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Bridal Shower help!-Cross posted in Etiquette board

groomguy87groomguy87 member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
edited March 2015 in Pre-wedding Parties
Hi,

I am a groom posting on the site, hope this is okay :)

My Fiancee and I are getting married in May and I just had to share this story about her bridal shower and would love to hear some other people's thoughts.

Originally, the bridal shower was going to be at the beginning of March but in the early planning stages the MOH and Fiancee's mom realized that date would not work.  At this point only the bridal party and both moms knew of the event so changing the date wasn't a big deal.  It was moved to April 11th.  Only problem is...MOH did not tell my mom the new date!  We found this out because we went out to dinner with my parents tonight and Fiancee mentioned the shower (she found out about it because one of the bridesmaids let it slip by mistake) and my mom did a double take.  Turns out, she is going to be out of town at a conference that day for her work!  Fiancee is pretty steamed (her and my mom are very close so obviously she wants her to be there) and I'm not exactly thrilled either.

We talked to the MOH tonight and after the profuse apologies she decided to talk to the other bridal party and fiancee's mom about possibly rescheduling it to another weekend to accomodate my mom. Thankfully it's being hosted at Fiancee's mom's house so no rental deposits or anything, but Fiancee's mom is pretty resistent to moving the date again.  MOH said invitations only went out a couple days ago so there havent been any RSVP's yet.

Also, I found out that MOH decided that to "keep it small" she didn't invite any of my 3 Aunts who live in the relative area, and only was planning to invite my mom and one cousin who has never even met the Fiancee.  I'm personally a little bothered by this because my Aunts had mentioned the event in the past and were looking forward to coming.

So what do you guys think?  Is it fair to move the shower date to a day that my mom can attend?  Or is it just one of those "too bad, so sad" kind of things that we'll just have to deal with?
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Re: Bridal Shower help!-Cross posted in Etiquette board

  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie88011878 said:

    Hi,


    I am a groom posting on the site, hope this is okay :)

    My Fiancee and I are getting married in May and I just had to share this story about her bridal shower and would love to hear some other people's thoughts.

    Originally, the bridal shower was going to be at the beginning of March but in the early planning stages the MOH and Fiancee's mom realized that date would not work.  At this point only the bridal party and both moms knew of the event so changing the date wasn't a big deal.  It was moved to April 11th.  Only problem is...MOH did not tell my mom the new date!  We found this out because we went out to dinner with my parents tonight and Fiancee mentioned the shower (she found out about it because one of the bridesmaids let it slip by mistake) and my mom did a double take.  Turns out, she is going to be out of town at a conference that day for her work!  Fiancee is pretty steamed (her and my mom are very close so obviously she wants her to be there) and I'm not exactly thrilled either.

    We talked to the MOH tonight and after the profuse apologies she decided to talk to the other bridal party and fiancee's mom about possibly rescheduling it to another weekend to accomodate my mom. Thankfully it's being hosted at Fiancee's mom's house so no rental deposits or anything, but Fiancee's mom is pretty resistent to moving the date again.  MOH said invitations only went out a couple days ago so there havent been any RSVP's yet.

    Also, I found out that MOH decided that to "keep it small" she didn't invite any of my 3 Aunts who live in the relative area, and only was planning to invite my mom and one cousin who has never even met the Fiancee.  I'm personally a little bothered by this because my Aunts had mentioned the event in the past and were looking forward to coming.

    So what do you guys think?  Is it fair to move the shower date to a day that my mom can attend?  Or is it just one of those "too bad, so sad" kind of things that we'll just have to deal with?
    If your mother isn't hosting the shower, while it would be very nice for her to attend, they don't have to move mountains to make it possible to work with everybody's schedule. Like I said, I'm sure it would be lovely to have your mother there and maybe your mother and FI can have their own lucheon or something, but I wouldn't put too much investment in that your mother can't attend. Try not to take it personally.

    Maybe your mother should host her own little lunch or small shower type deal with your aunts since they were not invited to the shower. 

    image
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    It sucks that she didn't clear the date with your mom. But I think since invitations have already gone it, the date shouldn't be changed. 

    Also, did your FI give the MOH a list of people that should be invited? The MOH shouldn't be cutting people out, especially your relatives. Your FI needs to tell her MOH that those people should be invited. 
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  • groomguy87groomguy87 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    climbingwife said:

    It sucks that she didn't clear the date with your mom. But I think since invitations have already gone it, the date shouldn't be changed. 


    Also, did your FI give the MOH a list of people that should be invited? The MOH shouldn't be cutting people out, especially your relatives. Your FI needs to tell her MOH that those people should be invited. 
    She sent a list, and the MOH also asked me to send a list of my family that I would like invited 2 months ago.  I sent a list that had my mom, grandmother, 3 aunts, and 2 cousins who all live in reasonable driving distance.  I know it's up to the MOH/host (in this case FMIL) to decide on invites but I do kinda wish she had at least mentioned that they cut down the list.
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  • climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Knottie88011878 said:

    climbingwife said:

    It sucks that she didn't clear the date with your mom. But I think since invitations have already gone it, the date shouldn't be changed. 


    Also, did your FI give the MOH a list of people that should be invited? The MOH shouldn't be cutting people out, especially your relatives. Your FI needs to tell her MOH that those people should be invited. 
    She sent a list, and the MOH also asked me to send a list of my family that I would like invited 2 months ago.  I sent a list that had my mom, grandmother, 3 aunts, and 2 cousins who all live in reasonable driving distance.  I know it's up to the MOH/host (in this case FMIL) to decide on invites but I do kinda wish she had at least mentioned that they cut down the list.
    The MOH is most certainly in the wrong here. You both gave her lists of people that needed to be invited. If for some reason, she wasn't able to host that many people, she needed to notify you. She shouldn't have just started cutting people from the list. 
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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    First, welcome to TheKnot. Consider choosing a screen name instead of that anonymous knottie#s SN so we can get to know you :)

    From an MOB's perspective: The shower date should have been cleared with the VIPs. In my circle, the MOB and MOG are always invited to the showers. Usually, the groom's closest family members are invited, too. I understand why your mom's feelings are hurt. The MOH was wrong to axe your family members from the guest list that she requested, without consulting the bride.

    That said, the shower should go on, as planned, since the invitations have gone out. If your family would like, they may plan a shower for their side.

                       
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Your mom was still invited, right?  She just can't go on the date that it's scheduled for.  It's your aunts who weren't invited.  I say yes this is bad on the MOH, but not a complete tragedy.  Your mom, aunts, cousins, and fiance can get together for lunch or drinks on another day with a shower attached or not.  Definitely not that big a deal.
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