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To toast or not to toast...

kmherman15kmherman15 member
First Anniversary First Comment
in Wedding Party

So my Fiancée and I are very non-traditional. We both have few but very close friends. I have decided to have a Maid of Honor (childhood friend that is unmarried) AND a Matron of Honor (married friend, met as adults). Well my beau decided he wanted to have 2 Best Men(same situation: childhood friend and a friend he met as an adult). If I have 2 why can't he?

Now I am wondering do we have all 4 give toasts? Tell them to decide? Or do we need to pick? If so, how do you choose? I really don't want to make our guests sit though a bunch of toasts, but I want to be sure that if they want to give a toast they can, I mean I don't think I will survive the next 3 months without all their help. What do I do?

I keep being told I worry too much about making people happy, but if I know someone is unhappy with me I wont be able to enjoy myself.

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Re: To toast or not to toast...

  • loveislouderloveislouder member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Why not have them write speeches together? I don't want my guests to sit through a ton of speeches (and I don't really understand the whole toast to the bride vs. MOH speech) so we're just combining them.
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  • KatWAGKatWAG member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Can a few of them give toasts at the RD so our guests wont have to sit through as many?
    BabyFruit Ticker
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  • flantasticflantastic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kmherman15 said:

    So my Fiancée and I are very non-traditional. We both have few but very close friends. I have decided to have a Maid of Honor (childhood friend that is unmarried) AND a Matron of Honor (married friend, met as adults). Well my beau decided he wanted to have 2 Best Men(same situation: childhood friend and a friend he met as an adult). If I have 2 why can't he?

    Now I am wondering do we have all 4 give toasts? Tell them to decide? Or do we need to pick? If so, how do you choose? I really don't want to make our guests sit though a bunch of toasts, but I want to be sure that if they want to give a toast they can, I mean I don't think I will survive the next 3 months without all their help. What do I do?

    I keep being told I worry too much about making people happy, but if I know someone is unhappy with me I wont be able to enjoy myself.

    This isn't as non-traditional as you think. They're just titles of honor.

    Just let them know that you'd love for them to give a toast if they want, but that we probably don't want to interrupt the dinner for two long. Then you can suggest they work it out between them, but here are a couple options you'd heard about:

    My H has two brothers. The other two have been co-best men for each of the brothers getting married.  In a couple cases, one gave a toast at the rehearsal dinner, and the other gave it at the wedding. My sister and friend (co-MOHs) took this option. This time around, though, his brothers gave a joint toast at the reception.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Do these individuals even want to give a toast?  Both my MOH and my H's BM didn't say anything at our wedding because they hate public speaking.



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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Has anyone offered to give a toast? Toasts only happen if people offer - they shouldn't be "assigned". If no one offers, no toasts. If they ALL offer, then you have to decide how to handle. If they all offer, I would probably do all of them at the RD (if you're having one). 

    Even though you've probably been to weddings with "speeches" that went on and on, toasts should only last for 1-3 minutes each. So even on the high end, you'd have about 10 minutes of toasting if all 4 people said something. You'd just have to make sure you tell them they have to make it brief. I literally do not know a single person who likes to sit through a bunch of "speeches" at a wedding. Woof.
    *********************************************************************************

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  • lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited January 2015
    Agreed with above. You can't ask people to give toasts, they are offered. Also, toasts should be no longer than a few mins. No one wants to sit through 10-20 mins of speeches.

    Formerly martha1818

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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Maggie0829 said:
    Do these individuals even want to give a toast?  Both my MOH and my H's BM didn't say anything at our wedding because they hate public speaking.




    southernbelle0915 said:
    Has anyone offered to give a toast? Toasts only happen if people offer - they shouldn't be "assigned". If no one offers, no toasts. If they ALL offer, then you have to decide how to handle. If they all offer, I would probably do all of them at the RD (if you're having one). 

    This.

    If they all offer, you can suggest that they all do them at the RD or that they split them up between the RD and the actual reception and just let them sort out who speaks when.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    While I have no problem officiating a wedding, there is not a chance I will ever give a toast at a wedding.  I'm totally an attention whore, but it's a different kind of public speaking.

    And yes on the 'Toast not Speech' thing.  My dad had 3x5 cards with his notes for my sister's wedding speech.  I saw that and said, "two minutes.  You get two minutes.  You are not giving a speech, you are giving a toast.  You have two minutes."  When he practiced it the day before, my cousin timed it at 9 minutes.  It was a speech, inside jokes and all.  I told him again, "two minutes" and I think when he finally gave it, it was around 5 minutes.  It was cute.  And since the (only other toaster) FOG gave an Actual toast, it wasn't SO bad that dad gave a speech, timing wise.
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    kmherman15 said:

    So my Fiancée and I are very non-traditional. We both have few but very close friends. I have decided to have a Maid of Honor (childhood friend that is unmarried) AND a Matron of Honor (married friend, met as adults). Well my beau decided he wanted to have 2 Best Men(same situation: childhood friend and a friend he met as an adult). If I have 2 why can't he?

    Now I am wondering do we have all 4 give toasts? Tell them to decide? Or do we need to pick? If so, how do you choose? I really don't want to make our guests sit though a bunch of toasts, but I want to be sure that if they want to give a toast they can, I mean I don't think I will survive the next 3 months without all their help. What do I do?

    I keep being told I worry too much about making people happy, but if I know someone is unhappy with me I wont be able to enjoy myself.

    To the bolded, please do not make your girls do any crafts or planning.  That is for you and your FI to do.  As guests of honor, all your WP is required to do is show up in the right attire, on time, and sober.  Any extras are a bonus (pre-wedding parties, offers to help, etc).


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  • kmherman15kmherman15 member
    First Anniversary First Comment
    I would never require anyone to do crafts or anything with me. I do like to DIY but we are have such a small wedding that I plan to do most if not all myself. I mean it more as a helping me stay sane. One of my girls has offered to help me with DIY and if I need to I will take her up on that, but I would absolutely never MAKE them do any of it against their will.
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  • TaTrToT45TaTrToT45 member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment
    At a friend's wedding they had the whole bridal party saw a few nice words about the couple. This only lasted maybe 5 or so minutes very quick and there was a total of 8 people in their bridal party (not including bride and groom) so that could be something to do. I dunno why some people on here think it takes an hour for speeches lol.
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  • ohannabelleohannabelle member
    First Answer First Comment First Anniversary 5 Love Its
    TaTrToT45 said:
    At a friend's wedding they had the whole bridal party saw a few nice words about the couple. This only lasted maybe 5 or so minutes very quick and there was a total of 8 people in their bridal party (not including bride and groom) so that could be something to do. I dunno why some people on here think it takes an hour for speeches lol.
    Because we've suffered through speeches that feel like they took an hour. 
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I've suffered through painfully long and awkward speeches. 

    First, I'd ask these people if they want to give toasts. We decided to only have a MOH and BM, and they both asked to give toasts. My MIL and my dad also asked to give toasts as well. I asked them to keep them on the shorter side, and it worked out great. Each one said a quick, heartfelt toast (I cried my eyes out; they were really sweet) and we went on with our day. 
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  • beetherybeethery member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Definitely don't require toasts/speeches. If they want to give one, cool. If they don't, they don't have to.
    --

    I'm the fuck     out.

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