Question for Christian Brides!

[Deleted User] · March 2015

I've heard of some Christian weddings that people have included a time of worship in the ceremony. I really like the idea because it's like we're starting off our marriage worshiping God! I wanted to see if anyone has done that/is planning on doing it and if so, how exactly was it incorporated? When/how did you introduce it? Did you sing a very common song so that most people would already know the words/did you include lyrics in program?

Thanks in advance for your input!

KatWAG · March 2015

I've heard of some Christian weddings that people have included a time of worship in the ceremony. I really like the idea because it's like we're starting off our marriage worshiping God! I wanted to see if anyone has done that/is planning on doing it and if so, how exactly was it incorporated? When/how did you introduce it? Did you sing a very common song so that most people would already know the words/did you include lyrics in program?

Thanks in advance for your input!

What exactly do you mean by a time of worship?

We didnt do anything like this and it wasnt even an option for us. When I was talking to our pastor about whether he would do communion or not during our wedding, he said no. He said he didnt want to offer something and only invite half/ part of the people to participate.

I feel like this is the same concept. Are all your guests christian?

[Deleted User] · March 2015

By time of worship, I mean include a worship song.

KatWAG · March 2015

By time of worship, I mean include a worship song.

I have never seen it done and I think it would be a bit off putting for your guests who are non- chirstian.

chibiyui · March 2015

This sounds like something you would talk about with your Pastor, and by that I mean if it's normal for your church, it's probably already built in to the procedures.

If it's not, don't fix what isn't broken.

flantastic · March 2015

MandaMouse28 said:
By time of worship, I mean include a worship song.

IMO (and I'm Christian) if you aren't in a church building, your actual vows aren't a religious formula, and all your readings aren't from Scripture or at least clearly religious - making it clear that you view marriage primarily as a religious institution and about more than just the two of you - then a worship song would be very out of place. I would understand its presence if all of the above conditions exist, and know that it was authentic to you and not just a cute idea you had to pay some homage to God here.

I agree that it would probably also make non-Christian guests uncomfortable. Many Catholics opt not to have a full Mass, even though they could, if they know the majority of their guest list won't be able to participate because they don't believe in the Catholic doctrine of the Eucharist. Considering how many of your guests would be uncomfortable participating is a good idea. "Worship" songs don't work if people aren't enthusiastically singing.

mrscomposer · March 2015

I've been to a few weddings where they sang a hymn, or even a popular worship song. Didn't seem to interrupt the flow of anything, but then - the vast majority of the people were churchgoers.

Another option (and probably a more user-friendly one) would be to have a worship song played during the signing of the register, where it's more common to have a special song. My sister and BIL had 'Oceans' performed during theirs.

artbyallie · March 2015

I went to one wedding that had this and I am Christian and disliked it. For one, it was a song I hadn't heard before and people were asked to stand and sing so I had to stand there silently. For another, it just felt massively out of place.

That said, we took communion during our ceremony. Just the two of us, not any of the congregation.

manillabar · March 2015

In my church, there are a few hymns built into the wedding service. Since most weddings I've been to have been at my church or at similar churches, I'm generally used to that, so I personally wouldn't bat an eyelash if worship songs were sung at a friend's wedding. But I am aware that not everyone has the same opinion.

I also like @mrscomposer's suggestion of having a worship song played (or sung by someone) during the signing or some other time where a special song can be played.

jacques27 · March 2015

Growing up in a Baptist church, music is regularly a part of services and we're generally a very musical crowd with much of the congregation playing one or more instruments. I don't know that they would really bat an eyelash at it, but I think the more common thing is to have a soloist perform a hymn rather than the congregation.

I think this is also a "know your crowd" thing. If all of your friends and family are religious and the same denomination, it could work. If they were all generally musical, it could work. But it also has the ability to make people feel awkward if this isn't something that is part of their norm (and the fact that you say you have "heard" this to be a thing some people have done tells me it's probably not a part of the norm for your crowd) or you have a mixture of beliefs in your crowd. If it's not a well-known hymn, many people could feel awkward or not know how to sight read music - you could have a lot of lip synching going on and sighs of relief when it's over.

If you really want a hymn, I'd consider hiring a soloist instead of risking your guests feeling awkward and making them sing - especially if your ceremony isn't including a full sermon from your officiant.

00kim00 · March 2015

We did this. We planned 2 songs but only ended up doing one (one my stepson was going to lead the second with all the kids, but he decided at the last minute he didn't want to). The songs were directly after the Bible readings they were related to/derived from. They were announced the same way the readings were, the reader/singer was called to the microphone by our pastor. My husband is a worship leader at our church, he and one of our friends (another worship team member) sang a duet. We didn't ask or expect anyone else to sing

levioosa · March 2015

I'm going to be in the minority and say that I don't mind/I like it (although I would stop at one song--I've been to a few weddings that have made it an entire half hour--nope). If you are concerned about making people uncomfortable perhaps you could have someone sing a hymn as a song that people are not expected to join in on? One other option would be to have a song sung or played while you and your FI are doing communion (if you are doing that). This is probably also going to fall under the "know your crowd" deal as well. I don't quite understand the whole "what about people who aren't Christians," if you're just going to have someone sing a hymn or whatnot. I would be fine attending a wedding of a different faith where they incorporated some form of worship. I just wouldn't be joining in.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

That sounds so nice! Thanks for the input!

[Deleted User] · March 2015

I was thinking the same thing. Thanks for sharing your opinion!

holyguacamole79 · March 2015

We had a full Catholic Mass for our wedding and decided to use contemporary worship music instead of organ music. The majority of our guests are Christian, and several complimented us on it. Our songs were just sung during the prelude or during Mass (for example, we used "Communion" by Matt Maher during Eucharist and "Beautiful One" as the recessional).

I went to one Christian wedding where they had 1-2 worship songs played immediately following the bridal procession. It "fit" the couple's personality well. As long as you don't have an "altar call", I think you're fine.

lovesclimbing · March 2015

I have heard of this but never attended a wedding with it. H and I are Christians and had a religious ceremony (meaning our ceremony had prayers, the pastor talked about what the Bible had to say about marriage, we had readings from the Bible, etc.) but no songs for people to join in on.

I wouldn't feel uncomfortable because, as a Christian, I probably would know the songs, but I do find the idea a bit weird and out of place at a wedding.

Tweetiepie19 · March 2015

If you do have a time for congregational singing, try to pick songs that are easy to sing and fairly common--for example, and it's not the best example for a wedding, but Amazing Grace. Everyone knows Amazing Grace (almost). Try to think along those lines if you do have a time of singing.

Incorporating songs into other moments during the ceremony is also a great idea--particularly if you want to use songs that may not be as well known or as easy to sing.

I have been to one Catholic mass, a few Christian weddings, and one non-religious wedding. Of those weddings, I can only remember congregational singing at one--and honestly, it did not go well. They chose songs that many of us did not know and struggled to sing. It's a sweet touch (and my fiancé and I are currently discussing the merits of having a worship time), but you definitely have to watch your song choices if you do go that route. Having the lyrics on a screen (if you're in a church with PowerPoint) or in the programs is pretty much a must, I would say.

Other great ways to add another Christian aspect to the ceremony are to take Communion as a couple (not the whole congregation) or to wash each other's feet (kind of like the unity candle, hand-fasting, etc., but with a strong Biblical note).

IrishPirate60 · March 2015

It's not very "Christian" to have only the couple receive Communion. Nothing more exclusionary than that! Jesus said, "Take this, all of you, and eat it." By inviting these people to your wedding, you're already saying you want and need this wider community to continue to show you what love looks like and to encourage you to be a loving witness to others.

artbyallie · March 2015

It's not very "Christian" to have only the couple receive Communion. Nothing more exclusionary than that! Jesus said, "Take this, all of you, and eat it." By inviting these people to your wedding, you're already saying you want and need this wider community to continue to show you what love looks like and to encourage you to be a loving witness to others.

What???

Okay, for one, you realize that Catholics for example exclude all non-Catholics from communion? I am Christian but cannot take communion at a Catholic church/wedding. My church excludes non-baptized people. Jesus shared communion with his closest disciples. It is not a witnessing event, but a memorial one. "Do this in remembrance of me."

And I chose for just the two of us to have it in our wedding A) to save time because there were at least a couple hundred people there and B ) to not leave people out because I knew there were people who would not be able to participate (pagans, for example, and I think the Catholics would not because it's not done by a priest but I'm not 100% positive on that).

IrishPirate60 · March 2015

Jesus didn't leave anyone out when he fed the multitudes.

Catholics have the option to be married outside of Mass so no one is made to feel unwelcome. That ceremony can be witnessed by a deacon or a priest.

artbyallie · March 2015

IrishPirate60 said:
Jesus didn't leave anyone out when he fed the multitudes.

Catholics have the option to be married outside of Mass so no one is made to feel unwelcome. That ceremony can be witnessed by a deacon or a priest.

Okay, feeding the multitudes has zero to do with communion/the Eucharist/the Lord's Supper.

And while Catholics don't have to have a Mass, a deacon cannot perform a valid Catholic wedding ceremony. It must be done in a Catholic Church by a priest.

You are coming across as both judgmental and misinformed.

lyndausvi · March 2015

IrishPirate60 said:
Jesus didn't leave anyone out when he fed the multitudes.

Catholics have the option to be married outside of Mass so no one is made to feel unwelcome. That ceremony can be witnessed by a deacon or a priest.

Yeah, no.

Sure Catholics can be married outside, but it's rare they would be recognized by the church. Not impossible, but you really have to have really good connections to make it happen. The average Catholic does not have those connections.

Just having a priest or deacon witnessing the ceremony is not enough. Trust me I know first hand.

IrishPirate60 · March 2015

@Lyndausvi, I said nothing about a wedding outdoors. "Outside of Mass" as in "apart from Mass." You'd recognize it as Liturgy of the Word with the Marriage Rite.

@artbyallie, A deacon can indeed be witness to a Catholic wedding if the wedding is not a Mass. Check with your local parish or with the diocesan liturgy office.

artbyallie · March 2015

Look, though. It is not wrong in any way for a Catholic bride to choose a wedding Mass and thus the Eucharist and thereby exclude some of her invited guests from taking communion. Nor is it wrong for my husband and I to take communion as a symbol of our faith during our ceremony. You are totally missing the point that communion is itself an exclusive act. It is meant for those who have been saved.

My wedding was inclusive in that everyone was invited to every part of it. That is all that is required by etiquette, and even that can be bent in cases where, as in the Mormon church, non-members are literally not permitted inside the building for the ceremony.

holyguacamole79 · March 2015

artbyallie said:
It's not very "Christian" to have only the couple receive Communion. Nothing more exclusionary than that! Jesus said, "Take this, all of you, and eat it." By inviting these people to your wedding, you're already saying you want and need this wider community to continue to show you what love looks like and to encourage you to be a loving witness to others.

What???

Okay, for one, you realize that Catholics for example exclude all non-Catholics from communion? I am Christian but cannot take communion at a Catholic church/wedding. My church excludes non-baptized people. Jesus shared communion with his closest disciples. It is not a witnessing event, but a memorial one. "Do this in remembrance of me."

And I chose for just the two of us to have it in our wedding A) to save time because there were at least a couple hundred people there and B ) to not leave people out because I knew there were people who would not be able to participate (pagans, for example, and I think the Catholics would not because it's not done by a priest but I'm not 100% positive on that).

@artbyallie, I don't think this was ever answered / clarified. Catholics are asked to not participate in communion services for a bit of a different reason. Let's say I go to my friend's Presbyterian service (I'm just picking a denomination at random). It's a well-known fact among my friends and family that I am Catholic and that I believe in what the Church teaches regarding Communion. I know that the Presbyterians hold a different belief. So by my going forward to receive Communion, it could lead others to believe that I agree with what they are saying regarding the wafer & wine (or grape juice). That is clearly not what I believe, so it is STRONGLY advised that a Catholic not partcipate in Communion with another faith for that reason.

I hope that helps.

artbyallie · March 2015

Thanks, @holyguacamole79. I was pretty sure that was the case.

ElcaB · March 2015

I attended a family wedding that included a mini sermon, a worship song, and an invitational. It was a bit much for my personal taste but the couple was very religious. If a couple wants to incorporate their religion into the wedding, that's their decision to make.

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