Mother-in-law and Step-Mother-in-law

mrsjackson16 · January 2015

My wedding is still over a moth away but I'm already stressing about this. My fiance's parents are no longer together and both have remarried. His mom cannot stand his step-mom. But we are both really close with her. I have an idea for the procession. This is having his mom and step-dad walking down the aisle together and his dad and step-mom walking down together. I would like to have all four of them in the front row as I know it is the mother and father that sit in the front. If his mom has any problems with this I am sure he will tell her to get over it, as it is our day. Plus we are the ones paying for everything. I was reading and it said if the parents are remarried then the father should sit a little further back but I don't want to do this as his dad is just important. And I don't want to split his mom and dad up from their current spouses. What I was thinking was (from the seat closest to the aisle to the outside) mom, step-dad, dad, step-mom.

manateehugger · January 2015

mrsjackson16 said:

My wedding is still over a moth away but I'm already stressing about this. My fiance's parents are no longer together and both have remarried. His mom cannot stand his step-mom. But we are both really close with her. I have an idea for the procession. This is having his mom and step-dad walking down the aisle together and his dad and step-mom walking down together. I would like to have all four of them in the front row as I know it is the mother and father that sit in the front. If his mom has any problems with this I am sure he will tell her to get over it, as it is our day. Plus we are the ones paying for everything. I was reading and it said if the parents are remarried then the father should sit a little further back but I don't want to do this as his dad is just important. And I don't want to split his mom and dad up from their current spouses. What I was thinking was (from the seat closest to the aisle to the outside) mom, step-dad, dad, step-mom.

I have no idea what you were reading, but it's utterly wrong. What you originally had planned - parent and spouse walking together, seated in front rows, is perfectly fine. Go with your gut, and please do not split up couples.

If these people can't keep it civil for the 30 minutes or so it will take to watch their beloved son get married, they don't deserve to be seated in a place of honor.

I would seat the two couples separately at the reception, however.

mrsjackson16 · January 2015

Awesome. Thank you. And we're not doing a seating chart at the reception. Everyone is going to sit where they want to.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

What you have planned sounds fine. And you're right, if MIL bitches about being seated in the front row with her ex-husband and his wife, you can offer: 1) to move her to the second row; or 2) call her a WAHmbulance because she's being ridiculously immature.

Just an FYI about open seating - if you do this, make sure you have at least 15% extra seating available. People will leave spaces between them and not fill tables. It's important to make sure everyone has a place to sit without having to work too hard and rearrange themselves.

mrsjackson16 · January 2015

Thank you. That's really helpful. I hadn't thought of that.

saric83 · January 2015

I agree with PPs, but I would also add that you could put one set of his parents on the other side with (I assume) your parents.

Our four sets of parents actually get along as much as we could hope for, but we also know that the exes don't exactly adore each other.

So while it wasn't necessary, we did mix it up, so one side of the aisle was my mom, stepdad, his dad and stepmom, and the other aisle was my dad, stepmom, his mom and stepdad.

Lauderdale Pink · January 2015

Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.

pegasuskat · January 2015

Granted I got married 30 years ago, but I put the 4 of them on the front row together and they all acted like adults and things were fine. I did exactly what you said, except step brother walked step mom in because dad was with me.

Jen4948 · January 2015

Lauderdale Pink said:
Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.

I disagree. Step-dad should escort mom and dad should escort step-mom. Even at a Jewish wedding remarried biological parents should walk with their own spouses. And step-dad escorting step-mom??? No.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Jen4948 said:

Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.
I disagree. Step-dad should escort mom and dad should escort step-mom. Even at a Jewish wedding remarried biological parents should walk with their own spouses. And step-dad escorting step-mom??? No.

But Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad are escorting the bride. So the only parents who need to sit are Step-Mom and Step-Dad. Maybe weird for them to walk together, but not unheard of.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

adk19 said:

Jen4948 said:

Lauderdale Pink said:
Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.
I disagree. Step-dad should escort mom and dad should escort step-mom. Even at a Jewish wedding remarried biological parents should walk with their own spouses. And step-dad escorting step-mom??? No.

But Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad are escorting the bride. So the only parents who need to sit are Step-Mom and Step-Dad. Maybe weird for them to walk together, but not unheard of.

Why would they even be involved in the processional in this scenario?

OP, just have everyone walk with their spouses and everyone can sit in the front row. . .the pews should be long enough that they don't have to sit beside each other/ there should be enough chairs that they don't have to sit besides each other.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

PrettyGirlLost said:

Jen4948 said:

Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.
I disagree. Step-dad should escort mom and dad should escort step-mom. Even at a Jewish wedding remarried biological parents should walk with their own spouses. And step-dad escorting step-mom??? No.

But Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad are escorting the bride. So the only parents who need to sit are Step-Mom and Step-Dad. Maybe weird for them to walk together, but not unheard of.
Why would they even be involved in the processional in this scenario? OP, just have everyone walk with their spouses and everyone can sit in the front row. . .the pews should be long enough that they don't have to sit beside each other/ there should be enough chairs that they don't have to sit besides each other.

You quoted me. Did you not read what I said? They CAN'T walk with their spouses because two of them will be walking with the BRIDE. The only two people NOT involved in the processional are the Steps. So one of the thoughts was that the step father can escort the step mother, i.e. the MOB's husband escorting the FOB's wife. Which, again, I acknowledged was weird but not undoable. Yes, they can all sit with their own spouses regardless of how the step parents get to their seats, but they can not process in with their spouses because they will be escorting the bride.

Jen4948 · January 2015

adk19 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Jen4948 said:

Lauderdale Pink said:
Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.
I disagree. Step-dad should escort mom and dad should escort step-mom. Even at a Jewish wedding remarried biological parents should walk with their own spouses. And step-dad escorting step-mom??? No.

But Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad are escorting the bride. So the only parents who need to sit are Step-Mom and Step-Dad. Maybe weird for them to walk together, but not unheard of.

Why would they even be involved in the processional in this scenario?

OP, just have everyone walk with their spouses and everyone can sit in the front row. . .the pews should be long enough that they don't have to sit beside each other/ there should be enough chairs that they don't have to sit besides each other.

You quoted me. Did you not read what I said? They CAN'T walk with their spouses because two of them will be walking with the BRIDE. The only two people NOT involved in the processional are the Steps. So one of the thoughts was that the step father can escort the step mother, i.e. the MOB's husband escorting the FOB's wife. Which, again, I acknowledged was weird but not undoable. Yes, they can all sit with their own spouses regardless of how the step parents get to their seats, but they can not process in with their spouses because they will be escorting the bride.

The bride can walk with either her mom and step-dad, her dad and step-mom, all four, or none. But Jewish wedding or no, spouses should not be separated for the walk down the aisle. Sorry.

[Deleted User] · January 2015

Jen4948 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Jen4948 said:

Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.
I disagree. Step-dad should escort mom and dad should escort step-mom. Even at a Jewish wedding remarried biological parents should walk with their own spouses. And step-dad escorting step-mom??? No.

But Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad are escorting the bride. So the only parents who need to sit are Step-Mom and Step-Dad. Maybe weird for them to walk together, but not unheard of.
Why would they even be involved in the processional in this scenario? OP, just have everyone walk with their spouses and everyone can sit in the front row. . .the pews should be long enough that they don't have to sit beside each other/ there should be enough chairs that they don't have to sit besides each other.

You quoted me. Did you not read what I said? They CAN'T walk with their spouses because two of them will be walking with the BRIDE. The only two people NOT involved in the processional are the Steps. So one of the thoughts was that the step father can escort the step mother, i.e. the MOB's husband escorting the FOB's wife. Which, again, I acknowledged was weird but not undoable. Yes, they can all sit with their own spouses regardless of how the step parents get to their seats, but they can not process in with their spouses because they will be escorting the bride.
The bride can walk with either her mom and step-dad, her dad and step-mom, all four, or none. But Jewish wedding or no, spouses should not be separated for the walk down the aisle. Sorry.

Really? So the bride's father should not walk the bride down the aisle while her mother gets seated by an usher prior to the start of the processional? Well, that makes no sense whatsoever.

southernbelle0915 · January 2015

Jen4948 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Jen4948 said:

Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.
I disagree. Step-dad should escort mom and dad should escort step-mom. Even at a Jewish wedding remarried biological parents should walk with their own spouses. And step-dad escorting step-mom??? No.

But Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad are escorting the bride. So the only parents who need to sit are Step-Mom and Step-Dad. Maybe weird for them to walk together, but not unheard of.
Why would they even be involved in the processional in this scenario? OP, just have everyone walk with their spouses and everyone can sit in the front row. . .the pews should be long enough that they don't have to sit beside each other/ there should be enough chairs that they don't have to sit besides each other.

You quoted me. Did you not read what I said? They CAN'T walk with their spouses because two of them will be walking with the BRIDE. The only two people NOT involved in the processional are the Steps. So one of the thoughts was that the step father can escort the step mother, i.e. the MOB's husband escorting the FOB's wife. Which, again, I acknowledged was weird but not undoable. Yes, they can all sit with their own spouses regardless of how the step parents get to their seats, but they can not process in with their spouses because they will be escorting the bride.
The bride can walk with either her mom and step-dad, her dad and step-mom, all four, or none. But Jewish wedding or no, spouses should not be separated for the walk down the aisle. Sorry.

I don't agree with this. Or maybe I'm just not understanding what you're saying.

Scenario 1

The bride's parents are married. Just the bride's dad escorts her down the aisle. The bride's mom is also part of the processional, but either walks alone or is escorted by someone else.

Scenario 2

Both the bride's parents are divorced and remarried. So the bride has a bio-dad + step-mom and a bio-mom + step-dad. She wants her bio parents to walk her down the aisle. Leaving the step-mom and step-dad by themselves. If she still wanted them to be in the processional, they could either walk alone or with someone else (same as Scenario 1).

VulgarGirl · January 2015

Jen4948 said:
The bride can walk with either her mom and step-dad, her dad and step-mom, all four, or none. But Jewish wedding or no, spouses should not be separated for the walk down the aisle. Sorry.

Ok so this has nothing to do with the OP...like at all. It's her FI's parents that are divorced and remarried and she has not indicated she's Jewish or that FI wants both his parents walking him down the aisle.

But, I "split up" my parents from their spouses. My mom and dad walked me down the aisle (and we aren't Jewish I just wanted both of them to walk me). Step-mom 1 walked down with one of my brothers (who was an usher), step-mom 2 walked down with the other brother (also an usher). I think my parents would've been way more hurt had I said "Sorry mom, but dad and step-mom 1 are walking me down because you two aren't married anymore" or "Sorry dad, but mom and step-mom 2 are walking me down because you two aren't married anymore". And fuck how big of an aisle do you think people have to walk 5 people across? Three across was a little tight.

Not even remotely sorry.

Jen4948 · January 2015

MagicInk said:

Jen4948 said:

The bride can walk with either her mom and step-dad, her dad and step-mom, all four, or none. But Jewish wedding or no, spouses should not be separated for the walk down the aisle. Sorry.

Ok so this has nothing to do with the OP...like at all. It's her FI's parents that are divorced and remarried and she has not indicated she's Jewish or that FI wants both his parents walking him down the aisle.

But, I "split up" my parents from their spouses. My mom and dad walked me down the aisle (and we aren't Jewish I just wanted both of them to walk me). Step-mom 1 walked down with one of my brothers (who was an usher), step-mom 2 walked down with the other brother (also an usher). I think my parents would've been way more hurt had I said "Sorry mom, but dad and step-mom 1 are walking me down because you two aren't married anymore" or "Sorry dad, but mom and step-mom 2 are walking me down because you two aren't married anymore". And fuck how big of an aisle do you think people have to walk 5 people across? Three across was a little tight.

Not even remotely sorry.

My point is that step-dad should not escort step-mom, regardless of how fucking big the aisle is.

VulgarGirl · January 2015

Jen4948 said:

Jen4948 said:
The bride can walk with either her mom and step-dad, her dad and step-mom, all four, or none. But Jewish wedding or no, spouses should not be separated for the walk down the aisle. Sorry.
Ok so this has nothing to do with the OP...like at all. It's her FI's parents that are divorced and remarried and she has not indicated she's Jewish or that FI wants both his parents walking him down the aisle.

But, I "split up" my parents from their spouses. My mom and dad walked me down the aisle (and we aren't Jewish I just wanted both of them to walk me). Step-mom 1 walked down with one of my brothers (who was an usher), step-mom 2 walked down with the other brother (also an usher). I think my parents would've been way more hurt had I said "Sorry mom, but dad and step-mom 1 are walking me down because you two aren't married anymore" or "Sorry dad, but mom and step-mom 2 are walking me down because you two aren't married anymore". And fuck how big of an aisle do you think people have to walk 5 people across? Three across was a little tight.

Not even remotely sorry.
My point is that step-dad should not escort step-mom, regardless of how fucking big the aisle is.

If step-mom and step-dad are ok with it, I see no issue. My step-moms were going to walk down together until my brothers were like "Hey we could walk them down". Just cause you walk down an aisle next to someone doesn't mean you're about to marry them.

Jen4948 · January 2015

MagicInk said:

Jen4948 said:

MagicInk said:

Jen4948 said:

The bride can walk with either her mom and step-dad, her dad and step-mom, all four, or none. But Jewish wedding or no, spouses should not be separated for the walk down the aisle. Sorry.
Ok so this has nothing to do with the OP...like at all. It's her FI's parents that are divorced and remarried and she has not indicated she's Jewish or that FI wants both his parents walking him down the aisle.

But, I "split up" my parents from their spouses. My mom and dad walked me down the aisle (and we aren't Jewish I just wanted both of them to walk me). Step-mom 1 walked down with one of my brothers (who was an usher), step-mom 2 walked down with the other brother (also an usher). I think my parents would've been way more hurt had I said "Sorry mom, but dad and step-mom 1 are walking me down because you two aren't married anymore" or "Sorry dad, but mom and step-mom 2 are walking me down because you two aren't married anymore". And fuck how big of an aisle do you think people have to walk 5 people across? Three across was a little tight.

Not even remotely sorry.
My point is that step-dad should not escort step-mom, regardless of how fucking big the aisle is.

If step-mom and step-dad are ok with it, I see no issue. My step-moms were going to walk down together until my brothers were like "Hey we could walk them down". Just cause you walk down an aisle next to someone doesn't mean you're about to marry them.

I suppose, but I think the likelihood of them being okay with it is minuscule, especially if the mothers don't get along.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

adk19 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

Jen4948 said:

Re-married adults don't always behave like adults, which is terribly sad. If this was a Jewish wedding, both sets of parents walk the bride and groom down the aisle and then stay at the Chuppah with the bridal party. If you could swing that, then step-dad could escort step-mom, they would sit in the front row and everybody would have to behave.
I disagree. Step-dad should escort mom and dad should escort step-mom. Even at a Jewish wedding remarried biological parents should walk with their own spouses. And step-dad escorting step-mom??? No.

But Bio-Mom and Bio-Dad are escorting the bride. So the only parents who need to sit are Step-Mom and Step-Dad. Maybe weird for them to walk together, but not unheard of.
Why would they even be involved in the processional in this scenario? OP, just have everyone walk with their spouses and everyone can sit in the front row. . .the pews should be long enough that they don't have to sit beside each other/ there should be enough chairs that they don't have to sit besides each other.

You quoted me. Did you not read what I said? They CAN'T walk with their spouses because two of them will be walking with the BRIDE. The only two people NOT involved in the processional are the Steps. So one of the thoughts was that the step father can escort the step mother, i.e. the MOB's husband escorting the FOB's wife. Which, again, I acknowledged was weird but not undoable. Yes, they can all sit with their own spouses regardless of how the step parents get to their seats, but they can not process in with their spouses because they will be escorting the bride.

Is the OP Jewish? I don't recall reading that? Therefore my question is why both parents NEED to process in with her?

If the OP WANTS both her parents to escort her, that's fine. In which case the step parents don't have to be involved in the processional at all, if it will make things easier. Have Step Dad take his seat- he needs no escort, then have Step Mom either take her seat or be escorted by a GM to her seat as the last guest, and then start the processional.

OR have Step Dad process in after he GMs, followed by Step Mom either unescorted or escorted by a GM and then have the Bride process with her parents.

I would not have the two unmarried step parents walk in together. I know they are adults, but if I were one of them or even a guest I'd think it was really odd.

This doesn't seem to be as complicated as it's dragging on to be in this thread.

mrsjackson16 · January 2015

This is not a Jewish processional. And it is my fiance's parents that have divorced and remarried. My parents are still together. I have already determined I will have his mom and step-dad walk in together and his dad and step-mom walk in together. I just wanted to know if it was ok to have them sitting in the same row.

PrettyGirlLost · January 2015

mrsjackson16 said:
This is not a Jewish processional. And it is my fiance's parents that have divorced and remarried. My parents are still together. I have already determined I will have his mom and step-dad walk in together and his dad and step-mom walk in together. I just wanted to know if it was ok to have them sitting in the same row.

So spouses are walking with each other? Perfect!

They all should be fine to sit together. They don't need to sit physically beside each other in the 1st row. They can spread out away from each other and still be in the 1st row.

I imagine that's what will happen as Mom and Step Mom don't like each other.

futuremrsjoshsenn · February 2015

I am in the same situation but my problem is my finacees dad is the only one re-married and his mom isn't. My fiancee and step-mom don't get a long very well but she has agreed to let her 3 kids be in our wedding. Is there a way we can do something for her so she feels included? We are doing the rose give away for our moms? Plus how do we incorporate her in the program and everything?? Some ideas would be great

MairePoppy · February 2015

futuremrsjoshsenn said:
I am in the same situation but my problem is my finacees dad is the only one re-married and his mom isn't. My fiancee and step-mom don't get a long very well but she has agreed to let her 3 kids be in our wedding. Is there a way we can do something for her so she feels included? We are doing the rose give away for our moms? Plus how do we incorporate her in the program and everything?? Some ideas would be great

Your SFIL should escort his wife before the processional. You could give her a corsage. It's not necessary to give her a 'role.' For programs, under 'Parents'

Mrs. Mary Smith, escorted by Mr. Lucky Guy

Mr. John Smith, escorted by Mrs. Bambi Smith or Mr. and Mrs. John Smith

Your groom could escort his mother to her seat and proceed to the altar. Or she may choose anyone she'd like to do the honor.

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