposed to represent both of them. Yeahhhh, not going to happen!

    I find it this rather telling. If you don't have anything nice to say...
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  • There shouldn't be any speeches anyway. Toasts are fine though. But they should be kept short. Bonus: If he asks why you didn't mention his accomplishments, you can say they were to long.
  • Wow, anyone say "control freak"?!? I'm not surprised he doesn't have a friend to make a real toast for him... I agree with everyone else. Ignore the douche and toast your friend!
  • As a bride to be who doesn't have a lot of people who would give a toast about her, I can KIND OF understand his fear that he'll be seen sort of as a prop to Suzie and how awesome she is ...

    ... that said, I'd ignore him entirely and do what you planned to do. Speak from the heart and speak true about your friend!

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  • I would disregard him. Like previous posters have said, just say that you promised it would be a surprise and you will make sure it's a great speech. If you are HER friend, there is no reason to mention anything about him except for the end (wishing them a well life together, even though you obviously don't like him, etc) and have that be that.
  • Wow, he sounds uber controlling.  Ignore the email, gush about your friend and don't mention the guy at all.  
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  • How is your friend marrying this guy? I get love is blind and all that but if he is that transparent, I worry for your friend.
  • KatWAG said:
    I would be an assholes and say something like "Douche emailed me a list of his finer qualties to highlight but I am going to tell you about Susie....."
    1000X this. Brilliant!

    People would definitely laugh - probably because they know his tendencies already. 
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