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southernbelle0915 · March 2015

keakin1124 said:
This is my first post on here, so forgive me if this is already a topic. I did a quick search on it and found nothing, so I'm hoping I can get some help from you lovely ladies!

I'll try to make it as short as possible....

About a year and a half ago my brother proposed to his girlfriend and they set a date for exactly a year later. She asked me to be her Maid of Honor and I was absolutely thrilled! A few months later my fiance proposed to me and I decided I would put our plans on hold so I could focus on my MOH duties. We booked our main vendors without getting anyone else involved and we tried not to talk about our wedding a whole lot if we were around her as not to take away from the attention on her. Planning for her wedding did not go smoothly, but I worked the issues out and got everything taken care of and gave every single party and shower my all (and spent quite a bit of money on everything). They had a gorgeous wedding and then headed off to their honeymoon!

Now, normally I am not someone who seeks out attention and I prefer to blend into the crowd. Our wedding was going to be the exception and I wanted all of our family to be happy and excited about planning ours as they (my side of the family) had been about my brother and SIL's wedding. It was finally my turn for the excitement and I was ready to put our planning plans in motion!

Then my brother and SIL returned from their honeymoon a week later.....

She had EXCITING NEWS!!....

SHE'S PREGNANT!

I was SO excited to become an aunt once again!

That's when she started telling the family that we all needed to start planning the baby shower and help her get everything ready. She had the next 9 months planned out and needed all of us to have a meeting a few times a month so we could stay up to date.

Our wedding was forgotten soon after the announcement and she sent me texts daily about what she needed me to do for the baby and the shower.

I'm not the confrontational type and I knew everyone was happy for them, so I just let it go for a while. Then over the next month, every single time I tried to have a conversation about our wedding she would turn it around so everyone would talk about the baby. I couldn't take it anymore and we weren't able to excitedly talk to our family because every time we did it would turn to baby talk. I decided to have a talk with her and express my feelings. I told her I was incredibly excited about a new addition and that I would love to help with the planning, but planning our wedding was priority as the baby was not due until a month after the wedding and the shower wouldn't be planned until after the wedding as well. I didn't ask her to throw herself into my plans or anything of the sort, but I wanted her to know that I wanted my excitement time as she just had hers with planning her wedding and now I wouldn't even have my own time and knew I would have to share it. I told her it wasn't a big deal and I understood, but she made every single conversation about her and I was tired of it because it was putting a halt on our plans and we needed to get things done.

She seemed to understand and started taking the reigns on planning my parties. I didn't ask her to do it, but I did appreciate the hard work she and my other girls were putting into the planning and everything was going smoothly. Up until the last couple of months.

It has started happening again, but now she will scream out in pain every time I talk about details we need to get done and say it's the baby kicking. She will walk into the room with her shirt pulled up exposing her belly and rub it until everyone stops talking and pays attention to her. If the conversation tries to go back to us, she will pull her shirt up again so she can adjust her pants without it getting in the way.

Then, she decided to plan her baby shower for the weekend following my bridal shower- 2 months before the baby is due. She told me she had printed my shower invitations and would take care of everything, but she waited a few weeks after she had sent her baby shower invitations to send mine even though mine is the week before. She told me she had to save up to buy postage for them which was a lie because I knew my mother had bought the stamps for her. Now, because they were sent so late, the majority of people who were invited to my shower have made plans (it's spring break weekend....) and can't make it. They will, however, make it to the baby shower and will catch up with me there. They also can't afford two gifts, so since this is her first baby they have decided to spend the money on the baby.

Sorry the story is so long and there have been SO MANY more situations that are about her having to be center of attention and completely ruining wedding details and plans. I could write for days!

Can anyone help me find a way to deal with her? I have already had several conversations with her about it, but nothing will work. She runs and cries to my brother saying I'm being a horrible person and it only causes family drama. I know the wedding isn't nearly as important as spending the rest of my life with my fiance, but I am having so much trouble with her! I'm trying to let it go, but it is starting to get the best of me.

Any advice?

Thanks for reading and sorry again about the length....

Any advice....any advice....

Stop talking about your wedding with everyone. Don't get together with her. Put some distance between the two of you. Plan things yourself.

You're getting a shower, that's great! Some people don't get one at all. TBH, you sound really ungrateful and pretty high maintenance here. She sounds really annoying but you asked for advice - on what you should do presumably. So chill out. If she came asking for advice, I'd give her a big earful. But you can't control her, so focus on yourself.

Dreamergirl8812 · March 2015

You both sound way too immature to be getting married and having children. Why do you need so much attention? Why do you need to talk at people about your wedding so much? Your FI and future marriage seem like an afterthought to your wedding and all the attention you seem to crave.

ETA: Advice? If you really want to keep competing with her you're going to have to get knocked up.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

plainjane0415 · March 2015

I stopped reading here:

"That's when she started telling the family that we all needed to start planning the baby shower and help her get everything ready. She had the next 9 months planned out and needed all of us to have a meeting a few times a month so we could stay up to date."

Maggie0829 · March 2015

OP, just start screaming that when people start talking about the baby. I am sure no one will think you are crazy.

Look your SIL seems to be a crazy AW. But so do you. I understand that you want people to be excited for you but no one will ever be as excited about your wedding as you and your FI are. That is just a fact. You need to stop craving attention. Just because you are planning a wedding does not mean that you get a year of attention.

As for your SIL learn to say no and to ignore her craziness.

mikenberger · March 2015

plainjane0415 said:
I stopped reading here:
"That's when she started telling the family that we all needed to start planning the baby shower and help her get everything ready. She had the next 9 months planned out and needed all of us to have a meeting a few times a month so we could stay up to date."

It sounds like two peas in a pod reading the "SHE TOOK MY BALL AND WON'T GIVE IT BACK!" posting.

So what. She got knocked up and she's milking it for all it's worth. And you're getting married and you feel like nobody cares. Are you not getting married because you want to spend the rest of your life with your FI or because you want people to fawn and ooh and ahh?

plainjane0415 · March 2015

mikenberger said:

plainjane0415 said:
I stopped reading here:
"That's when she started telling the family that we all needed to start planning the baby shower and help her get everything ready. She had the next 9 months planned out and needed all of us to have a meeting a few times a month so we could stay up to date."
It sounds like two peas in a pod reading the "SHE TOOK MY BALL AND WON'T GIVE IT BACK!" posting.

So what. She got knocked up and she's milking it for all it's worth. And you're getting married and you feel like nobody cares. Are you not getting married because you want to spend the rest of your life with your FI or because you want people to fawn and ooh and ahh?

You mean, a wedding isn't just about the attention?! Thanks for crushing my dreams.

Maggie0829 · March 2015

plainjane0415 said:

mikenberger said:

plainjane0415 said:
I stopped reading here:
"That's when she started telling the family that we all needed to start planning the baby shower and help her get everything ready. She had the next 9 months planned out and needed all of us to have a meeting a few times a month so we could stay up to date."
It sounds like two peas in a pod reading the "SHE TOOK MY BALL AND WON'T GIVE IT BACK!" posting.

So what. She got knocked up and she's milking it for all it's worth. And you're getting married and you feel like nobody cares. Are you not getting married because you want to spend the rest of your life with your FI or because you want people to fawn and ooh and ahh?

You mean, a wedding isn't just about the attention?! Thanks for crushing my dreams.

It is also about the gifts.

plainjane0415 · March 2015

Maggie0829 said:

plainjane0415 said:

mikenberger said:

plainjane0415 said:
I stopped reading here:
"That's when she started telling the family that we all needed to start planning the baby shower and help her get everything ready. She had the next 9 months planned out and needed all of us to have a meeting a few times a month so we could stay up to date."
It sounds like two peas in a pod reading the "SHE TOOK MY BALL AND WON'T GIVE IT BACK!" posting.

So what. She got knocked up and she's milking it for all it's worth. And you're getting married and you feel like nobody cares. Are you not getting married because you want to spend the rest of your life with your FI or because you want people to fawn and ooh and ahh?

You mean, a wedding isn't just about the attention?! Thanks for crushing my dreams.
It is also about the gifts.

And bridesmaids robes..

mikenberger · March 2015

plainjane0415 said:

mikenberger said:

plainjane0415 said:
I stopped reading here:
"That's when she started telling the family that we all needed to start planning the baby shower and help her get everything ready. She had the next 9 months planned out and needed all of us to have a meeting a few times a month so we could stay up to date."
It sounds like two peas in a pod reading the "SHE TOOK MY BALL AND WON'T GIVE IT BACK!" posting.

So what. She got knocked up and she's milking it for all it's worth. And you're getting married and you feel like nobody cares. Are you not getting married because you want to spend the rest of your life with your FI or because you want people to fawn and ooh and ahh?

You mean, a wedding isn't just about the attention?! Thanks for crushing my dreams.

OliveOilsMom · March 2015

OP - I think you should get pregnant to steal back the attention!!!!!! Your SIL is overstepping so many boundaries! So exact a little revenge!

But really, you did not need to put your wedding plans on hold just because your brother & SIL were planning theirs. Your SIL and brother also did not need to give up on any family plans just because you were going to be getting married soon. The world does not revolve around weddings, like you seem to think.

Also, ignore and put some distance between you and your SIL. When she's walking around and with her shirt up, just keep talking to whoever you were having a conversation with. Also, stop talking about the wedding in front of her, so she can't scream out in pain when the baby is kicking. You know what your SIL will do, so now you just need to alter your reactions to her outbursts.

southernbelle0915 · March 2015

Yes, the only way to win back your family's attention and money they'll spend on gifts is to get knocked up.

IT'S THE ONLY WAY!!!

arrrghmatey · March 2015

I came here for the DD.

[Deleted User] · March 2015

plainjane0415 said:
I stopped reading here:
"That's when she started telling the family that we all needed to start planning the baby shower and help her get everything ready. She had the next 9 months planned out and needed all of us to have a meeting a few times a month so we could stay up to date."

Right? A few meetings every month for nine months in order to plan for a baby? Do you live in a commune? Are you sister-wives?

But thanks for the DD, this was fun.

chibiyui · March 2015

I came for the DD.

But seriously, just ignore the bitch. She's an attnetion whore, stop giving her attention.

Dreamergirl8812 · March 2015

An AW who DDs and sends out the bat signal?

Shocking, said no one ever.

Bubblegum5586 · April 2015

I came for the DD

OP- I assume you may be gone at this point but I had some similar things happen as you. H's brother and wife got married 18 months before us and for those 18 months it was all wedding talk. As we got closer we both helped a lot and it was a great wedding and lots of fun. We got engaged during that time but didn't talk much about our plans.

They got back from their honeymoon and they were pregnant. So the next year was about the new baby. They had a gender reveal party plus I helped plan the shower and everything was great. Then when baby was born we all waited at the hospital for hours so we could meet her right away.

Then it was our Bachelor and Bachelorette parties and both BIL and SIL caused drama at our respective parties. Then at the wedding itself they were wicked grumpy and BIL literally sat in the corner pouting most of the night - The photographer took a picture lol.

Since their wedding they are always having parties (potlucks that we all have to help host) for something special happening to them. IT'S ALWAYS ABOUT THEM. The one time it was about us they acted like they couldn't have cared less.

So basically I get it. It goes past the wedding and the baby stuff. It has to do with big moments in your life that you share with the people you love and feelings like they don't care.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

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