HELP Bridesmaid Drama

[Deleted User] · May 2015

I am a pretty laid back person, but I swear my bridesmaids will turn me into a bridezilla. Like everyone else, I want my wedding (both planning and day of) to run smoothly and be drama free. Instead of having a maid of honor I will be having a man of honor- my brother, and so far 2 of my bridesmaids will be two of my cousins. I also am debating asking one of my very good friends, more on that later.

A little background, my fiancee currently lives in Canada and we got engaged while I was visiting him over spring break. As soon as I got back into town my friend texted me and asked when we could get together and said that if I needed help with anything to just let her know. It took my two cousins (who I half wanted and half felt pressured to have as my bridesmaids) almost a month to reach out to me, and it was mostly because I said something to my mom who then told their mom, who I am sure then said something to them.

When I first asked my cousins, they were excited even though I know they were expecting it. One of my cousins asked if the bridesmaids could wear long dresses. I politely told her that I want them in short dresses because we will be getting married at the end of July. They then asked if I was going to have any other bridesmaids, I told them that I was thinking of asking my friend. As soon as I said my friends name they both looked at each other, then one of my cousins looked at me and said that if I don't want any drama, I better tell me friend to not talk (they think that she talks a lot- which she does, but I love her and she has always been here for me), and that I should seat her at a different table. I didn't say anything at the time because I was half in shock, and half fuming on the inside. The next time I saw them they started up as well about my friend. Now I don't know what to do, I want to ask my friend, but I really can't handle any of the drama that is going to come with it. I have enough on my plate with planning a wedding and trying to figure out immigration stuff (I will be moving to Canada). Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!

mikenberger · May 2015

Knottie1427750250 said:
I am a pretty laid back person, but I swear my bridesmaids will turn me into a bridezilla. Like everyone else, I want my wedding (both planning and day of) to run smoothly and be drama free. Instead of having a maid of honor I will be having a man of honor- my brother, and so far 2 of my bridesmaids will be two of my cousins. I also am debating asking one of my very good friends, more on that later.

A little background, my fiancee currently lives in Canada and we got engaged while I was visiting him over spring break. As soon as I got back into town my friend texted me and asked when we could get together and said that if I needed help with anything to just let her know. It took my two cousins (who I half wanted and half felt pressured to have as my bridesmaids) almost a month to reach out to me, and it was mostly because I said something to my mom who then told their mom, who I am sure then said something to them.

When I first asked my cousins, they were excited even though I know they were expecting it. One of my cousins asked if the bridesmaids could wear long dresses. I politely told her that I want them in short dresses because we will be getting married at the end of July. They then asked if I was going to have any other bridesmaids, I told them that I was thinking of asking my friend. As soon as I said my friends name they both looked at each other, then one of my cousins looked at me and said that if I don't want any drama, I better tell me friend to not talk (they think that she talks a lot- which she does, but I love her and she has always been here for me), and that I should seat her at a different table. I didn't say anything at the time because I was half in shock, and half fuming on the inside. The next time I saw them they started up as well about my friend. Now I don't know what to do, I want to ask my friend, but I really can't handle any of the drama that is going to come with it. I have enough on my plate with planning a wedding and trying to figure out immigration stuff (I will be moving to Canada). Any advice is greatly appreciated!!!

It's your bridal party. If you want her in your bridal party, ask her. You get to choose who is in your bridal party. People don't get to choose your party for you, which is your first problem with your cousins.

When did you ask your party? My only concern is that a lot of time has passed and this friend will seem like an after thought if everybody else has already been asked and you're already shopping for dresses. Then adding this one person. And when is your wedding?

[Deleted User] · May 2015

I asked my cousins like a week ago, my friend has actually been out of town and just got back on Monday, so it's not too late yet. Our wedding is July 30, 2016.

Is there a way I can ditch my cousins, lol? I have already started referring to them as my bitchmaids lol.

flantastic · May 2015

Knottie1427750250 said:
I asked my cousins like a week ago, my friend has actually been out of town and just got back on Monday, so it's not too late yet. Our wedding is July 30, 2016.

Is there a way I can ditch my cousins, lol? I have already started referring to them as my bitchmaids lol.

Nope. You asked and you're stuck with them.

mikenberger · May 2015

Knottie1427750250 said:
I asked my cousins like a week ago, my friend has actually been out of town and just got back on Monday, so it's not too late yet. Our wedding is July 30, 2016.

Is there a way I can ditch my cousins, lol? I have already started referring to them as my bitchmaids lol.

Unfortunately, you are stuck with them. You really jumped the gun on putting together your bridal party. You should've waited. Oh well, water under the bridge. Add your friend and tell your cousins if they don't like it, while you will be VERY upset if they back out, you'll understand.

Jen4948 · May 2015

Unfortunately, you can't ask them to step down, but you can tell them, "All I ask of you guys, whoever is in my wedding party, is that you show up at the wedding ceremony on time, sober, in good spirits, in the dress that I indicate (which will be within your budgets), and process down the aisle and back. I ask nothing else of you. All the drama here is coming from you, and I'd appreciate it if you'd grow up and stop it."

But because of their attitude, I would consider seating your friend at a separate table from them so they don't make your friend's life miserable and vice versa. She doesn't need to listen to them bitching.

[Deleted User] · May 2015

I'm going to chime in on the long versus short dresses. I am much more comfortable in a long dress. I don't care if it's July or January, I will be wearing a long dress. The shortest dress I will wear will hit the bottom of my knees. If you assign me a dress shorter than that, I'll be stepping down. That's how much I dislike a short dress. What you need to do is ask for the budgets that these girls can spend on a dress, and for any non-negotiables (like me with the short dress, others feel the same way about strapless).

KatWAG · May 2015

Knottie1427750250 said:
I asked my cousins like a week ago, my friend has actually been out of town and just got back on Monday, so it's not too late yet. Our wedding is July 30, 2016.

Is there a way I can ditch my cousins, lol? I have already started referring to them as my bitchmaids lol.

Well isn't that special.

ashley8918 · May 2015

Knottie1427750250 said:
I asked my cousins like a week ago, my friend has actually been out of town and just got back on Monday, so it's not too late yet. Our wedding is July 30, 2016.

Is there a way I can ditch my cousins, lol? I have already started referring to them as my bitchmaids lol.

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