Moms and Maids

Mom wants my wedding

My mother and her boyfriend became engaged a few years ago. There have been complications in their wedding planning, and she hasn't been able to plan anything. Even when they marry, it will have to pretty much be quick and on the spot, however no one is actually sure when this will be. So, their options are pretty slim with any planning (can't plan a venue, party, etc.) 

My fiance proposed over this past summer, and plan on taking our time with wedding planning (tentative date of November 2016). I eagerly would like her to be apart of the planning process because she adopted me and raised me on her own, of which I am truly grateful. However, every time I  discuss information or ideas for the wedding, she consistently replies with "That's exactly what I envisioned for my wedding" and "I would pick that in a heartbeat." Even when we I picked my wedding dress, she said "I was looking for a dress exactly like yours." 

I understand that this is her first wedding and marriage, however I find that she is having a hard time differenciating between my wedding and hers. This is causing a big rift between us and I find that I no longer want to share anything with her for fear that she will continue to make those statements. I'm not sure how to say anything to her. I don't think she is doing it out of malice, and means to say that she likes what I am choosing. But I am not sure how to say anything without hurting all parties involved. 

Any advise?

Re: Mom wants my wedding

  • EmiLinden said:
    My mother and her boyfriend became engaged a few years ago. There have been complications in their wedding planning, and she hasn't been able to plan anything. Even when they marry, it will have to pretty much be quick and on the spot, however no one is actually sure when this will be. So, their options are pretty slim with any planning (can't plan a venue, party, etc.) 

    My fiance proposed over this past summer, and plan on taking our time with wedding planning (tentative date of November 2016). I eagerly would like her to be apart of the planning process because she adopted me and raised me on her own, of which I am truly grateful. However, every time I  discuss information or ideas for the wedding, she consistently replies with "That's exactly what I envisioned for my wedding" and "I would pick that in a heartbeat." Even when we I picked my wedding dress, she said "I was looking for a dress exactly like yours." 

    I understand that this is her first wedding and marriage, however I find that she is having a hard time differenciating between my wedding and hers. This is causing a big rift between us and I find that I no longer want to share anything with her for fear that she will continue to make those statements. I'm not sure how to say anything to her. I don't think she is doing it out of malice, and means to say that she likes what I am choosing. But I am not sure how to say anything without hurting all parties involved. 

    Any advise?
    Advice?  Yes.  TALK to your Mom, and tell her that she is making your nervous.  Explain that you don't want your weddings to be the same.  Since Mom hasn't even set a wedding date yet, I really doubt that she plans to copy your wedding.
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  • If her wedding has to be "quick and on the spot" she is probably just voicing agreement with your choices in the best way she knows. 
  • She might just be trying to relate to you and give you confidence about your choices. 

    If she's going to have a quickie wedding, she's probably not going to do all the things you're planning to do. And even if she does, so what? Quick, tell me the exact wedding dress, centerpieces and chairs that were at the last wedding you went to.... Can't? It's because guests pay attention to the people getting married and whether the food/music is good. No one pays attention to the details except you.

    Try giving your mom the benefit of the doubt here. She's probably just trying to support you.
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  • Maybe I am reading too much into your wording of the first paragraph, but it seems like you are not happy or supportive of your mom's decision to marry her FI (he's no longer her BF, since they are engaged).    Since you are both engaged you should be able to be happy for each other and bounce ideas off of each other. 

    Your mom is engaged and has every right to say what she would want that for her own wedding too.  Be flattered that she is accepting and likes your ideas, there are many brides on these boards who can't get their mom to be supportive of their wedding ideas.

    Also, if your mom will truly have to elope or marry with hardly any notice, she will probably not be able to execute most your ideas that she loves so much.

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