Too long Engagement + Destination Wedding

[Deleted User] · May 2015

I just got engaged last month. Me and him met on twitter and have been keeping a long distance relationship Until now. He came to see me and popped the question, I'm from Puerto Rico and hes from Scotland. 4088 Miles away. Although im from the tropics I don't want a beach wedding. Me and my fiance are planning on having our wedding in Scotland. His Home and soon to be mine. But since im still in college trying to finish my nursing degree we are waiting 2 years. Therefore our wedding is planned to be on July 22 2017. Is it too much?

NowIamMrsKlein · May 2015

Whatever length of engagement that works best for you, is what you do! There is no time limit on an engagement:)

FI and I were long distance for the first 1.5 years, and when we finally moved in together, it was to another province (we're in Canada) all together.

By the time we get married we will have been engaged 18 months. While we could have got married sooner, we decided that the longer engagement worked better for not only our budget (more time to save money!) but also our stress levels since we would be essentially planning a destination wedding as we wanted to get married in my hometown.

Do what works for you!! And congrats.

Jells2dot0 · May 2015

We were engaged for almost 2 years prior to our wedding. We were living apart due to work commitments and really wanted our wedding to be special, so we took a long time to pick the right place. I say do what is right for the both of you. There is no right answer.

That being said, since you are getting married where he lives, its not technically a DW. However, there is obviously a bit of travel involved for your family. If you can't imagine getting married without your VIPs, make sure they are on board with your plans to marry in Scotland. This is one of the few details I recommend hammering out this far in advance.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

Thank You so Much and We Plan on having a small wedding ♥

KatWAG · May 2015

Korraav said:
I just got engaged last month. Me and him met on twitter and have been keeping a long distance relationship Until now. He came to see me and popped the question, I'm from Puerto Rico and hes from Scotland. 4088 Miles away. Although im from the tropics I don't want a beach wedding. Me and my fiance are planning on having our wedding in Scotland. His Home and soon to be mine. But since im still in college trying to finish my nursing degree we are waiting 2 years. Therefore our wedding is planned to be on July 22 2017. Is it too much?

Wait, had you met him, in person, before proposed?

[Deleted User] · May 2015

yes

VulgarGirl · May 2015

We were engaged for 8 years before we got married.

I don't think 2 is gonna be a problem.

CMGragain · May 2015

I knew my DH for 10 years before we married. We were together as a couple for 4 days, and he asked me to marry him. Wedding was 2 months later. We have been happily married for 39 years.

ashley8918 · May 2015

There is no such thing as "too long" of an engagement.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

Thanks gals. and can I just ask one last question it doesn't have to do with the same topic but this has been haunting me day and night regardless the time we have before the wedding.

Me and my fiance are getting married here(Look at picture) our ceremony will be there. But we are having trouble deciding where to have our reception. We liked the idea of an outdoor reception since we are gonna marry in Summer but In Scotland it tends to rain a lot. HELP!!!

hmceveety · May 2015

Not at all!! By the time we get married we will have been engaged for 4 years! (Will be together for 8) He wanted to finish schooling. The time has flown by! It will be a lot less stressful for you guys to slowly plan anyway

Congrats on your engagement

[Deleted User] · May 2015

Thank You so Much

coolsmartygirl · June 2015

My future mother in law isn't too happy about when we will probably be having our wedding. It is most likely going to be our anniversary in 2018, because it lands on a Friday. He will be proposing to me on 7/13 this year, so that is 3 years engaged!!! And 7/13 is our 7 year anniversary! She is ready for us to be married yesterday!

lyndausvi · June 2015

coolsmartygirl said:

My future mother in law isn't too happy about when we will probably be having our wedding. It is most likely going to be our anniversary in 2018, because it lands on a Friday. He will be proposing to me on 7/13 this year, so that is 3 years engaged!!! And 7/13 is our 7 year anniversary! She is ready for us to be married yesterday!

Psst.

You have picked out a place for your wedding. You have picked a date. You are already engaged.

mikenberger · June 2015

lyndausvi said:

coolsmartygirl said:

My future mother in law isn't too happy about when we will probably be having our wedding. It is most likely going to be our anniversary in 2018, because it lands on a Friday. He will be proposing to me on 7/13 this year, so that is 3 years engaged!!! And 7/13 is our 7 year anniversary! She is ready for us to be married yesterday!

Psst.

You have picked out a place for your wedding. You have picked a date. You are already engaged.

And why in the world keep waiting? Just get married already.

coolsmartygirl · June 2015

It's all him, he is says he isn't a planner, but really he's the biggest planner I know. He didn't want to propose until we were at a spot that he could do it right, didn't want to put us into a bunch of debt just because. He doesn't care about the marriage part, not like I do. His choice would probably be to never get married, we pretty much already are married. Would be in some states. I want to get married on the date we've been celebrating as our anniversary, and in 2018 that day is on a Friday - a usual day for a wedding.

I will probably have to put my foot down when it comes to kids. He's turning 28 this year, I'm 26, I don't want to wait until after 30 to have kids...

Viczaesar · June 2015

coolsmartygirl said:

It's all him, he is says he isn't a planner, but really he's the biggest planner I know. He didn't want to propose until we were at a spot that he could do it right, didn't want to put us into a bunch of debt just because. He doesn't care about the marriage part, not like I do. His choice would probably be to never get married, we pretty much already are married. Would be in some states. I want to get married on the date we've been celebrating as our anniversary, and in 2018 that day is on a Friday - a usual day for a wedding.

I will probably have to put my foot down when it comes to kids. He's turning 28 this year, I'm 26, I don't want to wait until after 30 to have kids...

You are going to wait extra years in order to get married on your dating anniversary when it falls on a Friday? Seriously?

redoryx · June 2015

coolsmartygirl said:

It's all him, he is says he isn't a planner, but really he's the biggest planner I know. He didn't want to propose until we were at a spot that he could do it right, didn't want to put us into a bunch of debt just because. He doesn't care about the marriage part, not like I do. His choice would probably be to never get married, we pretty much already are married. Would be in some states. I want to get married on the date we've been celebrating as our anniversary, and in 2018 that day is on a Friday - a usual day for a wedding.

I will probably have to put my foot down when it comes to kids. He's turning 28 this year, I'm 26, I don't want to wait until after 30 to have kids...

If you're 26 and waiting three more years that means you'll be 29ish. Is he aware you want to get pregnant right away 'cause that's a pretty important conversation to be having BEFORE you get married.

mikenberger · June 2015

Is this real life?

coolsmartygirl · June 2015

He is aware, I bring it up every so often. I just don't believe he understands how strongly I feel yet. I'm sorry if you find it trivial, but I have celebrated the same day for roughly seven years, I'd prefer to keep celebrating that particular day. I'm fine waiting, I've already waited x amount of years to get married. I love him and we will be together forever, whether or not we ever get married.

Jells2dot0 · June 2015

I was with my now-H for 6 years before we married. We always celebrated our dating anniversary- March 18- during that time. However, March 18 did not work for our wedding for many reasons. We got married in August instead. The nice part is that we now celebrate both dates, though take August a bit more seriously. You really don't need any reason to celebrate anything!

When having a DW, you need to keep an open mind and be extremely flexible. You may not be able to keep that date for logistical reasons as well just being practical. I recommend picking a date that works for your situation as a whole.

CMGragain · June 2015

coolsmartygirl said:

He is aware, I bring it up every so often. I just don't believe he understands how strongly I feel yet. I'm sorry if you find it trivial, but I have celebrated the same day for roughly seven years, I'd prefer to keep celebrating that particular day. I'm fine waiting, I've already waited x amount of years to get married. I love him and we will be together forever, whether or not we ever get married.

Oh, please! This sounds so immature.

redoryx · June 2015

coolsmartygirl said:

He is aware, I bring it up every so often. I just don't believe he understands how strongly I feel yet. I'm sorry if you find it trivial, but I have celebrated the same day for roughly seven years, I'd prefer to keep celebrating that particular day. I'm fine waiting, I've already waited x amount of years to get married. I love him and we will be together forever, whether or not we ever get married.

Again, that's a conversation you need to have BEFORE getting married. Don't just bring it up, don't half heartedly mention it and hope he gets the hint. Sit down and actually talk and discuss and lay out your timeline.

Maggie0829 · June 2015

coolsmartygirl said:

It's all him, he is says he isn't a planner, but really he's the biggest planner I know. He didn't want to propose until we were at a spot that he could do it right, didn't want to put us into a bunch of debt just because. He doesn't care about the marriage part, not like I do. His choice would probably be to never get married, we pretty much already are married. Would be in some states. I want to get married on the date we've been celebrating as our anniversary, and in 2018 that day is on a Friday - a usual day for a wedding.

I will probably have to put my foot down when it comes to kids. He's turning 28 this year, I'm 26, I don't want to wait until after 30 to have kids...

Um, the fact that he doesn't really want to get married, but you seem to be pushing it would be an issue.

And you know that it is fully possible to have kids after 30 right? It isn't like you automatically become barren when the clock strikes 12 on your 30th birthday.

coolsmartygirl said:

He is aware, I bring it up every so often. I just don't believe he understands how strongly I feel yet. I'm sorry if you find it trivial, but I have celebrated the same day for roughly seven years, I'd prefer to keep celebrating that particular day. I'm fine waiting, I've already waited x amount of years to get married. I love him and we will be together forever, whether or not we ever get married.

H and I celebrated the same dating anniversary for 9 years before we got married. Guess what? We got married on a completely different date in a completely different month. Doesn't trivialize how long we have been together. Now we have two days where we get to look at each other and say "happy anniversary."

As for the bolded. So he doesn't really want to get married and he really doesn't understand how much you want to have a baby before you turn 30? Yeah, I think a major conversation needs to happen before anyone gets engaged.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

coolsmartygirl said:

It's all him, he is says he isn't a planner, but really he's the biggest planner I know. He didn't want to propose until we were at a spot that he could do it right, didn't want to put us into a bunch of debt just because. He doesn't care about the marriage part, not like I do. His choice would probably be to never get married, we pretty much already are married. Would be in some states. I want to get married on the date we've been celebrating as our anniversary, and in 2018 that day is on a Friday - a usual day for a wedding.

I will probably have to put my foot down when it comes to kids. He's turning 28 this year, I'm 26, I don't want to wait until after 30 to have kids...

Um, the fact that he doesn't really want to get married, but you seem to be pushing it would be an issue.

And you know that it is fully possible to have kids after 30 right? It isn't like you automatically become barren when the clock strikes 12 on your 30th birthday.

coolsmartygirl said:

He is aware, I bring it up every so often. I just don't believe he understands how strongly I feel yet. I'm sorry if you find it trivial, but I have celebrated the same day for roughly seven years, I'd prefer to keep celebrating that particular day. I'm fine waiting, I've already waited x amount of years to get married. I love him and we will be together forever, whether or not we ever get married.

H and I celebrated the same dating anniversary for 9 years before we got married. Guess what? We got married on a completely different date in a completely different month. Doesn't trivialize how long we have been together. Now we have two days where we get to look at each other and say "happy anniversary."

As for the bolded. So he doesn't really want to get married and he really doesn't understand how much you want to have a baby before you turn 30? Yeah, I think a major conversation needs to happen before anyone gets engaged.

No, you don't immediately become barren until your FORTIETH birthday. I'm about 18 months from that now. Totally looking forward to my periods stopping and not having to be on birth control anymore. It's gonna be AWESOME!!!

Viczaesar · June 2015

coolsmartygirl said:

He is aware, I bring it up every so often. I just don't believe he understands how strongly I feel yet. I'm sorry if you find it trivial, but I have celebrated the same day for roughly seven years, I'd prefer to keep celebrating that particular day. I'm fine waiting, I've already waited x amount of years to get married. I love him and we will be together forever, whether or not we ever get married.

You are aware that you can get married on a different day and then have two days to celebrate, right? You don't have to give up one anniversary celebration for another if you don't want to.

CMGragain · June 2015

coolsmartygirl said:

It's all him, he is says he isn't a planner, but really he's the biggest planner I know. He didn't want to propose until we were at a spot that he could do it right, didn't want to put us into a bunch of debt just because. He doesn't care about the marriage part, not like I do. His choice would probably be to never get married, we pretty much already are married. Would be in some states. I want to get married on the date we've been celebrating as our anniversary, and in 2018 that day is on a Friday - a usual day for a wedding.

I will probably have to put my foot down when it comes to kids. He's turning 28 this year, I'm 26, I don't want to wait until after 30 to have kids...

I see a red flag here. It sounds like he doesn't want to get married at all.
There is no such thing as being "pretty much are married." You are either legally married, or you are not. There is no grey area. Your history doesn't matter. It is a yes or no question.
It sounds to me as if you are the only one who wants to be married. If this isn't what he wants, then you need to either accept your relationship as it is, or end it and look elsewhere. Very sorry. I think you are going to be hurt.

Jells2dot0 · June 2015

I don't understand how you can be pretty much already married, when not only are you not legally bound together, but you met online, have only met a few times, and live in two different countries!! Unless I misunderstood and he's actually living with you, but he just happens to be from Scotland and you both want to head back there to marry.

I might see how "pretty much already married" could be said if you lived together, do everything together, and have been together for a great length of time. Or you're common law married. But, either way, you can't be married unless you actually marry.

Knottie1434626497 · June 2015

It's not too much and I don't see any problem with that. I think a one to two-year engagement is a great length to prepare for your dream wedding.

[Deleted User] · June 2015

@Jells2dot0 lol I was confused too but then I figured she's not the OP. She is just talking about her own situation.

Too long Engagement + Destination Wedding

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