Mismatched BM Dresses- How to?

[Deleted User] · April 2015

So I'm playing around with this idea for my bridesmaids dresses:
Alternatives to the Traditional Bridesmaid Looks

I love the idea of having mismatched dresses and love how they did it here with the gold sequins. Obviously it can look pretty tacky if you get a super cheap (Forever 21) type dress. One of my BMs had the idea of using renttherunway.com to rent $200 + dress for $50-100 that way if we do this idea, we know the dress is high quality.

The only thing with this is 1. the dresses can't be altered and 2. we won't be physically trying on dresses in person. I keep reading on here about how people go to appointments to look at BM dresses, but for me, I've told my bridal party I want to be super modern with the approach. No matter what style I ultimately pick (which will prob be the gold sequins) I want them to be able to pick a dress that fits their body type.

Has anyone else tried this approach? If so, did you omit a gathering or dress appointment? Did you set up an "approval" process? How did it work? Any advice would be great on how to move forward!

southernbelle0915 · April 2015

I had mismatched BM dresses. I picked out a designer (Ann Taylor), a color (navy), a fabric (silk georgette) and a length (knee) and let them pick whatever they wanted. There were 5 or so choices. I didn't have an "approval process" because, outside those specs, I didn't care what they picked.

I think if you choose to go the truly mismatched route, you can't really be that specific. That's kind of the point of mismatched - to have fewer specs and to let them choose anything "knee length and gold sequined" in their budget.

If you go that route, you have to be pretty chill about whatever they come back with. Many special occasion dresses like that aren't returnable. If you're more type A and can't be that out of control of things, I don't think this is a good route for you.

Also, the reason a lot of BM dresses need to be altered is because they come from places like David's Bridal where you might order 3 size 6 dresses and they're all different sizes. At least that's been my experience with David's. Getting something from a more high quality designer may mean fewer alterations needed. And further, with RTR dresses, you can read people's reviews on how it fits - I've had really good luck with those reviews.

sames52915 · April 2015

I'm doing the mismatched thing, but with the same designer/fabric/color. I went on Weddington Way to start because I know they have a lot of designers that have multiple styles, and I absolutely loved the Alfred Sung collection. I found the perfect color, and there were 50+ styles in the color & length I wanted which was absolutely amazing. I was able to add what I wanted into a showroom & then invite my bridesmaids, who were then able to see all of the available styles. They were able to pick out what they liked, and then called around to local bridal stores and were able to try on the dresses. Everyone picked out exactly what they wanted, and then they found the place with the most reasonable prices and ordered all of the dresses together.

I didn't really have a "gathering" to go try on dresses. 4 (out of 6) of the girls were with me trying on wedding dresses and one of the stores had some of the BM styles so they tried some on that day. Besides that they all shopped without me - I know a few of them got together and made some trips to different stores, and then coordinated to order from the same place. I just wanted to make sure everyone was able to get something they felt comfortable with, in a style they liked, and in a price that worked for them.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

I haven't chosen my bridal party yet but I'm going the same route of asking them to pick whatever dress they want as long as it fits the color, fabric and length. I'm also planning to ask their dress budgets before picking a store like David's Bridal or a certain designer to make sure dresses from that store/designer fit each girl's individual budgets.

I don't see myself asking them to go on a dress shopping experience but if they wanted to get together and do it that would be fine. My primary concerns are their dress budgets and making sure they are comfortable.

I also have had really good luck with RTR in reading reviews to figure out size/fits.

novella1186 · April 2015

I'm doing the mismatched thing.

One of my BMs is in Spain (and has been since right after I got engaged), another one is several states away, another one is a 4-hour drive away, and the other 2 are an hour away with busy schedules. So meeting up for dress shopping was never really an option.

I went to the hardware store and chose paint chips in the color palette I liked. I mailed each girl a set of paint chips and said "pick a floor-length dress in one of these colors." They all have different styles, body types, and budgets, and I wanted to make sure they got to choose something they truly liked and were comfortable with where their individual personalities can shine through.

One of the girls set up a private facebook group so they could all share photos of dresses they liked, and good websites to look for dresses, and stuff like that. It was pretty stress-free, and they all seemed happy with it. They've each sent me a photo of what they chose, and they all chose something beautiful that looks really great on them.

Honestly the way they all look together in photos was the least of my concerns. When you look at a photo of a group of your friends, do you love it because they all look so happy and it reminds you of a fun time with people you love, or do you like the photo due to coordinating outfits? I love the route of mismatched dresses for these reasons.

flantastic · April 2015

I'm in a wedding where they're doing pretty much exactly this. Covered in gold to bronze sequins, knee length. The MOB found a bunch of dresses on sale and the bride had us over to try on these various dresses. I liked one, but they had bought up all the sale stock and the smallest they had in that dress was 4 sizes larger than my size. Rather than attempt and fail at getting it altered down that absurdly and pay through the nose for it, I said, "Hey, why don't I go look for my own" and they wanted to approve it. I found one that the bride liked - except she was concerned that the sequins might be too shiny. That got a huge eye roll from me. It's a fucking sequin-covered dress.

If you're going the mismatched route but then try to micromanage the mismatching, you'll sound ridiculous. If you give them criteria, IMO you shouldn't need or want an approval process. The criteria can be as specific as same designer and fabric, which is what I did, but you can't also have some intangible criteria in your head such that you still need to approve a dress that meets the criteria you gave.

novella1186 · April 2015

flantastic said:
I'm in a wedding where they're doing pretty much exactly this. Covered in gold to bronze sequins, knee length. The MOB found a bunch of dresses on sale and the bride had us over to try on these various dresses. I liked one, but they had bought up all the sale stock and the smallest they had in that dress was 4 sizes larger than my size. Rather than attempt and fail at getting it altered down that absurdly and pay through the nose for it, I said, "Hey, why don't I go look for my own" and they wanted to approve it. I found one that the bride liked - except she was concerned that the sequins might be too shiny. That got a huge eye roll from me. It's a fucking sequin-covered dress.
If you're going the mismatched route but then try to micromanage the mismatching, you'll sound ridiculous. If you give them criteria, IMO you shouldn't need or want an approval process. The criteria can be as specific as same designer and fabric, which is what I did, but you can't also have some intangible criteria in your head such that you still need to approve a dress that meets the criteria you gave.

Yes! Absolutely this. I was actually going to suggest that you DON'T ask all your girls to get their dress from one particular place (like Rent the Runway). Go ahead and give them ideas, like "Hey Rent the Runway is a great place to check for dresses!" But don't demand a certain store. What's the point of that? If they can pick their own, then they can pick their own. Don't micromanage. That will end up being more stressful for everyone, including yourself.

PrettyGirlLost · April 2015

I had mismatched BMs.

I choose a palette of 5 coordinating colors and ordered color swatches from Dessy. I gave them to my BMs and asked them to pick any knee length dress in one of the 5 colors. . . the dresses could be from a bridal shop, from a department store, Modcloth, literally anywhere.

Some of the BM's and I did one initial dress shopping trip because they had never been in a wedding where the bride had done this and they wanted to make sure they picked "the right dress." Really it was just an excuse to have a girls' day out and go to lunch, lol.

[Deleted User] · April 2015

this was all amazingly helpful and gave me the right place to start!!! I agree I really don't want to have to micromanage the process. They're adults I'd hope they could dress themselves lol

katiekessler123 · April 2015

I had a mismatched wedding, too. I only had two bridesmaids and a MOH, so it wasn't too hard to coordinate. I actually went with colors that you had in the photo you posted. We were all on a pinterest board together, and if someone found a dress they liked, they pinned it so the others could see. What ended up happening was my two bridesmaids bought their dresses, and my sister (MOH) waited to see what they got so she could get a shade of a dress that would kind of bring the other two dresses together. It really worked out and I thought they all looked great! Plus, they could spend whatever they wanted and get a dress that they felt comfortable in.

GoldenPenguin · April 2015

I'm doing mismatched dresses and colors. I told them all long chiffon in some shade of pink. They all picked a different dress in a different shade of pink from David's Bridal, even though I told them they could go anywhere, and it's all worked out wonderfully! My FI also has two groomswomen, and since he & the best man are wearing grey suits, the two groomswomen are in long chiffon dresses in different shades of grey.

My biggest thing was that I wanted everyone to be comfortable. I have felt the best as a bridesmaid in a dress that I am comfortable in - and TERRIBLE in a dress I knew wasn't flattering on me. So I wanted everyone to get something that THEY wanted, not that *I* liked despite their comfort level.

vmj23 · April 2015

I had 3 BMs and just told them a color and let them pick what they wanted. They all ended up getting the same shade (gray) at David's (just worked out that way), but different styles and even different materials. They were all in something they liked and felt comfortable in so i was happy.

momofbride530 · April 2015

My daughter is doing complete mismatched dresses. She gave the bridesmaids a color palette and told them to pick out a knee length, casual dress of their choice.

bellefemme12 · April 2015

Just FYI I've seen Rent the Runway dresses that looked kinda cheap, so make sure they order it with enough time to return and swap for another if they go that route.

sarahufl · April 2015

We told our whole wedding party (3 GMs and 3 BMs) to just wear grey. Didn't care about anything else. Not shade, length, style, fabric. Literally no shits were given.

This is what they came up with:

I do agree you should either care or not care. Trying to "approve" or come up with some process is a bit of a waste of time.

jlr92588 · April 2015

Originally I had the idea of allowing my BMs to choose their dress according to a set color and fabric. It became a little overwhelming for myself and the BMs because of the many different options. So from there I narrowed it down to a designer, the color, and a fabric choice. That made it a little easier and everyone still ended up in a different dress (same color and fabric) that each of them felt comfortable in.

MollyandD · April 2015

I had mismatched dresses and just requested similar lengths and solid colors. After that, I told them they could get whatever they wanted. That way they could shop for something they'd wear again and that was within their individual price ranges.

I like the different looks. Honestly, it would have been cool if matching dresses were possible, but it just couldn't happen. One bridesmaid fell on financial trouble after accepting the role. Her dress from online was less than $20. My best friend found a dress for $10. I wouldn't have been able to find things that inexpensive in multiple sizes. I could have requested certain colors, but I am so happy with how it turned out. They didn't have to match the decorations to be in the bridal party. Does matching look cute? Sure! But this worked for my wedding, and I'm so happy with how it turned out.

karimichele · April 2015

I am going this route as well. (Our wedding is a month from today!) Out of 4 bridesmaids 1 lives in the UK and another is going to be 8 months pregnant so bridesmaids dresses were just not happening.

Similarly to what others have said, I gave my bridesmaids a palate of shades of blue (I got mine from design seeds), and I brought matching blue necklaces from Bauble Bar. I pretty much sent them then palate and the necklace, and said wear whatever dress you want that matches these colors and this necklace.

My biggest advice is before sending your bridesmaids out into the shopping world know your audience and think long and hard about how much you actually care. Right now I am really trying my best not to care about the fact that one of them picked out a dress that zips all the way down the front. If I had realized that 1. someone would have taken "pick what you want" so literally and 2. that I would care so much I would have picked out dresses in the first place.

If you do care, it's easier on your bridesmaids for you to pick dresses for them, than for them to try to stress out trying to find a very specific dress.

melbenso · April 2015

I also did the mismatched dresses. I picked a color at a bridal salon and let my bridesmaids pick whatever dress they wanted. I didn't dictate fabric or length, but they all ended up with satiny knee length dresses just out of personal preference. I was really glad I did it that way. They were able to get something they were comfortable in at whatever price they felt like paying, since the salon had dresses in that color starting at about $50.

Getting the "perfect" pictures is so much less important than having your nearest and dearest be happy.

novella1186 · April 2015

Molly&Domenic said:
I had mismatched dresses and just requested similar lengths and solid colors. After that, I told them they could get whatever they wanted. That way they could shop for something they'd wear again and that was within their individual price ranges.

I like the different looks. Honestly, it would have been cool if matching dresses were possible, but it just couldn't happen. One bridesmaid fell on financial trouble after accepting the role. Her dress from online was less than $20. My best friend found a dress for $10. I wouldn't have been able to find things that inexpensive in multiple sizes. I could have requested certain colors, but I am so happy with how it turned out. They didn't have to match the decorations to be in the bridal party. Does matching look cute? Sure! But this worked for my wedding, and I'm so happy with how it turned out.

I am super super super jealous of the girl on the left. Her pink hair is seriously gorgeous! I want it!!

VulgarGirl · April 2015

We told our girls (I had one, wife had 2), wear a black dress that comes somewhere near you knee.

My girl came to me because she didn't like how she looked in all black so as friends we went shopping and found her cute blue dress with a black lace overlay she looked smashing in. Another girl wore something she bought from modcloth and the third wore a dress she'd worn in another wedding.

So just say "Wear a dress like X" and then let them do their thing. This is not complicated. Do not complicate this. This is easy.

clreich13 · April 2015

I'm doing mismatched bridesmaid dresses. I have a large wedding party (7 bridesmaids!) and I have girls that range in size from a size 2 up to a size 20, so I didn't want to pick one style, because there would never be one that they would all feel comfortable and look gorgeous in. I found 3 different dresses, two Bill Levkoffs and a Jordan Fashions, and they are in three shades of teal (We are doing a beach themed wedding, so I thought the different shades of teal would mimic the different colors of the ocean.) but all three dresses are in the same fabric. The only part I specified was knee-length, mostly because our wedding is outdoors in June, and we have to walk through grass down the aisle, so I didn't want anyone to trip or get overheated. That way, each girl can choose the color that flatters her the most as well. We're going to match the groomsmen to the girl they are escorting. I basically gave all the girls the dress style number and color information and let them choose their style and their color. There wasn't an "approval" process, because I just want them all to look and feel gorgeous in whatever dress they choose, and be able to reuse the dress. I also have girls who live all over the state, and one out of state, so I didn't do a gathering of everyone, but I did try to go to the bridal shop with each girl who could make it (I went with several at once for one appointment), and the bridal shop I'm working with was awesome, because they let the out of town girls try the dresses on at a shop closer to them and call in their measurements and put down deposits over the phone. It was super easy.

charlottesmom0626 · April 2015

I think the PP have good advice-

I tried this and it didn't work for me. There's a thread about my experience somewhere.

I wanted blush-tones and neutrals (blush, taupe, khaki, etc), and I tried to be very relaxed about it...I sat down with the girls and we looked through magazines and picked out dresses we liked in these color tones. I pulled swatches of the colors I thought looked nice together.

I have 3 girls in my wedding party. One asked if she could wear her reception dress from her wedding (white), one liked a mauve-deep-pink color dress, and one a very shiny champagne/gold. They had nothing in common (length, style, fabric, etc) and didn't fit well together, regardless of the idea I thought up in my head.

When we all talked about it and saw the dresses together, we scrapped that plan. My whole "vision" and the point of this mismatched plan was to let the girls pick dresses they would wear again, was affordable, felt beautiful in, and was true to their own style. So together we all sat down and found a great convertible dress for a great price on Etsy. Everyone was on board and it worked out because each girl can customize how to wear it.

I think, looking back, I should have chosen a designer that had a dresses/colors that went well together and each girl could have picked whichever one. I was afraid to go this route because I didn't want to "limit" their choices, but with no structure at all, it just didn't work out for us.

FutureHISmrs44 · April 2015

I am doing a mismatched theme as well- my bridal party is small (MOH and a Bridesmaid), so having two different dresses was a simple choice. Both women couldn't be more opposite when it comes to body type, so I just wanted them in full length gowns, from a blush palette. My MOH is wearing a strapless nude gown, and my bridesmaid is wearing a purple/gray one shoulder gown. My ring bearer and Flower girl are both wearing different shades of pink party dresses, so everyone can be an individual that day!

FrenchHouseCat · May 2015

I know its been awhile, but wanted to jump in because I did exactly that, complete with using that picture as a reference for my BM's. I went on RTR and made a "short list" of like 30 dresses, mostly sparkly ones with some blush and lace, etc. I sent them the link and a few pinterest pics for inspiration and everyone was SO EXCITED. My fsil called me a dream bride, and everyone immediately starting picking out dresses that they wanted and its been fine.

I also emailed RTR and explained what I was doing. They advised me on the earliest date to start renting (for the biggest selection) and said that as long as they rent two days before the wedding, RTR can always overnight a new size if necessary. That along with the free second size gave us all peace of mind.

My BMs all live in different states and have different levels of income, and quite a few of them will never wear ANY dress again let alone a BM dress, so this is working well for everyone. Also, there is another thread ( I think in Moms and Maids) where this is addressed and everyone who did it had great outcomes.

lovemesomemonster · May 2015

I'm on this train as well, although my ladies have had trouble with the idea of me not wanting to dictate everything they are wearing. I first told them long dresses in navy, whatever you like. They all came to me and said they wanted more direction so we all looked at designers and decided on Bill Levkoff long navy dresses in whatever style they want. More direction made them happier but then we hit the "3 of us like one dress and one likes the other WHAT DO WE DO" situation, to which I responded that if that's what they want go for it! They are such different body types I want them to be comfortable. Same with shoes, you will hardly see them anyways so I told them just pick a pair of black ones that are comfortable, they can be heels, flats, close toed, open toed, just wear your favorite out of your closet!

We also have a shared FB page that only the 5 of us can see since everyone is in different states so they have had fun sharing styles and ideas they have on there.

Mismatched BM Dresses- How to?

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