Questions for someone who has attended/had a DW (HELP!)

ejohnsonk · April 2015

Hi Everyone! :-) I recently got engaged a few weeks ago (on vaca in California!). For the past year or two I have been in love with the idea of a destination wedding. My Fiancé is unsure as to whether he definitely wants a DW because he feels it's a burden on our guests (naturally, us both wanting this is the most important to me). For all you DW brides/wedding attendees out there.. I am in DIRE need of help & advice based off your personal experience! Some of these questions, I understand, will depend on resort, island etc. so I'm just looking to learn from those who were once in my shoes. Sorry in advance for length - I'm sure you can relate..I could list so many questions!

That being said, I LOVEE the idea of a DW for so many reasons; being on vacation (something we try to take time and do every year - plus we were engaged on vaca), being with close friends & fam, I don't have as much control over every little detail (perhaps saving my sanity), all the time planning this day isn't over in 4-5 hours, and obviously cost savings $ (We're paying).

1. All inclusive (AI) OR non all inclusive? (SO split on this!!!): I would love opinions on which way you went, and how this worked out for you and your guests (guests convenience and cost being my biggest concern). As we know, AI resorts are not offered everywhere, and therefore can limit us choosing certain destinations.

-Pro AI: Helpful for guests to plan/save a set amount in advance. Also, everyone in the same resort not worried about cash.

-Con: AI can sometimes end up being more expensive than non all inclusive (especially if there are those who don't drink - which is only a few), and sacrifice quality. Also might limit guests if they want to leave the resort and explore local life.

2. Island & Resort Advice: *We do not want to have the DW in Mexico, Jamaica or DR*. Personal recommendations for other Caribbean locations (AI resorts or non all inclusive) you had your DW/attended a DW at? We are looking to go during off peak season (November or May) to keep the cost down.

Important factors being: Relatively "Easy" travel from Boston (under a half day). Looking for a nice, clean property, offers multiple bar & good restaurant food options on site. (Is keeping it under $1800/pp total possible/too much to ask?)

3. I keep reading a lot of locations give you a "free" wedding. Generally speaking, at all inclusive resorts do you have to pay per person for reception, food and an open bar? Everyone is already paying for this in their daily package - I wasn't sure how this works and want make sure I have my information correct when doing numbers. (I can imagine this depends on the resort, so just asking for your experience). If you are at a non all inclusive, how does a wedding cost compare to in the States?

4. Did you use a travel agent for guests to book reservations through? Or leave it up to guests to book however they want?

5. WOULD YOU RECOMMEND A DW?!

(If you want to help answer another: Did you get a head by sending RSVP's with your save the date early on? How did you do this?)

climbingsingle · April 2015

I attended a DW, but that was back in 2006. It was at Sandals in Jamaica. I took my mom as my date, which at first posed a problem being Sandals an all. But we worked it out and I think now they're more lax about that kind of stuff.

It honestly was one of the funnest weddings I've attended. It was a second wedding for both the bride and groom, and it was pretty small. Only 10 people attended.

The cons - I spent a lot of money. The wedding didn't include anything "extra" so we pretty much just paid for our own drinks and meals for everything since it's an AI.

But the bride was one of my very good friends, and it was fun to be on a vacation together. I probably wouldn't have attended if she wasn't one of my best friends.

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

We went to a DW in Jamaica last year. It was at an all inclusive resort. I'm about 99% sure their reception dinner was not paid for by the couple - it was just part of our all inclusive fee. Personally, I thought it was EXTREMELY tacky. Like - you're asking people to spend thousands of dollars to travel for your wedding and you can't pay for dinner? Really?!

On the up side, they actually did get married in Jamaica. In other words, they didn't do a quickie at the courthouse and then have a fake wedding on the beach. We would have been all kinds of pissed to find out we took time off and paid for a Jamaica vacation to watch a fake wedding ceremony.

So, as a guest, if I'm traveling for a DW it's important to me:

1) to know that I'm actually watching a real wedding (otherwise, what's the point?) and

2) that the couple actually hosts a reception out of their own pocket - not their guests' pocket.

Jells2dot0 · April 2015

I you don't want to have a DW in Mexico, Jamaica, or the DR, and you want to keep travel a half day from Boston (meaning direct flights), and under $1800pp, and want the possibility of AI, you are going have trouble finding something that fits. Those destinations, and the AIs in them, are good value properties and are the ones that offer those freebie weddings. I know there are Sandals properties elsewhere, but they are quite pricey and the flights can be god awful (and they are couples only).

First and foremost, make sure your VIP guests are on board with your plans. There is no sense in even considering any of this if your nearest and dearest think it's a horrible idea. Unless of course you don't care if your parents/grandparents/siblings don't attend. Be prepared for others to decline because of vacation time and financial constraints. If you can't bear to have more than 50% of your guest list decline, then maybe it's not for you.

Also, please do your due diligence before booking anything and research the legalities of getting married abroad. Your guests will be spending thousands of dollars to see you get married so it's only appropriate they they see you actually get married.

I personally love destination weddings. I have been to them and I had one (I eloped and did not have any guests.) However, we don't have kids, we love to travel, we have a significant amount of vacation time, work let's us travel easily, and we have a significant amount of discretionary funds, so when things like this come up, we jump at the chance. Not everyone can do this nor feels this way. Again, check with those closest to you.

flbride2015 · April 2015

I know you're asking for resort recommendations and such, but since I wanted a destination wedding and eventually decided against it, I figured my reasoning might be helpful for you to consider (or not).

Basically, what it came down to was that it was more important to me to have my friends and family present at my wedding than anything else. Had we done a destination wedding, it would have been a substantial burden on my family. I have family who isn't necessarily in the best place financially and has very limited vacation time. They would not have been able to attend. We considered paying the costs for our VIPs to be able to attend, but we wouldn't have been able to afford to pay for everyone we want to celebrate with.

So yeah, just a perspective to consider.

msuprincess04 · April 2015

I was married in May 2014, with 60 guests in Cozumel, Mexico.

1. You don't have to choose all inclusive versus not, if the area you are in offers both. I had a Mexican DW, but it was not held at a resort, so while I gave everyone some suggestions on where to stay, people ultimarely did their own thing. Most of my family stayed at an AI so they could be together, some friends stayed in condos, and some stayed at different hotels/resorts around the island. I had a local DW planner take care of the details, and the wedding was held at a private beach club.

2. This will be very difficult. People choose Mexico and Jamaica because they are cheap. Maybe look into Puerto Rico?

3. At AIs you can get a "free" wedding if you book so many rooms for so many nights. This can be difficult. And, that "free" reception is often just some reserved tables in the main restaurant. If you want a private space, with private catering, dancing, and the like, you will end up paying per person like any other reception.

4. I had a TA, but only a few actually used her. The rest found better deals on travel sites.

5. Of course, but it has to be something you want. Like anything, there's compromises and choices. We travel to Cozumel every year, it's our place, it makes sense for us. We have friends and family that love to travel so they were all happy to be there. None of my extended family with kids came, but we kind of expected that.

kvruns · April 2015

Biggest consideration is will your VIPs be able to attend? Ultimately that is why we decided against one bc we knew it wasn't feasible for some

[Deleted User] · April 2015

As a guest who has been to a DW, price everything out for doing a DW and what it would cost for your guests to attend. Then talk to your guests about your dreams and see how many of them would be able to make the trip. Keep in mind for any of your guest that have kids depending on how long the trip is, leaving them at home with someone may not be an option and bringing kids means more of an expense for them which may mean they may not be able to make the trip. Also talk to your VIPS about how much notice they will need. I know my sister has to have all her vacation requests for the next year submitted by November. So all of her vacation time for this year was already booked by the end of 2014.

Are DW fun? Yes, they can be lots of fun, but while you may be saving money because you are able to reduce your guest list, it gets very expensive for your guests.

ohannabelle · April 2015

I'm siding with your fiancé on this.

It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.

Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...

To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

saric83 · April 2015

1. We chose an AI, but given the locations you've ruled out, you'll be hard pressed to find something in that price range that's AI.

2. We had ours in Cancun, Mexico, so that's no help for you. But I would strongly recommend staying away from May. Once it's nice out at home, I sure as hell don't want to spend a ton of money to go on vacation somewhere warm. I would MUCH rather do that when it's cold at home.

3. We didn't have a "free" wedding at our AI resort. If you booked so many people through a hotel block, you could get bare-minimum free private functions for 20 people or something (aka - just the private location to have whatever event), but that didn't apply for us. We paid for everything at the ceremony and reception. In theory, the food and drinks were included already, but we were essentially paying for the rental of the private locations, the private wait and bar staff, the wedding planner, a menu that was different from anything available in their restaurants, a special drink menu, speaker system, mariachi band, all of the decor, lighting, furniture rental, and then obviously everything for the ceremony too (minister, legal fees, decor, musicians, video streaming, flowers, etc.)

Keep in mind that it can certainly be much cheaper (for you NOT your guests) to do a DW, but in our case, that was simply because it was a smaller group of people than if we would have had something back home. The cost per head for the welcome cocktail hour, ceremony, and reception was probably about $175 (and then in addition to that were all of our other costs like travel, my dress, his suit, wedding party and parent gifts, etc.)

4. We did have a travel agent that we personally used, and we shared her info with anyone who asked. We didn't want anyone to feel pressured to book with her if they wanted to try to find something cheaper online or use their own TA. More than half ended up using our TA.

5. I don't think a DW is the right thing for most people, so while I absolutely loved ours and wouldn't change a thing, it's definitely not a good fit for everyone. Frankly, we would have been okay eloping by ourselves, but our immediate family and close friends indicated they would want to go somewhere with us, and we were lucky enough that 40 of our nearest and dearest made it. But bottom line, it's a LOT to ask of anyone, so you both simply have to be 100% okay with the idea that a ton of your guests won't make it (even if they seem excited in the beginning).

For your question regarding RSVPs, we needed to have final numbers 45 days prior to the ceremony date, so we just sent our invitations earlier than normal with that as our deadline. We had quite a few people who didn't decide until it got much closer, so I wouldn't bother trying to figure out RSVPs with save-the-dates earlier or anything. Life happens, and it's simply too far to ask people to commit to something for sure.

Jsparrow10 · April 2015

My brother had a DW wedding 8 years ago and I knew after that I wouldn't want to do it any other way. In July we are doing the same and 70 people will be joining us. It is at an AI in Mexico and we made sure it was under $1500 for our guests if they wanted to stay a week which we successfully did. We are working with an awesome travel agent and we need to release rooms in our room block this month, we gave people 2 months to RSVP which we sent our STDs 10 months ahead of time to let people know. Honestly, do whatever you want and what will make you happy. No matter what people will bitch about your decisions no matter what you do. Talk with your FI and VIPs and go from there, they are the people that matter and not very opinionated people on the internet.

elcbride · April 2015

If you're considering a DW, have you considered costs for your guests even if you had your wedding in the states? I don't know what your situation is, but my fiance and I decided to do a DW after we did some calculations and realized it would cost almost the same amount for most of our guests to attend a DW in Mexico as it would be to host at home. We live in Vegas, but almost no one but my immediate family lives here with us - our close friends and family are scattered all around the U.S., and we realized that airfare, hotels, meals, and drinks in Las Vegas would cost as much (or maybe even more) than it would to do an all-inclusive in Cancun. I definitely think all-inclusive is the way to go, just because in the long run, it'll be cheaper than your guests paying to eat and drink at hotel or tourist zone restaurants at every meal.

Definitely do what works for you, though - and ask around. Your friends and family might surprise you by saying that, given enough time, they're totally willing to spring for a vacay in the Caribbean - and incidentally, witness your beautiful wedding at the same time. Good luck!

Jells2dot0 · April 2015

Jsparrow10 said:
My brother had a DW wedding 8 years ago and I knew after that I wouldn't want to do it any other way. In July we are doing the same and 70 people will be joining us. It is at an AI in Mexico and we made sure it was under $1500 for our guests if they wanted to stay a week which we successfully did. We are working with an awesome travel agent and we need to release rooms in our room block this month, we gave people 2 months to RSVP which we sent our STDs 10 months ahead of time to let people know. Honestly, do whatever you want and what will make you happy. No matter what people will bitch about your decisions no matter what you do. Talk with your FI and VIPs and go from there, they are the people that matter and not very opinionated people on the internet.

I'm not really sure where the bolded came from, given that your advice is pretty much the same as the advice from the other posters- check with your VIPs, try to keep costs down for your guests, etc.

Jsparrow10 · April 2015

Jells2dot0 said:

Jsparrow10 said:
My brother had a DW wedding 8 years ago and I knew after that I wouldn't want to do it any other way. In July we are doing the same and 70 people will be joining us. It is at an AI in Mexico and we made sure it was under $1500 for our guests if they wanted to stay a week which we successfully did. We are working with an awesome travel agent and we need to release rooms in our room block this month, we gave people 2 months to RSVP which we sent our STDs 10 months ahead of time to let people know. Honestly, do whatever you want and what will make you happy. No matter what people will bitch about your decisions no matter what you do. Talk with your FI and VIPs and go from there, they are the people that matter and not very opinionated people on the internet.
I'm not really sure where the bolded came from, given that your advice is pretty much the same as the advice from the other posters- check with your VIPs, try to keep costs down for your guests, etc.

So did other people say the same thing so why am I being called out? It's sad this is a DW board and someone asking for advice whether to have one or not and the responses are putting them down pretty much.

Jells2dot0 · April 2015

Jsparrow10 said:

Jells2dot0 said:

Jsparrow10 said:
My brother had a DW wedding 8 years ago and I knew after that I wouldn't want to do it any other way. In July we are doing the same and 70 people will be joining us. It is at an AI in Mexico and we made sure it was under $1500 for our guests if they wanted to stay a week which we successfully did. We are working with an awesome travel agent and we need to release rooms in our room block this month, we gave people 2 months to RSVP which we sent our STDs 10 months ahead of time to let people know. Honestly, do whatever you want and what will make you happy. No matter what people will bitch about your decisions no matter what you do. Talk with your FI and VIPs and go from there, they are the people that matter and not very opinionated people on the internet.
I'm not really sure where the bolded came from, given that your advice is pretty much the same as the advice from the other posters- check with your VIPs, try to keep costs down for your guests, etc.
So did other people say the same thing so why am I being called out? It's sad this is a DW board and someone asking for advice whether to have one or not and the responses are putting them down pretty much.

I'm not trying to "call you out" but you kept referencing negative advice that I clearly didn't see in any of the responses. The OP was getting very helpful advice and you introduced negativity into it.

JennyColada · April 2015

We had a DW, but it wasn't in a tropical location. We had a pretty amazing coordinator which helped us with everything. Had we had our DW somewhere that we didn't know anyone, I definitely would have tried to utilize a coordinator of some sort (be it a property coordinator or travel agent) to help me. It would have been hell to try to find the vendors all on my own with no information or input from anyone local.

Jsparrow10 · April 2015

ohannabelle said:
I'm siding with your fiancé on this.
It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.
Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...
To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

To each their own and I know the OP was asking for opinions but I'm pretty sure this wasn't me introducing negativity. I'm pro DW obviously since I'm having one in 3 months.

Jells2dot0 · April 2015

Jsparrow10 said:

ohannabelle said:
I'm siding with your fiancé on this.
It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.
Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...
To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

To each their own and I know the OP was asking for opinions but I'm pretty sure this wasn't me introducing negativity. I'm pro DW obviously since I'm having one in 3 months.

There is a difference between having a negative opinion against DWs versus introducing negativity. @ohannabelle has a negative opinion of DWs- she doesn't like the expense tied to them. It's a burden she doesn't like to have as a guest and it's something the OP needs to think about for her VIPs and her other guests. Your negativity was basically saying don't listen to any of the negative opinions on here because they don't count. I think the OP needs to take ALL opinions into account.

I'm pro DW because I had one. It worked for my particular situation. But, it doesn't work for everyone. People need to think long and hard before jumping into it because what works for the couple doesn't always work for their guests.

Jsparrow10 · April 2015

Jells2dot0 said:

Jsparrow10 said:

ohannabelle said:
I'm siding with your fiancé on this.
It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.
Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...
To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

To each their own and I know the OP was asking for opinions but I'm pretty sure this wasn't me introducing negativity. I'm pro DW obviously since I'm having one in 3 months.

There is a difference between having a negative opinion against DWs versus introducing negativity. @ohannabelle has a negative opinion of DWs- she doesn't like the expense tied to them. It's a burden she doesn't like to have as a guest and it's something the OP needs to think about for her VIPs and her other guests. Your negativity was basically saying don't listen to any of the negative opinions on here because they don't count. I think the OP needs to take ALL opinions into account.
I'm pro DW because I had one. It worked for my particular situation. But, it doesn't work for everyone. People need to think long and hard before jumping into it because what works for the couple doesn't always work for their guests.

I completely agree that it is important to think about all of the pros and cons of a DW and if it's right for you. I don't agree I "introduced negativity" into this post. There's a nice way to agree to disagree with everything and usually sadly people on the knot don't go that route.

ohannabelle · April 2015

Jsparrow10 said:

ohannabelle said:
I'm siding with your fiancé on this.
It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.
Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...
To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

To each their own and I know the OP was asking for opinions but I'm pretty sure this wasn't me introducing negativity. I'm pro DW obviously since I'm having one in 3 months.

Uhm. When somebody asks for opinions, that's a very different thing than saying, I want opinions but only opinions that support what I like.

The OP's fiancé is also concerned about asking guests to shell out substantial amounts of money, so obviously, more than one person in the world considers that aspect.

So no. It's not "negative" to point out that this is an event which will cost guests a large amount of time and money and effort, and not all your invited guests are going to be just tickled pink about that, and some might even feel excluded. That's fair. A different perspective. That's not putting someone down.

Jsparrow10 · April 2015

ohannabelle said:
I'm siding with your fiancé on this.
It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.
Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...
To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

I never said anyone was being put down. I know if I was between making a decision if I wanted a DW or not I wouldn't like being called selfish for wanting one and it's such a hassle for the guests. I have 3 out of state weddings in the next year. Do I see them as a burden? No because they are important people in our lives and we wouldn't miss it for the world no matter where it is. So call it selfish or call it weeding out the guest list. We have 70 people coming to Mexico and are super excited about it. I'm not arguing anymore, like I said to each their own but there are nicer ways to say your different perspective.

amelisha · April 2015

Jsparrow10 said:

ohannabelle said:
I'm siding with your fiancé on this.
It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.
Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...
To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

I never said anyone was being put down. I know if I was between making a decision if I wanted a DW or not I wouldn't like being called selfish for wanting one and it's such a hassle for the guests. I have 3 out of state weddings in the next year. Do I see them as a burden? No because they are important people in our lives and we wouldn't miss it for the world no matter where it is. So call it selfish or call it weeding out the guest list. We have 70 people coming to Mexico and are super excited about it. I'm not arguing anymore, like I said to each their own but there are nicer ways to say your different perspective.

Dude. She's being perfectly nice. Her perspective is different than yours but that doesn't mean she's being mean. How else is she supposed to phrase it? It certainly doesn't seem like there's any possible way she could express the opinion that destination weddings aren't her thing without hurting your delicate feelings. Give me a break.

And honestly, that perspective is one I really struggled with before we agreed to get married in Vegas because I couldn't fathom asking anyone to spend a bunch of time and money to take a trip with us. But our parents really loved the idea and wanted to go, so we were like "well, let's do this with just them." Then we told a few of our best friends that that was the plan and a few of them wanted to come too, so we wrote some little notes saying something like "Hey guys, here's the date, we love you a lot and if you feel like taking a trip to Vegas we'd be so happy to see you there, but please don't feel like you have to." And I'm STILL feeling guilty for even doing that much. I would never have been comfortable inviting anyone I wasn't super close to (in fact, the only people we invited are people we've gone on vacations with previously) because I do think it's crazy to suggest that people drop a couple thousand just to watch us get married. It absolutely seems selfish and I can't help feeling bad about it...just because we wanted to run away and do something cheap and easy doesn't mean that everyone else should be so inconvenienced. But at the end of the day our best friends swear they're going because they want to, not just for the wedding, so I'm just super grateful that they are being so lovely about it. I would have been fine if no one wanted to come so it's amazing to me that some people did.

If you think it's NOT a hassle for your guests, I just don't understand. It's a lot of time, money, and organization to take an international trip and that's only exacerbated if it's for a wedding because it's not even the time and place you'd choose independently, you know? I'm delighted that my best friends think it's worth it but I'm under no illusions that it's not an incredibly nice and generous thing to do for me.

saric83 · April 2015

Jsparrow10 said:

ohannabelle said:
I'm siding with your fiancé on this.
It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.
Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...
To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

I never said anyone was being put down. I know if I was between making a decision if I wanted a DW or not I wouldn't like being called selfish for wanting one and it's such a hassle for the guests. I have 3 out of state weddings in the next year. Do I see them as a burden? No because they are important people in our lives and we wouldn't miss it for the world no matter where it is. So call it selfish or call it weeding out the guest list. We have 70 people coming to Mexico and are super excited about it. I'm not arguing anymore, like I said to each their own but there are nicer ways to say your different perspective.

Just putting it out there that this is awesome for your friends and family who you'll be able to be there with, but it's also really important to keep in mind that not everyone may be as financially able, have time off of work, have childcare options or whatever. It's a luxury to be in that position.

Jells2dot0 · April 2015

saric83 said:

Jsparrow10 said:

ohannabelle said:
I'm siding with your fiancé on this.
It's imposing a really large burden on your guests.

I've declined the two I've been invited to, because I really felt that if someone genuinely cared that I was at their wedding, they wouldn't dump the expense of a trip to Maui on me. It's a lot to ask of a guest.
Love my friends, but nope. They shouldn't expect me to just spend a thousand dollars to go to a wedding. Babysitting, pet boarding, time off work, flight, transportation, hotel, gift...
To me, a vacation destination venue says the couple cares more about the location than their friends and family.

I never said anyone was being put down. I know if I was between making a decision if I wanted a DW or not I wouldn't like being called selfish for wanting one and it's such a hassle for the guests. I have 3 out of state weddings in the next year. Do I see them as a burden? No because they are important people in our lives and we wouldn't miss it for the world no matter where it is. So call it selfish or call it weeding out the guest list. We have 70 people coming to Mexico and are super excited about it. I'm not arguing anymore, like I said to each their own but there are nicer ways to say your different perspective.
Just putting it out there that this is awesome for your friends and family who you'll be able to be there with, but it's also really important to keep in mind that not everyone may be as financially able, have time off of work, have childcare options or whatever. It's a luxury to be in that position.

QFT

XrebeccaX · April 2015

We got married in Europe, I would not have done it any other way. We checked with our parents and with my husband's siblings first to make sure they were on board.

My only advice is to just know some people won't be able to make it work, and that's okay. Enjoy

AGB03 · May 2015

RezIpsa · May 2015

This is from a guest perspective. I have one of these coming up that I will be declining. Here is why:

1) it's a PPD, because it's just too much bother to get the documents translated. 'Nuff said.

2) the resort is an AI, and wicked expensive for me (and all of the friends of the bride and groom). There is no other place to stay nearby, and not staying at the resort gets problematic for them in paying for the reception. Because:

3) the wedding package and reception are free if a certain number of guests book rooms at the AI. So we are all throwing them a lovely wedding with our overpriced rooms.

4) there is a "dress code" that is not venue policy or "black tie"

Do not do these things. They make your guests very unhappy (the amount of bitching that is going on behind this couple's back is intense), and they are rude things to do to loved ones.

Don't finance your wedding on your guests backs. Everyone knows that's what's up, and people do not like it.

Do find a place that has other lodging options around, including inexpensive ones.

Getting married at an AI close to the U.S. seems to be really popular now (I think this is the fifth one for me in two years). They can be hosted just as graciously as anything else, but sadly many are not.

thisismynickname2 · May 2015

I feel like chiming in on Number 5: Would I recommend one?

Yes, if your VIPs are likewise on board. It's a great opportunity to do something fun and out of the ordinary.

Examples: My sister wanted to get married near our extended family in England, but her husband-to-be's parents couldn't afford the travel. They were unhappy with the idea of an at-home reception because they wanted to see the actual legal marriage, so the couple scrapped the plan.

DH and I wanted to get married in Napa (we're in the Midwest) and our friends were excited about the idea. However, it was out of our budget and we worried it would be cost prohibitive for a lot of family. We scrapped the idea.

We did attend someone else's wedding in Napa, and it was a blast. The couple had a solid 150 Midwesterners fly out there. So it was worth the expense for a lot of people!

DH once attended a destination wedding at Beaches in Jamaica (Beaches was chosen so people could bring their children, but everyone left their children behind in the end). I'm told they all had a fantastic time.

In the examples above, the needs of VIPs were considered and decisions made accordingly. When a DW was possible, it was wonderful. My BFF wanted to get married in Hawaii, but even I discouraged her because getting to HI from the Midwest is fucking expensive and takes forever to get there. In that case, it would have been them caring more about the location than their guests, and they did scrap the idea and have 250 people coming to their local event.

Knottie1430106330 · June 2015

Thank you all so much for the informative responses. My fiancee and I had many of the same questions brought by the initial poster (we thank you for asking those questions!). In addition, we are wondering if any of you that have used a travel agent/wedding planner for a Caribbean destination wedding, how much is reasonable to pay for one? We spoke to two today, one who is charging nothing, the other charging a decent amount (greater than $1500). The latter has received a large amount of positive reviews however I was wondering if anyone feels that there is an advantage to paying so much more. It seems that both planners offer similar services. We appreciate any opinions!

Jells2dot0 · June 2015

Knottie1430106330 said:

Thank you all so much for the informative responses. My fiancee and I had many of the same questions brought by the initial poster (we thank you for asking those questions!). In addition, we are wondering if any of you that have used a travel agent/wedding planner for a Caribbean destination wedding, how much is reasonable to pay for one? We spoke to two today, one who is charging nothing, the other charging a decent amount (greater than $1500). The latter has received a large amount of positive reviews however I was wondering if anyone feels that there is an advantage to paying so much more. It seems that both planners offer similar services. We appreciate any opinions!

I answered your question above, but didn't realize it was for a wedding planner. Usually your travel agent and wedding planner are two different people. Travel agents book the travel portion (air/hotel/transfers) and the wedding planner books your wedding-related vendors and activities. It makes sense that a wedding planner does not get commission, so they would charge a fee. So, what are these people providing you?

Knottie1430106330 · June 2015

I apologize for the confusion. It seems that the travel agent who is charging a fee is, on top of all the travel arrangements, coordination, etc., would also be helping with the wedding ceremony itself however the essentially free service would just be helping with travel logistics. In terms of the helping with ceremony stuff, I thought that most all inclusives have a wedding coordinator on site to deal with that. So is the fee perhaps going to extra services that the on-site wedding coordinator would be handling anyway?

And yes, we are essentially planning on laying around for a week or so, with guests coming when they can, and then having a wedding ceremony. I assume this is pretty standard.

Questions for someone who has attended/had a DW (HELP!)

Re: Questions for someone who has attended/had a DW (HELP!)

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