Wedding Party

Dress debacle.

So I went dress shopping with my bridal party. I said that I was okay with them wearing mismatched dresses, but they said they wanted to be uniform. I said okay thats cool, whatever you want. Everyone tried dresses on, and we managed to narrow it down to two dresses within budget (privately determined by each bridal party member)! Yay right?

Well not quite...After we went shopping I asked each girl privately whether or not they were okay with the dresses. The majority of the bridal party liked a strapless dress, but were fine going with either one. One BM said she liked the strapless one more than the other, but would be more comfortable if she could add straps to the dress (she didn't mention that she was uncomfortable with strapless prior to going dress shopping, despite me asking each bridal party member privately if they were uncomfortable with any dress types etc. several nights before). I was more than happy to oblige, because I want to make sure she's comfortable. I asked her two weeks later if she was 100% sure, that we can find something else, or change to two and two but she says, no its okay, I'm fine with adding straps. The girls submit their measurements to my MOH, she collects the payments, and places a group order. 

Fast forward to today I get a text from that BM saying "Hey I have this great idea! Why don't I wear a different dress than everyone else!" I haven't responded to her yet. I don't understand why she wouldn't tell me anything during our private conversations (because I feel as though I gave her plenty of times to speak her peace before and after we went shopping). Also, this BM chose a dress a few months back that was being discontinued. It didn't fit her (couldn't be altered), non-returnable, and I had to pay back the bridal party members who ordered the the dress. Because the dress is made to measure, I worry that I will have to refund them yet again, which I don't have the funds for. 
 
What would you do if you were in my position? How should I handle this?

Re: Dress debacle.

  • Well, first off, you really did things right when  you talked to your girls.  Newbies - this is how it is done, privately.

    Why did you have to refund the price for the dresses if they were made to measure?

    Is she usually a go with the flow kind of person who is having a moment, or is she known for being like this?  Is she just being flighty or is she a attention hound?

  • I see no reason why you would have needed to refund the other dresses?

    I would say "At this point, we're pretty locked into these dresses, and you seemed on board with them when you ordered yours. If you really don't feel comfortable wearing the dress you ordered, or are afraid you might change your mind again, you're welcome just to attend as a guest and we'll still love having you present for our vows and partying with you!"

  • bride2b71614bride2b71614 member
    5 Love Its First Comment First Anniversary Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    She's known for being like this. I am very frustrated because she wasn't honest with me in the first place as to how she felt. I don't feel like changing the dress again just because she decided that she doesn't like it all of a sudden, and because its not fair to the other girls. I've done everything I can to make this a comfortable experience for all, but I don't understand why she can't just do what we agreed upon, especially when she was the one who came up with the solution. 

    I haven't checked if the dresses are refundable, I think they are because we bought them from a shop, but because they are custom sizes (they aren't your average 2,4,6,8 etc, rather they are okay this person has a 28" bust, 32" waist and whatever hips, and thats how the dress is made) I worry that they won't be. 

    I don't want to come off as a bitch or demanding, but I feel as though I shouldn't have to change the dress because the deal was mismatched, two and two, or uniform. If she were pregnant, or her religious beliefs had fashion restrictions I would be more than happy to let her do whatever she wanted, but that isn't whats going on here, she just decided that she should wear a different dress than the bridal party, for unknown reasons. 

    Am I completely crazy for wanting to ask her to just keep the dress and do what we agreed upon? I still haven't responded to the text because I am unable to come up with a nice way to tactfully say no, I don't want you wearing something else, while everyone remains uniform. Suggestions? 
  • I agree with you @flantastic, I think that I can present her with the choice of either keeping the dress OR joining us as a guest. At the end of the day I think I did everything I could've done for this situation. 

    I still feel crazy for even giving this much of a shit about it. 

  • I don't think you should change the dress for her, but I'd probably tell her that she could wear the second option if she wanted to pay for a second dress. I would probably also suggest she take the dress to a tailor and see if she could do some alterations to make her more comfortable, or suggest she get a wrap or bolero. 

    This is not anyone else's problem, and they shouldn't have to swap dresses, even if they are returnable. 
  • I agree with PP. This girl is turning this into a problem for you and the other BMs, and that's not cool. Especially if you already had to pay them all back for a dress because of Problem Girl. 

    Just let her know that the decision has been made and is final, but she can get the dress altered to make her more comfortable if she wants to. I also like the wording flantastic gave you. 

    This just seems really stupid, and not something that should be a big problem.
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  • If straps are her only real issue - tell her that she can have the seamstress put some clear detachable straps in but that you'd prefer she not wear the straps during the ceremony/pictures portion of the day. 

    Otherwise, say the order has been placed, and bean dip! 

  • I would tell her that it would look odd if just one girl was wearing a different dress then the others unless it's the MOH or it was due to pregnancy since they all agreed they wanted to wear the same dress. I would tell her however, if she would feel more comfortable having straps added to the dress, that you're sure the bridal shop can accomodate for that. I went to a wedding where one of the BM because due to how well endowed she was, even with a great bra, she felt more secure in the dress having straps. Didn't look odd at all that she had strap on her dress and the other girls didn't.
  • I agree with PP. This girl is turning this into a problem for you and the other BMs, and that's not cool. Especially if you already had to pay them all back for a dress because of Problem Girl. 


    Just let her know that the decision has been made and is final, but she can get the dress altered to make her more comfortable if she wants to. I also like the wording flantastic gave you. 

    This just seems really stupid, and not something that should be a big problem.
    Yeah I agree with this. She already agreed to the dress and now is changing her mind (for what appears to be a second time). This is not your problem. 

    I would tell her unfortunately these dresses are already ordered and she can alter to make it more comfortable. 
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  • I see no reason why you would have needed to refund the other dresses?

    I would say "At this point, we're pretty locked into these dresses, and you seemed on board with them when you ordered yours. If you really don't feel comfortable wearing the dress you ordered, or are afraid you might change your mind again, you're welcome just to attend as a guest and we'll still love having you present for our vows and partying with you!"

    I agree. She's already paid for it, you've done everything possible to get her answers so it's silly of her to bring that up 2 dresses later. She wears the dress she agreed upon already.
  • littlepep said:

    I agree with PP. This girl is turning this into a problem for you and the other BMs, and that's not cool. Especially if you already had to pay them all back for a dress because of Problem Girl. 


    Just let her know that the decision has been made and is final, but she can get the dress altered to make her more comfortable if she wants to. I also like the wording flantastic gave you. 

    This just seems really stupid, and not something that should be a big problem.
    Yeah I agree with this. She already agreed to the dress and now is changing her mind (for what appears to be a second time). This is not your problem. 

    I would tell her unfortunately these dresses are already ordered and she can alter to make it more comfortable. 
    I agree too. You asked her already if she was okay, and she said yes. That was the time for her to tell you if she wasn't. It's not okay for her to keep flip-flopping back and forth on this. I'd tell her, "This is the dress. You are certainly welcome to make any alterations to it that you see fit, but we are not changing the dress again."
  • "No" is definitely an acceptable answer to her question at this point.

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