Wedding Woes

Family inviting more family not on the invite

I am getting married June 27th. 32 days to go!

We have a limit of 125 people at our venue.

I have a large Greek family and have invited aunts, uncles and cousins, but not my cousins' children. My fiancee has done the same for his side.
I just received the RSVP from my cousins. They have replied yes (all on one RSVP card when there were 3 invites sent separately), and explicitly added their children to the RSVP, along with a relative whose name I don't recognize (possibly my aunt that they call by another name?). This means there are an extra 4-5 people added to the original invitation. The whole thing is strange and presumptuous to me.  

I am a bit nervous about calling them to explain the situation, however, I also have pressure from my parents working against me. My mother, in particular, has been pressuring me to invite more and more family members to the wedding, and doesn't seem to understand the cap we have on numbers (not to mention budget). I know that she will find it offensive if I call my cousins to tell them their children are not invited. It will cause drama for sure. In fact, I have my suspicions that she may have spoken to them and told them it was okay to invite their kids.

How do I handle this? Has anyone dealt with something like this before?? Help!

Re: Family inviting more family not on the invite

  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    Call them outside your mother's presence or hearing and explain that only the persons listed on the invitation envelope were invited and no other persons can be accommodated.
    MesmrEweHeffalumpmrsconn23
  • "Hi Cousin Athena, it's Knottie1234567.  I received your RSVP, and I apologize for any confusion,* but the invitation was for ____________.  Unfortunately, we cannot accommodate any extras.  I hope we will still see [invited guests] there."  And then stand firm.  If your cousins start to protest ("They won't eat anything!  We'll pay for them!  They won't even sit down!") just repeat "I'm sorry, but the guest list is finalized, and we can't add anyone at this point."   

    * I mean, you don't really owe her an apology since you did nothing wrong, but I find that this is more of a smoothing over/conversational tool than a genuine apology.

    As for your mother, if she causes drama, use the exact same strategy. 
    mrsconn23MNNEBrideKnottie3135957
  • hmonkeyhmonkey
    Ninth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    Heffalump said:
    "Hi Cousin Athena, it's Knottie1234567.  I received your RSVP, and I apologize for any confusion,* but the invitation was for ____________.  Unfortunately, we cannot accommodate any extras.  I hope we will still see [invited guests] there."  And then stand firm.  If your cousins start to protest ("They won't eat anything!  We'll pay for them!  They won't even sit down!") just repeat "I'm sorry, but the guest list is finalized, and we can't add anyone at this point."   

    * I mean, you don't really owe her an apology since you did nothing wrong, but I find that this is more of a smoothing over/conversational tool than a genuine apology.

    As for your mother, if she causes drama, use the exact same strategy. 
    i would change this to "the venue cannot seat any more, and even if people do not sit down, the venue will have to remove them." that puts the onus on the venue if they want to press it further.
    image
    MNNEBrideMesmrEweKnottie3135957
  • I agree with all the above responses! Make sure to blame it on the venue---just say for safety reasons, or city codes that the venue only holds ## people and you are unable to accommodate any additional guests than  Susy, John, etc. To be honest, they do have a capacity limit, so it's not lying!
    image
    sparklepants41
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