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Check my wording?

frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
in Wedding Invitations & Paper
Another sanity-check request, if you ladies would be so kind.  Besides our names and the "RSVP" and "Details" headers which are in a script font, everything else is in an all-caps font, so please ignore my capitalization below...

INVITATION:

Together with their parents
[my] Firstname Lastname
and
[FI] Firstname Lastname
request the pleasure of your company at their wedding
Saturday, October third
two thousand fifteen
at four o'clock in the afternoon
Venuename, Street
City, State
Dinner and dancing to follow

RSVP:

The favor of your response is requested by the twelfth of September
_accepts with pleasure
_declines with regret
Please list any dietary restrictions:

ENCLOSURE:

Room blocks have been reserved at the following hotels.  Please mention the Frenchiekin/FI wedding when booking by September 4th.  For more information, please visit our website at www[.]website[.]com

Hotel 1
Street
City, State
Phone #

Hotel 2
Street 
City, State
Phone #


In addition to an etiquette check, anything that sounds odd or would read better with slightly different wording?  Thanks in advance for the help!!



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Re: Check my wording?

  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Change "at their wedding" to "as they are united in marriage" .

    Also, use "Reception to follow" and not "Dinner and dancing to follow". The hospitality is never supposed to be described on a reception invitation.
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  • banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    frenchiekin said:

    Another sanity-check request, if you ladies would be so kind.  Besides our names and the "RSVP" and "Details" headers which are in a script font, everything else is in an all-caps font, so please ignore my capitalization below...


    INVITATION:

    Together with their parents
    [my] Firstname Lastname
    and
    [FI] Firstname Lastname
    request the pleasure of your company at their wedding
    Saturday, October third
    two thousand fifteen
    at four o'clock in the afternoon
    Venuename, Street
    City, State
    Dinner and dancing to follow

    RSVP:

    The favor of your response is requested by the twelfth of September
    _accepts with pleasure
    _declines with regret
    Please list any dietary restrictions:

    ENCLOSURE:

    Room blocks have been reserved at the following hotels.  Please mention the Frenchiekin/FI wedding when booking by September 4th.  For more information, please visit our website at www[.]website[.]com

    Hotel 1
    Street
    City, State
    Phone #

    Hotel 2
    Street 
    City, State
    Phone #


    In addition to an etiquette check, anything that sounds odd or would read better with slightly different wording?  Thanks in advance for the help!!

    I'd remove the "with pleasure" and "with regret" on the response cards. I'm not a fan of picking emotions for others.
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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    And I don't think you need "in the afternoon" as nobody is going to think you're getting married at 4 o'clock in the morning.
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  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Thanks ladies!  I can sometimes be a little wordy so I appreciate your thoughts on making things more concise.  I also went with mostly the standard wording on the original invitation, though I changed a few things in the interest of etiquette/grammar (Wedding Paper Divas can kind of suck in those departments, surprisingly).

    Should I remove the "at" before the time?  I've seen with and without but not sure if it matters.


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  • Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    You can leave the "at" in.  But I would make the rest of the changes that we've suggested.
    Report Reply
  • frenchiekinfrenchiekin member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Answer First Comment
    Jen4948 said:

    You can leave the "at" in.  But I would make the rest of the changes that we've suggested.

    Thanks!  I am definitely going to.  Making changes to the first proof now.  

    Sidenote, having the invitations ordered and in the works is making things feel pretty real!!  *SQUEE*


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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Together with their parents
    [my] Firstname Lastname
    and
    [FI] Firstname Lastname
    request the pleasure of your company
    as they are united in marriage
    Saturday, the third of October
    two thousand fifteen
    at four o'clock
    Venuename
    Street
    City, State

    Reception to follow
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    Report Reply
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