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Ceremony and Vow Ideas

How to help my groom with disability during the ceremony.

We are planning on having a small intimate wedding in August 2016. My FI has a back injury and cannot stand for longer than 5 minutes and cannot walk far as well. He will need his wheelchair or another sturdy chair to sit if he needs. Also most of the day he will be in his wheelchair so pictures will be mostly of him sitting and maybe standing for a few minutes. Would it be rude or tacky for myself to also be sitting for the ceremony as well? I want him to be as pain free as possible so he can enjoy our day. Thanks :)

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Re: How to help my groom with disability during the ceremony.

  • levioosalevioosa Southern California member
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    I would not side eye this at all.  


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    catlover30pinupbride6189
  • All I want is him to be comfortable and have a good time and be as pain free as possible. I know he will never be completley pain free but if there is anything I can do to reduce that I will. Some of his family members don't understand excatly how much pain he is in and think it's because of his weight. I'm afraid that they will make comments about him using his wheelchair instead of walking. I think my family understands more and is always asking him what they can do for him when we are at gatherings with my family.

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  • Screw what they think and do what you need to do for his comfort. I think having chairs or a bench for the two of you for the ceremony is perfectly acceptable.
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    catlover30OliveOilsMom
  • Thanks for the reassurance, I was really getting worried about that but then again it is our day. My FI is seriously considering not inviting those family members to the wedding if they are going to have that attitude. he really doesn't get along with them so I will leave that up to him. I will support him with whatever he chooses.

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    lachattefatale
  • Agreed, he needs to do what he needs to do to get through it. It might be easiest to have him just use his wheelchair throughout the ceremony, and have a chair or a stool for you to sit facing him. (Benches + wedding gowns + back problems just sounds like an accident waiting to happen.)
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  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston member
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    I think this would be fine.
  • Agreed, he needs to do what he needs to do to get through it. It might be easiest to have him just use his wheelchair throughout the ceremony, and have a chair or a stool for you to sit facing him. (Benches + wedding gowns + back problems just sounds like an accident waiting to happen.)
    Yes, I agree this may be the best idea and keeps things simple. We are having a small wedding anyway so we don't want to complicate things further.

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  • Of course it's not rude if you want to sit with your groom during your ceremony. If he needs a wheelchair and you want to be eye level with him, I can't imagine anyone would side eye that!
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    catlover30madamerwin
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey member
    Seventh Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers

    There was an old poster on here who married in a Quaker ceremony.  She used to keep a picture in her signature of her and her H sitting during their self-uniting ceremony.  I always thought it was a lovely picture!  H & I had a Catholic wedding, so we also did not stand for the entire thing. 

    I would just work with your FI to organize something that is comfortable for both of you.  Maybe he wants to be able to stand when you enter the ceremony with your escort.  Then you can both have a seat and all your guests will be seated at the same time.  I would give no thoughts to whatever is going through your FI's family's minds.  They do not matter.  Do what is best for your FI.

    MairePoppycatlover30MercyMe
  • Thanks everyone, we are going to do what we want and need to do. I feel better about it now.

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  • There are many wedding ceremony traditions in which the bride & groom spend part or all of the ceremony sitting down. As @OliveOilsMom described, the Quaker ceremony generally has the bride and groom sitting in a circle with all of the guests, so everyone is "equal" and it involves long moments of silence/reflection during which no one would want to be standing! The bride and groom are usually sitting in Indian weddings as well.

    Our wedding had some Quaker-inspired elements (moment of silence, signed wedding certificate) and we sat for a portion of the ceremony. It was actually those portions when I was sitting that I remember the best because I could listen and reflect more easily.
    catlover30
  • Another vote for both of you sitting. I think it would look better in the photos and would make it easier for you to hold hands during the ceremony as well as looking into each others eyes when saying your vows.

    catlover30
  • There are many wedding ceremony traditions in which the bride & groom spend part or all of the ceremony sitting down. As @OliveOilsMom described, the Quaker ceremony generally has the bride and groom sitting in a circle with all of the guests, so everyone is "equal" and it involves long moments of silence/reflection during which no one would want to be standing! The bride and groom are usually sitting in Indian weddings as well.

    Our wedding had some Quaker-inspired elements (moment of silence, signed wedding certificate) and we sat for a portion of the ceremony. It was actually those portions when I was sitting that I remember the best because I could listen and reflect more easily.
    Thanks, I will take those ideas into consideration, FI and I will sit down and talk about what kind of ceremony we want. He just had surgery on Monday so I am busy taking care of him. When he is feeling better we will start planning the ceremony and rest of the wedding.

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