How many for a house party?

ks3388 · February 2015

Hi there! I'm planning to have 7-8 bridesmaids, and would like to know how many people would make for a sufficient house party (if there even is an unwritten rule about how many or how few you can have). There were 2 girls I really wanted to be bridesmaids, but my fiance has quite a few less groomsmen than I do bridesmaids already and we would be looking at 10 bridesmaids and 6/7 groomsmen if I kept those two extra. So my question is, can I have a house party of only 2-3 girls? And if so, what exactly does the house party do?

Thanks!

redoryx · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Hi there! I'm planning to have 7-8 bridesmaids, and would like to know how many people would make for a sufficient house party (if there even is an unwritten rule about how many or how few you can have). There were 2 girls I really wanted to be bridesmaids, but my fiance has quite a few less groomsmen than I do bridesmaids already and we would be looking at 10 bridesmaids and 6/7 groomsmen if I kept those two extra. So my question is, can I have a house party of only 2-3 girls? And if so, what exactly does the house party do?

Thanks!

JIC

To answer your question, OP, the house party does nothing because you shouldn't have one.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Hi there! I'm planning to have 7-8 bridesmaids, and would like to know how many people would make for a sufficient house party (if there even is an unwritten rule about how many or how few you can have). There were 2 girls I really wanted to be bridesmaids, but my fiance has quite a few less groomsmen than I do bridesmaids already and we would be looking at 10 bridesmaids and 6/7 groomsmen if I kept those two extra. So my question is, can I have a house party of only 2-3 girls? And if so, what exactly does the house party do?

Thanks!

None. Zero is a good number for a house party.

House parties = B-list/second rate bridesmaids. They're given crap jobs and bitch work and then told it's an honor. It's not. Asking someone to be in a house party is basically saying, "you're not good enough to be a BM, so I'm going to give you a crappy job and make you buy a certain dress - don't you feel honored!?!"

From an etiquette perspective, this is not a good idea. No matter how common it is. And yes, I know this is common in the south.

MobKaz · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Hi there! I'm planning to have 7-8 bridesmaids, and would like to know how many people would make for a sufficient house party (if there even is an unwritten rule about how many or how few you can have). There were 2 girls I really wanted to be bridesmaids, but my fiance has quite a few less groomsmen than I do bridesmaids already and we would be looking at 10 bridesmaids and 6/7 groomsmen if I kept those two extra. So my question is, can I have a house party of only 2-3 girls? And if so, what exactly does the house party do?

Thanks!

Why would you want a "house party" if you don't even know what they do or why they exist?

You either honor friends by including them in your actual wedding party, or you invite them as honored guests. Anything else is fictitious and meaningless.

Sides do NOT have to be even. If these women are significant to you, ask them all to be bridesmaids. If these women are significant to you, do not insult their intelligence by creating honorary or made up titles.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

I do agree that 10 BMs is a bit much, but that is your decision. Your side does not have to be even with your FI's. One of my besties, who was a BM in my wedding, did not ask me to be a BM in her's because she had so many. I had no problem with that at all.

But I would have been offended if she had given me some bullshit title.

thisismynickname2 · February 2015

Please don't do a house party.

10 bridesmaids and 7 groomsmen is fine. There are a variety of ways to manage processionals, recessionals, and announcements; not to mention, uneven bridal parties look awesome in pictures.

If you can manage being respectful of budgets for 10 dresses, buy 10 bouquets, buy 10 gifts, and coordinate beauty appointments for so people that want them, then all power to you.

MGP · February 2015

Zero is the appropriate number for a house party.

Make them bridesmaids or nothing at all.

flbride2015 · February 2015

What's a house party?

ks3388 · February 2015

Anyone from Texas have any input? I'm from Texas and it's VERY common here.

misshart00 · February 2015

ks3388 said:
Anyone from Texas have any input? I'm from Texas and it's VERY common here.

It's very common here too. I didn't have one.

southernbelle0915 · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Anyone from Texas have any input? I'm from Texas and it's VERY common here.

My DH is from Texas, so I'm very familiar with these. Please refer to my advice above....

Zero is the appropriate number.

arrrghmatey · February 2015

If you don't know what a house party does, then you don't need one, regardless of whether they're popular in your region.

Seriously. I didn't know what one was until this. I had to look it up.

Both of my married sisters reside in Texas, and they were married there. They, too, said the notion of a House Party is ridiculous.

LinZ121314 · February 2015

I'm from MA and have never heard of a house party, but this sounds incredibly rude. I would be so hurt if someone did this to me. If you want to loose a friend or two, then go ahead and do it.

redoryx · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Anyone from Texas have any input? I'm from Texas and it's VERY common here.

If they are so common, how do you not know what the purpose of a house party is? And, if you're not sure, chances are you probably don't need one.

theartistformerlyknownas · February 2015

Zero.

AddieCake · February 2015

Zero because it's ridiculous to make people second string bridesmaids. I lived in TX for 13 years and got married there. My florist suggested I have one. Ummmm, NO.

ETA: Why don't you ask one of the many people you know who have had them how many to have and what they should do?

Cookie Pusher · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Anyone from Texas have any input? I'm from Texas and it's VERY common here.

I was engaged to a Texan before I met DH. My ex's family never so much as mentioned my having a house party, aka second class bridesmaids. I heard all about how big my dress had to be and how big the guest list would be, but nothing about how to tier the bridal party.

plainjane0415 · February 2015

When I read the title of this post my brain immediately went here:

But yea, just based off of PPs, a house party doesn't sound cool in this context.

levioosa · February 2015

OP, absolutely do not have a house party. They are incredibly rude (and hurtful). A house party is telling your friends that you value your pictures over their friendship and letting them know that they are second rate friends. Why would you ever want to rank your friends like that?

Your BMs should be your nearest and dearest, whether that is 7 or 14 people. Sides do not have to be even, and their only duty is to show up on time, sober, in good spirits and in the dress on the day of the wedding. They are not required to throw you any parties or be your bridal bitches (parties and any offered help are bonuses). Remember, these girls are supposed to be guests of honor. Treat them that way.

kao2015 · February 2015

ks3388 said:
Anyone from Texas have any input? I'm from Texas and it's VERY common here.

Common =/= polite.

Where I'm from, cash bars are ubiquitous. That doesn't make them okay. Similarly, I have lived in Texas for several years, and they do seem to be very common. I still think they're rude as hell. FI has a classmate that's getting married this summer; she has fourteen bridesmaids and 6 members of her "house party," and even FI had an icky feeling about it. The people you put in your "house party" will feel like second-rate bridesmaids, and it will not make them feel good. So just honor the girls you want to honor by making them bridesmaids, and don't have a house party.

aurianna · February 2015

OP,

I realize you have a lot of friends and want to include them. But people know that a bride can't always include everyone.
Girls you don't ask to be bridesmaids won't be bridesmaids if you have a house party or if you don't. Any girl that might feel the sting of not being a bridesmaid is still going to feel it... because she won't be a bridesmaid. I understand your heart is in the right place and you want to include more friends, but the only true honors are:

1. Being a member of the wedding party
2. Being a reader
3. Presenting the communion gifts (if Catholic wedding)
4. Being a guest

Having a house party will just put extra monetary and time obligations on people who still don't get to be bridesmaids. And, in addition to make them feel like second string, you add a third string to the mix, where friends who don't make it into the bridal party OR the house party might feel bad (assuming they don't realize house party isn't an honor).

If you have girls you can't imagine not getting married with unless they are beside you, ask them to be bridesmaids. The sides don't matter.

Good luck!

flantastic · February 2015

Zero is the appropriate number you're looking for.

MGP · February 2015

ks3388 said:

Anyone from Texas have any input? I'm from Texas and it's VERY common here.

Don't give Texas a bad name. It is not common here. I have attended countless weddings here and only ONE had a house party. You can read about my experience here:

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1008865/you-are-not-a-bridesmaid-but-i-demand-that-you-dress-like-one#latest

And just a quick update after a year - the bride and I barely speak and I prefer it that way.

House parties are a bunch of horse shit and for people who can't make tough decisions. Make your girls bridesmaids or guests. No middle ground.

kvruns · February 2015

I seriously thought this was about throwing a party and I'm like why can't you have a party with 7 people. Had no idea there was a B list bridesmaid thing although now that I think about it I guess I was in one years ago when I was honored to hand out programs at the wedding huh

mlg78 · February 2015

I thought this was like when I was in college and someone threw a party...at their house...you know, a house party. If you read the OP again with that in mind, it's terribly confusing.

chibiyui · February 2015

Seeing the title I thought this

Upon reading the OP I was like

And upon reading her response

climbingsingle · February 2015

No. Tacky. Stahp it!

lovegood90 · February 2015

I was gonna say zero, but since you said you were from Texas where it's supposedly common there...oh, wait no still zero.

fwtx5815 · February 2015

I've lived in Texas all my 24 years and I disagree with the notion that they're common. And even if they were, it doesn't mean it's appropriate or necessary.

ShesSoCold · February 2015

Maybe it is common in your circle. Maybe it doesn't seem offensive to you. But think about it. Read the responses and try not to take them personally. I had NO IDEA that wedding-party only head tables were rude. It's the only thing I'd ever seen at a wedding and I never thought about it. But coming here, reading responses and really thinking about it, yeah, it's pretty fucking rude to not seat your wedding party with their dates. I'm not trying to say that we're the best ever and we know every single thing, but we offer outside opinions and perspectives. When you really boil down what a house party is, it's rude.

aliwis000 · February 2015

dallasbetch said:

I've lived in Texas all my 24 years and I disagree with the notion that they're common. And even if they were, it doesn't mean it's appropriate or necessary.

This. I have lived in Texas all my 29 years and have never heard of this. So please do not tie this travesty of an idea to my great state.

I wonder in what area this is so "common" in.

PS. I too thought OP was asking about a house party...like where you throw a party...at your house. I had no idea we had a B list wedding party....isn't that just everyone invited to the wedding but not in the wedding party anyway?

How many for a house party?

Re: How many for a house party?

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