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Is not giving toasts poor etiquette?

suteki325suteki325 member
5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Hello all,

I was wondering if it is considered poor etiquette to not have anyone give toasts at the rehearsal dinner. My future-in-law's are hosting, and I know it's customary for the father and/or mother of the groom to give a toast, but my future father-in-law gets nervous speaking in front of large groups of people (which I understand; the thought makes me break out in a cold sweat too). As for the wedding reception itself, the best man and the maid of honor will be giving toasts (they both don't mind), but my father who is semi-hosting the wedding (my parents contributed a lot financially to help us out) has also mentioned that he would rather not give a toast. Is this okay? Should I try to find another member of the bridal party who doesn't mind speaking in front of large groups to give a toast at the rehearsal dinner? Should my fiance and I suck it up and just give a toast ourselves thanking everyone for coming?

Thanks for any replies!
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Re: Is not giving toasts poor etiquette?

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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    No one is ever required to give a toast. Any toasts that are given should be kept to a minute or less. You should thank people personally, not in a toast. You need to go around to each person or have a receiving line so that you and your groom can thank everyone individually.
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    suteki325suteki325 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary
    We were planning on having a receiving line after the ceremony to personally thank each guest for coming.
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Not at all.. Toasts are not necessary.
    *********************************************************************************

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    kvrunskvruns member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer

    not required.  no plans for any at my wedding. for people who don't like public speaking/aren't good at it, they definitely should not be required to do it as it is awkward for all involved


    If you do them, please just don't make it like the 15-20  min power point presentation aka "toast" giving by the best man at a wedding last year. 

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    Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    If not having toasts is poor etiquette then H and I had a huge etiquette blunder since no one at our wedding gave a toast or wanted to give a toast.

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    MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    No toasts necessary at all, but here's what we did:

    At our rehearsal dinner we asked an important VIP who didn't have any other roles in the wedding if they'd like to give a toast, and then finish the toast by offering if anyone else would like to speak. No one did right away, but over the next half-hour or so a few of our friends spoke as well. It worked out great for us. None of our parents spoke.

    At the reception itself, our 3 parents gave a welcome before we started dinner. It was so adorably lame that it was cute. Seriously, they went through about 20 drafts of the 2 sentences, and spoke one sentence all at the same time. They basically just said thanks for coming, we're so happy for the bride and groom, please enjoy your dinner. 
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    I felt weirded out by the traditional concept of "yay, happy couple!" and no one we know is enthused about public speaking. So, my dad did a quick "Welcome everyone, and cheers!" and then DH and I stood up and thanked everyone for supporting us. 
    We still made sure to greet everyone individually of course, but a blanket, you-all-are-special-to-us message seemed nicer to us than asking people to stand up and say how awesome we are. 

    Toasts are one of those traditional things that are nice to have but not necessary. 


    ________________________________


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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its First Comment
    We didn't do any toasts at our rehersal dinner and at our reception it was just the MOH & BM for the same reasons. Neither father wanted to talk in front of everyone.
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    LtPowersLtPowers member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper First Answer
    suteki325 said:
    Should my fiance and I suck it up and just give a toast ourselves thanking everyone for coming?
    You may indeed give a brief thank-you to everyone for coming, but there are two caveats:

    1) It probably should not be a toast. The recipient of a toast does not raise a glass or drink, so toasting your entire party of guests would leave you and your spouse the only two drinking. Very awkward.

    2) You must also thank everyone individually for coming. (Which I see you already plan to do, so yay!)


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    katiekessler123katiekessler123 member
    Name Dropper 5 Love Its First Comment
    We didn't have any kind of toasts at our RD...we just thanked everyone for coming at the very end and gave gifts to our wedding party etc.
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    MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    We stood up and thanked everyone for coming to our RD. Not a toast per se, and no one else gave toasts that night. There's no etiquette rule that requires toasts.

    It is poor form to ask people to toast you. That's something people should offer to do, not the other way around.
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    Abbynieves627Abbynieves627 member
    First Comment First Anniversary
    No but you & your groom should do one instead to thank them for attending. People want to get thanked regardless whose thanking them.
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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
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    Abbynieves627 said:
    No but you & your groom should do one instead to thank them for attending. People want to get thanked regardless whose thanking them.
    No, as others have said, you thank people personally. 

    The reception is a "thank you" to the guests for attending the wedding, and the guests are thanked during the receiving line or table visits, so a toast to thank them a third time really isn't necessary.
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    wrigleyvillewrigleyville member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    We didn't ask anyone to give a toast. My MOH hates speaking in front of people, and our BM never brought it up.

    Since we had a small guest list, we hosted a gathering in our hotel suite the night before. My dad ended up saying a few words. Then, at the reception, our BM surprised us with a really sweet toast.

    Personally, I'm not a fan of toast after toast after toast. Most people don't realize that a toast should be under a minute. I hate sitting through multiple, five-minute, awkward speeches full of "you had to be there" jokes. Back in the day, just the BM gave the toast (in my circles anyway), but now it seems to be BM, MOH, parents, B&G, and on and on and on.

    I highly prefer when it's just the BM and MOH.
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    slothiegalslothiegal member
    First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Abbynieves627 said:
    No but you & your groom should do one instead to thank them for attending. People want to get thanked regardless whose thanking them.
    You should really lurk more.
    Anniversary

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    ohmrs2014ohmrs2014 mod
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    Toasts aren't necessary.  We had our receiving line and then we went to each table personally as well for those that were late and missed the ceremony.
    Anniversary



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    badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
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    MandyMost said:
    No toasts necessary at all, but here's what we did:

    At our rehearsal dinner we asked an important VIP who didn't have any other roles in the wedding if they'd like to give a toast, and then finish the toast by offering if anyone else would like to speak. No one did right away, but over the next half-hour or so a few of our friends spoke as well. It worked out great for us. None of our parents spoke.

    So, I went to a rehearsal dinner a couple years back where the groom's family hosted and did a welcome (and actually groom's father sang a song, interestingly). Anyway, then they opened up the floor to "whoever wanted to give advice or toast the couple". I though this was so so sweet until an hour of spontaneous toasting had gone by. I mean, it went on forever. It was getting to the point where nearly everyone at the 40 person dinner had given a toast. I think the toasting went on for over 90 minutes. So all I'd say is, if you have a really big rehearsal dinner, consider how you'll create an end point if it goes on too long. 
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