Wedding Woes

My friends think I'm an a-hole because I can't remember stuff.

Dear Prudence,
I have a neurological condition that affects my memory. In most ways, this doesn’t hinder my life too much. I graduated from an Ivy League university, got a master’s degree, and have a career I love. At the same time, the things I forget sometimes terrify me. I worry that friends think I’m uncaring because I never remember what they’re up to from one conversation to the next. I often ask questions which reveal I’ve forgotten some important thing they shared with me the last time we talked. (For example, I might forget that their wife is pregnant or their father is sick.) Often in conversation, a friend will say something like, “Remember when we did X together?” The answer is almost always no. I feel weird and dishonest saying, “Yes, I loved that night!” but I also don’t want to get into a whole medical explanation for why I’ve forgotten a memory they clearly value. Any advice for how to handle these situations? 

—Forgetful

Re: My friends think I'm an a-hole because I can't remember stuff.

  • This obviously isn't something new so why wouldn't you just be honest about it? There is no shame in having a problem MrsConn and your friends would probably be very sympathetic. Also, why don't you try keeping a notebook to write down memories from what you do so you can have some recall?
  • If they're good enough friends - they're good enough to know she's got something going on with her memory that's medically documented - the worst thing is your immediate social circle NOT knowing!!!  We had this with a (late) teacher friend of mine - no one knew his medical conditions, nor that his doctor had changed his medications and he was reacting poorly to the change (he was very libertarian in that private is private -especially all things medical)..  Went home for Thanksgiving break and he had a stroke and was on the floor from sometime Friday night to Monday AM when he didn't show up for work and he was one to never take a sick day, let alone do so without calling...  There was a chain of people that had they known about the med change they'd have been more proactive about going over to his place to check on him.  The non-treatment of the stroke is what ultimately killed him...
  • Flannynyfla the OP is actually a cut and paste from a "Dear Prudence" column.  We like to copy them and give our own advice.
  • Based on the name @VarunaTT, I think she's a troll. We had our own Flany who trolled around here for a bit.
  • I wondered, but I wasn't sure.  She seemed pretty heartfelt and the Flanny I remember was a [redacted for language], yes?  :D
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