How do we feel about this?

sarahufl · June 2015

My general feeling about any news (be it good or bad) is that the person most affected by it gets to decide how to share the news. Some good friends of mine got engaged a few years ago and our parents are good friends. My MOTHER told me before the girl had the chance to herself- I shamed my mom. That wasn't her news to share. I feel the same way about pregnancies, marriages, whatever.

I am friends with a lot of random people on FB, some of whom I haven't seen in a long time and I genuinely want to know if there are big things happening in their lives, but I certainly don't need to be the first to know. I had a VERY fringe friend lose her 2 month old baby a few years ago. She posted about it on FB and my sister and I made a point to stop by the funeral home to say hi and pay our respects. She was incredibly grateful for the support- even though we had not talked in quite some time. So while I support some level of sharing, people need to be respectful about the timing of the release of the news.

banana468 · June 2015

lyndausvi said:

banana468 said:

On the other side of the coin, we dealt with an issue where no one picked up the phone. My grandmother is perhaps the most wonderful person on this planet. Seriously. Woman would give you the shirt off her back, is just a great person and is a ruthless Scrabble player. About 5 years ago her brother died. His kids did not tell her!

She found out when she read the morning paper. Thankfully my mom and aunts are up before her so my mom was at the house to meet her as she read it. Because it's shitty to find out that your sibling passed away, that you buried him and you didn't tell his sister because you're assholes.

That is awful.

My mom and aunts all reads the obits and death records every morning to see if anyone they knew died. Death records are public records and often just said so-n-so died on 'x' date. Obits were from the family that provided additional information. Back in the day you would see the death record before the obit.

FB works way faster then they you standard newspaper, but I think some people use it just the same.

There are few things worse than seeing or hearing your 93 year old grandmother cry sad tears. She's buried two children and will most likely bury a 3rd (I have an uncle that is terminal and she is 98 now and in better health than him).

The kicker - he lived TWO BLOCKS AWAY from Grandma! Oh, and his son is the priest that married DH and me. Needless to say I crossed him off my Christmas card list.

lyndausvi · June 2015

banana468 said:

lyndausvi said:

banana468 said:

On the other side of the coin, we dealt with an issue where no one picked up the phone. My grandmother is perhaps the most wonderful person on this planet. Seriously. Woman would give you the shirt off her back, is just a great person and is a ruthless Scrabble player. About 5 years ago her brother died. His kids did not tell her!

She found out when she read the morning paper. Thankfully my mom and aunts are up before her so my mom was at the house to meet her as she read it. Because it's shitty to find out that your sibling passed away, that you buried him and you didn't tell his sister because you're assholes.

That is awful.

My mom and aunts all reads the obits and death records every morning to see if anyone they knew died. Death records are public records and often just said so-n-so died on 'x' date. Obits were from the family that provided additional information. Back in the day you would see the death record before the obit.

FB works way faster then they you standard newspaper, but I think some people use it just the same.

There are few things worse than seeing or hearing your 93 year old grandmother cry sad tears. She's buried two children and will most likely bury a 3rd (I have an uncle that is terminal and she is 98 now and in better health than him).

The kicker - he lived TWO BLOCKS AWAY from Grandma! Oh, and his son is the priest that married DH and me. Needless to say I crossed him off my Christmas card list.

WTF?

NowIamMrsKlein · June 2015

I found out that my grandma had passed away from a thoughtless cousin who posted on FB.

Thankfully I at least knew that it was coming, as my dad had flown out to be by her side, but still! Not cool. Really not cool.

I have a love/hate relationship with FB because of things like that where people either post information without thought for how it could affect another emotionally, or when people post information that is not necessarily theirs to post.

My FI and I were long distance for the first year and a half of our relationship. We had been quietly job hunting and had found a great opportunity for FI but it required both of us to move far away from friends and family, but at least we would finally get to be together. Because it was such a big transition, we were keeping it quiet until we had all our ducks in a row. FI gave his notice at work and asked that they keep it under wraps until everything was finalized. The coworker that did his resignation paperwork posted on FB about how happy he was for FI and I to have this opportunity. And tagged me in it.

We had not yet told our parents, and I had not yet given my notice. So that was an awkward conversation with my coworker who saw the post.

I was so so so mad and almost deleted FB right then and there

sarahufl · June 2015

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I found out that my grandma had passed away from a thoughtless cousin who posted on FB.

Thankfully I at least knew that it was coming, as my dad had flown out to be by her side, but still! Not cool. Really not cool.

I have a love/hate relationship with FB because of things like that where people either post information without thought for how it could affect another emotionally, or when people post information that is not necessarily theirs to post.

My FI and I were long distance for the first year and a half of our relationship. We had been quietly job hunting and had found a great opportunity for FI but it required both of us to move far away from friends and family, but at least we would finally get to be together. Because it was such a big transition, we were keeping it quiet until we had all our ducks in a row. FI gave his notice at work and asked that they keep it under wraps until everything was finalized. The coworker that did his resignation paperwork posted on FB about how happy he was for FI and I to have this opportunity. And tagged me in it.

We had not yet told our parents, and I had not yet given my notice. So that was an awkward conversation with my coworker who saw the post.

I was so so so mad and almost deleted FB right then and there

Pretty sure that is a violation of privacy.

HR would have been hearing from me on that one.

ShesSoCold · June 2015

julie_shannon said:

Two years ago I learned of the murder of my 21 year old cousin through Facebook. His "friend" was the person who shot him and other friends of theirs were present at the time. So within minutes it was posted everywhere. That was very difficult having to call older relatives who either don't have a FB page or don't check it often. I was upset that family learned about his death this way, but it may be a generational thing. People in my cousin's peer group seem to post everything on social media on instinct.

Wow - I was reading this wondering if we have the same family member. But my story is slightly different.

About three and a half years ago my 21 year old cousin was murdered by his friend when he was watching his 7 year old niece. She was also killed. My cousin (the mother/grandmother) had called everyone in my immediate family and no one had answered. Then when we all tried to call her back, nothing. Within an hour (I have no idea how these people knew anything) were posting on her wall with stuff like, "Kyleigh didn't deserve this, may she rest in peace". We had NO idea what had happened and it was terrible.

When my mom died, most people knew she was sick and my stepdad is one of those nutbag facebookers who posts every ten minutes. We had to ask him to wait a while to make sure everyone in the family knew before he posted that she'd passed.

NowIamMrsKlein · June 2015

sarahufl said:

SoontobeMrsKlein said:

I found out that my grandma had passed away from a thoughtless cousin who posted on FB.

Thankfully I at least knew that it was coming, as my dad had flown out to be by her side, but still! Not cool. Really not cool.

I have a love/hate relationship with FB because of things like that where people either post information without thought for how it could affect another emotionally, or when people post information that is not necessarily theirs to post.

My FI and I were long distance for the first year and a half of our relationship. We had been quietly job hunting and had found a great opportunity for FI but it required both of us to move far away from friends and family, but at least we would finally get to be together. Because it was such a big transition, we were keeping it quiet until we had all our ducks in a row. FI gave his notice at work and asked that they keep it under wraps until everything was finalized. The coworker that did his resignation paperwork posted on FB about how happy he was for FI and I to have this opportunity. And tagged me in it.

We had not yet told our parents, and I had not yet given my notice. So that was an awkward conversation with my coworker who saw the post.

I was so so so mad and almost deleted FB right then and there

Pretty sure that is a violation of privacy.

HR would have been hearing from me on that one.

Yea, unfortunately he was working for a pretty poorly run company (which actually went under 9 months after he left) and there was no course of action for him to take. There was no HR department. It was a gong show of a company.

tcnoble · June 2015

When my older sister died (cancer) almost two years ago, one of my cousins who had been at the hospital posted it on facebook before my mom had told me and my younger sisters (we were not at the hospital).

Had I picked up my phone before my mom came and talked to me, I would have seen the flood of messages and posts from everyone. Getting that kind of news sucks no matter what, but to have to get it via facebook sucks even more.

Some people don't think about actions and consequences.

sassercake12 · June 2015

My sister loves doing this crap. My uncle got sick very suddenly when we were at the graveyard visiting my recently deceased grandmother, and he ended up having to have a pacemaker put in. She posted on Facebook that he was being airlifted to the hospital before we had even gotten a chance to call his two daughters letting them know what was happening.

I wanted to throttle her.

MadHops21 · June 2015

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

Maggie0829 · June 2015

MadHops21 said:

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

And as a playoff of this, what do people feel about keeping someone who has passed FB page up? I know some people who have kept the page up and post to it on a somewhat regular basis. Like TBT pictures or pictures when it is their birthday, the date of their passing, etc. I mean I guess it is an online memorial for that person, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like this could almost keep that person "alive" to some and then they will never be able to deal with the loss and move forward with their life.

tcnoble · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

MadHops21 said:

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

And as a playoff of this, what do people feel about keeping someone who has passed FB page up? I know some people who have kept the page up and post to it on a somewhat regular basis. Like TBT pictures or pictures when it is their birthday, the date of their passing, etc. I mean I guess it is an online memorial for that person, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like this could almost keep that person "alive" to some and then they will never be able to deal with the loss and move forward with their life.

We never took down my sister's instagram and FB pages... but neither have become a "memorial" type thing. I think it really depends on how people handle it and how the family feels. For my parents I think it would be painful to even address those things, and since the pages aren't creating a problem we just leave it alone. No one posts from her page (like one of us logging in or something) nor do people post things as if she is still around. I can definitely see it going the other way though...

lyndausvi · June 2015

I had a friend fall down a set of stair and died from his injuries. We were in Austria at the time and appreciated knowing via FB. He was well known in NOLA (MC'd a lot of events), so it would have been hard to keep quiet anyway.

Anyway 2 of his would-be-birthdays have passed since then and I still get notifications it's his birthday on FB. Pretty creepy.

Belthil · June 2015

II think posting anything like that on FB is horrible. I know eventually it'll get posted but families need to be informed first. And I'll never be the first one to mention anything like that.

I found out my grandmother passed away by going onto facebook. My sister, who lived at home, found out that my grandmother had passed away during the night because she was awake when my parents got the call. First thing she did was post on Facebook. My mom had decided not to wake me up and was going to call in the morning. When I got up the next morning I was scrolling through my feed and there was my sister's post. I had to call my mom to see if it was true. It was terrible.

novella1186 · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

MadHops21 said:

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

And as a playoff of this, what do people feel about keeping someone who has passed FB page up? I know some people who have kept the page up and post to it on a somewhat regular basis. Like TBT pictures or pictures when it is their birthday, the date of their passing, etc. I mean I guess it is an online memorial for that person, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like this could almost keep that person "alive" to some and then they will never be able to deal with the loss and move forward with their life.

I think I'd personally need to delete that person because it would keep opening the wound, if that makes sense.

The girl who just passed now has a memorial page that someone set up --separate from her regular facebook page-- (it looks like it was set up within hours of her death, not by an immediate family member but just by some friend of her) for people to post photos and tributes to her. I guess if that's your method of coping then good for you. It's not something I would want to take part in or view.

sarahufl · June 2015

novella1186 said:

Maggie0829 said:

MadHops21 said:

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

And as a playoff of this, what do people feel about keeping someone who has passed FB page up? I know some people who have kept the page up and post to it on a somewhat regular basis. Like TBT pictures or pictures when it is their birthday, the date of their passing, etc. I mean I guess it is an online memorial for that person, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like this could almost keep that person "alive" to some and then they will never be able to deal with the loss and move forward with their life.

I think I'd personally need to delete that person because it would keep opening the wound, if that makes sense.

The girl who just passed now has a memorial page that someone set up --separate from her regular facebook page-- (it looks like it was set up within hours of her death, not by an immediate family member but just by some friend of her) for people to post photos and tributes to her. I guess if that's your method of coping then good for you. It's not something I would want to take part in or view.

I think you can contact FB and they will change the person's page into a tribute page.

novella1186 · June 2015

sarahufl said:

novella1186 said:

Maggie0829 said:

MadHops21 said:

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

And as a playoff of this, what do people feel about keeping someone who has passed FB page up? I know some people who have kept the page up and post to it on a somewhat regular basis. Like TBT pictures or pictures when it is their birthday, the date of their passing, etc. I mean I guess it is an online memorial for that person, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like this could almost keep that person "alive" to some and then they will never be able to deal with the loss and move forward with their life.

I think I'd personally need to delete that person because it would keep opening the wound, if that makes sense.

The girl who just passed now has a memorial page that someone set up --separate from her regular facebook page-- (it looks like it was set up within hours of her death, not by an immediate family member but just by some friend of her) for people to post photos and tributes to her. I guess if that's your method of coping then good for you. It's not something I would want to take part in or view.

I think you can contact FB and they will change the person's page into a tribute page.

I think so too. But someone started their own separate page-- I don't know if it's a "group" page or what it's qualified as-- but it's called something like "Our glowing angel" and it's meant as a memorial page for her. I didn't click on it, but I saw it come up in my news feed.

anjemon · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

MadHops21 said:

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

And as a playoff of this, what do people feel about keeping someone who has passed FB page up? I know some people who have kept the page up and post to it on a somewhat regular basis. Like TBT pictures or pictures when it is their birthday, the date of their passing, etc. I mean I guess it is an online memorial for that person, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like this could almost keep that person "alive" to some and then they will never be able to deal with the loss and move forward with their life.

This happened when a kid I knew in HS committed suicide. I was going to the same college as his ex (I think) girlfriend so I was sort of in the loop about stuff, but not very close. For a really long time she and a few other people would post on his facebook page. I always though it was a little unhealthy. Both how public everything was and how it was hard to let it pass because of how it kept popping back up. I also wondered if she would eventually regret posting all that personal information (thoughts and feelings) when she was more even keeled about the whole thing.

Jen4948 · June 2015

I'm very sorry. That's so sad.

I remember about a year or two ago finding out on Facebook that the younger sister of an old friend of mine (I remember when she was born) had died. My mother had posted a condolence on my friend's mother's Facebook wall! I was friends with both my friend and her mother.

I read my mother the riot act about not posting other people's personal information on Facebook walls. She still doesn't get it though sometimes. Sigh.

MadHops21 · June 2015

anjemon said:

Maggie0829 said:

MadHops21 said:

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

And as a playoff of this, what do people feel about keeping someone who has passed FB page up? I know some people who have kept the page up and post to it on a somewhat regular basis. Like TBT pictures or pictures when it is their birthday, the date of their passing, etc. I mean I guess it is an online memorial for that person, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like this could almost keep that person "alive" to some and then they will never be able to deal with the loss and move forward with their life.

This happened when a kid I knew in HS committed suicide. I was going to the same college as his ex (I think) girlfriend so I was sort of in the loop about stuff, but not very close. For a really long time she and a few other people would post on his facebook page. I always though it was a little unhealthy. Both how public everything was and how it was hard to let it pass because of how it kept popping back up. I also wondered if she would eventually regret posting all that personal information (thoughts and feelings) when she was more even keeled about the whole thing.

That's how I feel. I feel like something so personal like everything she's posting would be best kept private. A lot of memories are being shared on his page, which is a way people cope, but her posts only are like a diary. She's also thanking every individual post and making comments in every post to his wall. I really think someone needs to talk to her, it's becoming worrisome, and I don't even know her.

Here's one of the posts: "I know how much you liked basketball and the bulls just to let you know the bulls moved on to the 2nd round of the playoffs and will be playing Cleveland and LeBron James." I've blocked his wall from my feed so I don't see people posting on his wall anymore. It's weirding me out now.

lovesclimbing · June 2015

Maggie0829 said:

MadHops21 said:

My 23 YO neighbor died back in April. Not sure if intentional, I heard from my friend that it was drugs, but who really knows.

We saw the commotion from my house because I sit on a corner, and could see his house from my porch. Cops lined the street, ambulance left after a while and a coroner came. The mom had to leave with a cop because she couldn't handle it.

Before it all started, a young woman ran out of the house screaming. I guess it was the girlfriend visiting and she found him in his room, blue and not responding. The funeral arrangements were made and everything and I didn't hear the official word until a few days later. Friends and family started posting on his wall, saying how they missed him.

The part that worries me about using FB to express grief is how the girlfriend is doing it. She's talking like he's still here, posting things like "I went to your room today. We picked out matching outfits for your wake/funeral. You always loved me in green, so we got you a matching tie. (Baby) is about to take his first steps! It's so empty without you home. Your cello is in it's right place again in your room." and more, and it happens almost daily, like a journal. She got a tattoo of his cello and name 2 days after he died.

I'm all for expressing grief to deal with something like this, but I think it's time to take it off FB after a while...

And as a playoff of this, what do people feel about keeping someone who has passed FB page up? I know some people who have kept the page up and post to it on a somewhat regular basis. Like TBT pictures or pictures when it is their birthday, the date of their passing, etc. I mean I guess it is an online memorial for that person, and I know everyone grieves in their own way, but I feel like this could almost keep that person "alive" to some and then they will never be able to deal with the loss and move forward with their life.

I don't mind it. But my two experiences with it are that people mostly only post around the person's birthday. I would find it a bit weird if people were posting all the time.

In @MadHops21 example, I would be skeptical as to the intent of the posts because it comes across as very AW. Why do you need to put that on social media for everyone and their brother to see? Why not write it in a journal or in a letter to the person? I feel that it comes across as begging for attention and sympathy.

And to the original post, I do not think anybody should be announcing anything that is not their own news on Facebook. Death, pregnancy, engagement, wedding, whatever. And none of the above should be posted by anyone until the people involved (in the death scenario, immediate family) have the chance to tell everyone that they want to tell personally.

lachattefatale · June 2015

When we lost FI's father last summer, facebook was how we spread the news, but we called close family and very closest friends first. While facebook is a shitty way to find out you've lost a friend, it's probably no worse in general than reading the obituary in the newspaper, just faster. I think we made the facebook announcement about 24 hours before the obituary was published, and then we followed up with a link to the paper's online obituary section and an announcement of the service details.

FI's stepmom still talks to him on her facebook once in a while, though more often about him (he didn't have an account of his own, so she just posts on her own wall to say she misses him). It's hard to see people grieving publicly, but honestly it's no harder than being around grief in person, just easier to resent because you were having a nice facebook surf instead of a cup of tea with a sad loved one.

There are certainly thoughtless people out there who alert social media too soon, too crassly, too whatever. There have always been people like that, the internet just gives them a larger audience.

erinlin25 · June 2015

I think unless its from an Immediate family member or a "spokesperson" for the family it should not be broadcasted on social media.

5 years ago I was a cheer coach and one of my cheerleaders was killed in a car accident (her best friend was driving, it was tragic). I woke up to her mother calling me to tell me the news and it was the worst phone call of my life. We had just moved the day prior so I did not have internet connection, but I know students were posting about it all morning because within an hour of that call I was getting calls and texts from my other girls who found out via facebook. It was so hard to read things on FB and I know it was hard on the family. I feel bad for all the people (especially some of her family members and best friends) who had to find out through a facebook post. The aunt eventually made a statement on facebook asking people to respect the families privacy while they grieved the loss and contacted family members. For the most part the students complied. As things got closer to the funeral students would post things, memories, pictures, etc and it was a great outlet for them to grieve, but initially it was horrible and made it a lot worse for many.

Jen4948 · June 2015

I once had to read my mother the riot act for posting about a death on Facebook.

In this instance a very old friend of mine and her mother friended us on Facebook. When my friend and I were kids our families were very close (she was my BF and our brothers were BFs and we practically lived in each other's houses), but their family moved out of our neighborhood and eventually we lost touch. Our friending each other on Facebook was the first contact we'd had in years.

My friend was the oldest of five kids. My mom noticed that one of her sisters didn't seem to be on Facebook and asked her mother about it, and learned that her sister had died in the years since we were last in contact. She was very young. I don't know the cause of death but it must have been very tragic for her family. But my mom posted about it on my friend's mother's Facebook page and it showed up in my news feed. It was a big shock to me.

Unfortunately that wasn't the only time my mother has made inappropriate posts on Facebook. She practically lives on Facebook.

I let her know that there are just some things that people 1) don't want to find out via Facebook and 2) don't want shared about their lives on Facebook and it's not appropriate of her to share it, especially without the permission of the other parties.

Deaths are certainly up there. I think it's one thing for the closest family members to use Facebook to make funeral announcements or something like that, but they need to know about the deaths first, and not through Facebook.

How do we feel about this?

Re: How do we feel about this?

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