MOH question

Knottie23368624 · February 2015

My MOH recently told me that a night before wedding suite for my out of town wedding is an unreasonable expense for her at $60...I told her after multiple emails were sent out about it months ago I wish she would've told me sooner but she is more then welcome to stay elsewhere.She told me not to worry shes going to pay it and stay in the room...then to continue she started comparing the costs to be in my wedding vs. what it is for me to be MOH in hers (she is getting married 5 weeks after me). At this point I told her i'm not sure exactly what she wants me to do about it and she just told me she didn't realize it would get to be X amount. I told her that if it's too much of a financial burden that she could let me know and I would understand...to which she told me "oh I can handle it I just think its crazy." She also made a comment that as her MOH she can't believe I picked my wedding to be 5 weeks before her date...i'm not sure where to go from here...I've given her options of not doing things when she complains about cost to me (this isn't necessarily the first time shes complained) but then she still participates in the events anyways...and clearly she has an issue with my wedding being before hers, which I can't do anything about either...would like some help as to where to go from here...I reached out to her yesterday and she said she would call me but never did to talk things out further...

[Deleted User] · February 2015

Did you ask her about her budget for expenses like paying for a night in a hotel the night before the wedding? Or what her budget would be for expenses like dress, etc?

Knottie23368624 · February 2015

I laid out all details in multiple emails and said if any issues then please let me know. One girl did reach out and we worked out her issue without a problem. No one is obligated to participate in any of the events but her and I specifically discussed together how we should find a suite for all the girls to stay in and found one together...I also brought that up and she said she knows and she did think it was a great idea but started thinking about it later on and I guess decided to tell me when I asked her of she could pay me the amount before the wedding weekend...

artbyallie · February 2015

Knottie23368624 said:

My MOH recently told me that a night before wedding suite for my out of town wedding is an unreasonable expense for her at $60...I told her after multiple emails were sent out about it months ago I wish she would've told me sooner but she is more then welcome to stay elsewhere.She told me not to worry shes going to pay it and stay in the room...then to continue she started comparing the costs to be in my wedding vs. what it is for me to be MOH in hers (she is getting married 5 weeks after me). At this point I told her i'm not sure exactly what she wants me to do about it and she just told me she didn't realize it would get to be X amount. I told her that if it's too much of a financial burden that she could let me know and I would understand...to which she told me "oh I can handle it I just think its crazy." She also made a comment that as her MOH she can't believe I picked my wedding to be 5 weeks before her date...i'm not sure where to go from here...I've given her options of not doing things when she complains about cost to me (this isn't necessarily the first time shes complained) but then she still participates in the events anyways...and clearly she has an issue with my wedding being before hers, which I can't do anything about either...would like some help as to where to go from here...I reached out to her yesterday and she said she would call me but never did to talk things out further...

Knottie23368624 said:

I laid out all details in multiple emails and said if any issues then please let me know. One girl did reach out and we worked out her issue without a problem. No one is obligated to participate in any of the events but her and I specifically discussed together how we should find a suite for all the girls to stay in and found one together...I also brought that up and she said she knows and she did think it was a great idea but started thinking about it later on and I guess decided to tell me when I asked her of she could pay me the amount before the wedding weekend...

The bolded is not the same as asking for budget ahead of time, which is what you should have done. What you did was dictate what they were spending.

Also, you should probably just ditch the idea of all the girls staying in one room. Don't any of them have boyfriends/girlfriends/spouses? I would much rather stay with my SO than with a bunch of women I may or may not know well. Weddings are not and should not be like the movies.

mikenberger · February 2015

Didn't you already post a thread on this? That is directly below this one?

kkcc2015 · February 2015

Reference the answers you've already received here:
http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1051910/moh-issue#latest

thespeshulestsnowflake · February 2015

Do you like other people telling you how to spend your money?

arrrghmatey · February 2015

Didn't you already get answers for this?

Anyway, I never understood the whole "bridal party shares a room/suite" thing the night before the wedding. Why is that a thing? If I were in the bridal party, I would much rather spend the night in my own room with my FI. Even as a bride, I don't want to spend the night with my bridal party the night before--they have their own SOs and kids to be with. Plus, I want to SLEEP!

Things change over time, especially finances for someone who is planning a wedding. Your MOH may be facing some budget issues of her own in regards to her wedding. You can't judge what is a reasonable price for a hotel room for other people--you don't know their finances. This is why you need to ask about budgets prior to making plans. Tell your MOH that she is under no obligation to stay in the suite the night before the wedding. If she insists, then that is her decision, and the she cannot complain. And don't hold it against her if she says she can't stay in the suite--hell, she may not even *want* to.

floridabride44 · February 2015

Knottie23368624 said:

My MOH recently told me that a night before wedding suite for my out of town wedding is an unreasonable expense for her at $60...I told her after multiple emails were sent out about it months ago I wish she would've told me sooner but she is more then welcome to stay elsewhere.She told me not to worry shes going to pay it and stay in the room...then to continue she started comparing the costs to be in my wedding vs. what it is for me to be MOH in hers (she is getting married 5 weeks after me). At this point I told her i'm not sure exactly what she wants me to do about it and she just told me she didn't realize it would get to be X amount. I told her that if it's too much of a financial burden that she could let me know and I would understand...to which she told me "oh I can handle it I just think its crazy." She also made a comment that as her MOH she can't believe I picked my wedding to be 5 weeks before her date...i'm not sure where to go from here...I've given her options of not doing things when she complains about cost to me (this isn't necessarily the first time shes complained) but then she still participates in the events anyways...and clearly she has an issue with my wedding being before hers, which I can't do anything about either...would like some help as to where to go from here...I reached out to her yesterday and she said she would call me but never did to talk things out further...

You can't require her to stay in that suite (I would rather say with my SO the night before a wedding than a bunch of girls. What am I supposed to do, bring him as my wedding date and then leave him in a room to sleep alone? That's kind of sad) but if she's insisting even though she's complaining about the $60, then that's on her.

Also, she can't be pissed that you chose a wedding date 5 weeks before hers. That's selfish and dumb, your wedding OVER A MONTH before hers should not cause any issues for her wedding. All she has to do is show up and wear the dress.

It sounds like you're both being unreasonable, so no wonder there's drama.

Knottie23368624 · February 2015

All issues resolved...her main issue isn't about the cost its that she is having a hard time planning our weddings together and is stressed out over it. Hearing about mine she feels like it's going to be nicer than hers and it makes her feel bad, etc. etc....I'm covering her cost for the room regardless because i don't want it to be an issue. Basically we both had issues that we never brought up and should have and that's that I guess for now.

But to answer the question about the SO...there are two out of the 9 girls that will have SO with them and 1 is her.

Also i did a new post because the other one had way more details than what was necessary and didn't really discuss the main issue on hand so i wanted to refresh it.

levioosa · February 2015

Knottie23368624 said:

All issues resolved...her main issue isn't about the cost its that she is having a hard time planning our weddings together and is stressed out over it. Hearing about mine she feels like it's going to be nicer than hers and it makes her feel bad, etc. etc....I'm covering her cost for the room regardless because i don't want it to be an issue. Basically we both had issues that we never brought up and should have and that's that I guess for now.

But to answer the question about the SO...there are two out of the 9 girls that will have SO with them and 1 is her.

Also i did a new post because the other one had way more details than what was necessary and didn't really discuss the main issue on hand so i wanted to refresh it.

Oh God, with the jealousy thing again. Stop it.

I fail to see how the other thread you started about this was unhelpful.

Stop talking about wedding things with her, and let her be an adult. Don't pressure her to stay somewhere if she feels like driving instead. If she can't afford an OOT bachelorette, then she can't afford it. It's really not as difficult as you're making it to be.

Knottie23368624 · February 2015

I had the conversation with her and she told me that's exactly how shes feeling about things...i said issue is RESOLVED...which means comments can subside at this point and time. Thanks.

levioosa · February 2015

Knottie23368624 said:

I had the conversation with her and she told me that's exactly how shes feeling about things...i said issue is RESOLVED...which means comments can subside at this point and time. Thanks.

Doesn't work that way. You commented on an open forum. People can comment on anything and everything they like, for as long as they want. K. Thanks.

Oh, and I thought you had issues with people using ALL CAPS?

PrettyGirlLost · February 2015

Knottie23368624 said:

All issues resolved...her main issue isn't about the cost its that she is having a hard time planning our weddings together and is stressed out over it. Hearing about mine she feels like it's going to be nicer than hers and it makes her feel bad, etc. etc....I'm covering her cost for the room regardless because i don't want it to be an issue. Basically we both had issues that we never brought up and should have and that's that I guess for now.

But to answer the question about the SO...there are two out of the 9 girls that will have SO with them and 1 is her.

Also i did a new post because the other one had way more details than what was necessary and didn't really discuss the main issue on hand so i wanted to refresh it.

So what are these two SO's supposed to do? Sleep in a hotel room alone?

I'd be fucking pissed at my SO if she ditched me at an OOT wedding to have a sleep over with the bride. I'd feel obligated to send them rowdy male strippers to keep them up all night.

Dreamergirl8812 · February 2015

Knottie23368624 said:

I had the conversation with her and she told me that's exactly how shes feeling about things...i said issue is RESOLVED...which means comments can subside at this point and time. Thanks.

Comment.

[Deleted User] · February 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

Knottie23368624 said:

All issues resolved...her main issue isn't about the cost its that she is having a hard time planning our weddings together and is stressed out over it. Hearing about mine she feels like it's going to be nicer than hers and it makes her feel bad, etc. etc....I'm covering her cost for the room regardless because i don't want it to be an issue. Basically we both had issues that we never brought up and should have and that's that I guess for now.

But to answer the question about the SO...there are two out of the 9 girls that will have SO with them and 1 is her.

Also i did a new post because the other one had way more details than what was necessary and didn't really discuss the main issue on hand so i wanted to refresh it.

So what are these two SO's supposed to do? Sleep in a hotel room alone?

I'd be fucking pissed at my SO if she ditched me at an OOT wedding to have a sleep over with the bride. I'd feel obligated to send them rowdy male strippers to keep them up all night.

This is my problem with this! You're not saving your MOH any money because while she's spending $60 on a room, her fiance is spending $130 on his. You're actually INCREASING her hotel bill for the night, not giving her a deal.

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