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Wedding Woes

I'd get a hotel and tell my H he could do as he pleased.

Dear Prudence,
My husband and I are in our 30s and have been married for a few years. We live far away from both our families. Every Thanksgiving, we go to his brother’s house. I like his brother and sister-in-law; they have two great kids and are fun to be around. Their house is beautiful but small. They have just one full-size bathroom, and the spare bedroom has a double bed. I don’t like sharing the bathroom with all those people (even though I love them), and I don’t like being squeezed into the double bed. I have trouble sleeping, and spending four days in cramped quarters with his family is overwhelming. I told my husband I couldn’t do it again and that I wanted to stay at a hotel (we have the money). He told me that would be offensive to his family. I am already dwelling on it! Is this something I have to tolerate as part of being married? I would rather spend Thanksgiving alone than stay at the house again.

—Dreading Thanksgiving

Re: I'd get a hotel and tell my H he could do as he pleased.

  • I wonder if the husband knows that it will be "offensive" to his family, or he's just afraid of making waves?  MIL's house was gross, and once Wooz was born I told DH there was no way she was staying there.  Visit, yes; sleep, no way.  He was afraid his mother would go off, but she was fine with it.  (I think because she chain smoked, and once we took Wooz back to the hotel, she didn't have to go out to the carport to smoke anymore.) 
  • My parents have a lovely home with an actual guest room. We stay in a hotel when we visit, because my mother doesn't run the A/C enough, and I need to decompress from them. Also, hotel sex. (Bacon stays at the house, so they get more grandkid time.)

    I would just tell the ILs that she's so grateful for the thought and the effort, but she doesn't want to add any stress to the already crowded bathroom, so she'll be at the hotel down the street. If they complain about such a gracious decline, they're jerks, so who cares about keeping the peace?  
  • she should sleep in the bed and her husband can sleep on the floor.
  • We stayed at a friends house and it was on their couch with 1 bathroom (that was IN their bedroom) after the first night we wanted to get a hotel but was worried about offending them. I casually brought it up and before I could even finish my sentence they were lie "YES that's great". I don't think they liked the cramp quarters either.

  • Agreed - I wonder which one she'll pick...
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