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Ceremony @ 11a. Reception @ 5p? or lunch?

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Re: Ceremony @ 11a. Reception @ 5p? or lunch?

  • bananasplit472001bananasplit472001 member
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    Ok, then my point is that you need to have a little time for your guests to get to the cocktail hour.  End of story.
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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    bananasplit472001 said:
    I think having a brunch reception is really nice and not enough people do it.  My sister did it for her wedding just last year and it worked out really well.  People enjoyed that they could have both breakfasts foods as well as the traditional beef and chicken and other dinner-type foods.  I do not agree that if you ceremony ends at 12 your reception should start at 12.  You should definitely start it at 1pm because sometimes the ceremony goes over the time and then you still have to exit the church let everyone drive down and park and you have killed an hour right there.  There goes your cocktail hour that you painstakingly planned and paid for.  Guests at weddings will stand around and talk to relatives they have not seen in awhile so I certainly do not want to be rushed to start a reception and rush everyone.It is not rude to have a 1 hour gap just so guests can make it to the reception and be able to enjoy it from start to finish if they so choose. 
    If the church is a wedding factory- which it sounds like this one is- A. the ceremonies will not go over- they can't- and B. the guests will not be able to stand around and BS as the staff on site will be ushering everyone out in preparation for the next wedding that day.  So they will have to head immediately to the reception venue and therefore the cocktail hour should be planned to begin accordingly.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost member
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    bananasplit472001 said:
    levioosa said:
    bananasplit472001 said:
    levioosa said:
    bananasplit472001 said:
    I think having a brunch reception is really nice and not enough people do it.  My sister did it for her wedding just last year and it worked out really well.  People enjoyed that they could have both breakfasts foods as well as the traditional beef and chicken and other dinner-type foods.  I do not agree that if you ceremony ends at 12 your reception should start at 12.  You should definitely start it at 1pm because sometimes the ceremony goes over the time and then you still have to exit the church let everyone drive down and park and you have killed an hour right there.  There goes your cocktail hour that you painstakingly planned and paid for.  Guests at weddings will stand around and talk to relatives they have not seen in awhile so I certainly do not want to be rushed to start a reception and rush everyone.It is not rude to have a 1 hour gap just so guests can make it to the reception and be able to enjoy it from start to finish if they so choose. 
    It is rude to have any gaps, whether 1 hour, or 5.  Guests much be hosted the entire time.  It is perfectly acceptable to have a cocktail hour for 60-90 min (max), but the guests should never be wandering around unhosted.  This the same reasoning as putting a fake start time on the invite.  It's rude regardless of what "might" happen.  Plus, why stay at the church when you know that there is a cocktail hour with food waiting for you?  You can converse with relatives just fine there. 

    This is bad advice, OP.  Gaps of any sort are rude. 
    As the OP stated the reception venue is 5 minutes away.  Giving enough time for your guests to get over to the cocktail hour so that they can enjoy themselves is a must and is not rude.  How silly would it be to start a cocktail hour as soon as the ceremony ends and by the time all the guests get there there is only 5 minutes left of service before dinner reception starts?


    There's a big difference between giving guests 15 minutes to get to the venue, and leaving an hour gap where people are wandering around unhosted. 
    I am suggesting that guests are given time to get there.  Guests have plenty of frigging time to get to the reception.  If it takes a guest an hour to make a 10-15min drive because she choose to stand outside the church and bullshit, that's her problem.  She's made herself "late" to the cocktail hour and even then she didn't miss the entire reception, just cocktail hour.  It's rude as hell to make all the other guests wait around with nothing to do and nothing to eat and drink on the off chance that a few guests can't manage to get their asses where they need to be on time.  Thanks but I do know the difference.  But a cocktail hour starting time as soon as the ceremony ends is  unreasonable.  15 minutes is definitely not enough time for all guests to exit the church, get in their cars, drive to venue and park.  It absolutely is, especially if the cocktail hour is set to begin at a time that takes travel time into consideration.  It's the guests' responsibility as adults to be able to manage their time so they can get to the reception on time.  If cocktail hour starts at 12:15 or 12:30, they need to be there and if they are not, it's their own damn fault.  It's unreasonable to push cocktail hour back for an entire hour under the assumption that everyone, every single guest, will take their sweet time getting to the reception.  Again, if OP is getting married at a popular church that has multiple weddings a day, everyone- bridal party and guests- will be held to a very tight schedule in order to accommodate the following weddings and no one will be able to loiter around on site.  Which is why I suggested a 1 hr time difference.  If that does not please the etiquette snobs then maybe start with a 30 minute delay so it gives grandma enough time to actually get to her grandchild's reception before it is over.  WTF is grandma doing that would take her several hours to make a 10-15min drive from the church to the reception so that she's miss the entire reception?  I would even go as far as sending all the guest away from the church with little snacks packs of cookies and milk so that they can be properly "hosted" in their car ride to the venue.


    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


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  • bananasplit472001bananasplit472001 member
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    I did not know that the cocktail hour venue would start accepting guest 15 minutes early.  That would certainly accommodate for travel time and late arrivals.  Good thing my wedding has not taken place yet, I wouldn't have wanted to make that mistake
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    Knottie78892240 said:
    Wow, this started off a real conversation.

    Some notes:

    Yes, this church is a wedding factory. You get 2 hours 15 minutes on the dot. They will taser you if you spend 1 minute over. (Joking... maybe.)

    No, this is not a Catholic wedding - the ceremony itself will likely be 30 minutes or so.

    The distance between the ceremony and reception is 4 driving miles, but Google Maps estimates at least a 20 minute drive time. (SF Bay Area - traffic even on weekends.) And this doesn't include parking which is a bit wacky on both sides. And if it rains, it'll probably take 1 hour because of the inevitable 26,129 car wrecks since no one here knows how to drive when water falls from the sky.

    Great feedback.

    The other choice was to do a 5pm ceremony - but this is in Mid November so the sun will have started to set, and it might be dark at Weddings R Us Church.  Even if I wanted to change it, I'm not sure if 5pm is even a choice anymore.

    In that case, start your reception at 12. That leaves 30 for ceremony, 20 for travel and 10 to park, which is pretty reasonable for the first guests to be getting there. You won't know whether it's going to rain or there's going to be a traffic catastrophe, and you just can't plan for it. 

    You can always have a 90 minute cocktail hour if you really want to make sure that all of your guests are there for part of cocktail hour. But really, that's why there's a cocktail hour at the beginning of parties: you want people to be able to informally socialize and have some refreshments while everyone is getting there. 
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  • Fran1985 Fran1985 member
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    The whole point of the cocktail hour is to take into account a "soft opening" Unlike a ceremony, where people get there early and wait for the show to start at the right time, the cocktail hour is to allow your guests to be hosted when YOU CANT PERFECTLY ESTIMATE what time they will be there. Probably only 1-4 guests get the whole one hour experience, the first ones in. Everyone else gets a little less depending on all the variables (traffic, taking a phone call in the car, putting on new makeup in the car, stopping to pick up the card they forgot, etc). You plan for an hour, but most people will probably be there for closer to 45-30 minutes. But this is literally the whole point of the cocktail hour, its a stop gap for travel time and picture taking.

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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    Fran1985 said:

    The whole point of the cocktail hour is to take into account a "soft opening" Unlike a ceremony, where people get there early and wait for the show to start at the right time, the cocktail hour is to allow your guests to be hosted when YOU CANT PERFECTLY ESTIMATE what time they will be there. Probably only 1-4 guests get the whole one hour experience, the first ones in. Everyone else gets a little less depending on all the variables (traffic, taking a phone call in the car, putting on new makeup in the car, stopping to pick up the card they forgot, etc). You plan for an hour, but most people will probably be there for closer to 45-30 minutes. But this is literally the whole point of the cocktail hour, its a stop gap for travel time and picture taking.

    Amazing how many people don't get that concept.

    Even when we have dinner parties there is a little bit of a cocktail "hour" as people arrive.   This is when they get settlled, mingle/catch up with others before the "main" event starts.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
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    Sounds lovely!

    Sometimes these topics take on a life of their own. It's just the nature of message boards. Don't take it personally or let it keep you away.

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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
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    lyndausvi said:

    Again, my sister had a 10:30 am Catholic ceremony.   


    Reception cocktail hour was at 12 pm

    The mass was to last about an hour (11:30ish).  There was 15-20 mins to the reception.  Meaning the first guests could get there as early as 11:45pm.

    The venue was prepared to receive guests 15 minutes early, which make that 11:45 am.

    There is middle ground between immediately after and an hour.  It's not that hard to figure out.  Really.
    Ditto- This Granny isn't Ke$ha: the party can start before she walks in. If you tell your venue where/time your ceremony ends, they'll figure it out and serve everyone when they get there. Glad it is working out for you, OP
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