Wedding 911

Bridesmaids are a nightmare!

2»

Re: Bridesmaids are a nightmare!

  • Did I jump down your throat? Absolutely. Here's why. Lately, all the newbies around here seem to have these grandiose expectations of their bridesmaids. Just from reading some of your replies here, you seem to be of the thinking that IT'S YOUR DAY! and people she be falling all over themselves to honor you. No. That's not how it works. I'm trying to keep you from alienating your friends. 

    I'm 34 and I've been a bridesmaids 6 times. You know the bride I don't talk to anymore? It's the one that acted like an entitle brat all throughout the process. The one that flipped out when one bridesmaid couldn't make it to go dress shopping. She also stopped speaking to a bridesmaid that couldn't make it to her shower because she had to work. The way she behaved and treated others made me question why I was friends with someone like that. 

    Also, you should never have replaced a bridesmaid. These people aren't props. 
  • HeffalumpHeffalump member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    edited June 2015
    I'm confused about the swearing.  I didn't see anyone say "fuck you, bitch face," or anything similar--that would be a TOS violation.  I mean, using "fucking" as an adjective is hardly any kind of personal attack, so I'm not sure why you would get all butthurt over it, OP.

    Also, when people say "slaves," no, they don't mean in the literal sense that you're forcing them to build giant pyramids in the desert or anything.  But expecting people to do unnecessary work on your behalf for free while you complain about their work ethic is a lot closer to slavery than friendship.  So complaining that it's not the literal definition of slavery is sort of missing the point--it's a shitty way to treat your supposed friends, regardless.
  • ashtsbashtsb member
    First Anniversary Name Dropper First Comment 5 Love Its
    I had a bridesmaid unsure if she could take off work for the wedding, I was slightly upset, and she told me to find someone else. Uhm no! I asked you, not Sally! We already had uneven sides from the get-go. My mom wanted me to add my cousin which I don't talk to, so I could have even sides.

    I don't care, I want people who I love and care about to stand by me. In the end my friend could take it off. I still have uneven sides. If she decides she can't do it fine, no skin off my nose. I would be sad she couldn't be there to celebrate with me, but her life is her life, I do not judge what she does with it I jsut want to enjoy our lives.
  • Well now, that escalated quickly. 

    OP, everyone pretty much has it covered. I'm sorry you are upset with your bridal party right now, but life happens, you are the one that is planning the wedding, and they are going on with their lives while looking forward to your wedding and being honored by you. All of us have busy lives, my relationship with my girls didn't change when I asked them to be in the wedding, we still talk the same amount we used to and almost never talk wedding. It's hard to get a hold of them, but guess what? It was hard before, we all work and usually end up playing phone tag for a week before we connect. Just breathe, your wedding will be fine and you did get some good advice. Just stop with the "expectations" of your BMs and go back to being their FRIEND.

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • This whole thread is hilariously sad to me. Your bridesmaids are your friends and should be respected as such.

    Sometimes I find that trying to wrangle everyone is really hard - everyone has tough schedules and life to work around, and I understand that. So what has worked with my friends and I is advance notice of stuff like dress shopping (like 4 or 5 weeks, when possible).

    Your friends probably want to be involved in this stuff but you have to give them enough time (and no pressure) to make it work out.

    Also, if you are too controlling or otherwise difficult during your own wedding, maybe don't expect to be in other people's. Just saying.
  • rrroxanne said:
    Sadly, the hardest part about planning my wedding has been my bridesmaids. I carefully chose my 4 girls who I wanted to have at my wedding. A few of them expected to be chosen, & one of them even practically begged me to be a bridesmaid. This friend who begged to be a bridesmaid, has basically fallen off the earth with a new relationship & has not been there as a friend, or a bridesmaid claiming she's always busy (I think she should at least be able to make time to be a bridesmaid since she asked to be one). Another bridesmaid has missed bridal dress appointments & has also been a terrible friend since I had gotten engaged.

    My biggest problem however, is I had asked a high school friend who I remained close with over the years to be a bridesmaid. She lives in Vancouver (& I'm in Edmonton, AB). She was so excited to be asked & said she'd for sure love to come. However, about a month ago, she called me saying she doesn't know if she'd be able to make it for the wedding (and her speech sounded very scripted & practiced), she was having financial difficulties & her boyfriend was expecting her to pay for his flight & she couldn't afford the flight herself, or the dress ... etc. So, I had asked one of my fiance's friends to be a bridesmaid instead, seeing as she has been on my wedding train since day one, even planning wedding dress appointments for me & being an overall delight. However, a few weeks ago, my friend from Vancouver messaged me saying now she thinks she can make it. I had replied saying I had asked someone else, but I'd love it for her to still make it to my wedding. Somehow, she did not understand my text & still thinks she's part of the party. I've avoided her texts & calls playing it off as busy now, & I'm not sure what I should do.

    A coworker said to just leave the situation as it is, (since now I apparently have 5 bridesmaids & fiance has 4 groomsmen) & made a good point in case someone else backs out. I've also been super tempted to fire a few bridesmaids also.

    Has anyone else out there experienced trouble Bridesmaids & how did you handle it? Did you lose friends over bridesmaids situations? 
    Stop having ridiculous expectations. As long as your bridesmaids show up for the wedding in the dress they have fulfilled their responsibilities. Change your expectations so you stop being disappointed and don't risk ruining relationships.

    And please don't post online until you learn how to take criticism with grace.






  • rrroxanne said:




    rrroxanne said:

    I decided to ask for any advice, not a bitchy reply... I am literally SHOCKED that I came on to a site to talk to other females in similar situations as I, and am getting nothing but negativity & bashing for asking a question & looking for advice, instead of people jumping off the deep end. I guess what should I expect from the internet. Sigh. I should hope you don't have any friends, since you jump up peoples asses so quickly to tell people off & belittle them for having an opinion.

    When I've been a bridesmaid to many of the same friends, there's been a certain expectation. Clearly other people do not have the same expectations or standards. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid, & for them to accept, they should also realize they have a few expectations or responsibility to up hold.  & my friends should be honoring me... it's my special day, just the same as I honored them or will do the same for them when it comes to their special day. A bridesmaid should make your life easier, not more stressful. I honor my friendships, & I honor them. I don't feel as if I'm asking too much from my bridesmaids to show up to events or to commit to coming to my wedding. 

    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 

    I don't know how much more clear I can make this. 


    YOUR FUCKING BRIDESMAIDS HAVE NO RESPONSIBILITIES OR DUTIES. They are not there to honor you. Seriously - do you not get how completely selfish and ridiculous that sounds?!?! How old are you?

    Most people here are not going to advocate for treating your friends like bridalslaves. You know who should help you plan your wedding? Your FI. 



    I'm actually shocked there is people like you on this website. Like, literally shocked. You are a child. I had clearly asked for advice for people who went through something similar. You are just here for the drama. Get off the internet & go see some people or something. I'm so amazed that you are literally this much of a drama queen to start a fight with someone because they have a different opinion than you. YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE EXPERT. EVERYONES SITUATIONS ARE DIFFERENT. I ASKED FOR ADVICE FOR ANYONE WHO WENT THROUGH SOMETHING SIMILAR. I CAN EXPECT WHAT I WISH FROM MY BRIDESMAIDS. GET OFF MY THREAD IF YOU HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY.



    Hahahahaha. Ohmygod. Truly the funniest thing I've read all day. 

    YOU ARE NOT A BRIDE EXPERT! GET OFF OF MY THREAD! ONLY PEOPLE WHO AGREE WITH ME CAN BE ON MY THREAD! I AM SHOUTING AT YOU SO YOU WILL OBEY.

    (Welcome to the internet. It doesn't work like that.)


    Neither does the real world.
  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2015
    Bridesmaids are people the bride wishes to honor by asking them to stand up with her while she says her vows and is married.

    Bridesmaids are not supposed to honor the bride.  They are doing the bride an honor by standing with her at her wedding.

    The idea that you choose people to honor you is completely against etiquette.  If someone wants to honor you, it is their idea, not yours.

    I think your problem is that you have a wrong idea about what wedding attendants are all about.  They are not fashion models that enhance your wedding decor.  They are not obligated to have parties for you.  They are not unpaid wedding planners.  They are FRIENDS.  Please treat them like friends, and be a friend to them.  Otherwise, I am afraid that you will be without any friends after your wedding.  Surely, that is not what you want?

    We have seen sooo many posts that read like yours. You are not a special snowflake.  The rules of etiquette apply equally to everyone.  It is not "your special day".  It is your wedding day.  It is also your FI's wedding day.  Since you have chosen to invite guests to your wedding, you must treat them ALL (attendants included) with respect and good manners.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I have three bridesmaids. One is in another country, and two are in another province. I asked them to go on their own time and pick a bridesmaids dress in X colour. And then I paid for it myself. My bridesmaid in another country wasn't able to get to a store to look at dresses. She showed me a picture of one online that was available in a store near me. I went in, picked up her size and mailed it to her. 


    Two of my bridesmaids have babies and therefore will not be able to get ready with me morning of the wedding and will simply show up at ceremony time ready to go. My mother is hosting a shower because my bridesmaids obviously have very busy lifes (that don't revolve around my wedding).

    I adore all of my bridesmaids. The only thing they are doing for my wedding is standing up front with me when I marry my FI. Because that is the role of bridesmaid. To bear special witness to the marriage because they are the most important people to you (besides your FI).

    After they stand up with me I will thank them further for how much they mean to me buy giving them a special thank you gift that was shopped for like it was their birthday (not wedding day uniform jewellery or photo op clothing. Something meaningful and special).

    So yes. I have been in the same situation as you, with my bridesmaids not 'helping' with my wedding, and therefore my advice is the kind of advice you are asking for. My advice is that you need to re-look at what the meaning of a bridesmaid is. And think about why each of those girls was important enough to you to get honoured with that role. Take a moment to think about why each girl is important and special to you. Then think about your wedding day and how it will feel to have these girls standing up next to you at that important moment in your life. That feeling?? Thats what a bridesmaids role is. Nothing else. 

    Have a glass of wine and relax. You have some special girls in your life that are special enough to stand up with you. Don't ruin those friendships by being swayed by wedding industry propaganda that makes you think that they have duties. They dont. 
    OP-this is solid advice right here. Kudos to SoontobeMrsKlein for being the voice of reason.
  • How's the Bingo going here?!?!?!

    OP - I understand your frustration, you bent over backwards to help with their weddings and when it came time for yours those same people didn't reciprocate in even the slightest.  It's frustrating and there isn't anything you can do about it.  Your best solution, get another dress for the one friend (dye lots really don't matter in this day in age - you could have your friend order it from a local bridal shop to her to make this easier) who you asked previously or ask yourself if the friendship is worth losing.  Next, hire a coordinator to help you with all of this stuff that you were hoping your BM would do for you.  Will it cost you money, yes, however, the stress isn't worth it nor is losing the friendships in the grand scheme of life. There's an old saying "Weddings, funerals, and babies bring out the best and worst in people".. 

  • rrroxanne said:

    Again you asked for advise (that you don't like the answers of) and got it. I've lurkered around just enough to see who gives good advise which I think climbingwife does. You just don't like the answers you're being given.

    I don't understand how swearing in a reply & calling people out is good advice? It's not that hard to give advice without swearing, truly, it's not. I'm super confused about this site. Is it a site for advice? Or just a site to criticize & belittle everyone else to make yourself more superior... I had no idea this was reddit? 

    Of course I don't like the answers I've been given, because people are jumping up & down calling me out saying I'm using my friends as "Slaves"? WHAT? Is this serious right now? 
    I don't know, hon, you seem to have trouble replying to people without yelling and talking about asses. 



  • lyndausvi said:
    rrroxanne said:

    That's great that you're on a wedding site after you've already been married to offer people advice they don't want? Why are you on here? I don't understand... 

    You're that desperate for attention you site on a site for brides-to-be & jump up peoples asses when they have an opinion seperate than yours? 
    Um, because when someone is seeking advice on something they have never done before- like getting married- it seems logical to solicit the advice of those who have already done it- like from those that are married.

    If I wanted advice on how to properly cook scallops I wouldn't ask other people for help who have never cooked scallops before. . . that's just stupid.
    PGL-  Your logic has no place here.  Everyone knows you get the best advice from people who have no experience on the topic.
    So about those scallops. . .

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


  • I always wonder the internal monologue of brides with these expectations. OP, how would you actually feel if a friend said this to you:

    "You are the most important person to me. So I choose you to buy a dress and honour me. You are required to 100% celebrate me at all times".
  • Holy toledo! How did I miss this gem?

    What OP wants: AGREE WITH ME and tell me I'm right!!!
    What OP gets on this wonder we call the interwebz: honest answers

    Sorry, OP. You may not like the delivery, but the message is correct... The title of BM or MOH is literally "guest of honor". YOU are honoring THEM. If you want people to honor you and cater to your needs, turn to your future husband or  hire a wedding planner.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
  • snowywintersnowywinter member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited July 2015
    rrroxanne said:
    I decided to ask for any advice, not a bitchy reply... I am literally SHOCKED that I came on to a site to talk to other females in similar situations as I, and am getting nothing but negativity & bashing for asking a question & looking for advice, instead of people jumping off the deep end. I guess what should I expect from the internet. Sigh. I should hope you don't have any friends, since you jump up peoples asses so quickly to tell people off & belittle them for having an opinion.

    When I've been a bridesmaid to many of the same friends, there's been a certain expectation. Clearly other people do not have the same expectations or standards. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid, & for them to accept, they should also realize they have a few expectations or responsibility to up hold.  & my friends should be honoring me... it's my special day, just the same as I honored them or will do the same for them when it comes to their special day. A bridesmaid should make your life easier, not more stressful. I honor my friendships, & I honor them. I don't feel as if I'm asking too much from my bridesmaids to show up to events or to commit to coming to my wedding. 

    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 
    I'm new here too and while I do think everyone means well, I wish there were better restrictions on how to post on this forum, as there are on other forums. For example, going off on someone just because they post something you don't agree with is never appropriate. This is supposed to be a fun board and after posting two threads, I'm actually nervous about posting anymore because of the backlash. It's fine to disagree with someone, but posts like some of these are never okay and would never be tolerated on other boards. Just shows immaturity in not being able to handle disagreement.

    I also agree with you about bridesmaids having certain responsibilities, like showing up to bridesmaids dress fitting. That is NOT too much to ask. I've been a bridesmaid 8 times and I've always made it to the fitting, as long as I was given enough notice. That said, I agree with your co-worker. Leave things as they are and have five bridesmaids. Enjoy the wedding!
  • snowywintersnowywinter member
    5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    edited July 2015

    Again you asked for advise (that you don't like the answers of) and got it. I've lurkered around just enough to see who gives good advise which I think climbingwife does. You just don't like the answers you're being given.

    Personally, I tend to ignore advice from people who can't give it in a civilized manner. Others disagreed with the original poster too and I would take their advice (or at least consider it). The ones who jump up and down and pull their hair out, shouting curse words with their arms in the air as an AW would do deserve to be ignored, in my opinion. Oh, and I've been posting on the Internet for 17 years. I've always ignored people who can't get their point across without acting like an ass. I love forums where there's an ignore feature so I don't even have to scroll past their posts.
  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited July 2015
    rrroxanne said:
    I decided to ask for any advice, not a bitchy reply... I am literally SHOCKED that I came on to a site to talk to other females in similar situations as I, and am getting nothing but negativity & bashing for asking a question & looking for advice, instead of people jumping off the deep end. I guess what should I expect from the internet. Sigh. I should hope you don't have any friends, since you jump up peoples asses so quickly to tell people off & belittle them for having an opinion.

    When I've been a bridesmaid to many of the same friends, there's been a certain expectation. Clearly other people do not have the same expectations or standards. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid, & for them to accept, they should also realize they have a few expectations or responsibility to up hold.  & my friends should be honoring me... it's my special day, just the same as I honored them or will do the same for them when it comes to their special day. A bridesmaid should make your life easier, not more stressful. I honor my friendships, & I honor them. I don't feel as if I'm asking too much from my bridesmaids to show up to events or to commit to coming to my wedding. 

    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 
    I'm new here too and while I do think everyone means well, I wish there were better restrictions on how to post on this forum, as there are on other forums. For example, going off on someone just because they post something you don't agree with is never appropriate. This is supposed to be a fun board and after posting two threads, I'm actually nervous about posting anymore because of the backlash. It's fine to disagree with someone, but posts like some of these are never okay and would never be tolerated on other boards. Just shows immaturity in not being able to handle disagreement.

    I also agree with you about bridesmaids having certain responsibilities, like showing up to bridesmaids dress fitting. That is NOT too much to ask. I've been a bridesmaid 8 times and I've always made it to the fitting, as long as I was given enough notice. That said, I agree with your co-worker. Leave things as they are and have five bridesmaids. Enjoy the wedding!
    I've been a BM 10 times,  I can't think of one time where we had a group BM fitting.   Nope, we all were told when the dresses arrived, we went on our own, got the dresses fitted on our own time.  (granted most of my BM times were OOT).

    One time my dress fitting was on Tuesday for  a FRIDAY wedding (the dresses were ordered a good 7 months out). I wasn't being a bitch.  I lived OOT in the islands.  Shipping the dress to me, then finding someone to fit the dress, then getting it back to the states would have been more of a nightmare.  Instead I arranged with the seamstress to fly in in time to have the dress ready in a few days.    Thursday I picked of the dress.  All was good in the world.

    Oh and for that wedding I didn't attend the shower either.       We have been friends for almost 20 years now. Half of which have been AFTER her wedding.

    Being able to make a shower, b-party or even a BM fitting does not define a relationship.  Trust me, my friends and I have much stronger bonds then putting so much emphasis into a dress fitting or any other wedding related event.    

    People have lives, weddings are not the be all end all of life.


    ETA - for my own wedding there was no group BM dress shopping, let alone a group dress fitting.  One of my BM's became pregnant during the engagement.  I didn't see her dress until the day of the wedding.    Same friend above where I didn't go to her shower or get my dress fitted until a few days before her wedding. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • I've been a bridesmaid 7 times. I had one bride demand we be there for dress appointments. She also kicked out a BM because she couldn't make it to an appointment. Then she stopped speaking to a friend because she couldn't make it to her shower. She was a total Bridezilla. Guess what? I am no longer friends with her, along with 3 other women I know. She used her wedding as an excuse to treat people like shit. Do you know how many times I heard, "It's my day!"?  Countless. 

    You're more than welcome to demand (ridiculous) things of your friends. Go ahead. It's no skin off my back. But don't be surprised when your friends get sick of your shit and are no longer your friends. 

    I chose to have just a MOH. I told her to pick whatever dress she wanted in any color. If she wanted me to come shopping with her, I would (and did). I let her know when I was going dress shopping if she wanted to come. I told her I didn't want a shower. I left if up to her what she wanted to do with her hair and makeup. Same with shoes. I told her when the rehearsal was but also told her it wasn't mandatory. That's being laid back. You're not laid back if you expect people to honor you and make it to dress appointments (that are totally not necessary). 
  • rrroxanne said:
    I decided to ask for any advice, not a bitchy reply... I am literally SHOCKED that I came on to a site to talk to other females in similar situations as I, and am getting nothing but negativity & bashing for asking a question & looking for advice, instead of people jumping off the deep end. I guess what should I expect from the internet. Sigh. I should hope you don't have any friends, since you jump up peoples asses so quickly to tell people off & belittle them for having an opinion.

    When I've been a bridesmaid to many of the same friends, there's been a certain expectation. Clearly other people do not have the same expectations or standards. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid, & for them to accept, they should also realize they have a few expectations or responsibility to up hold.  & my friends should be honoring me... it's my special day, just the same as I honored them or will do the same for them when it comes to their special day. A bridesmaid should make your life easier, not more stressful. I honor my friendships, & I honor them. I don't feel as if I'm asking too much from my bridesmaids to show up to events or to commit to coming to my wedding. 

    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 
    I'm new here too and while I do think everyone means well, I wish there were better restrictions on how to post on this forum, as there are on other forums. For example, going off on someone just because they post something you don't agree with is never appropriate. This is supposed to be a fun board and after posting two threads, I'm actually nervous about posting anymore because of the backlash. It's fine to disagree with someone, but posts like some of these are never okay and would never be tolerated on other boards. Just shows immaturity in not being able to handle disagreement.

    I also agree with you about bridesmaids having certain responsibilities, like showing up to bridesmaids dress fitting. That is NOT too much to ask. I've been a bridesmaid 8 times and I've always made it to the fitting, as long as I was given enough notice. That said, I agree with your co-worker. Leave things as they are and have five bridesmaids. Enjoy the wedding!
    I have no idea when my MOH is going to be in the country around my wedding other than the day of my wedding. Do I tell her to spend $3000 to come home so she can find a dress? Yeah, no. I don't actually give a fuck what she wears as long as she's there. 

    In the span of friendship, a dress is a fucking dress. Your friends are people that hopefully will be there for the rest of your life.
  • I asked several of my friends to become bridesmaids. The only expectations are "show up, stay sober until we get to a point in the celebration where everyone can get drunk, and dress appropriately." the only expectation for the dress is that it be a shade of blue that's in my wedding scheme, and if you don't want a dress, we can work something else out. That's it. I invited them, that doesn't mean they work for me. If they want to help me do something, they're more than welcome to help me. The more hands the merrier. But if they can't or don't want to, that's fine. Not everyone wants to wander around beach houses to find venues or shop for cakes. They're your friends, and if you wanna keep them that way, understand that you invited them and unless you got them to agree ahead of time (I asked my MOH for help because she loves wedding stuff and I knew she'd want to be a part of as much as she could), these "responsibilities" that shitty wedding shows have ingrained into you don't autopopulate when they say yes.
    image
    image
  • lyndausvi said:
    rrroxanne said:
    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 
    I also agree with you about bridesmaids having certain responsibilities, like showing up to bridesmaids dress fitting. That is NOT too much to ask. I've been a bridesmaid 8 times and I've always made it to the fitting, as long as I was given enough notice. That said, I agree with your co-worker. Leave things as they are and have five bridesmaids. Enjoy the wedding!
    I've been a BM 10 times,  I can't think of one time where we had a group BM fitting.   Nope, we all were told when the dresses arrived, we went on our own, got the dresses fitted on our own time.  (granted most of my BM times were OOT).
    THANK you for posting this. I've never been a BM and never understood what people were talking about when they discussed the All-Important Mandatory Group Bridesmaids' Dress Fitting Appointment.

    I pictured a group of girls sitting around bored to tears watching another girl try on her dress & get prodded at by a tailor, one by one by one for an afternoon. I thought, "Are BM dress fittings like marriages in that they're not valid unless there are at least two witnesses present?"
  • YogaSandyYogaSandy member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited August 2015


    rrroxanne said:

    I decided to ask for any advice, not a bitchy reply... I am literally SHOCKED that I came on to a site to talk to other females in similar situations as I, and am getting nothing but negativity & bashing for asking a question & looking for advice, instead of people jumping off the deep end. I guess what should I expect from the internet. Sigh. I should hope you don't have any friends, since you jump up peoples asses so quickly to tell people off & belittle them for having an opinion.

    When I've been a bridesmaid to many of the same friends, there's been a certain expectation. Clearly other people do not have the same expectations or standards. To ask someone to be a bridesmaid, & for them to accept, they should also realize they have a few expectations or responsibility to up hold.  & my friends should be honoring me... it's my special day, just the same as I honored them or will do the same for them when it comes to their special day. A bridesmaid should make your life easier, not more stressful. I honor my friendships, & I honor them. I don't feel as if I'm asking too much from my bridesmaids to show up to events or to commit to coming to my wedding. 

    A bridesmaid, in my opinion, should have a few responsibilities. Like showing up to dress appointments. Or not picking fights. I have been very down to earth about everything, such as letting them choose their own dress & price point. All I've asked in return is for my friends to still act like my friend, & for them to take their very few responsibilities seriously. 

    I'm new here too and while I do think everyone means well, I wish there were better restrictions on how to post on this forum, as there are on other forums. For example, going off on someone just because they post something you don't agree with is never appropriate. This is supposed to be a fun board and after posting two threads, I'm actually nervous about posting anymore because of the backlash. It's fine to disagree with someone, but posts like some of these are never okay and would never be tolerated on other boards. Just shows immaturity in not being able to handle disagreement.

    I also agree with you about bridesmaids having certain responsibilities, like showing up to bridesmaids dress fitting. That is NOT too much to ask. I've been a bridesmaid 8 times and I've always made it to the fitting, as long as I was given enough notice. That said, I agree with your co-worker. Leave things as they are and have five bridesmaids. Enjoy the wedding!


    ------- BOXES ???? --------

    But why does everyone have to do their fitting together? I had 6 BMs. I told them all to just buy whatever black dress they wanted. We didn't all do fittings together. Only one bought hers at a bridal store. Most didn't do fittings and alterations. Do I get a redo?

    And I went to both my fittings by myself. It's not fun for anyone else.

    ETA : the three times I've been a BM, we didn't do fittings together either. First time we just bought dresses off the rack from the mall. Second and third times I got fitted on my own.
This discussion has been closed.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards