MIA Bridesmaid

Re: MIA Bridesmaid

• pinkcow13 member

  

  February 2015

  Yes, you are being a bit crazy.She really doesn't need to do anything but stand up with you on your wedding day. What is this "bridesmaid stuff" you mention? Also, you don't have to all go dress shopping together. If you can, cool, if not, she can get her own dress. If you want all the dresses to match and be from the same shop, just give her the info, and the order-by date if your shop needs them ordered at the same time.

  
  

  I don't know how far in advance your wedding is, but no one will be as excited about your wedding as you are. And that's totally fine. Have you tried reaching out to her to hang out with her on a non-wedding basis?

  
  

  I invited my girls to go dress shopping with me, and they couldn't make it, and it was totally fine. I'm letting them get their dresses on their own. And I keep my wedding talk to a minimum. There really isn't anything else that they are required to do, so you are being paranoid, especially if your wedding is a while away. Reach out to her and set up a time to hang out, and keep your wedding out of it.

  
  

                               

  

  
  

   

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• thisismynickname2 member

  

  February 2015

  So she agreed to go bridesmaid dress shopping over a month ago?

  Just on that point, it's shitty to flake on dress shopping. Did her tweets indicate she was out doing anything else?

  
  

  I'd agree she's stuck with whatever dress everyone else agreed on, provided it's in the budget I hope you asked her privately about.... 

  If she doesn't buy it in a timely manner, well, cross that bridge if and when you come to it. 

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• AddieCake member

  

  February 2015

  If she agreed to go, she should go unless something has come up. Have you tried contacting her to ask if everything is ok? It's her tough luck if she doesn't get a say in the dress that gets picked if she can't be bothered to communicate or show up to shop. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• artbyallie mod

  

  February 2015

  If you're going to post the same thing on multiple boards, please put XP (for cross-post) in your title.

  

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• southernbelle0915 mod

  

  February 2015

  I had a flaky BM. I just dealt with it by telling her when stuff was and washing my hands of it. If she showed, she showed. If she didn't, oh well. 

  
  

  For example, my BMs were spread across 3 states, so we did everything remotely via email. For dress shopping, I sent options and asked for feedback. She never responded. When making my own hair/nail appts, I offered to make appointments for anyone who wanted stuff done. She never responded. I ended up basically saying, "If you have dress feedback, send it to me by XX date." or "If you want a hair/nail appointment, let me know by XX date. If you decide you want an appointment after that, you can call the salon at ###..." Shifts the responsibility from you to her.

  
  

  There's nothing else you can do. Your friend is right - she'll just have to deal with what others pick out if she doesn't come. You can't control people. Set your mind at ease and stop trying.

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• libride2015 member

  

  February 2015

  Yes, she agreed to go.

  
  

  I currently live in CT - she is in RI - my wedding and the rest of my BM are in NY. I asked her if she wanted to come - told her she didnt have to but I would love for her too.

  
  

  SInce we dont see eachother often we decided to make a weekend out of it - she would sleepover friday and we would have some wine and dinner and hang out and then make the trip saturday! 

  
  

  She even responded to my MOH asking if we all wanted to do lunch after. Now I cant get ahold of her for the life of me. 

  
  

  Sometimes she flakey, which is fine - but I just want to know if we are on or off and its frustrating when shes obviously on social media. I dont just talk to her about wedding things - far from it actually... 

  
  

  So im frustrated. Sorry if this is just a rant. I appreciate the advice, it makes me feel better that there are some other flakey BMs out there!!

  
  

   

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• KatWAG member

  

  February 2015

  jrothstein101 said:

  Yes, she agreed to go.

  
  

  I currently live in CT - she is in RI - my wedding and the rest of my BM are in NY. I asked her if she wanted to come - told her she didnt have to but I would love for her too.

  
  

  SInce we dont see eachother often we decided to make a weekend out of it - she would sleepover friday and we would have some wine and dinner and hang out and then make the trip saturday! 

  
  

  She even responded to my MOH asking if we all wanted to do lunch after. Now I cant get ahold of her for the life of me. 

  
  

  Sometimes she flakey, which is fine - but I just want to know if we are on or off and its frustrating when shes obviously on social media. I dont just talk to her about wedding things - far from it actually... 

  
  

  So im frustrated. Sorry if this is just a rant. I appreciate the advice, it makes me feel better that there are some other flakey BMs out there!!

  
  

   

   

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  Maybe she has something big going on in her life.

   

  Maybe give her a little space. It sounds like you are calling her a lot.

  

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• MyNameIsNot member

  

  February 2015

  Don't worry about it if she doesn't come. Travelling interstate to shop for BM dresses is a lot. Perhaps she's decided that she doesn't want to spend the money to travel or the time away from home. Maybe she's just not that into group dress shopping. Don't take it personally. It sucks that she's being evasive, but some people have a hard time saying no. Maybe she is avoiding it because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

  
  

  Since the trip is planned for this weekend, I would call her (not text or IM) and ask her whether she's coming. If she doesn't answer the phone or won't give a clear answer, ask her to let you know by Friday morning whether she'll be coming, and if not, any requests she might have on the dress details. I'm assuming you've already spoken with her about her dress budget?

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• libride2015 member

  

  February 2015 edited February 2015

  MyNameIsNot thank you for your advice. Its frustrating because I miss her and am so looking forward to us having one of our "college like" girls nights the night before we go to look for dresses. I do plan on calling her, possibly tomorrow - I have texted her twice, and I dont want to seem annoying, but I am the type of person that just likes to know things ahead of time.

  
  

  I wont be mad if she doesnt want to come or suddenly has to work, etc., like I said before - I had asked her if she wanted to come, I knew it was alot of travel and told her she didnt have too, but she said she would, so now I am at the point where I just want to know, we did discuss dress budget, hair, makeup, etc.

  
  

  Thanks for your advice<3 

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• novella1186 member

  

  February 2015

  One of my BMs lives in Spain. She's not flying back to the States till right before my wedding, so she will have 0 involvement with pre-wedding stuff. She picked out her own dress, on her own time without me, and she won't be at my bachelorette party or showers. This is fine. I chose her to be a BM cuz I've known her my whole life and she's important to me, so as long as she can show up to my wedding day, that's what matters. 

  
  

  Another one of my BMs lives within an hour and a half of me, but has been super flaky and never responded to the invite another BM sent her to my bachelorette party, or any of the follow-ups, so we finally had to assume she's not coming. Also fine. She works full time, has a 2 year old, and has lots of other stuff going on in her life. It would have been nice if she had at least told us she couldn't make it, but it's not worth getting mad about. 

  
  

  Movies that depict a huge group of super close BMs flying around the country together for elaborate bach parties, dress shopping in high-end salons, drinking wine, doing shit to musical montages, and basically being glued together for every wedding-related thing has given women an unrealistic expectation that ALL your BMs NEED to be together and do stuff together. Sometimes it doesn't work out that way, and that is totally fine. Your wedding will still happen anyway. 

  

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