Future Mother-in-Law help?

Re: Future Mother-in-Law help?

• AddieCake member

  

  July 2015

  Knottie50386141 said:

  Let me just begin by saying that I love my future mother-in-law, I think she is great but she doesn't seem to be prioritizing our wedding.
  
  Our wedding is two months away and she has not yet begun planning the rehearsal dinner, everytime she is going to meet with a venue something comes up and she has to cancel. She works at a high school so my fiance just kept telling me that as soon as she is on summer break she will start working on it but now its been three weeks and we aren't any further than we were.
  
  I am not sure how to approach the subject because I do not want to upset anyone. I also have the problem of her not wanting to spend too much money which I completely understand, it is more important to my fiance and I have our family there than to have a fancy formal dinner. We have recommend several places that our more casual and just doing heavy appetizers but she always shots us down saying that is not nice enough but I have my aunts coming from out of town to help me the whole week before the wedding and I do not feel comfortable telling them they cannot attend when they will have helped so much.
  
  Please help me figure out how to approach my future in-laws and get the ball rolling?
  

  I take it she offered to pay for and handle the arrangements for the rehearsal dinner?  Your fiance should tell her, "Mom, if you are not going to take care of the rehearsal dinner, then we will plan and pay for it ourselves."  But I honestly wouldn't be sweating it yet. It's dinner. All she really has to do is find a place and make a reservation or possibly rent out a room. It doesn't really take 2 months to do that. 

  What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14

  

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• *Barbie* member

  

  July 2015

  AddieCake said:

  Knottie50386141 said:

  
  I am not sure how to approach the subject because I do not want to upset anyone. I also have the problem of her not wanting to spend too much money which I completely understand, it is more important to my fiance and I have our family there than to have a fancy formal dinner. We have recommend several places that our more casual and just doing heavy appetizers but she always shots us down saying that is not nice enough but I have my aunts coming from out of town to help me the whole week before the wedding and I do not feel comfortable telling them they cannot attend when they will have helped so much.
  
  Please help me figure out how to approach my future in-laws and get the ball rolling?
  

  I take it she offered to pay for and handle the arrangements for the rehearsal dinner?  Your fiance should tell her, "Mom, if you are not going to take care of the rehearsal dinner, then we will plan and pay for it ourselves."  But I honestly wouldn't be sweating it yet. It's dinner. All she really has to do is find a place and make a reservation or possibly rent out a room. It doesn't really take 2 months to do that. 

  ^^^ This. Tell her that if nothing is booked by [date], that you and your FI will be booking and hosting something. 

  
  

  Also, I agree with your MIL that heavy apps is not a good idea. You can host a fairly budget-friendly dinner and still give people a full meal. Even if you guys rented a hall with a kitchen and catered it yourselves (pasta bar with several sauce options, salads, drinks, dessert)  you'd probably be looking at less than $10/person. You could do something similar with a BBQ buffet or pizza, or get some catering trays from local restaurants. 
  

  
  

  
  

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• mrsconn23 member

  

  July 2015

  *Barbie* said:

  
  

  
  

  Also, I agree with your MIL that heavy apps is not a good idea. You can host a fairly budget-friendly dinner and still give people a full meal. Even if you guys rented a hall with a kitchen and catered it yourselves (pasta bar with several sauce options, salads, drinks, dessert)  you'd probably be looking at less than $10/person. You could do something similar with a BBQ buffet or pizza, or get some catering trays from local restaurants. 
  

  
  

  
  

  Yes.  There was a chance that my IL's were going to back out of hosting our RD for...reasons.  I was totally planning on ordering pizza and making a bunch of caesar salad if that happened.  

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• Heffalump member

  

  July 2015

  I agree with everyone above, and wanted to add that your FI should be the point person here, since they're his parents.
  

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• *Barbie* member

  

  July 2015

  Heffalump said:

  I agree with everyone above, and wanted to add that your FI should be the point person here, since they're his parents.
  

  ^^^ very good point. Your FI should be managing this discussion. 

  
  

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• 6again member

  

  July 2015

  One more thing- there are better ways to thank your aunts than a dinner with a bunch of people they don't know.  Especially If the ILs do end up hosting it.  Take them out another night or for lunch.

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• CMGragain member

  

  July 2015

  The best wedding advice I was given was  this:  "CMGr, you are planning the wedding.  Your FMIL is planning the rehearsal dinner.  If she screws it up, that is on her, not you.  Let it go."
  

  

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• MesmrEwe member

  

  July 2015 edited July 2015

  
  

  CMGragain said:

  The best wedding advice I was given was  this:  "CMGr, you are planning the wedding.  Your FMIL is planning the rehearsal dinner.  If she screws it up, that is on her, not you.  Let it go."
  

  This!!!  As well as this!!
  

  Heffalump said:

  I agree with everyone above, and wanted to add that your FI should be the point person here, since they're his parents.
  

  Remember - Funerals get planned in less than four days and in many places this means booking a last second venue.  There are options available even at the last second, it's not worth stressing over because there is that to consider.  Your FMIL has plenty of time to book the RD, let FI run point on this, and just don't fret because they're handling the detail, only detail you need to know when it's closer is the time, location, and who's invited  let them handle it and think Elsa "Let it go!".. 
  

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