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No Kids at Wedding but have kids in the wedding party

Mrs.bridetobe82Mrs.bridetobe82 member
in Wedding Reception Forum
So my FH and I have set the date and have a general idea for guest count. Recently though we have tossed around the idea of doing a no kid wedding. Right now if we were to let everyone who is invited bring their kids we would have something close to 40 kids attending. That's a lot of little mouths to feed that we don't really have the extra money to spend,plus we don't get special prices for kids. I mean 40 kids is its own little party in itself. I also believe that there are a few people who wont come because their kids would not be invited. Knowing that really upset my FH and I, we want everyone to come and have a good time. The other problem that we are facing is the fact that my nieces and nephews are in the wedding party and would be attending the reception. I don't want people to think that it is we were playing favorites because they see a few kids. It really is not about the kids I don't mind kids it really comes down to the price for everything.
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Re: No Kids at Wedding but have kids in the wedding party

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    mikenbergermikenberger member
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    It is okay for you to have your niece and nephew there. They are in the bridal party. Its also okay if you just invite your nieces and nephews that are not in the bridal party.

    What you cannot do is split up families by a age requirement. So all kids under 8 cannot come. Well if you have a 10yr old and an 8yr old in the same family... Nope. If there is an adult child though and a minor child, you can split that. Personally, I'd use my judgement on that one. If you have a 18yr old and a 16yr old... Meh. But really, that's up to you. Etiquette states you should still "split" that family if you're only inviting adults.

    Be clear on the invites who you are inviting. "Mr and Mrs Smith". Some put number of seats available on the RSVP cards to make the point known of no kids. That helps as well. But yes, be prepared to feed everybody or be prepared to have a few declines if you go kid free.

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    BlueBirdMBBlueBirdMB member
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    As long as you invite your niece and nephew to the reception as well, then this is fine.  Otherwise what PP said is correct.
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    Lauderdale PinkLauderdale Pink member
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    I think it is very unreasonable for people to expect you to invite their children to a wedding.  A) It is not a child's party and B) it is VERY expensive.  Children in the bridal party are NOT the same as children of other guests. It is possible that people who do not attend because their children are not invited just cannot afford the baby sitter.  That is a difficult fact of life and one that cannot determine the course of your one and only wedding.  If guests are just being hard headed, then they don't need to be there because you have a right to the wedding of your dreams, not a mini day care center.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
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    It's fine to just invite the children you're close with. The only kids we invited were my cousin's daughters and my husband's step-sister's kids. That's it. 
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    AddieCakeAddieCake member
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    You can't worry about those who will decline if their children can't come. 40 kids IS a lot, and if you can't accommodate them, you can't accommodate them. You can't please everyone, and there are always going to be reasons people can't make it. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having just wedding party kids, and anyone who gets upset that the wedding party children are at the reception is a dumbass. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 member
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    I'm going to voice an Unpopular Opinion.  It appears that OP isn't fully anti-children-at-weddings, so this doesn't really apply to her, but I totally don't understand why people would have a 99% child-free wedding and have children in the wedding party. 
    Maybe I don't understand because I don't have any nieces or nephews. My closest girlfriends have little ones that are adorable and sweet, but it didn't cross my mind for a moment to have a flower girl or ring bearer... because we wanted a no-kids wedding. 
    Maybe if you have one or two siblings with one or two kids apiece, that's a fine line to draw. If you have several brothers and sisters with quite a few little ones, why does only a ring bearer and flower girl warrant an invite?  That's when kids start to feel like props to me. 
    Often, people want no children at their wedding because they can be noisy and disruptive. The last two weddings I attended had maybe 3 or 4 children out of 150-person guest list. One child crying and tripping over candles on the aisle is disruptive enough.
    And I will say, that knowing some of my friends had babies at the time of my wedding, I did tell them that if they couldn't find sitting arrangements that it was more important to have them there with a baby than not there at all. A baby in a carrier is different to me than a two-year-old getting underfoot. A baby doesn't need a plated meal. 
    This has gotten long-winded enough, but point being, I don't understand having a child-free wedding with a ring bearer and flower girl. Just don't have kids in the ceremony. (Exception: the couple's own child.)
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    mikenbergermikenberger member
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    thisismynickname said:
    I'm going to voice an Unpopular Opinion.  It appears that OP isn't fully anti-children-at-weddings, so this doesn't really apply to her, but I totally don't understand why people would have a 99% child-free wedding and have children in the wedding party. 
    Maybe I don't understand because I don't have any nieces or nephews. My closest girlfriends have little ones that are adorable and sweet, but it didn't cross my mind for a moment to have a flower girl or ring bearer... because we wanted a no-kids wedding. 
    Maybe if you have one or two siblings with one or two kids apiece, that's a fine line to draw. If you have several brothers and sisters with quite a few little ones, why does only a ring bearer and flower girl warrant an invite?  That's when kids start to feel like props to me. 
    Often, people want no children at their wedding because they can be noisy and disruptive. The last two weddings I attended had maybe 3 or 4 children out of 150-person guest list. One child crying and tripping over candles on the aisle is disruptive enough.
    And I will say, that knowing some of my friends had babies at the time of my wedding, I did tell them that if they couldn't find sitting arrangements that it was more important to have them there with a baby than not there at all. A baby in a carrier is different to me than a two-year-old getting underfoot. A baby doesn't need a plated meal. 
    This has gotten long-winded enough, but point being, I don't understand having a child-free wedding with a ring bearer and flower girl. Just don't have kids in the ceremony. (Exception: the couple's own child.)
    But that's not the OP's scenario. She wants to invite all the kids, but can't afford all the kids. So she wants to know if it's okay to invite just the kids in the wedding party or if that's rude. She said nothing about not liking kids or kids getting underfoot or anything like that. 

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    huskypuppy14huskypuppy14 member
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    edited December 2014
    Children are guests just like adults. Therefore, you can invite all children of your adult guests, no children, or anything in between ( as long as you don't split up siblings).  

    We invited only family kids that we were close to and the sons of a groomsman. If anyone had a problem with that, it's their issue.
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    mrssurselymrssursely member
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    One thing I didn't see mentioned, not everyone wants to bring their kids to a wedding. My FSIL asked if the kids will be invited, invites don't go out for another 3 months, and I said we would love to have the kids come, she was disappointed! Some people love to use events for date night, adult time, whatever. My bridesmaid is planning to leave her kiddo home so they can stay out late and really enjoy themselves.
    Perhaps only invite children in your family, not friends? That's what we were planning to do but it only changed our number of kids by 1, so we're letting whoever wants to bring their kids bring them, but we also get free meals for children under 6 and discounted meals for children under 12.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
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    Knottie0745580 said:

    One thing I didn't see mentioned, not everyone wants to bring their kids to a wedding. My FSIL asked if the kids will be invited, invites don't go out for another 3 months, and I said we would love to have the kids come, she was disappointed! Some people love to use events for date night, adult time, whatever. My bridesmaid is planning to leave her kiddo home so they can stay out late and really enjoy themselves.
    Perhaps only invite children in your family, not friends? That's what we were planning to do but it only changed our number of kids by 1, so we're letting whoever wants to bring their kids bring them, but we also get free meals for children under 6 and discounted meals for children under 12.

    It wasn't mentioned because the specific issue is parents who won't come without their children. Not all parents are willing to leave them with babysitters, especially in another city where they don't personally know the babysitters.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] member
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    edited June 2015

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    lyndausvilyndausvi mod
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    I only invited my nieces and nephews.    I also never claimed to be having a child-free wedding.   I simply invited those I wanted and that did not include kids.    

    My wedding was OOT for 100% of the guests.   Not one of our declines came from people who had minor kids.   So not having their kids invited was not an issue.     Also my guests are reasonable and understand that my nieces and nephews may have a closer relationship to us than their own little Johnny.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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    badbnagdwaybadbnagdway member
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    thisismynickname said:
    I'm going to voice an Unpopular Opinion.  It appears that OP isn't fully anti-children-at-weddings, so this doesn't really apply to her, but I totally don't understand why people would have a 99% child-free wedding and have children in the wedding party. 

    I agree in the case of folks who do not have kids they are close with and are just trying to fulfill their idea of what a wedding party looks like, in other words, flower girl and ring bearer. If I had a niece or nephew, or FI did, we would want them there and maybe even in the WP. But I would not commandeer someone else's kids for those roles. 

    We only have one set of close friends in town who have kids. They tried to force their daughters down our throats as flower girls. It was weird. It was very AW. We said no thank you. 
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    desilunadesiluna member
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    edited June 2015
    I also have a similar issue if we let my immediate family bring their children will be having a head count of 30 children at least;  so that will be more like a birthday party and not a wedding, so we decided of a non-kid wedding and even when my family members are extremely upset at the end of the night its our budget no anyone else, and usually when parents bring their kids to events like this it becomes somebody else responsibilities usually they don't care if their kid is running around causing trouble they just want to have fun as well.  The point is if you let one or two children attend the wedding you'll have a lot of  angry people.  :)
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    madamerwinmadamerwin member
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    huskypuppy14 said:
    Children are guests just like adults. Therefore, you can invite all children of your adult guests, no children, or anything in between ( as long as you don't split up siblings).  

    We invited only family kids that we were close to and the sons of a groomsman. If anyone had a problem with that, it's their issue.
    Yep, this is what we did too. We invited all the kids we're related to (whose parents we invited), plus all the kids with whom we both have a relationship. That means all nieces, nephews, and cousins' kids were invited, as were the kids of friends who we see on a regular basis. We didn't invite the kids that one or both of us have never met (ex: FI's high school friend and his wife have four kids that FI met a couple of times, and I have not met any of them. So the kids were not invited).

    Inviting in circles is always ok, as long as you don't split families up.
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    artbyallieartbyallie mod
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    @lyndausvi zombie thread
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