Wedding Party

Advice - MOH conflict with bachelorette

sandraplassesandraplasse member
First Anniversary First Comment
edited January 2015 in Wedding Party
Hi all, 

I need some advice desperately. My best friend and I are both getting married this year and will be each other's maid of honor. We planned her bachelorette party, which will be this April in Miami months ago and already booked the plane tickets (non refundable) and we planned to stay at her fiance's parents time share. 

At the time, I did not know the date of another good friend's wedding (from college, my MOH is from my hometown) was that same weekend. I just realized this yesterday when checking my calendar while on the phone with my best friend. She was really upset, understandably so. 

I told her I would think of a compromise (e.g. we fly into Miami Friday morning and my friend's wedding is Saturday night; so I would come for one night and leave the next day). She does not want to compromise. She said I'm her MOH and I need to be there - it's either the whole time or not. She also made it clear the tickets are non refundable/we can't switch dates. 

We are getting together tomorrow and I need to talk to her about it. I essentially have to choose either my good friend's wedding or her bachelorette. And if I choose the wedding, it won't be pretty. But, I would certainly regret not being there for my good friend of almost ten years.

Help! What do you all think?


Re: Advice - MOH conflict with bachelorette

  • She is being silly. She would rather you not go at all than have to leave after a day? FFS, my bachelorette party lasted a few HOURS, not a few DAYS.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • She's being a jerk not to compromise. Her wedding and peripheral events are not the most important events in anyone else's lives besides her FI's.
  • I agree that she should compromise. Life happens and sometimes people can't make it to everything. It's only the bachlorette party, and you will at least be there the first night. Making you choose isn't fair.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Hi all, 

    I need some advice desperately. My best friend and I are both getting married this year and will be each other's maid of honor. We planned her bachelorette party, which will be this April in Miami months ago and already booked the plane tickets (non refundable) and we planned to stay at her fiance's parents time share. 

    At the time, I did not know the date of another good friend's wedding (from college, my MOH is from my hometown) was that same weekend. I just realized this yesterday when checking my calendar while on the phone with my best friend. She was really upset, understandably so. 

    I told her I would think of a compromise (e.g. we fly into Miami Friday morning and my friend's wedding is Saturday night; so I would come for one night and leave the next day). She does not want to compromise. She said I'm her MOH and I need to be there - it's either the whole time or not. She also made it clear the tickets are non refundable/we can't switch dates. 

    We are getting together tomorrow and I need to talk to her about it. I essentially have to choose either my good friend's wedding or her bachelorette. And if I choose the wedding, it won't be pretty. But, I would certainly regret not being there for my good friend of almost ten years.

    Help! What do you all think?


    Your friend is acting like a brat.  Your compromise is perfectly acceptable.  

    Why is it so important to her that you be there the whole time?
    Anniversary

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  • She needs to let you go. If she has a good bridal party, she'll have a good time - and if she doesn't have a good party that will help her have a good time without you, well...she did choose them.

    I think it sucks, but this kind of thing just happens sometimes. Compromise is best!
  • If you want to make both work then do both and your friend will just have to live with only getting you for one night of the bachelorette party.. However, if it was me, I don't like squishing things in on top of each other.. two years ago FI and I had two weddings we were invited to, I had already RSVP'd for one of them and the other one was an hour drive away (invite came about two weeks before that wedding). I personally would rather just ENJOY one then try to make both work and since we had committed to the one I told FI sorry, but we never even got a STD for the other wedding, I know he has been your friend for 15yrs but it's just not going to work.. he understood and fully enjoyed the one wedding.

    Good luck with figuring this out, sounds like it's going to be a hell of a weekend.. if it was me, the bride (even though I have known her for 10yrs) would get a "sorry, I can't attend" and I would try to meet up with her at a later time.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Ditto what everyone else says.  I think your compromise is a good one.
  • I think I'd choose the wedding over day two of the bachelorette party BECAUSE my friend was being such a bitch about not ALLOWING me to make my own damn choices.  "You see how important I make my friends' weddings?  This is what I will do for you on your wedding day.  But drinking for a weekend, sorry, the wedding gets priority.  I'll eat the cost of my non-refundable plane ticket.  I will not be going down to Miami."
  • You said you are the MOH in your friend's wedding so are you hosting the bach party? If you are hosting it, then I do think you need to be there the entire time. You should have checked your schedule before you agreed to do both things. If you aren't hosting it, then I think your plan is fine and the bride will have to just deal with it.
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  • AddieCake said:
    She is being silly. She would rather you not go at all than have to leave after a day? FFS, my bachelorette party lasted a few HOURS, not a few DAYS.
    This.

    You are an adult.  You can do with your time whatever you wish.  I presume your friend is an adult, although she sure isn't acting like one.  She needs to GTFO herself.  Tell her that you are going to Miami for a day, then you are going to the other wedding. Period.  If she has a hissy, she has a hissy.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • You said you are the MOH in your friend's wedding so are you hosting the bach party? If you are hosting it, then I do think you need to be there the entire time. You should have checked your schedule before you agreed to do both things. If you aren't hosting it, then I think your plan is fine and the bride will have to just deal with it.
    Hosting a multi-day bach party is not the same as hosting a reception or a dinner party in your home, imo.  Bach parties are just glorified girl's nights out, if we are being honest; They are just a bunch of girls going to the spa, or to dinner, or out for drinks, etc.

    What does hosting even mean with regards to a multi day, out of town bach party?  Is the OP paying for everything, meaning she is the host?  Well then everything is covered so she isn't obligated to be there.  Does it mean she organized all the events and therefore is the host?  Well the itinerary is already set, so again no need to be there.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • tammym1001tammym1001 member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    edited January 2015
    You said you are the MOH in your friend's wedding so are you hosting the bach party? If you are hosting it, then I do think you need to be there the entire time. You should have checked your schedule before you agreed to do both things. If you aren't hosting it, then I think your plan is fine and the bride will have to just deal with it.
    Hosting a multi-day bach party is not the same as hosting a reception or a dinner party in your home, imo.  Bach parties are just glorified girl's nights out, if we are being honest; They are just a bunch of girls going to the spa, or to dinner, or out for drinks, etc.

    What does hosting even mean with regards to a multi day, out of town bach party?  Is the OP paying for everything, meaning she is the host?  Well then everything is covered so she isn't obligated to be there.  Does it mean she organized all the events and therefore is the host?  Well the itinerary is already set, so again no need to be there.
    Hosting a bach party means organizing everything, sending out invites, handling RSVP's, etc. just like any other party. I agree a multi day party isn't really the same as a dinner, but the host is the one who decided to have a multi day party and it's rude for the host of a party to leave during the party. 

    ETA: hosting =/= paying so it doesn't matter if she is paying for everyone or not.
    image
  • You said you are the MOH in your friend's wedding so are you hosting the bach party? If you are hosting it, then I do think you need to be there the entire time. You should have checked your schedule before you agreed to do both things. If you aren't hosting it, then I think your plan is fine and the bride will have to just deal with it.
    Hosting a multi-day bach party is not the same as hosting a reception or a dinner party in your home, imo.  Bach parties are just glorified girl's nights out, if we are being honest; They are just a bunch of girls going to the spa, or to dinner, or out for drinks, etc.

    What does hosting even mean with regards to a multi day, out of town bach party?  Is the OP paying for everything, meaning she is the host?  Well then everything is covered so she isn't obligated to be there.  Does it mean she organized all the events and therefore is the host?  Well the itinerary is already set, so again no need to be there.
    Hosting a bach party means organizing everything, sending out invites, handling RSVP's, etc. just like any other party. I agree a multi day party isn't really the same as a dinner, but the host is the one who decided to have a multi day party and it's rude for the host of a party to leave during the party. 

    ETA: hosting =/= paying so it doesn't matter if she is paying for everyone or not.
    Most of the time hosting does equal paying.  If I'm hosting a dinner at my house, then I'm paying for everything I'm serving.  If I host a dinner at a restaurant, then I'm paying for your meals.

    Yes, if this was a traditional dinner party. 

    It's not, though.  It's a glorified group vacation.  I fail to see anything rude in leaving early to attend a wedding, regardless of who is hosting.  Especially when the bride will still have other women there to party with- it's not like she's being left alone.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I would understand if someone couldn't make it to my wedding because of previous obligations, even if it's a 2 day bachelorette weekend.  
    In my opinion, and I seem to always be the minority on these forums, I think you're the 1st friend's MOH and I'd kinda expect you to be at the bach party the whole time and not ditch halfway through.  I'd be disappointed and upset... but I also wouldn't throw a hissy fit either.  But I mean it depends on the circumstances.  If it were going to be just the two of you and you left for the 2nd half, then I WOULD throw a hissy because you kind of just screwed up my plans for the 2nd half of my very expensive weekend.  Girl time isn't the same as alone time.

    It's a toughy either way.  I don't envy you.  
  • Thank you all for your advice. It was really helpful. 

    My friend and I discussed this the other weekend and I told her that I'm planning to stick to the compromise. I am the MOH and did plan for this weekend, so I've been feeling pretty guilty about it. 

    She was very understanding, although upset. We discussed potentially changing the date of the bachelorette and I offered to cover the expense of changing flights. (There are four of us in total going to Miami.)

    Thanks again. I will let you know what the final outcome is. 
  • Thank you all for your advice. It was really helpful. 

    My friend and I discussed this the other weekend and I told her that I'm planning to stick to the compromise. I am the MOH and did plan for this weekend, so I've been feeling pretty guilty about it. 

    She was very understanding, although upset. We discussed potentially changing the date of the bachelorette and I offered to cover the expense of changing flights. (There are four of us in total going to Miami.)

    Thanks again. I will let you know what the final outcome is. 
    I'm glad she's being understanding, at least! I definitely think your compromise is acceptable. 

    Also, you may want to change your username to something that isn't your actual name. Internet safety and all. 
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