Wedding Etiquette Forum

Bridal Shower/Wedding Gift from Unknown Sender

Hi All,

My awesome bridal party hosted a surprise bridal shower for me last weekend.  Originally, I knew that there would be one at some point because my MOH and a bridesmaid gave me a deadline to get my registry ready and send them the information.  I just didn't know when it would be.  It turned out to be great and a lot of fun.

The registry had my mailing address on it and so I did receive some gifts to my house from people who could not attend the bridal shower.  My fiance an I finally opened them after the bridal shower.  One or two senders sent a gift that was on our registry but purchased from a different vendor.  When we opened the box and looked at the packing slip, I could not find the name of who sent the gifts.  There was no card, note or anything.  Just the purchase slip with no billing address.

I'm going to spend some time this weekend to write thank you cards to the people who attended the bridal shower and sent over gifts.  How do I find out who sent over the gifts I could not identify?  I'm a little reluctant to ask around too much because I feel like it would make me look gift grabby.  I've only asked my very closest friends who could not attend the shower (we are very open with each other) but they said they did not send it.  I would like to thank the person or people but am kind of at a dead end.

Thanks!

Re: Bridal Shower/Wedding Gift from Unknown Sender

  • Your first step could be calling the vendor from which the gift came. Explain the situation, offer the order number (or packing slip number, whatever) and ask them to give you the person's name. 
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  • Thanks for the advice novella.  Actually, I forgot to put that detail into my post.  That was the first thing I did on Monday and the vendor said that they could not provide that information because it is private information.....weird.
  • Try process of elimination. So there probably aren't THAT many people who were invited but didn't come. You got gifts from a few of them. Who's left? Maybe 2 or 3 possible people?

    See if you can call the vendor again and talk to someone else. If they still won't tell you, I would just ask the 2 or 3 possible people. Start with the most likely and work your way down the list. 
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  • Try process of elimination. So there probably aren't THAT many people who were invited but didn't come. You got gifts from a few of them. Who's left? Maybe 2 or 3 possible people?


    See if you can call the vendor again and talk to someone else. If they still won't tell you, I would just ask the 2 or 3 possible people. Start with the most likely and work your way down the list. 
    Do this.  Then, can you tell the Vendor the names of the 2 or 3 possible people and see if they will confirm?  "I really just want to be able to thank someone for the gift.  Can you give me the state of the person who gifted it to me?  No?  Well, how about if I guess, can you confirm?  Was it Sally Smith, Ashley Johnson, or Betty Davis?"
  • Novella and Southernbelle are right. If necessary, I'd also consider reaching out to the friend who through the shower and your mom/FMIL. I had 2 gifts arrive without names. My mom knew about one. My aunt threw a themed shower and knew about the other since the person chatted with her about ideas. Much easier!
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  • edited April 2015
    Thanks for the suggestions, I just called the vendor again.  They won't give me the name.  I didn't realize bridal shower gift identification is on the same level as a secret government operation lol.  I talked to my FSIL who did most of the planning and she asked my FMIL.  No one know....total mystery LOL.

    The gift was mainly for my fiance....a foldable camping cooler with his favorite baseball team logo and a reclining camping chair (he wanted some outdoor stuff as well).  They are actually pretty great.  He asked his brother and closest guy friends and groomsmen and all said no....
  • This happened to us.  We got a completely random gift nowhere near the time of our shower or wedding and the vendor refused to confirm who sent it.  I was able to look at the vendor webpage (it was a small boutique shop) and noticed that the vendor had been recently featured on a daytime talk show that i know my SIL watches.  But the shop was located in a town that close friends had recently moved to, so it could have been them as well.  A few weeks later SIL asked us if we received it.  But until she asked we felt completely terrible about not knowing who sent it.

     

    If you truly can't figure it out, you might luck out and have someone contact you to ask if you received their gift - i would probably ask this question if i didn't get a TY note within a month or so from when the gift was sent if i mailed it directly - because i'd be honestly concerned that it never got there.  If that happens, just be extremely apologetic and explain to the gift giver what happened.

     

    Did you ask the shower hosts for a list of people who were invited but declined to attend?  it's likely that it was one of those people.  If they had sent it directly but still attended, they probably would have verified at the shower that you received it - this just happened to me at my recent baby shower with several gifts that had arrived at my house before hand.

  • Novella and Southernbelle are right. If necessary, I'd also consider reaching out to the friend who through the shower and your mom/FMIL. I had 2 gifts arrive without names. My mom knew about one. My aunt threw a themed shower and knew about the other since the person chatted with her about ideas. Much easier!

    delujm0 said:

    Did you ask the shower hosts for a list of people who were invited but declined to attend?  it's likely that it was one of those people.  If they had sent it directly but still attended, they probably would have verified at the shower that you received it - this just happened to me at my recent baby shower with several gifts that had arrived at my house before hand.



    Yeah, eliminate. Ask the hosts who they invited to the shower.
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