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excitedbride1427315800 · March 2015

Thanks for the response, I couldn't get my username to switch on this part of the website so I took out the post!

redoryx · March 2015

RachaelAndRhett said:
Any help would be appreciated- thanks in advance!

My mom has been remarried for 6 years, and actually with my step-dad for about 9. I have 2 step sisters- one is 23 (my age) and the other is 20. We all live in separate places, and we have not kept up with each other. For example, I have not spoken to the younger one since October, besides her congrats to me after my engagement.

I do not want them in my wedding. I would like them to be part of it, but not bridesmaids. I have closer friends and cousins I would prefer to stand by me on my fiancé and I's wedding day. I don't want a huge bridal party, I am thinking 6 girls max, which would also match my fiancé's side. They would take up 2 of those spots that I would like to give to other people.

My step-sisters and step-dad are expecting them to be bridesmaids, they have already expressed to me how excited they are about it. I have never given them any expectations about this, I think it is just assumed because they are family.

My mom is all for whatever I want. She thinks it would be nice to have them in it, but understands my reasons for not wanting them in it, which is nice to have that support.

So here are my questions. Do I need to have them as bridesmaids, is that "proper etiquette?" If not, how do I break it to them nicely? And what are appropriate, meaningful roles in the wedding they can have to still play a special role on the wedding day?

My wedding is in November, so I'm hoping to decide on a bridal party soon-ish.

Thanks so much!

You don't have to have anybody in your bridal party that you don't want, but you should note that sides don't have to be "even" so that's not a good reason for not wanting them. That being said, your bridal party should be your nearest and dearest so if there are friends and family that you are closer to than your step-sisters, then, yes, those should be the people you select.

The only other honorary role to give them is to have them be readers or if you are having a Catholic Mass they can bring the communion gifts up. Anything other than that is more of a job and not really an honor.

redoryx · March 2015

Also, you may want to consider changing your user name. Your FI has an unusual enough name that a simple Google search can lead to what I presume is your wedding website (confirmed by the November 2015 wedding date). Internet safety and all.

excitedbride1427315800 · March 2015

Thanks! I changed my username, how do I get it to cross over to this part?

novella1186 · March 2015

OP, just so you know, it's really not cool to delete your original post. There was no reason for you to delete it, and other users who have a similar situation can benefit from reading it. Plus, you were quoted, so it's still here anyway.

redoryx good job quoting

ChemFanatic25 · March 2015

RachaelAndRhett said:
Thanks! I changed my username, how do I get it to cross over to this part?

On theknot the ladies ALWAYS recommend you pick those nearest and dearest to you. No one but you should have a say about who stands on your side of the wedding party just as no one but your FH should have say about who he wants to stand on his side. If you don't want them to stand up next to you because you don't feel close to them that is a good enough reason.

In terms of phrasing, if they ask about being in the wedding party (which is very rude and hopefully they won't) just say that you have already chosen your side of the wedding party but you hope that they will still be able to attend the wedding. Just bean dip them after that. You don't have to give a reason why you have chosen others and not them. That can aggravate the issue and it's not required.

KatWAG · March 2015

Why the DD?

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

@RachaelandRhett - just send a private message to @knotriley for help with changing your user name.

FYI - any time you DD (dirty delete) a post, it's going to get a TON of attention, so it's better just to leave things as is. I would change that user name sooner than later, because putting "2" as your discussion title is like a bat signal asking for attention.

Dreamergirl8812 · March 2015

This DD sucks.

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