Inviting Guest's Boyfriend or Girlfriend?

themosthappy91 · February 2015

LtPowers said:

themosthappy91 said:

I'm sorry @LTPowers but I still don't understand how you can be dating someone and not be a social unit with them. That just makes no sense.

Perhaps this is a terminology issue.

People date, right? Am I in a relationship with you the moment we go out on a date? Does that relationship end if I go out on a date with someone else next week, and then resume when I go out on a date with you the week after?

"Dating", to me, is a way to relate to people, but not what I consider "a relationship". To me, the latter implies, at a minimum, an understanding by both parties that the relationship is exclusive.

And on top of that, etiquette recognizes "new relationships" and "established relationships". Only the latter fall under the requirement to invite both partners, though it's always considerate to invite the former as well.

None of this is intended to imply that any outside entity is making a decision on the validity of the relationship. The status of the relationship is entirely up to the parties involved.

Um no. New relationship = you're a couple = must be invited. Stop trying to make it more complicated than it is.

SP29 · February 2015

Dating does not equal a social unit- but I think this is an issue of terminology. Dating to me, means non-exclusive. Dates can be random, one, several, various people, coffee, dinner, just sex, etc.

If two people are a social unit, I would consider them in a relationship, not dating.

But this whole thing got complicated.... Basically, if you ran into your friend/ family member at the bar and they introduced the person there were with as their boyfriend/ girlfriend, they should be invited.

OP- Technically you only have to address the STD to your guest, not their SO as well (unless you would invite the SO even if they weren't together), but I would address the STD to your guest and their SO (so they know both are invited). *IF* they should break up, as invitations are non-transferable, the SO would be off the guest list and your guest wouldn't be free to invite anyone in their place (unless you wanted them to).

fitvegan · February 2015

My rule I used was they must be married, engaged, or living together to receive a plus one! Yes there are some less than thrilled people but they'll understand. It's YOUR wedding and if your guest list is tight you shouldn't have to take away from people you want there so your cousin can have her boyfriend of 5 months there.

ashley8918 · February 2015

slm86 said:

My rule I used was they must be married, engaged, or living together to receive a plus one! Yes there are some less than thrilled people but they'll understand. It's YOUR wedding and if your guest list is tight you shouldn't have to take away from people you want there so your cousin can have her boyfriend of 5 months there.

SO FUCKING RUDE.

slothiegal · February 2015

slm86 said:

My rule I used was they must be married, engaged, or living together to receive a plus one! Yes there are some less than thrilled people but they'll understand. It's YOUR wedding and if your guest list is tight you shouldn't have to take away from people you want there so your cousin can have her boyfriend of 5 months there.

Serious question, @slm86, and be straight with me:

Did you read a single fucking word in this thread?

fitvegan · February 2015

I'm sorry @slothiegal, I misread the question. No need to be so rude.

manateehugger · February 2015

slm86 said:

I'm sorry @slothiegal, I misread the question. No need to be so rude.

Dude, you're the one who is about to tell your supposed loved ones that their relationships don't count. Yeah, that's what's rude.

My husband and I were dating for 5 years before we got engaged and never lived together. If I was a friend of yours, you would seriously tell me I couldn't bring him because my relationship didn't demonstrate proper seriousness?

slothiegal · February 2015

slm86 said:

I'm sorry @slothiegal, I misread the question. No need to be so rude.

Uh huh.

ashley8918 · February 2015

slm86 said:

I'm sorry @slothiegal, I misread the question. No need to be so rude.

fitvegan · February 2015

Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.

manateehugger · February 2015

slm86 said:

Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.

So it's completely arbitrary. Got it.

fitvegan · February 2015

manateehugger said:

slm86 said:

Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.

So it's completely arbitrary. Got it.

Yep. Obviously what I was saying.

AddieCake · February 2015

slm86 said:

Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.

So your rule ISN'T married, engaged, or living together (which is also fucked up) as you previously stated, but rather who you deem is in a relationship you approve of or deem significant. I don't like you.

thespeshulestsnowflake · February 2015

slm86 said:

My rule I used was they must be married, engaged, or living together to receive a plus one! Yes there are some less than thrilled people but they'll understand. It's YOUR wedding and if your guest list is tight you shouldn't have to take away from people you want there so your cousin can have her boyfriend of 5 months there.

So you won't care when people decline because you a being judgmental about their relationship on the day honoring your? Got it. You are the queen of relationships and get to arbitarily decide what counts.

redoryx · February 2015

slm86 said:

My rule I used was they must be married, engaged, or living together to receive a plus one! Yes there are some less than thrilled people but they'll understand. It's YOUR wedding and if your guest list is tight you shouldn't have to take away from people you want there so your cousin can have her boyfriend of 5 months there.

This rule always kills me for no other reason than if the bride & groom were at a point in their relationship prior to moving in together or getting engaged, THEY WOULDN'T EVEN BE INVITED TO THEIR OWN WEDDING.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

slm86 said:
Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.

Open question: if your married guest wanted to bring their bf/gf, would you consider that their SO?

HeatherKat · February 2015

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.
Open question: if your married guest wanted to bring their bf/gf, would you consider that their SO?

I'm kind of there. One of my guests is married, but separated. He's also seeing another girl. I think I'm supposed to invite the GF and not the wife, but honestly I feel a little squicky about it.

Maybe this belongs in the judgey pants thread.

lyndausvi · February 2015

HeatherKat said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.
Open question: if your married guest wanted to bring their bf/gf, would you consider that their SO?

I'm kind of there. One of my guests is married, but separated. He's also seeing another girl. I think I'm supposed to invite the GF and not the wife, but honestly I feel a little squicky about it.

Maybe this belongs in the judgey pants thread.

I had an interesting one. My MIL had a 20 year long affair with a married man. I invited him on her invite.

He didn't come due to work. He has been to other family weddings/evetns though, just bad timing for ours.

justsie · February 2015

HeatherKat said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.
Open question: if your married guest wanted to bring their bf/gf, would you consider that their SO?

I'm kind of there. One of my guests is married, but separated. He's also seeing another girl. I think I'm supposed to invite the GF and not the wife, but honestly I feel a little squicky about it.

Maybe this belongs in the judgey pants thread.

I would invite someone who is married and has a bf/gf. Reason is in some states the requirements to get a divorce often require long waiting periods so it may just be out of that that the divorce isn't final.

I am not one to judge the validity or importance of another persons relationships.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

slm86 said:
Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.

Translation: "I'm just deciding whose relationships I think are worth anything. Anyone I don't like or am iffy about, I'm not inviting."

Bless your heart, honey. This is an etiquette board, not a 'how to be rude to your wedding guests board'. Please stop promoting things that are bad etiquette.

Etf spelling

photokitty · February 2015

lyndausvi said:

HeatherKat said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

slm86 said:
Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.
Open question: if your married guest wanted to bring their bf/gf, would you consider that their SO?

I'm kind of there. One of my guests is married, but separated. He's also seeing another girl. I think I'm supposed to invite the GF and not the wife, but honestly I feel a little squicky about it.

Maybe this belongs in the judgey pants thread.

I had an interesting one. My MIL had a 20 year long affair with a married man. I invited him on her invite.

He didn't come due to work. He has been to other family weddings/evetns though, just bad timing for ours.

........................................

If the guest I was inviting was married, I would invite their spouse, even if they are also carrying on with another person.

If the guest I was inviting was unmarried, but in a relationship with a married person, I would also invite their SO ~ even though if would pain me. But I have to respect the guest's choices if I consider them close enough to invite to my wedding.

If my guest is married, I honor that relationship, not the side one.

SP29 · February 2015

If a guest is separated from their spouse and now in a relationship with someone new, invite the guest with their new partner.

Some married individuals end the relationship but do not legally divorce.

My parents have been apart for 7 years- legally they are only separated- my mom still has my dad's last name. However, my dad now lives with his girlfriend (a house they own together), while my mom has her own house and is in a long-term committed relationship with another man. My parents are definitely NOT a social unit.

AddieCake · February 2015

When my husband and I first got together, he was separated, and his wife was living with the man she left him for. We moved in together in a different state while they were still married, just waiting for the divorce to be finalized. It would have been ridiculous for any of their friends to invite them as a married couple to anything just because they were still legally married.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

lyndausvi said:

HeatherKat said:

Dreamergirl8812 said:

Some of the relationships such as those are being exceptions. Such as a friend who has been in a long distance relationship of 4 years. But no my cousin who is not even divorced yet and is already in another relationship will not be allowed to bring his most recent girlfriend.
Open question: if your married guest wanted to bring their bf/gf, would you consider that their SO?

I'm kind of there. One of my guests is married, but separated. He's also seeing another girl. I think I'm supposed to invite the GF and not the wife, but honestly I feel a little squicky about it.

Maybe this belongs in the judgey pants thread.

I had an interesting one. My MIL had a 20 year long affair with a married man. I invited him on her invite.

He didn't come due to work. He has been to other family weddings/evetns though, just bad timing for ours.

That is absolutely disgusting.

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