MOH Drama, please Help me!

Re: MOH Drama, please Help me!

• runsonveggies member

  

  January 2015

  Talk her up on how fun it would be to have more than one party! And wouldn't she just LOVE to have ALL the attention on just her for the night!

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  January 2015

  11altenale said:

  My best friend decided to get married two weeks after me. As stressful as that is, we seem to be coping well enough. Two of our friends are in our weddings together, so we are trying to double up on a few events. But, now she'd like to share Bachelorette parties and I'd like my own. Help please, how do I let her down easy.

  Why is it stressful that she's getting married two weeks after you? If you're in the wedding, all you have to do is buy the dress and show up on the wedding day - not a whole lot different from being a guest, except you'd be a guest of honor. And visa versa if she's in your wedding. 

  
  

  Why are you doubling up on pre-wedding parties? Pre-wedding parties are not mandatory things - not everyone has an engagement party, a shower and/or a bachelorette. If you don't like what's being planned, just politely decline any offers to host. 

  
  

  If she's your best friend, can you talk to her about combining everything by basically saying, "Look, I'm really happy for you. But it's stressing me out to try to plan everything in tandem. I love you and I want your bachelorette to be all about you. If I have a bachelorette, we can just go out again." If she's your best friend and a mature adult, you should be able to have this conversation without any hard feelings.

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015

  southernbelle0915 said:

  11altenale said:

  My best friend decided to get married two weeks after me. As stressful as that is, we seem to be coping well enough. Two of our friends are in our weddings together, so we are trying to double up on a few events. But, now she'd like to share Bachelorette parties and I'd like my own. Help please, how do I let her down easy.

  Why is it stressful that she's getting married two weeks after you? If you're in the wedding, all you have to do is buy the dress and show up on the wedding day - not a whole lot different from being a guest, except you'd be a guest of honor. And visa versa if she's in your wedding. 

  
  

  Why are you doubling up on pre-wedding parties? Pre-wedding parties are not mandatory things - not everyone has an engagement party, a shower and/or a bachelorette. If you don't like what's being planned, just politely decline any offers to host. 

  
  

  If she's your best friend, can you talk to her about combining everything by basically saying, "Look, I'm really happy for you. But it's stressing me out to try to plan everything in tandem. I love you and I want your bachelorette to be all about you. If I have a bachelorette, we can just go out again." If she's your best friend and a mature adult, you should be able to have this conversation without any hard feelings.

  I couldn't agree with this more. I second what southernbelle has suggested.
  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  January 2015

  Who would be hosting? Neither of you can host your own b-party, so if you would be throwing them for each other, they can't be combined. Certainly you can offer to host one for her, but tell her you shouldn't be honored at the same party. Whether she chooses to host one for you is up to her.

  

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• [Deleted User] member

  

  January 2015

  11altenale said:

  My best friend decided to get married two weeks after me. As stressful as that is, we seem to be coping well enough. Two of our friends are in our weddings together, so we are trying to double up on a few events. But, now she'd like to share Bachelorette parties and I'd like my own. Help please, how do I let her down easy.

  Why is she planning her own bachelorette party?

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• 11altenale member

  

  January 2015

  I think it's only stressful because of budgets and expectations. We love each other and we're close, but we obviously don't have the same ideas for our wedding. She has this grand, big, expensive wedding planned and mine is more laid back, small town, and budget friendly. We are both each others MOH's so we share ideas a lot of the time. I went with her last week to look at dresses for her and while we were there we also looked at bridesmaids dresses. She found one she absolutely loves, so I put it on and realized the bridesmaids dress was $400! That may not be a lot for some, but I'm paying back college bills and paying for my entire wedding with only my fiance's help. Her parents, in laws, and fiance are paying for everything for her. She just took a year off of school for the wedding planning and quit her job. My wedding dress cost me $300 with alterations, so paying for a bridesmaids dress that is $400 scares me. 

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• levioosa member

  

  January 2015 edited January 2015

  11altenale said:

  I think it's only stressful because of budgets and expectations. We love each other and we're close, but we obviously don't have the same ideas for our wedding. She has this grand, big, expensive wedding planned and mine is more laid back, small town, and budget friendly. We are both each others MOH's so we share ideas a lot of the time. I went with her last week to look at dresses for her and while we were there we also looked at bridesmaids dresses. She found one she absolutely loves, so I put it on and realized the bridesmaids dress was $400! That may not be a lot for some, but I'm paying back college bills and paying for my entire wedding with only my fiance's help. Her parents, in laws, and fiance are paying for everything for her. She just took a year off of school for the wedding planning and quit her job. My wedding dress cost me $300 with alterations, so paying for a bridesmaids dress that is $400 scares me. 

  WUT.  Girl needs to get her priorities straight.
  
  As an FYI, when you are figuring out dresses for your girls you should privately ask them for their budgets and then choose a dress that is at or below their budget.  You can also give them a color and length for the dress and let them choose their own. 
  
  I'm still in school with student loan debt too.  $400 for a bridesmaid dress is ridiculous.  If you can't afford it, let her know.  That's a month's loan payment. 
  
  ETF: Word mixup
  

  
  

  
  

  

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• frenchiekin member

  

  January 2015

  I can certainly see why you're stressed now... $400 is CRAY for a bridesmaids dress, especially when she hasn't cleared the budget with you first.  I would 100% talk to her about that and not be afraid to let her know that $400 just isn't possible for you right now.  IF you want to, you can help to look for styles that are similar and more in line with what you are comfortable spending.  I've seen so much overlap style-wise between designers that in most cases you can find something that looks almost exactly the same for a much more doable price.

  
  

  For the bachelorette, you mentioned that 2 of your friends will be in both weddings.  Are they the ones that offered to host a joint bachelorette for you both?  Or is it your BFF who is asking for it?

  
  

  
  

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• anne2018 member

  

  January 2015

  Just politely say no thank you.  When someone asks something of you, you are not obligated. You need to shut this down now or she will takeover your wedding,

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• PrettyGirlLost member

  

  January 2015

  11altenale said:

  I think it's only stressful because of budgets and expectations. We love each other and we're close, but we obviously don't have the same ideas for our wedding. She has this grand, big, expensive wedding planned and mine is more laid back, small town, and budget friendly. We are both each others MOH's so we share ideas a lot of the time. I went with her last week to look at dresses for her and while we were there we also looked at bridesmaids dresses. She found one she absolutely loves, so I put it on and realized the bridesmaids dress was $400! That may not be a lot for some, but I'm paying back college bills and paying for my entire wedding with only my fiance's help. Her parents, in laws, and fiance are paying for everything for her. She just took a year off of school for the wedding planning and quit her job. My wedding dress cost me $300 with alterations, so paying for a bridesmaids dress that is $400 scares me. 

  I've been out of school for almost 12 years and I'm still paying off my loans, and $400 for a dress I would wear once is far, far too much for me.
  
  You have to speak up and tell her that she can love this BM dress more than her own FI, but you are not buying it.  Period.  Then tell her what your price range is and insist she look for dresses in that range only.
  

  
  "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."
  
  

  
  

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• rcher912 member

  

  January 2015

  Hopefully, as PPs have said, you MOH will be a mature, appreciative adult and be very cool with having separate bach parties. That's really not a huge deal.

  
  

  The bigger deal, as you alluded to, is the financial stress on both of you as well as your mutual BMs. $400 BM dress? yeahno. So not in my budget, not in a million years. Maybe if I hit the jackpot tomorrow, but otherwise...

  
  

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• spglsp member

  

  January 2015

  Are we in the same bridal party? I'm also a low key bride while being a bridesmaid in an upscale wedding (with expenses to match). Our bride changed the dress but I'm wondering how many of the other maids had to pull her aside before that happened
  

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• WhatawagSBNy member

  

  January 2015

  The issue is does she love this dress more than her bridesmaids.

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• Dreamergirl8812 member

  

  February 2015

  Who's hosting your bachelorette? Does she want to do a joint shindig?
  
  Tell your MOH that you don't want to pay $400 for a BM dress (because that $$$ is fucking ridiculous), but don't mention that your wedding dress is only $300 or anything like that. Don't compare your weddings or your budgets or make her feel bad that she is financially well off. Just say "My BM dress budget is $____."
  
  
  

  
  
  
  

  
  
  
  
  

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• Knottie23368624 member

  

  February 2015

  I had the same issue...my MOH is getting married 5 weeks after me and she said she wanted to do a combined party at her house in her polebarn...i couldn't help but laugh and think if you knew me at all you would know that i would never want that party for myself...with that being said i just politely said you know i thought about what you said but i really think i prefer doing our parties seperately...and she eventually realized that she wants something low key with a ton of people and i want something out of town with a small group of girls so it worked out!
  

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