Wedding Reception Forum

Wedding Party (too big for a small wedding)?

Hey everyone! We are getting married June of next year and have just started talking about our wedding party. We are only having 80 guests, but both of us have quite a few people we want to include on each side:
Bride has 1MOH, 5 Bridesmaids and a Junior Flower Girl.
Groom has 1BM, 3 Groomsmen, and a Junior Groomsmen.

The problem is, I could easily cut two bridesmaids but their my fiance's sisters. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but does this wedding party just seem too huge for an 80 person guest list? Thanks for any feedback. 

Re: Wedding Party (too big for a small wedding)?

  • Hey everyone! We are getting married June of next year and have just started talking about our wedding party. We are only having 80 guests, but both of us have quite a few people we want to include on each side:
    Bride has 1MOH, 5 Bridesmaids and a Junior Flower Girl.
    Groom has 1BM, 3  4 Groomsmen, and a Junior Groomsmen.

    The problem is, I could easily cut two bridesmaids but their my fiance's sisters. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, but does this wedding party just seem too huge for an 80 person guest list? Thanks for any feedback. 
    Note the changes.

    And no, that is not too large of a wedding party for your guest list.  There is no ratio that you need to meet.  You ask who you want.  Now I would say if you had 50% of your guest list standing up with you then maybe that would be a bit big, but again, up to you.

  • Your WP is fine. Ask who you feel close to, don't base it off numbers or some sort of ratio.

    Also, ditto PP: drop the junior titles. They are pointless and just hurt feelings. 
  • What the hell is a junior flower girl anyway?
  • I think the number is fine.  That said, be aware that the larger the bridal party, the chances are greater of "issues".  Differing opinions, budgets, gripes, etc.  I mean, you can get that with a bridal party of any size, but it just seems that larger parties often mean the greater the potential for more chaos.  Also, don't forget to watch your budget.....you'll want to get everyone a thank you gift.

    And to your original post.....sides don't have to be even.  I wouldn't get rid of the fiance's sisters for that reason.  They'll be in your family for a very long time!
  • Thank you everyone for the feedback! Junior flower girl was a typo - I meant I would have a Junior Bridesmaid who is my cousin who is 12, and a flower girl. Thanks :)
  • Thank you everyone for the feedback! Junior flower girl was a typo - I meant I would have a Junior Bridesmaid who is my cousin who is 12, and a flower girl. Thanks :)
    You have a 12 year old bridesmaid. Junior bridesmaids aren't really a thing -- she has the same job as the adult bridesmaids, which is show up on the day of in the dress.
    image
  • redoryx said:
    Thank you everyone for the feedback! Junior flower girl was a typo - I meant I would have a Junior Bridesmaid who is my cousin who is 12, and a flower girl. Thanks :)
    You have a 12 year old bridesmaid. Junior bridesmaids aren't really a thing -- she has the same job as the adult bridesmaids, which is show up on the day of in the dress.
    This.  Yes she may be younger then your other BMs but I don't understand the need to point that out with her title.  

  • Ok @redoryx thank you!! I've just always heard them with Junior titles if they're younger! 
  • edited June 2015
    So if we have 1 maid of honor, and 1 Best man; 5 Bridesmaids, a flower girl, 3-4 groomsmen, and a ring bearer you guys don't think this would be too much for an 80 person guest list? To get it smaller it really would be cutting my fiance's sisters and I'm not sure how they would feel about it.
  • So if we have 1 maid of honor, and 1 Best man; 5 Bridesmaids, a flower girl, 3-4 groomsmen, and a ring bearer you guys don't think this would be too much for an 80 person guest list? To get it smaller it really would be cutting my fiance's sisters and I'm not sure how they would feel about it.
    Have you already asked these people to be in your WP?
  • So if we have 1 maid of honor, and 1 Best man; 5 Bridesmaids, a flower girl, 3-4 groomsmen, and a ring bearer you guys don't think this would be too much for an 80 person guest list? To get it smaller it really would be cutting my fiance's sisters and I'm not sure how they would feel about it.
    I don't understand why you are so worried about the size of your wedding party.  It isn't like you have half your guest list as wedding party members.  You have a pretty normal size party.  Stop worrying about the ratio between wedding party members and guests because it doesn't matter.

    Anyways, if you have asked any of these people already you can't un-ask.

  • Nope haven't asked anyone yet! Just trying to make the best decision for us. Thanks all.
  • Nope haven't asked anyone yet! Just trying to make the best decision for us. Thanks all.
    Good! Don't ask them yet. Relationships can change a LOT in a year, and you cannot un-ask someone without potentially ending a friendship. Most people on here will suggest waiting until 6-8 months before your wedding to ask people to be in your bridal party. 

    As for the "junior" thing - I have no clue why people started tacking that on to titles. FI's 8 year-old nephew is a groomsman in our wedding. No special title, he's just one of the guys. Adding "junior" for kids is kind of demeaning; it makes it sound like they are lesser or something. Plus, it doesn't actually mean anything.
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    If you have not asked anyone yet, do not feel you are under any obligation to ask your FI's sisters to stand on your side. If he thinks it is important for his sisters to be members of the wedding party, he can ask them to stand on his side. If you prefer a smaller wedding party but feel obliged to include his sisters, you could ask them to read a passage during the ceremony.
  • Sides do not have to be even and there is no ratio of guests to attendants.  You're fine.
  • Thank you @MobKaz and @BlueBirdMB. No, I still haven't asked anyone. I think we are going to keep it to 5 on my side, and 5 on his. It's just hard to make this decision because I don't want to leave anyone out, and I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. But it definitely helps to get all this feedback! :) 

    Part of the reason I was worried initially was that his sisters are both older and are already married - not sure if they'd even want to be bridesmaids, but since it's tradition I think they might get hurt if I don't ask (catch 22). Also, since we not having a lot of guests and are trying to keep the costs down, I didn't want to ask for too many attendants if that makes sense.

    Thanks everyone! :)
  • madamerwinmadamerwin member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    Knottie57796412 said: Thank you @MobKaz and @BlueBirdMB. No, I still haven't asked anyone. I think we are going to keep it to 5 on my side, and 5 on his. It's just hard to make this decision because I don't want to leave anyone out, and I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. But it definitely helps to get all this feedback! :) 
    Part of the reason I was worried initially was that his sisters are both older and are already married - not sure if they'd even want to be bridesmaids, but since it's tradition I think they might get hurt if I don't ask (catch 22). Also, since we not having a lot of guests and are trying to keep the costs down, I didn't want to ask for too many attendants if that makes sense.
    Thanks everyone! :)
    ------BOXES-----

    I have seven bridesmaids, three of whom are my older, married sisters - I don't think it's that odd to have older married siblings in your BP. I definitely feel you on not wanting to leave people out though; there is no way I could have NOT had my sisters as bridesmaids without there being a hullabaloo (though I wanted them to be BMs anyway, so it's a moot point). 

    HOWEVER, if FI had three sisters? I would not feel obligated to include them. Your bridesmaids are supposed to be your nearest and dearest. If your FI's sisters happen to fall in to that category, great! But if not, don't feel too bad. And most of all, I don't recommend asking someone to be a BM if the only reason is that you don't want them to feel left out.

    But again, you don't need to ask anyone until 6-8 months out, so take your time thinking about it!
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • MobKazMobKaz member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Thank you @MobKaz and @BlueBirdMB. No, I still haven't asked anyone. I think we are going to keep it to 5 on my side, and 5 on his. It's just hard to make this decision because I don't want to leave anyone out, and I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. But it definitely helps to get all this feedback! :) 

    Part of the reason I was worried initially was that his sisters are both older and are already married - not sure if they'd even want to be bridesmaids, but since it's tradition I think they might get hurt if I don't ask (catch 22). Also, since we not having a lot of guests and are trying to keep the costs down, I didn't want to ask for too many attendants if that makes sense.

    Thanks everyone! :)
    "Since it's tradition"....... In my area, there is nothing that mandates that family members are expected to be a part of the wedding party. When I married, I had 4 brothers and my husband had 3. My husband also had friends. There is no way he could include all 7 immediate family members AND friends. My son had a small wedding party. He only has one sister. She was not asked to be in the wedding party. There were no hurt feelings. I think you will be fine having a wedding party that includes your closest friends.
  • There is no tradition that says family members must be wedding attendants.  When my daughter was married, her brother was not in the wedding party.  He didn't care, nor did we.
    You include someone by inviting them to your wedding.
    The others are giving you great advice about not deciding about your wedding party this soon.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Thank you @MobKaz and @BlueBirdMB. No, I still haven't asked anyone. I think we are going to keep it to 5 on my side, and 5 on his. It's just hard to make this decision because I don't want to leave anyone out, and I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. But it definitely helps to get all this feedback! :) 

    Part of the reason I was worried initially was that his sisters are both older and are already married - not sure if they'd even want to be bridesmaids, but since it's tradition I think they might get hurt if I don't ask (catch 22). Also, since we not having a lot of guests and are trying to keep the costs down, I didn't want to ask for too many attendants if that makes sense.

    Thanks everyone! :)
    I feel like you are making this ten times harder then it needs to be.  Forget about how many guests you are inviting.  Forget the "tradition" of asking FI sisters, forget everything.  Who do you want standing up with you on your wedding day?  Whoever pops in your head is who you should ask.  Once you have to start weighing out the pros and cons of asking this person or that person and worrying about "traditions" and whatever else then those individuals shouldn't be asked.

  • Thank you @MobKaz and @BlueBirdMB. No, I still haven't asked anyone. I think we are going to keep it to 5 on my side, and 5 on his. It's just hard to make this decision because I don't want to leave anyone out, and I don't want anyone's feelings to get hurt. But it definitely helps to get all this feedback! :) 

    Part of the reason I was worried initially was that his sisters are both older and are already married - not sure if they'd even want to be bridesmaids, but since it's tradition I think they might get hurt if I don't ask (catch 22). Also, since we not having a lot of guests and are trying to keep the costs down, I didn't want to ask for too many attendants if that makes sense.

    Thanks everyone! :)
    It's not that traditional, and you probably won't hurt any feelings. The size of your bridal party is fine if you really do want to ask them, but if his sisters are not that close with you, don't ask them. If you really want to include them, you can ask them to do readings during the ceremony or help out in other small ways.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Ok thanks everyone! We've decided and narrowed it down thanks to your help. We wrote down who we want but we won't ask for awhile and that way if we change our minds about someone, we know it's not meant to be - great advice to wait. Thanks xx
  • Ok one more question I hope you guys can answer. So our venue can comfortable accommodate 5 attendants on each side (so a total of 10). I have 5 I  have chosen, but have another close friend who I KNOW is going to feel left out. We've been friends for about 5 years but our relationship has been kind of rocky. I am so torn as to whether or not to make her a bridesmaid, part of me wants her standing up with me, and part of me is worried that she will not be on her best behavior. I know that she will feel disappointed if I don't ask her...any advice? Thanks!
  • I am having 80 people at my upcoming wedding at the end of this month.  I am having 5 bridesmaids and FI is having 5 groomsmen (they didn't have to line up but it just ended up that way).  No matter how many bridesmaids you pick, someone will likely feel a little left out.  I consider myself blessed to have lots of close friends.  There was no way to include them all!  People probably won't be audacious enough to ask but if they do, I would just say something like... "I am lucky to have a handful of really good, close friends and family.  When I was picking a wedding party, there were some very special friends I did not have the space or resources to include.  I look forward to celebrating with all these friend when they attend my wedding as a guest"  
  • Ok one more question I hope you guys can answer. So our venue can comfortable accommodate 5 attendants on each side (so a total of 10). I have 5 I  have chosen, but have another close friend who I KNOW is going to feel left out. We've been friends for about 5 years but our relationship has been kind of rocky. I am so torn as to whether or not to make her a bridesmaid, part of me wants her standing up with me, and part of me is worried that she will not be on her best behavior. I know that she will feel disappointed if I don't ask her...any advice? Thanks!
    Your wedding party does not have to stand during the ceremony.    You could have them process down the aisle and then sit in the front row.  This way you can have as many or as few as you want.  No one will be caring or looking at them anyways since they are the one's getting married.  And as someone who has been in a few weddings and had to stand, your friends will thank you for letting them sit instead of standing still in heels for 20 minutes.

    As for the bolded I am not sure exactly what you mean.  I mean is she known to go crazy, strip down to her birthday suit and start quacking like a duck?

  • Remember that the ONLY job your wedding party has it to show up on the day of, in the outfits you asked them to purchase (after asking their budgets), on time and sober. They do not have to shop with you, they do not have to help you DIY stuff, they do not have to throw you a shower or bachelorette, or even attend a shower or bachelorette, and they don't have to get ready with you and/or get their hair an makeup done. 

    And remember that you really do have to get them a gift for showing up in the dress, and it can not be anything wedding-related or that you expect them to wear on the day (i.e. jewelry to wear that day is not an appropriate gift). 

    Also remember that you can invite anyone you want to to shop with you, to DIY stuff with you, to attend a shower someone wants the throw for you, and to get ready with you. Just because someone isn't walking down the aisle in a certain color dress doesn't mean they can't be there with you for everything. 


    And when it comes to inviting his sisters, while it is "tradition" in some places, it usually sucks. Seriously sucks. Unless, of course, you're really close to them. I was a bridesmaid in my brother's wedding. It sucked. I had to spend the whole day with her and her friends, and barely got a chance to see my brother and cousins and friends who were groomsmen. I, personally, would have rather been "nothing" and at least got to hang out with my brother before the wedding, instead of hanging out with her and her friends. 
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