Pre-wedding Parties

Engagement Party Invites

My future mother-in-law asked permission to throw our engagement party (since my parents were not going to and we didn't care).  We sat down and discussed what we wanted and created a list of guests who we knew would be invited to the wedding.  We haven't completed the list 100% yet, so we were careful who we chose to invite.  I collected all of the information she wanted to send out the e-vites.  When I received mine, I looked at the list and everything had changed except the date of the party.  I am a pretty laid back bride-to-be, but she invited guests that weren't on our party list and more importantly some that we weren't planning on inviting to the wedding.  Some of the people he couldn't even put a face to the name.  So, we are in a bit of a sticky situation now.  I feel obligated to invite these distant relatives and neighbors of his parents but that means we will have to cut out some of our close friends in order to stay within our budget.  Is there anyway we can get around inviting the ones we weren't panning on having there without creating any major problems?  I feel terrible and would obviously like to have everyone there...but weddings cost money and we just aren't in the situation to invite anyone we want.

HELP!!! Any suggestion is welcome

Re: Engagement Party Invites

  • edited January 2015
    Wow, what a blunder, sorry for your situation.  I would suggest that you have FI talk to FMIL to let her know exactly how much more money she has to kick in for the wedding for her expanded guest list. That is not just catering either, it also includes extra center pieces, and any other per person costs. Who is paying for the wedding?  If it is you or your parents and not FMIL at all, then she is the one who has to deal with the embarrassment of the social error of inviting people to the engagement party who won't be invited to the wedding.  If this is going to be her M.O. then keep her far away from the bridal shower guest list or planning.  
  • Wow, what a blunder, sorry for your situation.  I would suggest that you have FI talk to FMIL to let her know exactly how much more money she has to kick in for the wedding for her expanded guest list. That is not just catering either, it also includes extra center pieces, and any other per person costs. Who is paying for the wedding?  If it is you or your parents and not FMIL at all, then she is the one who has to deal with the embarrassment of the social error of inviting people to the engagement party who won't be invited to the wedding.  If this is going to be her M.O. then keep her far away from the bridal shower guest list or planning.  
    I don't agree.  This was FMIL's fault so she will have to deal with the fall out when these people are not invited and your FI needs to discuss this with her firmly.  I don't know if she got carried away because she is happy or if she is being passive aggressive.  Either way, this was out of your control and you did everything you should have.  You do not have to invite them to the wedding.  Have the invites gone out  yet?
  • Your FMIL is the one that made the error here. You made you guest list clear to her- you are under no obligation to invite them to the wedding. Hopefully if they are insulted, they'll go to her rather than you and she'll have to explain herself.
  • I agree you do not need to invite them to the wedding as this was not your mistake.
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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  • Hi


    The same thing happened to my cousin and she just told her now mother in law that she was going to need to make sure all her extra guess are not on the wedding invite list.

    I have to say that I am pretty lucky with this issue....my aunt is throwing our party and neither set of parents have tried to add anyone!


    Good Luck!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • You shouldn't change your wedding guest list because of FMIL's faux pas. Let FMIL know it's not in your budget to add her distant relatives and friends to your wedding guest list. It's up to her to deal with the fallout.

                       
  • I would probably tell my FMIL that her invite list is not correct and you can no longer attend as this is not a list of people invited to your wedding and therefore is no longer a pre-wedding event.  But she should have fun at her party for her friends.
  • The party has actually happened.  The invites were electronic, so I found out too late!

  • The party has actually happened.  The invites were electronic, so I found out too late!

    And you didn't say anything between the invites and the party?!



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