Wedding Reception Forum
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No dancing. Backyard pig roast/BBQ.

Hello all,

I just wanted to run my general reception ideas by another group besides my mom, partner, and bridesmaids to see what people think. We're having a casual backyard wedding and BBQ complete with pig roast (a family tradition). We are inviting about 75 guests. The venue is my parents' farm - not your typical size yard - so we have plenty of space to spread out.

My main concern is that we're not having dancing - neither of us is big into dancing (though I will if I'm in the mood!) so besides our first dance and father/daughter dance we don't plan to have a dance floor or your typical dance music. Because of this, I want to have enough options that people can find something to do, but I don't want to overplan it, or have it to come off like a carnival, with 25 different games or activity stations. (Though I have heard of carnival-themed weddings and would love to attend one!)

When planning the party we thought, what kind of party do we like to go to? Honestly we just love sitting around a fire drinking beer listening to music. So we went with that as the backbone of our plan.

  • With that in mind, we're having a live bluegrass band cover the 45-60 mins between ceremony and reception--cocktail hour in usual parlance though it seems weird to use that term for such a casual event haha (it is hosted - there will be alcohol and refreshments available during this time). 
  • I am thinking we could have lawn games like cornhole and horseshoes during this time.
  • After dinner we plan to have a place for live music for those who want to sing and play - my family is all musical and we love to jam. We are inviting guests who play an instrument to bring it with them if they can do so safely. I don't know if this group will be mic'ed or just acoustic - I think acoustic. 
  • We will have a bonfire. Knowing my pyromaniac dad, this will probably be huge, so as a backup I plan to also have a smaller campfire-size fire, with s'mores!
  • We will have an upbeat iPod playlist for those who are not interested in the jam session (no DJ but my friend, who is an entertainer, will emcee for announcements and such). I'm concerned about noise pollution between the iPod music and the people playing music - but with such a huge yard we should be able to separate the jammers from the general pop, I would think. I'm open to ideas on the logistics of this! 
  • I suppose the lawn games would still be out at this point though it may be getting dark by now - and I also plan to have at least 2 games, dominoes for the older folks and Cards Against Humanity for the younger ones (or hell, vice versa, you never know what cards my nanny might want to play in CAH!). If 2 isn't enough I am open to suggestions!!!

So to sum up - after dinner we would have bonfire, s'mores, music jamming, lawn games and regular games with iPod background music. 

Oh, also at some point my partner and my brothers will be setting off fireworks... I won't go there haha. 

But I want to make sure that's enough to give everyone options. As adults I assume if they are not interested in those options they will help themselves to a beer and sit under the tent and talk to people. And if they are truly bored, they will go home I guess? I don't know - is that rude? 

So, with apologies to those who love nothing more than a big loud dance party, what do you think about the activities for our backyard BBQ shindig? Lame? Would you have fun? Any suggestions? Thank you!
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Re: No dancing. Backyard pig roast/BBQ.

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    I can't figure out how to edit my post, so sorry. I also wanted to put something that I have on my "maybe" list - the venue is in the country and my parents have awesome sky views. If the cloud cover cooperated I was wondering if it would be lame to put out my parents' telescope and maybe some constellation maps. Not sure about the logistics, and also it would suck if the telescope got broken, but I like the idea. (Thus why it's on the "maybe" list.) Very open to feedback! Thank you!
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    lovegood90lovegood90 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    Sounds totally fine. As long as you have a seat for every butt at all times, are hosting everything (food and drink appropriate for the time of day), are inviting everyone's significant others and have no gaps between the ceremony and reception (other than cocktail hour), you're good!

    The activities sound fine too. As long as the activities aren't mandatory and are optional, it sounds good.

    Formerly martha1818

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    Thanks for your feedback! 

    We are definitely planning on being great hosts in any way we can. All adults will either be invited as a couple or get a +1 because honestly we are only having family (70% of the list is family... dad has five sisters...) and very close friends and most of them are married or coupled. With single people numbering in the single digits I didn't mind giving them a guest. We are not having liquor due to a number of factors but are having beer, wine, and cider. No one will need their wallet at any time during the night!

    Regarding butts and seats, we are having more tables and chairs than we need because I'm not having a seating plan - so I didn't want the whole movie theatre "can you slide down" thing happening as people group off. (Side note: I know there is a lot of support for seating plans and I don't disagree at all but whenever I think about casual + backyard + pig roast + seating plan my mind sort of goes, "Error, does not compute." Like a "one of these things is not like the other" feeling, lol. Though I have 13+ months left of engagement so I may change my mind, you never know.) Anyway, we plan to have enough dinner tables for 96 people (only inviting 75) plus 100 chairs. That should give plenty of breathing room to allow people to sit where they please, I think.

    Yes, all activities will be optional! Thanks again.
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    Sounds good to me. Just make sure you have a backup plan if it rains.
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    spockforprezspockforprez member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    Thanks @climbingwife. Everyone should fit under the tent and we can also have activities in the house if it rains. (Not all 75 of them of course... but some in the tent and some in the house would work.)

    scribe95 said:

    Sounds like a great time. 


    The only thing I would check into is bathrooms. How many bathrooms does your parents' farm have and can they handle 75 people? Might check into one of those nice temporary portolets on wheels. 

    My parents' house has three bathrooms, but my mom is considering renting what she calls a "comfort station" haha. We saw a nice one at a bridal show but it was pricey. Hopefully we'll find something suitable!! 
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    I think most of this is fine but what's good for the goose is good for the gander- no special first dances if you don't want everyone dancing.
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    spockforprezspockforprez member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited March 2015
    @STARMOON44 Hmm. Well, people CAN dance if they like. The iPod playlist will be fairly danceable, though not the traditional pop/top 40's dance music. There will be plenty of free space. But dancing isn't a feature of the party, I guess. 

    I didn't realize that meant I couldn't have a first dance as well. Are you saying that if I want to have a first dance I need to provide a dedicated dance floor space and party/dance music?
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    It sounds like you have done well with your planning.







    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    I just think of a first dance as opening the dance floor for the party. If you're fine with people dancing go right ahead!

    I think it sounds like you have more than enough planned
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    @lyndausvi, Thanks! We're on a low budget so I want to plan things pretty well from the beginning so I'm not throwing money at problems 90 days out. I appreciate all the feedback.

    @STARMOON44 Okay, cool. I didn't think of it that way - where I'm from those types of dances are done immediately following the WP entrance and then you have dinner, so I wasn't associating it with opening up the floor but that makes perfect sense. I definitely don't want to be rude and I'm totally fine with people dancing if the mood strikes them. Maybe when we have the emcee do the transition after dinner I'll ask him to include something about it. Thanks for the feedback!
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    I think most of this is fine but what's good for the goose is good for the gander- no special first dances if you don't want everyone dancing.

    This stood out to me in the OP as well. I was curious what others thought. I don't think it's rude or tacky to have spotlight dances without encouraging general dancing. But it does strike me as odd. It might be awkward to have a captive audience for 2-3 dances and then everyone dispurses.

    Think about it OP, but your wedding sounds lovely and like a lot of fun.



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    My niece had a set up very similar to this. Just not the live music. But we had a firepit going, during the day time we had cornhole going and my niece even hung a sheet up between two trees with props for a make shift photo booth. I don't know what she did for the camera because I didn't go and do any photos. They rented tables, chairs & tents to cover all those invited which was nice because people were able to sit around and drink & chat. One thing that was nice they made their centerpieces using different votive holders & then used votive citronella candles. So they looked great, but also acted as bug defense. Sounds like a great event!!!
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    Sounds great to me!  I don't want to play games when I go to a wedding--I want to drink, eat, and socialize.

    Just make sure everyone knows they'll be outside so they dress accordingly.  I'd be bummed if I showed up in a cocktail dress and stilettos for a sundress and wedges kind of party.

    AND yes--bathrooms and insurance.  I rented a restroom trailer for my farm wedding.  It was absolutely necessary.  And it was tasteful--individual "rooms" with toilets and sinks.  No stinky portapots.  Mom and dad's house isn't equipped to have guests coming in and out, nor is it polite to have people traipsing through the home looking for somewhere to pee.
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    I think most of this is fine but what's good for the goose is good for the gander- no special first dances if you don't want everyone dancing.

    This stood out to me in the OP as well. I was curious what others thought. I don't think it's rude or tacky to have spotlight dances without encouraging general dancing. But it does strike me as odd. It might be awkward to have a captive audience for 2-3 dances and then everyone dispurses.

    Think about it OP, but your wedding sounds lovely and like a lot of fun.
    Thanks for the perspective! I think I was a little overhanded with my title - it's not "NO DANCING FOR ANYONE CAUSE I HATE IT" it's just, not centered around dancing as the main activity like most weddings, cause we aren't big party-style dancers. 

    I think maybe the concern is coming because of differences in where the dances are located in the timeline - I've never been to a wedding that didn't have them immediately following the WP entrance, before dinner. So to me there's not much difference between my plan and other weddings I've been to - the entrance, the dances, dinner. The only thing that will be different is what's after dinner. 

    But, I do have a lot of time between now and May 2016 so I will certainly keep this in mind and maybe ask some of my non-WP friends what they think and if they would miss the dancing part or think it was weird that we had spotlight dances if there was no dedicated dancing portion of the night.

    @Erikan73, that sounds awesome! And really similar to what we want to do. Re: bugs, I know!!! Ahhh. My cousin works for an agrochem company and told me she'd get one of her customers to do some kind of treatment in the woods around the house a few weeks before the wedding as her gift to us - barring that we'd definitely be doing tiki torches and citronella and fans and whatever else we needed to keep the bugs away!

    @atlastmrsg, great points all. I've wondered about the attire thing because I know it's impolite to tell other adults how to dress. I just REALLY want everyone to be comfortable. I would hate for someone's heels to be sinking in the yard all night. (I'll probably be barefoot most of the night to be honest... I told you it was casual! lol!) I plan to have something along the lines of "BBQ & Bluegrass to follow!" on the invitation (and the style of the invite will be pretty casual) and will let people know it's an outdoor farm wedding on our website, so hopefully we can avoid having the attire section at all. (I wonder why TK builds in the attire section if it's against etiquette... hmm, never thought of that until now.) Also, we'll definitely address the bathroom situation and will add a rider to my parents' homeowners insurance.
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    What my sister did to deal with the bathroom issue is that she rented a handicap port-o-pottie & had it put out of the way. She has a septic system and had concerns about it being able to handle all the additional people. With it being handicap size, it was roomy and comfortable. I'm not sure if put it in or the company did, but she had one of those check battery operated lights that you can stick up on a closet or under cabinets. Glow sticks work well also for that. They didn't forbid anyone from using the indoor bathrooms, but most guests used the port o john because it was easy to find instead of searching through my sister's house.
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    You had me at s'mores! 

    Seriously, though, this sounds like a great plan for your wedding. Hope you have a wonderful time. :)
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