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Living Will vs. Pre Nup

nhultberg461nhultberg461 member
5 Love Its First Comment
in Chit Chat

Not sure where to ask this question, and I know that you all will be brutally honest about this.

We are trying to figure out if a living will would more weight then a pre-nup agreement.

I'm coming into the marriage with two kids, and want to make sure that everything that is set up doesn't change and that if something where to ever happen to me that it would stay the same, and my fiancée agrees.

We don't want to change how things are already set up, life insurance, 401k, etc.

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Re: Living Will vs. Pre Nup

  • southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    I kind of feel like this is a question for a local attorney.
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  • mikenbergermikenberger member
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    Ask an attorney that you can make familiar with your situation. 

    Because if you have minor children, money and things of that nature will need to be handled differently than a contract between adults. 

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  • jacques27jacques27 member
    First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    edited June 2015
    nhultberg461 said:

    Not sure where to ask this question, and I know that you all will be brutally honest about this.

    We are trying to figure out if a living will would more weight then a pre-nup agreement.

    I'm coming into the marriage with two kids, and want to make sure that everything that is set up doesn't change and that if something where to ever happen to me that it would stay the same, and my fiancée agrees.

    We don't want to change how things are already set up, life insurance, 401k, etc.


    Talk to an attorney because you don't seem to be very clear on what it is you are trying to do and should probably not be navigating this without professional advice.

    A pre-nup deals with the financial consequences of ending a marriage (end as in you are both still alive and choosing to end the marriage - not end as in dead).

    A living will is a health care directive dictating what should be done to care for you if you are no longer able to make those decisions for yourself.

    Neither of those things deal with what happens to your 401K if you die or what happens to the kids.  You need to talk to a lawyer to figure out exactly what kind of contract and paperwork should be done for your situation.
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  • emmaaaemmaaa mod
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    I think this is a question your attorney could answer better than internet strangers.

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  • nhultberg461nhultberg461 member
    5 Love Its First Comment

    I'll call and use the support linc we have set up here at work.

    We just want to make sure that if something happens to one us (as in death) that there isn't any question about where things go.

    I'm leaning more towards the will then the pre-nup, but I'll ask a lawyer.

    Thank you for the advice.

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  • novella1186novella1186 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    nhultberg461 said:

    I'll call and use the support linc we have set up here at work.

    We just want to make sure that if something happens to one us (as in death) that there isn't any question about where things go.

    I'm leaning more towards the will then the pre-nup, but I'll ask a lawyer.

    Thank you for the advice.

    Sounds like you need a will and maybe also a prenup but I agree that you need the advice of a professional. A prenup would protect your assets in the event of a divorce (so if you want your kids to get your vintage car some day (just as a totally random example), put in the prenup that you keep your car in the event of a divorce and then put in your will that the car goes to your kids. These are things an actual lawyer can discuss with you. 
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    edited June 2015

    We have both. The pre-nup keeps all of our assets separate, but the living will gives each other, or the secondary successor trustees, directions on what to do if  we become incapacitated. The living trust divides up the each bucket of assets according to specific directions/instructions.

     

    ETA because TK bombed out on me: We worked forever with an attorney on this. And specifically with the prenup, we each had to have our own lawyers. I'd start consulting with one, as PPs mentioned, to see what works best for you.

     







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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    jacques27 said:
    nhultberg461 said:

    Not sure where to ask this question, and I know that you all will be brutally honest about this.

    We are trying to figure out if a living will would more weight then a pre-nup agreement.

    I'm coming into the marriage with two kids, and want to make sure that everything that is set up doesn't change and that if something where to ever happen to me that it would stay the same, and my fiancée agrees.

    We don't want to change how things are already set up, life insurance, 401k, etc.


    Talk to an attorney because you don't seem to be very clear on what it is you are trying to do and should probably not be navigating this without professional advice.

    A pre-nup deals with the financial consequences of ending a marriage (end as in you are both still alive and choosing to end the marriage - not end as in dead).

    A living will is a health care directive dictating what should be done to care for you if you are no longer able to make those decisions for yourself.

    Neither of those things deal with what happens to your 401K if you die or what happens to the kids.  You need to talk to a lawyer to figure out exactly what kind of contract and paperwork should be done for your situation.

    A prenup does not just deal with what happens when a marriage ends. It also spells out how assets and debts will be handled during the marriage. My prenup only uses the term divorce once and it's in reference our only joint asset, which is our home. The rest of the prenup spells out that we intend on keeping our assets and debts separate from prior to our marriage and during, what few items we will allow to be community property, gifting monies to each other,  how we intend on filing taxes, etc, because that direction differs from what the state law says (state law would make everything community property)

     







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  • lyndausvilyndausvi mod
    First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    jacques27 said:
    nhultberg461 said:

    Not sure where to ask this question, and I know that you all will be brutally honest about this.

    We are trying to figure out if a living will would more weight then a pre-nup agreement.

    I'm coming into the marriage with two kids, and want to make sure that everything that is set up doesn't change and that if something where to ever happen to me that it would stay the same, and my fiancée agrees.

    We don't want to change how things are already set up, life insurance, 401k, etc.


    Talk to an attorney because you don't seem to be very clear on what it is you are trying to do and should probably not be navigating this without professional advice.

    A pre-nup deals with the financial consequences of ending a marriage (end as in you are both still alive and choosing to end the marriage - not end as in dead).

    A living will is a health care directive dictating what should be done to care for you if you are no longer able to make those decisions for yourself.

    Neither of those things deal with what happens to your 401K if you die or what happens to the kids.  You need to talk to a lawyer to figure out exactly what kind of contract and paperwork should be done for your situation.
    Nope.  

     It can and should deal with finances during and after the marriage had ended regardless if it's ended in divorce or death.   

    Especially if you have kids.  Say you pass away.   You do not want say the insurance from your deceased spouse/parent of your kids going to the new spouse instead of your kids.   You still need a will, but a pre-nup is a another way for the spouse sign over their rights to certain funds.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    lyndausvi said:
    jacques27 said:
    nhultberg461 said:

    Not sure where to ask this question, and I know that you all will be brutally honest about this.

    We are trying to figure out if a living will would more weight then a pre-nup agreement.

    I'm coming into the marriage with two kids, and want to make sure that everything that is set up doesn't change and that if something where to ever happen to me that it would stay the same, and my fiancée agrees.

    We don't want to change how things are already set up, life insurance, 401k, etc.


    Talk to an attorney because you don't seem to be very clear on what it is you are trying to do and should probably not be navigating this without professional advice.

    A pre-nup deals with the financial consequences of ending a marriage (end as in you are both still alive and choosing to end the marriage - not end as in dead).

    A living will is a health care directive dictating what should be done to care for you if you are no longer able to make those decisions for yourself.

    Neither of those things deal with what happens to your 401K if you die or what happens to the kids.  You need to talk to a lawyer to figure out exactly what kind of contract and paperwork should be done for your situation.
    Nope.  

     It can and should deal with finances during and after the marriage had ended regardless if it's ended in divorce or death.   

    Especially if you have kids.  Say you pass away.   You do not want say the insurance from your deceased spouse/parent of your kids going to the new spouse instead of your kids.   You still need a will, but a pre-nup is a another way for the spouse sign over their rights to certain funds.


    We did this type of thing separate from our prenup in the living trust. However, the prenup could have spelled out certain things like that. The way we have the trust setup, my DH's assets (life insurance, 401K, accounts, his prior residence) go into his estate and get split in half- half to me, half to the kids. The exception is our primary residence. It reverts over to me if I'm still alive. In my case, everything gets left to my DH, unless he is also deceased. It then goes to my brother, which will be changed later this year when his kids are born. Our prenup just states that we have separate assets and refers to our estate planning for specific instruction.

     

    It is SUPER confusing, hence why you absolutely need a lawyer!!!!

     







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  • VulgarGirlVulgarGirl member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    nhultberg461 said:

    I'll call and use the support linc we have set up here at work.

    We just want to make sure that if something happens to one us (as in death) that there isn't any question about where things go.

    I'm leaning more towards the will then the pre-nup, but I'll ask a lawyer.

    Thank you for the advice.

    Darling. Sweetheart. This is not one or the other. I have a living will, a regular will, and a prenup. In fact the fact that you have kids you should really already have a will drawn up. Just for yourself. Cause...they are your kids. And you need to protect them if god forbid knock wood something happens. 
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  • TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Please consult a lawyer. In some jurisdictions pre-nups can give you a good many protections. However, they can be superceded by other documentation so you need to consult a lawyer. 
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  • CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited June 2015
    What can happen if you don't have a will:

    A couple was killed in a plane crash on their way back from their honeymoon.  No wills.  The grandparents got into a court fight for custody.  The kids were sent to foster homes for the two years the court took to decide.  Two years later, the estate was gone to pay for all the lawyers, and the kids were traumatized.
    Get thee to a lawyer!

    (DH and I attended a legal seminar in church, Sunday, where we were told some local horror stories by an attorney.  Since our circumstances have changed lately, we have an appointment to draw up legal wills, living wills, and to set up trust funds for the grandchildren.)
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Another point about prenups- follow up with a postnup! After you are legally married, your lawyer can amend the prenup to state that both parties, following their legal marriage, wish to reaffirm all of the points listed in the prenup. We did this and it just further solidifies our wishes as a couple. 

     







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  • natswildnatswild member
    First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment Name Dropper
    FI and I did essentially the same as Jells.  The prenup covers disposition of our own funds and possessions prior to signing the prenup (he has a daughter, and had been through a difficult divorce), as well as disposition of funds/property following signing the prenup.  His debts remain his debts, mine remain mine, and the only debt shared is what we buy together.

    There is more reason than divorce to get a prenup.  A big reason is disposition in the case of death.  Wills cover a lot, but have nothing to do with debt.  Having a good prenup keeps creditors from going after you for your partner's debts.  We also had it written in that I would never claim alimony should we get divorced (that was something that I insisted on, it took some convincing for him to go along!)

    At the same time we did the prenup, we also had our wills done, and powers of attorney.  All in all, very worthwhile getting it done!
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  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    natswild said:
    FI and I did essentially the same as Jells.  The prenup covers disposition of our own funds and possessions prior to signing the prenup (he has a daughter, and had been through a difficult divorce), as well as disposition of funds/property following signing the prenup.  His debts remain his debts, mine remain mine, and the only debt shared is what we buy together.

    There is more reason than divorce to get a prenup.  A big reason is disposition in the case of death.  Wills cover a lot, but have nothing to do with debt.  Having a good prenup keeps creditors from going after you for your partner's debts.  We also had it written in that I would never claim alimony should we get divorced (that was something that I insisted on, it took some convincing for him to go along!)

    At the same time we did the prenup, we also had our wills done, and powers of attorney.  All in all, very worthwhile getting it done!
    We did the same in regards to alimony. We both waived our rights to it, though as of right now, we wouldn't be legally entitled to it anyway. Our incomes are too similar.

     







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