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Dropped out of bachelorette wknd - How much should I pay?

Knottie06379962Knottie06379962 member
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
I foolishly RSVP'd yes to my friend's out of town bachelorette weekend without asking what the activities would entail (the invite only gave the location). When I got the group email that they rented the house (price was not given), planned for fancy night outs, dinners and brunches each day, I realized this would be out of my price range, especially since I'm already paying a lot for another bridal weekend (which I'm in the bridal party). I emailed the coordinator and told her I couldn't go, but that I would still pay for my share of the house rental since I RSVP'd before it was booked. I figure fair is fair. She replied and was appreciative that I'd still contribute, but then said that other people are also dropping out and that she'd get me the total when she knows the final number. 

Now I'm thinking - is it fair that I'm covering the cost of other girls dropping out who apparently aren't paying? I suppose at the end of the day if other people are dropping out and refusing to pay their share, the extra cost needs to be absorbed by someone. But if I'm not going should I also be part of that pool? Should I say anything or just suck it up? 
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Re: Dropped out of bachelorette wknd - How much should I pay?

  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Did the coordinator tell you ahead of time what your share of the house would be?  Or did you just kind of agree to this blindly (in terms of cost, at least).  In no way should you be paying for anyone else who is dropping out.  I would reply back and ask her what each persons's original share of the house was and send her a check for that amount.  I would assume she already has those figures and hope she isn't calculating some higher number for you since you were the only one to offer to cover your costs (which was very nice of you, btw).

    Hopefully the planner is realizing her mistake in not asking for budgets first, or at the very least running costs/activities by everyone before booking, now that so many people are backing out.  Good luck!!


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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited April 2015
    I would respond "Well, I see that 12 people originally RSVP'd and the total for the house rental according to your email was 1200. So I'll send a check for $100." Do not open the door for debate on it or you're going to end up paying more than necessary. And you are under no obligation to cover the people that back out.

    ETA: It's on the shoulders of the hosts to cover the costs. They should've clearly laid out the costs of the bachelorette party and expectations before renting. They could've gotten something smaller or planned something different.

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  • Maggie0829Maggie0829 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Knottie06379962 said:

    I foolishly RSVP'd yes to my friend's out of town bachelorette weekend without asking what the activities would entail (the invite only gave the location). When I got the group email that they rented the house (price was not given), planned for fancy night outs, dinners and brunches each day, I realized this would be out of my price range, especially since I'm already paying a lot for another bridal weekend (which I'm in the bridal party). I emailed the coordinator and told her I couldn't go, but that I would still pay for my share of the house rental since I RSVP'd before it was booked. I figure fair is fair. She replied and was appreciative that I'd still contribute, but then said that other people are also dropping out and that she'd get me the total when she knows the final number. 


    Now I'm thinking - is it fair that I'm covering the cost of other girls dropping out who apparently aren't paying? I suppose at the end of the day if other people are dropping out and refusing to pay their share, the extra cost needs to be absorbed by someone. But if I'm not going should I also be part of that pool? Should I say anything or just suck it up? 
    The coordinator was wrong for not laying out all the prices of the activities before hand.

    And no, it is not fair for you to have to cover the cost of others.  Like PP said, if the cost of the rental was $1200 and there were originally 12 people going I would tell the coordinator that you will pay your share of $100.  Any extra costs falls on the shoulders of the coordinators.

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  • MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    Your share should be the cost of the rental, divided by the number of people that originally RSVP's yes. I think it's nice of you to offer to pay that, since the added costs priced you out of the weekend. This was very poor planning on the part of the organizer.


                       
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  • littlepeplittlepep member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yeah this sounds like a huge mess. Clearly she did not relay the costs appropriately so a lot of others are probably in the same boat as you thinking the cost was way more than they anticipated.

    It's nice of you to offer to pay your portion, but as PPs have said, only paid what was original amount. Do not cover other people. And don't ask her to tell you what you owe. Who knows what she'll come up with. 
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  • levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Oh hell no.  You do not have to pay for other people who are dropping out.  How is that fair? 


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  • MGPMGP member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited April 2015
    Ditto what others have said about paying your original share and that's it - you have no obligation to cover for anyone else.  And the "coordinator" hopefully realizes she did a horrible job of planning this if so many people are dropping out.  Kudos to you all for putting your foot down!

    I am just tired of people wanting to act like ballers for a weekend when they clearly can't afford it.  The last bachelorette party I was invited to I found an incredible hotel deal for the group - just to be shot down because they found a hotel that was $13 less per person FOR THE WHOLE WEEKEND, so I declined not because they didn't like my idea but because I can't deal with people who nickel and dime to that level.  Then I see the pics on FB and they are like "balling in Vegas!!"  Yeah whatever you cheapasses. . . 
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  • hyechica81hyechica81 member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment First Answer
    i wouldn't pay at all you rsvped to an event with no details on it and now she has the ability to inflate the price to some high number and you have no clue what it is.


    if that was me i would say sorry i had no clue about what was going on and the cost of the rental but unfortunately i cannot attend it , i hope the bride has a great bach weekend give her my regrets 
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