How to feel about a small ceremony but larger reception?

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

Should be Eektober.

MobKaz · March 2015

artbyallie said:

Erikan73 said:
I do know a couple that did that. The venue they had their hearts set on what an old castle in area. Even though it's a castle, it's very very small and in a public park. You can't set up chairs or anything. And because the building has no roof, had they need to relocate the cermony due to the weather, it was easier with a small group. So they had a private ceremony with just parents, siblings & I think grandparents, it was less then 12 people. Then everyone else was invited to the reception. There is no way that they could have properly hosted their 80+ guests at the ceremony location. The guests that I knew who went were fine with it because they all work jobs that require them to work on the weekends so they would have missed the ceremony anyways.
Wait, so they had no chairs at the ceremony? Even with only 12 people or less, that's extremely rude. Don't fucking have a wedding somewhere you can't provide chairs!!! If that was what their 'heart was set on' they needed to elope there with a photographer and officiant and not invite any guests to be inconvenienced and possibly pained by standing.

I actually think this scenario is even worse. The couple did not have a small, intimate wedding ceremony because of anxiety or social issues. They made a conscious choice to choose venue over guests. Even the chosen guests then were hosted poorly.

I will never understand this "trend" because with few exceptions, that is all this is.....a rude and selfish trend.

redoryx · March 2015

flbride2015 said:
I think it is fine! We are having a dinner for close friends and family then having a huge (300+ person) party for the reception. We wanted to have everyone be a part of the party. We are saving the announcements, first dances, cake cutting, etc for when everyone gets there.

Well, this probably answers the question I just asked on Budget Weddings, about why the wedding party was leaving at 3:30 for the reception, but the guests weren't leaving till 4:30. I hope I'm wrong.

You think it's fine?

You think it's fine to separate your guests into two groups- People we really like, and Those who don't matter as much?

Wow. So your B list guests are just left standing around embarrassed and watching the "in crowd" go off to dinner, knowing they didn't make the cut?

And then what? Do they stand outside the reception venue and watch through the windows to make sure the people you really like have finished their dinner?

It isn't just rude, it's heinously rude to divide your guests like this. Incredibly insensitive and unkind.

And you think it's fine? You're wrong. If you want to have a private dinner for really close friends and family, do it another time. Not under the noses of your other guests. I can't even wrap my brain around this kind of rudeness.

I'm confused about the entire thing. She's posted about buffet stations and hot dogs and cracker jacks for 200 people, but the party is 300 people, but only some people are being fed dinner? Huh?

I've seen references to 200 guests, 260 guests, and 300 guests. So either she doesn't know or can't settle on rounding up or down when discussing it.

MyNameIsNot · March 2015

EcktoberWedding said:
I think it is fine! We are having a dinner for close friends and family then having a huge (300+ person) party for the reception. We wanted to have everyone be a part of the party. We are saving the announcements, first dances, cake cutting, etc for when everyone gets there.

This is exactly why I have an issue with the intimate ceremony large reception.

Obviously, OP's plan is not as disgustingly rude as this plan, but it ends up feeling like the same sort of slap in the face to the second string guests.

Honestly, if I'm not important to be invited to the whole event, just spare my feelings and let me do something else with my weekend. I don't need to be reminded that I'm not that important to you. Or in Ecktober's case, I don't need you to deliberately humiliate me.

flantastic · March 2015

If I were invited to either OP's party or Ecktober's, I wouldn't go.

If I were OP's friend, I would continue our friendship, but realize that I wasn't close enough to be invited to the wedding and wouldn't bother to make the time for the party.

If I were Ecktober's friend, I would stop being friends with her after I realized where I stood relative to her need for attention.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

redoryx said:

flbride2015 said:
I think it is fine! We are having a dinner for close friends and family then having a huge (300+ person) party for the reception. We wanted to have everyone be a part of the party. We are saving the announcements, first dances, cake cutting, etc for when everyone gets there.
Well, this probably answers the question I just asked on Budget Weddings, about why the wedding party was leaving at 3:30 for the reception, but the guests weren't leaving till 4:30. I hope I'm wrong.

You think it's fine?

You think it's fine to separate your guests into two groups- People we really like, and Those who don't matter as much?

Wow. So your B list guests are just left standing around embarrassed and watching the "in crowd" go off to dinner, knowing they didn't make the cut?

And then what? Do they stand outside the reception venue and watch through the windows to make sure the people you really like have finished their dinner?

It isn't just rude, it's heinously rude to divide your guests like this. Incredibly insensitive and unkind.

And you think it's fine? You're wrong. If you want to have a private dinner for really close friends and family, do it another time. Not under the noses of your other guests. I can't even wrap my brain around this kind of rudeness.

I'm confused about the entire thing. She's posted about buffet stations and hot dogs and cracker jacks for 200 people, but the party is 300 people, but only some people are being fed dinner? Huh?

I've seen references to 200 guests, 260 guests, and 300 guests. So either she doesn't know or can't settle on rounding up or down when discussing it.

And 1st it was 200 guests for dinner and late night snacks, including alcohol, and now it's a 300+ person reception.

I'd really like to know who is actually invited to the ceremony, who is actually invited to dinner, and exactly what she is hosting at her reception.

ohannabelle · March 2015

I'd like to hear any kind of explanation for this, but we won't.

The reason that @EcktoberWedding has disappeared is because there is no justification in the world for treating guests so unkindly.

AnnoymouseBride124 · March 2015

The reason I have not been around @ohannabelle is because I have a job and I do not have time to sit on theknot.com all day and rip apart other people's weddings. I could honestly give less a of shit about any of your thoughts about my wedding reception.

mikenberger · March 2015

katemachugh317 said:
The reason I have not been around @ohannabelle is because I have a job and I do not have time to sit on theknot.com all day and rip apart other people's weddings. I could honestly give less a of shit about any of your thoughts about my wedding reception.

Change your username dear. Your full name is not a good idea on the internet. Be smart.

ShesSoCold · March 2015

mikenberger said:

katemachugh317 said:
The reason I have not been around @ohannabelle is because I have a job and I do not have time to sit on theknot.com all day and rip apart other people's weddings. I could honestly give less a of shit about any of your thoughts about my wedding reception.
Change your username dear. Your full name is not a good idea on the internet. Be smart.

This. Your wedding website is crazy easy to find.

Also, attendants are a really bad idea.

flantastic · March 2015

ShesSoCold said:

mikenberger said:

katemachugh317 said:
The reason I have not been around @ohannabelle is because I have a job and I do not have time to sit on theknot.com all day and rip apart other people's weddings. I could honestly give less a of shit about any of your thoughts about my wedding reception.
Change your username dear. Your full name is not a good idea on the internet. Be smart.
This. Your wedding website is crazy easy to find.

Also, attendants are a really bad idea.

Oh golly. Second-string bridesmaids and groomsmen.

ShesSoCold · March 2015

flantastic said:

ShesSoCold said:

mikenberger said:

katemachugh317 said:
The reason I have not been around @ohannabelle is because I have a job and I do not have time to sit on theknot.com all day and rip apart other people's weddings. I could honestly give less a of shit about any of your thoughts about my wedding reception.
Change your username dear. Your full name is not a good idea on the internet. Be smart.
This. Your wedding website is crazy easy to find.

Also, attendants are a really bad idea.
Oh golly. Second-string bridesmaids and groomsmen.

I mean, I guess it matches her theme of "some people are more important than others". Why not play favorites with the bridal party too, if you're doing it with the guests?

ohannabelle · March 2015

We all have jobs.

There is a difference between "ripping apart" someone's wedding and pointing out that they don't understand the basic manners of hosting.

Inviting people and dividing them into privileged and excluded groups is simply a terrible and selfish way to treat guests. If you can't afford to treat all of your guests equally, invite fewer guests. If you don't care about some guests enough to treat them like your A list private dinner within a party guests, why invite them?

It suggests that you give "less than a shit" about many of the people you've invited. But probably give a good many shits about the gifts they'll bring, and having a big audience for the show. It suggests that you're so carried away with your vision of a big wedding that you can't be bothered to think about the feelings of the people you've invited. Social skills, D-

What a terrible person I must be, to think guests deserve to be treated equally.

(Not really.)

ohannabelle · March 2015

Also- ladies, the boards are fair play.

Spamming guest books or anything else like that is crossing the line. Even if a poster gives out personal information that's practically a map. Please don't. People have been banned for that.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

ohannabelle said:
Also- ladies, the boards are fair play.
Spamming guest books or anything else like that is crossing the line. Even if a poster gives out personal information that's practically a map. Please don't. People have been banned for that.

So much this.

Do as you please (within the TOS) on the boards. Snark on her website here, but signing her guest book with snark crosses the line.

Maggie0829 · March 2015

southernbelle0915 said:
Also- ladies, the boards are fair play.
Spamming guest books or anything else like that is crossing the line. Even if a poster gives out personal information that's practically a map. Please don't. People have been banned for that.

So much this.

Do as you please (within the TOS) on the boards. Snark on her website here, but signing her guest book with snark crosses the line.

It amazes me (actually, not really) that people are this dumb and immature.

KatWAG · March 2015

@katemachugh I noticed you don't have anything listed under your "reception" section. Is that because you cant figure out how to word your rude ideas.

And you had an anonymous username, why did you change it to your full name? Internet safety is a real thing.

KnotRiley · March 2015

Hi everyone,

Just a reminder that no matter how easily you find another member's website or don't agree with them, it is not okay to comment/mess with them on their wedding website. This is something I take very seriously and it's not cool. Don't do it.

KR

levioosa · March 2015

KatWAG said:
@katemachugh I noticed you don't have anything listed under your "reception" section. Is that because you cant figure out how to word your rude ideas.
And you had an anonymous username, why did you change it to your full name? Internet safety is a real thing.

This. Although you made your "anonymous" username the same as the title of your wedding website so that wouldn't have really helped either.

Oh, and Honeyfund registries are incredibly rude.

Dreamergirl8812 · March 2015

I just want to know why each sentence alternates between first and third person narrative.

PrettyGirlLost · March 2015

katemachugh317 said:
The reason I have not been around @ohannabelle is because I have a job and I do not have time to sit on theknot.com all day and rip apart other people's weddings. I could honestly give less a of shit about any of your thoughts about my wedding reception.

Who is this, Ecktoberwedding?

Can you explain your reception? How many ppl are you actually inviting and how many people are you actually hosting a dinner fo?

How to feel about a small ceremony but larger reception?

Re: How to feel about a small ceremony but larger reception?

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