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When to send thank you cards?

spglspspglsp member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
I had a bunch of coordinating thank you cards printed up when I ordered my invitations, they're blank on the inside and just say thank you at the top but the design matches. Our wedding is not for another two months but we've already started receiving gifts and I would like to send out thank you cards for them as soon as possible. Should I use the printed cards to thank people for the gifts now? If I do that, should I then send another thank you card to those individuals after the wedding, thanking them for coming?
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Re: When to send thank you cards?

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    spglsp said:

    I had a bunch of coordinating thank you cards printed up when I ordered my invitations, they're blank on the inside and just say thank you at the top but the design matches. Our wedding is not for another two months but we've already started receiving gifts and I would like to send out thank you cards for them as soon as possible. Should I use the printed cards to thank people for the gifts now? If I do that, should I then send another thank you card to those individuals after the wedding, thanking them for coming?

    Thank you notes are for gifts, not for attendance. Do not send a thank you note to guests who just attend your wedding as this could be seen as gift grabby.

    So yes, send a thank you note right away as the gifts come in. However, do not use the gift until after the wedding. Are your note cards just matching your wedding stationery? Or is it your new monogram/ name? If it is the former, completely fine to use it. If it is the latter, I would go get some inexpensive note cards to send.

    Also, thank you notes confirm to the sender that it arrived. And it means that you don't have such a giant stack to send after the wedding. 
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  • spglspspglsp member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its Name Dropper First Comment
    They don't have my new name, they just match the overall design of the invitations. I've always assumed I should send thank you cards to guests for attending, some of them are traveling a long way and I appreciate the effort whether or not there's a gift involved. Is that really an etiquette faux pas?
    Just Married!

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  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    spglsp said:

    They don't have my new name, they just match the overall design of the invitations. I've always assumed I should send thank you cards to guests for attending, some of them are traveling a long way and I appreciate the effort whether or not there's a gift involved. Is that really an etiquette faux pas?

    Yes, it's incorrect to send a thank you note for attending. The reception is to thank guests for attending the ceremony, and you should make every effort to personally speak with each guest at the reception to thank them for being there. A thank you note for someone that didn't give a gift is totally unnecessary and can be construed as a not so subtle reminder of the missing gift, even if you have the best intentions. If you do miss a chance to speak to someone at the wedding, it's better to just call. 

    For gifts, try to send a thank you note within 2 weeks of receiving anything before the wedding. It doesn't matter if you use matching stationary or not. 
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  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    It doesn't matter if they don't have  your new name. The important part it is to thank people in a timely fashion for the present(s) they give to you. TYs should be sent as soon as possible after receiving a gift. If that's before the wedding and/or via mail, then the TY should be sent at that time.

    Yes, it is a faux pas to thank people for just attending. The reasoning is this:

    1) you already thanked them via a receiving line or table visits at the wedding. That is sufficient. 
    2) a TY card when they didn't send a gift is often interpreted as pointing out the fact that they "just attended" and didn't give a gift. It can be seen as passive aggressively pointing out the lack of a gift and asking for one. 
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  • LondonLisaLondonLisa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    spglsp said:

    They don't have my new name, they just match the overall design of the invitations. I've always assumed I should send thank you cards to guests for attending, some of them are traveling a long way and I appreciate the effort whether or not there's a gift involved. Is that really an etiquette faux pas?

    Just to be clear, I was asking about if they were monogrammed or had your new name (if you are changing your name) on them as you shouldn't really send anything out with the new name before the wedding. It is absolutely 100% not required to have your name/monogram on anything...

    Ditto @SouthernBelle0915 (as always!) about the reasons for not sending TY notes to non-gift givers. 


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