FI Inviting distant family and I have run out of invitations

heatherrae8 · July 2015

My FI has extended family, long story short grandpa left and started a new fam in Texas, he wants to invite them and he told me they needed fewer invitations that they actually do. Im down to 4 invitations and I would like to keep at least two. He suggested sending one addressed to the "_______ Family" to the matriarch and including a fancy list inside listing who the invitation was for. The RSVP card will also have the number of seats we have reserved for them. IDK what to do... Please help!

MyNameIsNot · July 2015

heatherrae8 said:

My FI has extended family, long story short grandpa left and started a new fam in Texas, he wants to invite them and he told me they needed fewer invitations that they actually do. Im down to 4 invitations and I would like to keep at least two. He suggested sending one addressed to the "_______ Family" to the matriarch and including a fancy list inside listing who the invitation was for. The RSVP card will also have the number of seats we have reserved for them. IDK what to do... Please help!

Order more invitations.

Sending one invitation to the "matriarch" is extremely rude and will send the message that they are afterthoughts and that you do not actually want them to come.

AddieCake · July 2015

Order more invitations.

Jen4948 · July 2015

By sending invitations to the "____ Family" you open yourselves to the possibility that they will RSVP for people whom you are not actually inviting, because they will interpret "_____ Family" to be them, their children, their parents, their ILs, and various other persons, only to lead to hurt feelings and drama should you later have to tell them that only so-and-so is invited.

So I'd tell your FI that you need specific names and addresses of his guests and that sending it to the "_____ Family" isn't happening.

heatherrae8 · July 2015

Thanks, that what I thought too, but thing is, I could really don't care at this point. I have no idea why he is inviting these people. I have never met them and if they do come, it will probably be the only time I meet them. His grandmother who practically raised him will probably not appreciate their presence there and I am much more worried about her opinion than theirs. I really just need a pleasant way to do this.

My plea to other repliers:

Please, I don't need to be torn a new a**hole, I know this does not fall in line with etiquette and that it is rude but its his bad, not mine and I'm not going to go out of my way to fix it (and he probably wont either because I don't think he really cares either, mind-blowing, I know). I was just hoping for some suggestions to make a bad situation less bad.

I have the best intentions with this post, I'm not trying to be snarky or have attitude, I'm just very stressed out and broke money-wise so I'm jus looking for some help. I don't need to be torn to shreds like Cinderella by her step sisters. Can we just be helpful/friendly humans to eachother

heatherrae8 · July 2015

Jen4948 said:

By sending invitations to the "____ Family" you open yourselves to the possibility that they will RSVP for people whom you are not actually inviting, because they will interpret "_____ Family" to be them, their children, their parents, their ILs, and various other persons, only to lead to hurt feelings and drama should you later have to tell them that only so-and-so is invited. So I'd tell your FI that you need specific names and addresses of his guests and that sending it to the "_____ Family" isn't happening.

Thanks, thats what I was thinking too.

lachattefatale · July 2015

I would only invite the matriarch. Only one invitation is sent, you don't have to feed as many strangers, local Grandma is only offended by one person instead of a crowd. Win win win.

ETA: We also have a bunch of relatives we never see who live near each other far away from us. We're inviting a couple who are the most in contact with us, and the rest will get announcements after the wedding. There's no obligation to invite everyone you're related to, and announcements after the fact might be a compromise, but they certainly aren't required either.

AddieCake · July 2015

How many invitations do you need for these people if you invite them properly?

Maggie0829 · July 2015

heatherrae8 said:

Thanks, that what I thought too, but thing is, I could really don't care at this point. I have no idea why he is inviting these people. I have never met them and if they do come, it will probably be the only time I meet them. His grandmother who practically raised him will probably not appreciate their presence there and I am much more worried about her opinion than theirs. I really just need a pleasant way to do this.

My plea to other repliers:
Please, I don't need to be torn a new a**hole, I know this does not fall in line with etiquette and that it is rude but its his bad, not mine and I'm not going to go out of my way to fix it (and he probably wont either because I don't think he really cares either, mind-blowing, I know). I was just hoping for some suggestions to make a bad situation less bad.

I have the best intentions with this post, I'm not trying to be snarky or have attitude, I'm just very stressed out and broke money-wise so I'm jus looking for some help. I don't need to be torn to shreds like Cinderella by her step sisters. Can we just be helpful/friendly humans to eachother

Um, who exactly tore you to shreds or tore you a new asshole? Telling people how to reply is the way you will be torn a new asshole.

How about you talk to your FI about why it is so important to him to invite these people. Maybe work out a nice compromise like lachatte recommended.

If he insists that you must invite these people I see nothing wrong going to Michael's and buying a box of plain wedding invites, printing them off with the necessary information and sending them to this family only.

MairePoppy · July 2015

No one tore you 'a new a**hole.' Please, don't take offense where none was intended. The advice you recieved was correct, no?

If you intend to invite these FILs to your wedding, they should be properly invited. You don't have to send the same invitations that you've had printed. I've seen VistaPrints recommended for economically priced invitations. As long as the same information is on both sets of invitations, you're good to go. I doubt the new FILs will compare notes with the grandmother and her family.

If you need just a few invitations, hand writing them is acceptable.

MyNameIsNot · July 2015

heatherrae8 said:

Thanks, that what I thought too, but thing is, I could really don't care at this point. I have no idea why he is inviting these people. Then why don't you ask him? I have never met them and if they do come, it will probably be the only time I meet them. His grandmother who practically raised him will probably not appreciate their presence there and I am much more worried about her opinion than theirs. I really just need a pleasant way to do this.

My plea to other repliers:
Please, I don't need to be torn a new a**hole, WTF are you talking about? I know this does not fall in line with etiquette and that it is rude but its his bad, not mine and I'm not going to go out of my way to fix it (and he probably wont either because I don't think he really cares either, mind-blowing, I know). If he doesn't care, then why are you inviting them? I was just hoping for some suggestions to make a bad situation less bad.

I have the best intentions with this post, I'm not trying to be snarky or have attitude, I'm just very stressed out and broke money-wise so I'm jus looking for some help. I don't need to be torn to shreds like Cinderella by her step sisters. Again, WTF are you talking about? Can we just be helpful/friendly humans to eachother

The advice you got above was really helpful. No one was even snarky, let alone mean to you. So calm down and quit trying to pretend you are a martyr because you don't want to make more invitations.

I answered you above in purple. If your FI wants to invite these people, he can come up with a way to pay for some extra invitations. But truly, if you can't afford another set of invitations, how on earth do you think you can afford to feed these extra people?

Novel concept, but it's probably a good idea for you to have a conversation with your FI about this. You are guessing about what he thinks and wants.

AddieCake · July 2015

MairePoppy said:

No one tore you 'a new a**hole.' Please, don't take offense where none was intended. The advice you recieved was correct, no?

If you intend to invite these FILs to your wedding, they should be properly invited. You don't have to send the same invitations that you've had printed. I've seen VistaPrints recommended for economically priced invitations. As long as the same information is on both sets of invitations, you're good to go. I doubt the new FILs will compare notes with the grandmother and her family.

If you need just a few invitations, handwriting them is acceptable.

This. This is why I asked how many more she needed. OP, just pick yourself up some very inexpensive (I think you can order as few as 10 on Vistaprint) invitations, and don't worry about them matching the others. They are not likely to know the difference, and you won't care even if they do. Your fiancé should have made sure to know how many were needed when you were initially ordering invitations.

lembaslover · July 2015

Honestly if you're concerned about the cost of re-ordering invitations for these people shouldn't you be more worried about the added cost at the reception? I don't mean that to be a rude or snarky comment just that feeding people at the reception is going to be a lot more than re-ordered invite.

If it were me I'd be telling my fiance no I've never met these people and probably never will so they aren't coming to our wedding. If he still needs to invite them for whatever reason I'd then leave figuring out the invites up to him since he gave you the wrong number and make sure he had a plan for how you were going to afford feeding these extra people at the reception.

AddieCake · July 2015

engagedhamstermom said:

Honestly if you're concerned about the cost of re-ordering invitations for these people shouldn't you be more worried about the added cost at the reception? I don't mean that to be a rude or snarky comment just that feeding people at the reception is going to be a lot more than re-ordered invite.

If it were me I'd be telling my fiance no I've never met these people and probably never will so they aren't coming to our wedding. If he still needs to invite them for whatever reason I'd then leave figuring out the invites up to him since he gave you the wrong number and make sure he had a plan for how you were going to afford feeding these extra people at the reception.

I considered this as well, but I think she knew they were invited and budgeted for them. She was just misinformed on how many invitations were needed.

southernbelle0915 · July 2015

heatherrae8 said:

My plea to other repliers:
Please, I don't need to be torn a new a**hole

FI Inviting distant family and I have run out of invitations

Re: FI Inviting distant family and I have run out of invitations

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