Rules/Etiquette re: S.O.'s/kids

DaniBites · February 2015

juliejulezzzzz said:

Maggie0829 said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

hsgator said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

redoryx said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

KatWAG said:

juliejulezzzzz said:

A lot of our friends and family have kids. However, many of them we've never met (especially the out of state friends). Also, my 2 bosses have 5 kids between the 2 of them, but I don't even know their names. So I decided if we've never met them or we don't know their names, then they're not invited. I don't see any issue with that, and hopefully nobody will be upset. All actual related family will have their kids invited though.

As for significant others, they are invited if we know who they are. We have a lot of single friends who could be dating somebody but if we don't know about them, then, well, no invite. We aren't doing "and guest" either, since there's very few people on our list that don't know at least 2-3 other invitees, so it's not like they'll be sitting there alone.

-------- stupid boxes------

Not having met a SO is not an excuse for not inviting someone.

Sure it is... why would I invite someone I've never met (or even know exists) to my wedding? Are we required to give all of our single friends "plus ones" in case they end up dating somebody upon the date of the wedding? Sorry, but I prefer to have only people I know exist at my wedding.

So you'd seriously be okay having your FI invited to a wedding but not you simply because through whatever circumstances came about, the couple getting married has never met you.

Actually no, it wouldn't bother me. It would be a bit odd since we've lived together for over 3 years, but in the end, I'm not that interested in going to a wedding full of people I don't know either, so I wouldn't be bothered at all.

I think people read my original comment the wrong way. When I referring to significant others, I meant the ones in new relationships that might come about between sending the invitation and the actual wedding. So, for example, FI's hockey buddy in Wyoming is single right now. Our save the dates are being sent out in March. Our invites are going to be sent out in June for an early September wedding. Hockey buddy meets a girl and they are in a relationship starting in August. Do I all of a sudden have to invite her too?

1st bolded: You wouldn't want to accompany your FI to a wedding? You'd rather him have to go alone? You sound like such a sweetheart.

2nd bolded: You should send out invitations 6-8 weeks ahead of your wedding date (unless you're having a destination wedding). So for an early September wedding, the earliest you should mail invitations is the 2nd week of July.

3rd bolded: Yes, if hockey buddy calls and says "Hey, I have a girlfriend now, can she come to the wedding with me?" it would be polite to say yes. Try to leave a little bit of wiggle room in your budget for this type of situation.

1st: I believe the question was, in so many words "You'd be ok with your FI getting invited to a wedding and you aren't" and my answer was, yes, I'd be OK with that. Again, like I said, a bit odd since we've been living together for quite awhile and I've been to all his family events etc., but in the end, it's the couple's choice about who to invite. I don't get upset by stuff like that.

2nd: That's great, I'm planning on getting them ready to go by the end of June. I'm doing them myself, including hand addressing 110 of them, so I'm giving myself some extra time.

3rd: Of course, if hockey buddy called and said he'd really like to bring his new girlfriend, I would definitely say yes. I purposely booked a venue that's a bit larger than what we needed since I'm assuming there will be last minute additions, and will have extra place settings as well.

My point was, I can't invite a significant other that doesn't exist when I send out the invites, and to keep the guest list smaller (which everyone says to do to help with the budget), we are not doing plus ones for friends that are single at the time of the invitations. We both have large families so our "small" guest list is still quite large, we're at 202 on the invite list right now.

I was very single until I was 29 years old, so you can imagine I've been to my fair share of weddings. I would say over half did not give me a plus one, including those weddings where I only knew the bride and groom and pretty much nobody else. I never once felt insulted or anything like that, I usually felt honored that I received an invitation to their wedding.

I didn't realize there was difference between single and very single.

Sweetie are your quads, glutes and calves sore? Because the amount of back peddling you have just done has to be at least 100 miles worth.

Are all members on TheKnot message boards this bitchy? Because I'm new here and I'm thinking that maybe I shouldn't participate here anymore.

And, I haven't backpeddled at all. I elaborated and explained based on people's attacks on my comments. Apparently no matter what I say, it's wrong, so I'll probably not post in this thread again. Have a great day, hope it gets better for ya!

Oops!

Bye Felicia

redoryx · February 2015

I love how we all take things so literally.

Yeah, because that's LITERALLY what you said.

Knottie38213341 · February 2015

You are all extremely rude. I'm sorry that I asked the question and got everyone so worked up. I was really hoping that this community would be a support system to me and other brides-to-be, but sadly, all that I am finding is how condescending and insulting you all are, and it's upsetting.

Everyone has an entitlement to their own opinion. My question was simply what standard etiquette dictates. It's perfectly fine for people to guide others towards the answers without placing blame and judgement on others.

Next time, I'll avoid posting here and instead of trying to build a rapport based on the common ground that I thought that we had, will do my research to questions elsewhere.

Best wishes to you all in planning your weddings.

mikenberger · February 2015

Knottie38213341 said:
You are all extremely rude. I'm sorry that I asked the question and got everyone so worked up. I was really hoping that this community would be a support system to me and other brides-to-be, but sadly, all that I am finding is how condescending and insulting you all are, and it's upsetting.

Everyone has an entitlement to their own opinion. My question was simply what standard etiquette dictates. It's perfectly fine for people to guide others towards the answers without placing blame and judgement on others.

Next time, I'll avoid posting here and instead of trying to build a rapport based on the common ground that I thought that we had, will do my research to questions elsewhere.

Best wishes to you all in planning your weddings.

Maggie0829 · February 2015

Knottie38213341 said:
You are all extremely rude. I'm sorry that I asked the question and got everyone so worked up. I was really hoping that this community would be a support system to me and other brides-to-be, but sadly, all that I am finding is how condescending and insulting you all are, and it's upsetting.

Everyone has an entitlement to their own opinion. My question was simply what standard etiquette dictates. It's perfectly fine for people to guide others towards the answers without placing blame and judgement on others.

Next time, I'll avoid posting here and instead of trying to build a rapport based on the common ground that I thought that we had, will do my research to questions elsewhere.

Best wishes to you all in planning your weddings.

Same shit, different day.

thespeshulestsnowflake · February 2015

Knottie38213341 said:
You are all extremely rude. I'm sorry that I asked the question and got everyone so worked up. I was really hoping that this community would be a support system to me and other brides-to-be, but sadly, all that I am finding is how condescending and insulting you all are, and it's upsetting.

Everyone has an entitlement to their own opinion. My question was simply what standard etiquette dictates. It's perfectly fine for people to guide others towards the answers without placing blame and judgement on others.

Next time, I'll avoid posting here and instead of trying to build a rapport based on the common ground that I thought that we had, will do my research to questions elsewhere.

Best wishes to you all in planning your weddings.

I don't get what you are so pissy about. You asked a question, we answered. Just because it wasn't unicorn farts and rainbows or telling you that "it is your day, do what you want," does not mean you need to get upset.

If you need so much support ask the person you are marrying or get a bra.

redoryx · February 2015

Knottie38213341 said:
You are all extremely rude. I'm sorry that I asked the question and got everyone so worked up. I was really hoping that this community would be a support system to me and other brides-to-be, but sadly, all that I am finding is how condescending and insulting you all are, and it's upsetting.

Everyone has an entitlement to their own opinion. My question was simply what standard etiquette dictates. It's perfectly fine for people to guide others towards the answers without placing blame and judgement on others.

Next time, I'll avoid posting here and instead of trying to build a rapport based on the common ground that I thought that we had, will do my research to questions elsewhere.

Best wishes to you all in planning your weddings.

You asked a question.

We answered that question.

Us not giving you the answer you wanted to hear does not make us rude or insulting or condescending.

dolewhipper · February 2015

Hey guess what? My cousin got married in March 2009. I started dating a guy in Feb 2009. Even after invites went out, I asked if I could bring my boyfriend, whom not even my cousin (let alone the bride) knew. The boyfriend had only met my immediate family.

Guess who that boyfriend is now? The guy I'm marrying in 9 days. Guess who I'm so thankful to for letting me take him to their wedding so the family could all meet him? My cousin.

So I was a BM in my BFFs wedding. She had the rule "no ring, no bring". At that time I was with my boyfriend for 4 years and we were talking about marriage. You know how much we talked about her behind her back? And how much we still do, after 2 years? A LOT.

Don't be my best friend. Be my cousin. Do the right thing.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

redoryx said:
I love how we all take things so literally.

Yeah, because that's LITERALLY what you said.

This is always my favorite bingo. WHY DO GUYS THINK I MEAN WHAT I SAY?!?! Gawd!

flantastic · February 2015

Knottie38213341 said:
You are all extremely rude. I'm sorry that I asked the question and got everyone so worked up. I was really hoping that this community would be a support system to me and other brides-to-be, but sadly, all that I am finding is how condescending and insulting you all are, and it's upsetting.

Everyone has an entitlement to their own opinion. My question was simply what standard etiquette dictates. It's perfectly fine for people to guide others towards the answers without placing blame and judgement on others.

Next time, I'll avoid posting here and instead of trying to build a rapport based on the common ground that I thought that we had, will do my research to questions elsewhere.

Best wishes to you all in planning your weddings.

The bolded is incorrect. See: http://theconversation.com/no-youre-not-entitled-to-your-opinion-9978

redoryx · February 2015

Dreamergirl8812 said:

redoryx said:
I love how we all take things so literally.

Yeah, because that's LITERALLY what you said.
This is always my favorite bingo. WHY DO GUYS THINK I MEAN WHAT I SAY?!?! Gawd!

That and "YOU GUYS JUST DON'T KNOW THE WHOLE STORY/SITUATION."

'Cause we're supposed to be freaking mind readers or something.

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