Please advise re. my Menu for small Casual summer reception

Silverelf2015 · March 2015

Dear Reception experts,

I've been in a tizzy regarding my menu choices. The guest list is small, the venue is casual, and my theme is basically an "enchanted forest", complete with lanterns and indoor trees. I want my guests to come in and get a very calm, cooling, yet festive and stress-free vibe. Even the dress code is casual.

Here's the thing: It being in the middle of the heat of August, I really do not want to serve a big fat traditional meal. I know this is *expected* for an evening reception, but nobody wants to eat like it's Thanksgiving in the summer, right? My father agrees with me, and he is contributing (he, my fiance and I are splitting the cost three ways).

My mother on the other hand keeps trying to force her choices of heavy caterers on us (for the record, she is NOT contributing). She keeps saying this is what "people expect". I am a free spirit, and we want to throw a free-spirited, light summer party, not "a traditional wedding". But my mom is so traditional, and we keep locking horns. Is she right and I am etiquette-bound to serve heavy food? She keeps throwing Italian menus in my face (which I don't even like) and other typical traditional wedding menus. But, it's *summer*, and I want to serve light summer food.

My idea is for sandwiches (nice ones, in many varieties), salads (several kinds), vegetables and cheese, fruit platters, pastries (very good European ones) and other cold, yet fancy desserts; punch, wedding cake, coffee, and tea. Everything very upscale, but LIGHT and CASUAL.

Everything I have read here though says that my idea is "rude" to my guests because they will expect "real food". I'm not having a traditional wedding, so is it rude to my guests to have a non-traditional reception? Are there ideas that anyone can contribute that would make this kind of reception appropriate, while staying within my casual reception style? I've heard too many conflicting opinions and I'm really confused!

Thanks in advance.

justsie · March 2015

That was a long read, but if your reception falls during a normal full meal time, you need to serve a full meal. (I didn't see an actual time mentioned in your post). Once you invite guests, what is comfortable for you go out the window when it comes to the reception. The reception is your "thank you" to your guests for coming to the wedding, so if your guests are going to expect a full meal, that is what you should provide (within your budget). A full meal can look like whatever you want it to, but I'd stay away from things that would typically fall under the appetizer menu.

For my own opinion, a sandwich is not a light meal to me. You could serve some type of fish with salad/veggies, basil chicken, etc. Your options are not just pasta or sandwhiches.

lyndausvi · March 2015

Your mom is not paying, so she does not get a say. And for the love of God if you hate Italian, don't have pasta. NBD.

That said, I do not follow your logic at all. You are acting like all steak houses and Italian restaurants are closed in the People eat hot dinners all year long. Trust me. I work at a private clubs. We have dinning rooms filled with people eating steaks, chicken, BBQ, ribs and pasta all summer long.

I would be disappointed with a sandwich, but i'm not huge sandwich fan either.

On a Saturday night I would expect a full meal, not sandwiches. If you want to make it on the lighter side pick chicken or fish with a side of seasonal veggies.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

A full meal doesn't have to be a heavy meal, just like a question doesn't need to have 7 verbose paragraphs to get the point across.

A meal also doesn't have to match a "theme."

Cold sandwiches strike me as a lunch rather than a dinner, and now being pregnant I likely couldn't eat any of them (no cold lunch meats or anything with mayo that has been sitting out). Anything grilled rather than roasted or fried reads as a "light" choice while still fulfilling the need of a full meal. Or add a beef carving station with some artisan breads - people could make a sandwich, throw it on a steak caesar salad, or eat it alone. You could do a cold tortellini pasta salad to shut your mom up about pasta, while still keeping it a light choice. Bruschetta, caprese, ceviche. Italians DO know how to do light summer foods - it gets hot there, you know!

Silverelf2015 · March 2015

lolo883 said:
A full meal doesn't have to be a heavy meal, just like a question doesn't need to have 7 verbose paragraphs to get the point across. A meal also doesn't have to match a "theme."

Sorry about the long rant. I'm a grad student and too used to writing 50 page papers

I'll edit for clarity!

Thanks, everyone! I'll see what I can do about grilled chicken/fish/vegetables. I like these ideas

Part of the problem is my area, the catering options fully SUCK

How far is "too far" to be looking? All of the so-called local suggestions here on this site for my area are well over an hour away.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

Don't limit yourself to caterers listed on The Knot - businesses have to pay to appear here, this isn't a full list. Google, Yelp, Yellow Pages, and asking your other wedding vendors for recommendations are better bets.

Silverelf2015 · March 2015

That's what I mean, it's an issue of availability in my area. I've looked everywhere already for something local and there are very few options, most of them being my mom's type of choices and all of them suck. And the businesses on here are all too far away. We're not near a big metro area. We're outside of a smaller metro area with very little to offer in the way of these types of businesses. My venue had no suggestions to offer. We picked our venue because we wanted "historic and casual", and the only other venues around here are for much bigger weddings and, as I've been to them, I know the food sucks. We don't even have any local wedding planners around here who work independently, they're all tied to those bigger venues (hence why I'm VERY thankful for online resources like this) so I'm feeling very clueless and alone. I will keep looking though. Thanks again

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

Enchanted forests and free spirits have nothing to do with what you should serve your guests. I felt like my yoga instructor was talking to me reading that...

Don't listen to anything your mom says - she's not contributing. Boom. That just made things easier.

I would be shocked if you can't find a caterer that would serve something like lemon herb chicken with vegetables and a rice pilaf. That's relatively light and summery. Plus a vegarian option like pasta primavera or something and you're all set.

Add a fresh salad course before the meal and keep your cake light - a strawberry cake with italian meringue or whipped cream frosting would be really good. Serve with typical coffee, but also have iced tea and lemonade.

For cocktail hour, stay away from hot choices - stick to fruit tray, veggie tray, chilled shrimp cocktail, caprese skewers, etc.

It's not like your venue isn't air conditioned, I presume. So yes, it may be August, but it's not like people will be eating their meal in 90 degree heat. You'll be fine. Don't over think stuff.

ETA: Your wedding can be as untraditional as you want it to be, but if your event is during a meal time, your guests will expect a meal. It doesn't need to be a super heavy meal, but it needs to be a meal. What you currently have planned is not a full meal - that's why people are telling you it's rude.

I went to a wedding that did something similar - they served light food/apps. Everyone was pissed and hungry. People left early to go get dinner. Don't let that happen to you.

MyNameIsNot · March 2015

Why don't you look at local restaurants? Many restaurants have catering services or would be willing to work with you.

lnixon8 · March 2015

Is there a restaurant you like near the venue? See if they cater.

climbingsingle · March 2015

You need to serve a full meal. I'd also look into local restaurants. Things like chicken and fish are not really heavy. Even a steak - people still eat that in the summer. Your main concern should be hosting your guests properly. That means providing them with food THEY will like.

For example - I have a wheat allergy. I didn't ban wheat from my wedding just because I can't have it.

levioosa · March 2015

If your reception is during a meal time, then you must serve a full meal.

justsie · March 2015

Also, try grocery stores nearby if you are having a hard time finding a caterer. Or talk to your location, if they have done weddings in the past they can let you know what companies/restaurants came and catered.

Silverelf2015 · March 2015

Again thank you. Chicken with veg is looking like the choice to have.

Another question, what do you do with things to worry about such as future mother in law's gluten-free diet?

To my knowledge she's the only one on our list with food allergies.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

Silverelf2015 said:
Again thank you. Chicken with veg is looking like the choice to have.

Another question, what do you do with things to worry about such as future mother in law's gluten-free diet?

To my knowledge she's the only one on our list with food allergies.

Chicken with veg sounds pretty gluten-free to me.

lyndausvi · March 2015

Silverelf2015 said:
Again thank you. Chicken with veg is looking like the choice to have.

Another question, what do you do with things to worry about such as future mother in law's gluten-free diet?

To my knowledge she's the only one on our list with food allergies.

grilled chicken and veggies can be prefect for gluten-free. Just make sure any sauces do not have gluten. Ask your caterer/chef gluten-free sauces and preparations.

JennyColada · March 2015

I mean, our wedding was on an 89° day and we served pumpkin ravioli, roasted fish, braised beef, and peanut butter chocolate mousse; and not a single person said that the meal was too heavy or not fit for the weather.

I think you're overthinking this.

Silverelf2015 · March 2015

JennyColada said:
I think you're overthinking this.

Thanks. I probably am, but it's because I have never planned a wedding all by myself before and I really don't know what I'm doing! So yeah, I'm freaking out just a little.

The Knot at least makes me feel somewhat more informed and less alone

weddingcactus · March 2015

Silverelf2015 said:

JennyColada said:
I think you're overthinking this.
Thanks. I probably am, but it's because I have never planned a wedding all by myself before and I really don't know what I'm doing! So yeah, I'm freaking out just a little.

The Knot at least makes me feel somewhat more informed and less alone

Pretty sure most of us planning weddings haven't done this before.

All of the previous advice has been spot on. People will expect a full meal, so definitely make sure to serve one. I think it's difficult to accommodate every possible dietary restriction, but if you know someone is likely gluten free, you can just work with your caterer on that. And I think it's always a safe bet to provide something for vegetarians as well. Gluten free and vegetarian food can be enjoyed by everyone.

theartistformerlyknownas · March 2015

Silverelf2015 said:

JennyColada said:
I think you're overthinking this.
Thanks. I probably am, but it's because I have never planned a wedding all by myself before and I really don't know what I'm doing! So yeah, I'm freaking out just a little.

The Knot at least makes me feel somewhat more informed and less alone

Most of us hadn't planned a wedding before, until we did. Just keep in mind how you would want to be treated if you were a guest, and the memories you want your friends and family to walk away with. "This fits my theme, but will it make my guests happy?" "This will look great in pictures, but will it create great memories?" "Is this convenient for me but rude to anyone else?" You'll be just fine.

esstee33 · March 2015

I will eat a steak and baked potato in any weather.

Silverelf2015 · March 2015

lolo883 said:

Silverelf2015 said:

JennyColada said:
Most of us hadn't planned a wedding before, until we did. Just keep in mind how you would want to be treated if you were a guest, and the memories you want your friends and family to walk away with. "This fits my theme, but will it make my guests happy?" "This will look great in pictures, but will it create great memories?" "Is this convenient for me but rude to anyone else?" You'll be just fine.

Your advice is good! Thank you!

I did have a previous marriage when I was very young, but my Dad hired a big fancy place with a full service planner and I basically only had to show up.

This time it's all me and my fiance doing the planning, sans planner as my area doesn't have anything to offer - has anyone hired a planner long-distance? Just wish I had someone I could pay to take the headaches off me!

The good news is, I think we found our caterer!

They have one package that not only will be crowd-pleasing summertime food (chicken BBQ with sides, fruit, etc) but his mom can eat the chicken and the fruit. And these people don't do shellfish at all, so no cross-contamination risks for me either (I'm allergic). No vegetarians but there will be some vegetarian stuff in the package. We should be golden!

Please advise re. my Menu for small Casual summer reception

Re: Please advise re. my Menu for small Casual summer reception

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