Fiance wants my hair down, I want it up! Help!

Knottie68775487 · November 2014

My fiance and I have been in two weddings together where my hair was pulled back tightly in a french braid bun style. He has told me he thinks I look like a boy with my hair in an updo. I personally love it when it's in an updo, and my hair stays tight and looks great all night! He wants my hair curled in a half-up style for our wedding. I told him my hair doesn't stay curled, and showed him a picture of our friend who was just a bride. Her hair had fallen out before the reception. He thought it looked fine though. I've shown him other updos that are much looser and he still wants my hair down. I'm growing out my hair, and I even showed him a side curled pony, and he thought it looked like a bird's nest. Ugh, has anyone else been in this situation? Should I just wear my hair the way I want? or listen to his request about my hair?

BTW, I always pin my hair half up, so maybe he doesn't like change? This is like the one thing he has cared about for our wedding, so I don't want to hurt his feelings too much.

mikenberger · November 2014

I personally view things like this as such: is this a moral issue or is this a personal preference? EG: are my T&A hanging out or is this just how my fiancé would like me to look? One is probably going to get some side-eye, the other is not.

It is your hair. You know how your hair is going to behave and what you want your hair to look like. I personally, would do whatever I wanted to do. Its my hair. And even if I wore nothing that FI wanted me to wear, I am still the same person on the inside. And that's who FI should be in love with, not my hair style for 12 hours.

AddieCake · November 2014

I think you should wear it how you will feel most confident.

[Deleted User] · November 2014

Maybe just think about why you want your hair up and how important it is to you. If you REALLY want to wear your hair up, do it!

It could also be a good idea to also think about why he may want it to be down. Maybe it's because that's how he sees you since you generally have it half up and he wants "you" on your wedding day. If his reasons are sweet and your preference isn't that strong, then why not do what he prefers? (Of course, if he's generally very controlling, then that's a whole other issue.)

(If you decide to have it half down, try using a flat iron rather than a curling iron. A hairdresser used that method when I was a bridesmaid because my hair doesn't hold a curl and it hardly fell at all for over twelve hours with only minimal hairspray.)

climbingsingle · November 2014

He tells you that you look like a boy with your hair up (I assume he's the one putting negative connotations on it) and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?

I think you should wear your hair however you want it.

Maggie0829 · November 2014

AddieCake said:

I think you should wear it how you will feel most confident.

This. Your hair, your choice.

ClimbingBrideNY said:

He tells you that you look like a boy with your hair up (I assume he's the one putting negative connotations on it) and you're worried about hurting HIS feelings?

I think you should wear your hair however you want it.

And this. WTF? Did you ask him what he thought about your hair in an updo or did he voluntarily just offer up his opinion? There are just certain thoughts you should keep to yourself, and one of those involves your opinion on your future wife's hair. As long as she likes it and thinks she looks good that is all that matters. Your FI really needs to learn this.

southernbelle0915 · November 2014

Knottie68775487 said:

My fiance and I have been in two weddings together where my hair was pulled back tightly in a french braid bun style. He has told me he thinks I look like a boy with my hair in an updo. I personally love it when it's in an updo, and my hair stays tight and looks great all night! He wants my hair curled in a half-up style for our wedding. I told him my hair doesn't stay curled, and showed him a picture of our friend who was just a bride. Her hair had fallen out before the reception. He thought it looked fine though. I've shown him other updos that are much looser and he still wants my hair down. I'm growing out my hair, and I even showed him a side curled pony, and he thought it looked like a bird's nest. Ugh, has anyone else been in this situation? Should I just wear my hair the way I want? or listen to his request about my hair?

BTW, I always pin my hair half up, so maybe he doesn't like change? This is like the one thing he has cared about for our wedding, so I don't want to hurt his feelings too much.

Well that's an asshole thing to say... wth?

Wear your hair how you want to wear your hair. Your FI can stuff it. I'd be more worried about having a conversation with him about baseline respect than being worried about you hairstyle.

jenijoyk · November 2014

Hahaha. This post made me laugh because I went through the exact same thing. I wanted my hair in a half up or side pony with my long hair extensions. Husband dropped sublte hints that he hates my hair extensions, because I don't look like "me" when I wear them.

I had a hair trial, had the stylist use my extensions anyway, and she did three updo/half updos and I loved all of them.

Then I made the mistake of coming home and showing them to FI. He was like, "Uuuhhh.... you know I don't like extensions.... right? You should just wear your hair like you normally do!" (Which is... thin, straight, and down.) I was so pissed. Because I don't tell him what to wear (wait, sometimes I do), and really it's my hair and my wedding. (Or so I rationalized.)

I was determined to wear my hair the way I wanted anyway, all the way up until the day before my wedding. Then I chickened out, and asked my stylist to just curl my hair, leave it down, and put in only about half my extensions and then chop the extensions off so they were the same length as my hair. Even though I have super thin hair, she somehow managed to get the curls to stay and my hair looked great.

Hilariously, halfway through the reception, one of our male coworkers came up to me and said, "I love that you wore your hair like a normal person. Girls always slick their hair up all crazy at weddings and it always looks weird." So there you have it. Dudes' deep thoughts on updos.

Unlike the PPs, I don't think your guy is an asshole for telling you he likes your hair down. I think the majority of dudes share his opinion. My mom was actually complaining that my dad told her the same thing when she was looking at hairstyles on pinterest. Plus, I tell my husband what I like him to wear all the time. He doesn't always listen, but if he's going to wear his Big Lebowski shirt out in public, he's definitely getting a violent eye roll from me.

climbingsingle · November 2014

I think there's a big difference between telling someone, "I really love the way you look with your hair down" and "I don't like your hair up. You look like a boy".

plainjane0415 · November 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think there's a big difference between telling someone, "I really love the way you look with your hair down" and "I don't like your hair up. You look like a boy".

That's because the bolded is an insult IMHO.

jenijoyk · November 2014

ClimbingBrideNY said:

I think there's a big difference between telling someone, "I really love the way you look with your hair down" and "I don't like your hair up. You look like a boy".

I guess. Not everyone has tact though. I think when my husband told me he didn't like extensions he said "You look like a Real Housewives cast member."

But hey, rather he tell me that before the wedding, then think it silently to himself as I'm walking down the aisle.

Knottie68775487 · November 2014

Thanks for the advice and support everyone! I think I will just wear my hair the way I feel confidant in.

P.S. Guess I didn't realize how insulting my fiance's comment seems. He really is a gentlemen in all other aspects, and compliments me daily on how I look that day. I've learned he has strong feelings about how he pictures my hair on our wedding day.

jenijoyk · November 2014

Knottie68775487 said:

Thanks for the advice and support everyone! I think I will just wear my hair the way I feel confidant in.
P.S. Guess I didn't realize how insulting my fiance's comment seems. He really is a gentlemen in all other aspects, and compliments me daily on how I look that day. I've learned he has strong feelings about how he pictures my hair on our wedding day.

Mine did too. I hear you. Dudes fantasize about their wedding day too and can just as easily get all caught up in wanting it to be just how they've imagined it.

redheadbride15 · November 2014

Haha. This thread makes me laugh. I haven't told my FI that I'm planning an updo... mostly because I know he will protest. But my dress has a gorgeous keyhole back and my long hair will cover it up. These are the little details that would never occur to him.

He definitely has made many comments to me that he wants me to "look like myself" at our wedding, but you have to understand that my usual look (never an ounce of makeup, jeans/t-shirt, hair naturally air-dried and hanging down my back) will not fly at a wedding. So I've told him that this is really a fantastic opportunity for me to have fun and make myself up to look gorgeous. Personally, I think he'll be pleasantly surprised when he sees the end result.

VulgarGirl · November 2014

My wife asked me how I thought she should wear her hair on our wedding day. I told her I liked it when she curled it, but whatever. It was down and curled and pulled back a little on the sides. Looked great. I asked her what I should do with my hair, and she suggested a faux hawk or maybe down with a sparkly headband, I rocked a faux hawk.

But end of the day, her hair is on her head, my hair is on my head, it was up to us individually what to do with it.

jenijoyk · November 2014

redheadbride15 said:

Haha. This thread makes me laugh. I haven't told my FI that I'm planning an updo... mostly because I know he will protest. But my dress has a gorgeous keyhole back and my long hair will cover it up. These are the little details that would never occur to him.

He definitely has made many comments to me that he wants me to "look like myself" at our wedding, but you have to understand that my usual look (never an ounce of makeup, jeans/t-shirt, hair naturally air-dried and hanging down my back) will not fly at a wedding. So I've told him that this is really a fantastic opportunity for me to have fun and make myself up to look gorgeous. Personally, I think he'll be pleasantly surprised when he sees the end result.

Totally this! If I hadn't shown my husband photos of my hair trial, and instead just appeared on my wedding day, he wouldn't have even NOTICED. The mistake is telling them ahead of time and asking their opinion if you don't actually want it.

On your wedding day, when you appear at the end of the aisle, your FI will be so PUMPED that you showed up and look amazing he will have zero complaints!

tammym1001 · November 2014

My DH hates when I wear my hair up. This was a discussion multiple times before we were ever married so I didn't need to ask him what he thought about it for our wedding day. I am quite a bit younger than he is and he thinks I look even younger with my hair up. He's worried people will think he's out with his daughter. LOL

I ended up wearing my hair half up/half down for our wedding because I knew it would make him happy and our wedding day was an important day for him too and I wanted him to love the way I looked. I would have never purposely worn a hairstyle that I knew he disliked on our wedding day. Now every other day of our lives he just has to deal with it because it's easier for me to pull my hair up.

iloveu4ever · November 2014

He should be happy with a half up half down. My fiancé is the same way. He loves my hair down. I hate my hair down.

[Deleted User] · December 2014

retterin · December 2014

redheadbride15 said:

Haha. This thread makes me laugh. I haven't told my FI that I'm planning an updo... mostly because I know he will protest. But my dress has a gorgeous keyhole back and my long hair will cover it up. These are the little details that would never occur to him.

He definitely has made many comments to me that he wants me to "look like myself" at our wedding, but you have to understand that my usual look (never an ounce of makeup, jeans/t-shirt, hair naturally air-dried and hanging down my back) will not fly at a wedding. So I've told him that this is really a fantastic opportunity for me to have fun and make myself up to look gorgeous. Personally, I think he'll be pleasantly surprised when he sees the end result.

I'm going through the same thing with my fiance! He's so nervous about the hair and make-up because it's not something that I normally spend much, if any time on. It's funny because he seems dead-set on me wearing my hair down, and even asked me why I need make-up in the first place (uh, it's my wedding?). I've had to assure him that I will be going with a natural look and won't be wearing what he calls "prom hair."

I didn't have strong feelings on my hair one way or another, though, so I'll just be wearing it half up/half down. That felt like a good solution to me.

iloveu4ever · December 2014

The funny thing is that it is something the men don't usually worry about.

haleyk620 · December 2014

My fiance is the same way when it comes to having an opinion about my hair the day of the wedding. I decided to wear it how I wanted/would feel most comfortable. After all, it's my day too, and I want to look back on pictures of that day and like the way I look!

jenijoyk · December 2014

retterin said:

redheadbride15 said:

Haha. This thread makes me laugh. I haven't told my FI that I'm planning an updo... mostly because I know he will protest. But my dress has a gorgeous keyhole back and my long hair will cover it up. These are the little details that would never occur to him.

He definitely has made many comments to me that he wants me to "look like myself" at our wedding, but you have to understand that my usual look (never an ounce of makeup, jeans/t-shirt, hair naturally air-dried and hanging down my back) will not fly at a wedding. So I've told him that this is really a fantastic opportunity for me to have fun and make myself up to look gorgeous. Personally, I think he'll be pleasantly surprised when he sees the end result.

I'm going through the same thing with my fiance! He's so nervous about the hair and make-up because it's not something that I normally spend much, if any time on. It's funny because he seems dead-set on me wearing my hair down, and even asked me why I need make-up in the first place (uh, it's my wedding?). I've had to assure him that I will be going with a natural look and won't be wearing what he calls "prom hair."

I didn't have strong feelings on my hair one way or another, though, so I'll just be wearing it half up/half down. That felt like a good solution to me.

Hahaha. I think guys really, really hate Prom Hair.

amelisha · December 2014

jenijoyk said:

retterin said:

redheadbride15 said:

Haha. This thread makes me laugh. I haven't told my FI that I'm planning an updo... mostly because I know he will protest. But my dress has a gorgeous keyhole back and my long hair will cover it up. These are the little details that would never occur to him.

He definitely has made many comments to me that he wants me to "look like myself" at our wedding, but you have to understand that my usual look (never an ounce of makeup, jeans/t-shirt, hair naturally air-dried and hanging down my back) will not fly at a wedding. So I've told him that this is really a fantastic opportunity for me to have fun and make myself up to look gorgeous. Personally, I think he'll be pleasantly surprised when he sees the end result.

I'm going through the same thing with my fiance! He's so nervous about the hair and make-up because it's not something that I normally spend much, if any time on. It's funny because he seems dead-set on me wearing my hair down, and even asked me why I need make-up in the first place (uh, it's my wedding?). I've had to assure him that I will be going with a natural look and won't be wearing what he calls "prom hair."

I didn't have strong feelings on my hair one way or another, though, so I'll just be wearing it half up/half down. That felt like a good solution to me.

Hahaha. I think guys really, really hate Prom Hair.

I also really, really hate Prom Hair, for what it's worth.

My FI also thinks I should wear a curly ponytail because that's how he likes my hair, though. I patiently reminded him that his knowledge of fashion is entirely limited to "don't wear white socks with dress shoes" and "shorts are not appropriate for men in the office", so perhaps it was better to leave my hair up to me.

714hbbride · January 2015

What about a nice long braid that you somehow play up/style? Then you still have the nice pulled back look you want but he gets to see the length (don't know why but so many men love length).

Do whatever you feel comfortable with but an idea to consider.

Some examples:

http://wedwebtalks.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/12/long-braided-wedding-hairstyle.jpg

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/f9/30/92/f93092d46b08a71a97aca6becf308cf0.jpg

http://www.diytheknot.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/02/wedding-hair-big-messy-braid-bride.jpg

anne2018 · January 2015

Men don't like "updos." He probably wants you to look like the woman he wants to marry. A great way to start a marriage is to make him happy.

Maggie0829 · January 2015

catherine2015 said:

Men don't like "updos." He probably wants you to look like the woman he wants to marry. A great way to start a marriage is to make him happy.

I'm sorry but what?! Yes, it is always nice to make your spouse happy but her FI should be happy if she is happy. So if she wants an updo and it makes her feel beautiful and good about her self then her FI should be happy that she feels so great with the way she looks. I just think it is crap if one spouse thinks they can dictate how the other spouse looks or does with their hair on their wedding day (or any other day for that matter).

As to the bolded. That is not a true statement. My H has always loved when I have had my hair done in an updo. And amazingly I still looked like my self even with a fancy updo. It wasn't like my H had no idea who it was walking down the aisle.

thespeshulestsnowflake · January 2015

catherine2015 said:

Men don't like "updos." He probably wants you to look like the woman he wants to marry. A great way to start a marriage is to make him happy.

That is such a broad generalization and not at all true. When my hair was long, I almost never wore it down, that's partially why I got a pixie cut. My BF does not give a shit about my hair. Some men may, but that varies from case to case.

And also are we in the 1950s? "A great way to start a marriage is to make him happy." What about OP's feelings about it? Compromise.

hellohkb · January 2015

catherine2015 said:
Men don't like "updos." He probably wants you to look like the woman he wants to marry. A great way to start a marriage is to make him happy.

Yes, because all men are the same, right? Men don't differ from each other at all and they all have the exact same opinions about everything. /sarcasm

Believe it or not, some men love updos. My fiance loves when my hair is up. But he also likes it when it's down, too. I would say that most significant others of any gender doesn't give too much thought about what their partner does with their hair as long as they're happy.

slothiegal · January 2015

pinkrevenge said:

The idea of my hairdo hurting my husband's feelings is one my brain cannot comprehend. If a french twist can make someone "look like a boy" how freaking hard-line can someone's gender roles get? Good lord, it's HAIR.

For fucking real. As long as it's not pink, who cares AMIRITE?!

catherine2015 said:

Men don't like "updos." He probably wants you to look like the woman he wants to marry. A great way to start a marriage is to make him happy.

I started to respond to this, but then I got sidetracked making my H his steak dinner while simultaneously fellating him during the football game.

In other words:

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

catherine2015 said:

Men don't like "updos." He probably wants you to look like the woman he wants to marry. A great way to start a marriage is to make him happy.

Hahah, wut? I can't even with this.

Have fun always doing whatever your husband wants regardless of how you feel. THAT sounds like a fun life!

Fiance wants my hair down, I want it up! Help!

Re: Fiance wants my hair down, I want it up! Help!

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